OLD Photo trickery / heavyset women

June 8, 2015

I get that, and stated it above. There are other people here who took issue with the way the conversation went. As I stated above, I have no issue with the OP. I do think the thread title leads people to come in and insult heavy set people. Like Jen said, look above a few posts. There are some mean comments here. I get that it isn't his intention to slam fat people, but there have been others in this thread who stated they didn't even give the woman a chance when they saw her WEIGHT. Sure, there has been mention of other physical characteristics and age, but the conversation is overwhelmingly about "fat women". I simply observed that there seems to be a fat phobia on this forum, and that this thread is going in that direction in terms of discussion. That is my interpretation.

To each their own.

I saw those posts too...and you know what? I ignore them. And anyone who is prone to take offense at those types of comments should ignore them too.

I am a thin girl (god I WISH I had those round voluptuous features fitnessfan spoke about)...so I did not ignore those posts because I took offense. I just prefer to ignore cruelty and negativity ....which IMO those posts are.

Again it is par for the course on forums like this. If one cannot handle it, then perhaps they should find another forum.

Just sayin...

June 8, 2015

And since we did sorry sorry kiss kiss sang kumbaya

Can we move along with actually great thread before it gets locked

June 8, 2015

I was reading statistics last night and it is now official that singles you find online are more educated and are better looking than the single not using online and counting on cold approaches to meet.

That's what they want you to believe, and don't think for a second the dating sites didn't have a hand in fudging those statistics. My husband went on line looking for a coworkers profile. After we browsed through a bunch of profiles, I didn't see much of hot looking well educated people on there. After what I saw I just told myself I'm so glad I'm married.

June 8, 2015

Beware of the overhead shot. Fat women make themselves look skinnier with angles.

Again, this thread isn't about those sneaky fatties and their expert photo manipulation techniques. OP is curious to know how to avoid being mislead.

FF, I totally understand your frustration. It never made sense to me why folks would misrepresent themselves in such manner, as it's such a time waster. However, isn't that just dating in general? As I said in my first post, I found that many of the men I met misrepresented their relational intentions. Most of them said they were looking for long-term relationships, but then disappeared when their attempts to get laid right away failed. That was a big waste of my time, and yes it got annoying after a while, but unfortunately, there's no way to screen for that explicitly.

But that's dating, isn't it? You meet, you try each other on, you get to see how poorly people's self-perception is. It's a risk, like everything's a risk, and aside from staying out of the game, there's no way to get around it entirely.

June 8, 2015

Hmmm.

I wonder what would happen if I started a profile saying that I was 10 years older and 50 pounds fatter than I really am. Distorted pictures to make me look worse ....

June 8, 2015

I have to also jump to FF's defense. He's been very vocal about NOT bagging on heavy or overweight women. What he has been vocal about is women grossly lying about THEIR weight so they can get dates. I mentioned an example of it as well.

For some of these women on this link (who are acknowledging they are overweight) to get so defense about people being honest about what they find attractive is a bit much.

I was BRUTLY honest about what I was looking for in my profile and as I mentioned, MANY women were also in there's. I worked out 5 days a week. I was a disciplined eater, in great shape and was at a perfect weight for my height. I was looking for the same in my dates. So, when women lied to me about their appearance by posting old photo's, of course I'd get upset when they showed up 30lbs over weight. Personally, I much rather have my GF 10-15 overweight than to be too thin. I (like FF, like a bit of meat on their bones).

I saw many women on the dating sites that had great figures (in their 40's) and clearly worked out and put a lot of effort and discipline in looking that way. They were crystal clear in their profiles that they wanted to only meet guys in similar shape that shared the same commitment to a healthy life style. I don't think it would be wrong of those women to be pissed if a guy lied to them with old photos and showed up with a big ass beer belly with a cigarette hanging out his mouth. If guys that were overweight got offended by these ladies profiles, they could always chose to not bitch about it but rather get themselves in the same level of shape.

Again, this thread is about miss-representing yourself on a dating site.

June 8, 2015

This is the final time I will defend what I said. Again, I acknowledged that the OP may have had different intentions when making the thread, but I (as well as some other people including non "overweight" members) agree that the way the title was worded (which is probably unintentional) invites people to say some cruel things. I simply observed that there seems to be a fat phobia on this forum, NOT that the OP shared that sentiment.

Just so you know, I'm not a fat hideous beast. I've lost ten pounds since my BU. I work out four times a week. I hope me acknowledging that I'm a little overweight (I gained some with my ex) won't make people here treat me or others who acknowledge that any differently, since there are quite a few members here who say absolutely cruel things about overweight people.

It's not the OP's intentions of talking about misrepresentations in OLD that and the others take issue with.

"Please, no fatties"

It's comments like these.

June 8, 2015

One ironic turn of events is a woman just started the "OLD Ask for a Pic" thread. Hopefully she'll read through this thread and be more understanding.

June 8, 2015

I doubt it as I get asked for pictures all the time and I know that those pictures if I sent them would be passed round all their mates to have a good laugh at or frap to...

People can be evil.

As for Smackies comments on people using OLD having to be desperate...

Do not even go there.

I am on OLD because I get approached by married men ALL the time. I don't want your husband or anyone elses. I want my own. If it means that I have to go through the hell that is OLD well so be it.

It is just a tool for meeting people that is all.

The only way to discover what a person looks like is to meet them.

Men are not the only ones who get "Catfished". It just depends what you find acceptable or not.

June 8, 2015

It is the LIE, the MISREPRESENTATION, that is the issue here.

OK, but if a woman posted photos that made her look a bit frumpy and fat and she showed up for the date looking svelte and fit, how many men would drive away in their car, because she "lied".

June 8, 2015

OK, but if a woman posted photos that made her look a bit frumpy and fat and she showed up for the date looking svelte and fit, how many men would drive away in their car, because she "lied".

You know what Elaine - I am so tempted to do this!

The latest full body photo I have of myself is 4 1/2 st heavier. The dress I was wearing now falls off when I try to put it on... I have some shockingly ****e pictures with no make up and pulling horrid faces...

June 8, 2015

OK, but if a woman posted photos that made her look a bit frumpy and fat and she showed up for the date looking svelte and fit, how many men would drive away in their car, because she "lied".

Good question. People rarely complain about improvement though. Change is only seen as bad when it's for the worse. Though some men who like larger women may not like it and will deem her too skinny. There is such a thing.

June 8, 2015

Good question. People rarely complain about improvement though. Change is only seen as bad when it's for the worse. Though some men who like larger women may not like it and will deem her too skinny. There is such a thing.

Shall we see if we can find it?

Social experiment and all that?

June 8, 2015

I simply observed that there seems to be a fat phobia on this forum.

We all know it's not just this forum that has this mentality. With the ever increasing health epidemic of obesity in this country, there are many people who share the fat phobia. I don't think it right but it's reality.

Just so you know, I'm not a fat hideous beast. I've lost ten pounds since my BU. I work out four times a week. I hope me acknowledging that I'm a little overweight (I gained some with my ex) won't make people here treat me or others who acknowledge that any differently, since there are quite a few members here who say absolutely cruel things about overweight people..

Funny how we all put on a few pounds (including me) when we get happy in a relationship! lol. We then say "oh $hit, I need to get back onto the "I'm single again diet!"

There's going to be douche bags (most are very insecure) that hate on everything. My ex GF use to bitch and bag on EVERYONE. Who wronged her today. It was such a turn off and red flag. She also had some serious low self esteem issues that caused that behavior.

June 8, 2015

Good question. People rarely complain about improvement though. Change is only seen as bad when it's for the worse. Though some men who like larger women may not like it and will deem her too skinny. There is such a thing.

You want honesty? If a woman portrayed herself as frumpy and fat, there would be no meeting!

But you make a good point regardless.

June 8, 2015

You want honesty? If a woman portrayed herself as frumpy and fat, there would be no meeting!

But you make a good point regardless.

Nah. Overweight women have options.

They can be relatively choosy. Trust me.

June 8, 2015

I think OLD is a last resort for those who can't get dates, whether it's because of appearance, or lack of social skills. They are desperate, so they are going to use tactics like using old photos, or manipulate photos. They just hope that person will get attached though messages first, so what they are like irl will be over looked.

I think people just have unreal expectations. You attract what you are going to attract that's the reality of it. But I would find OLD very limiting like I said before. You can't possibly get a feel for a person unless you meet them in person......I would rather go out and meet someone than look at a bunch of crappy photos on line.

I do think that people who do OLD are somewhat more shallow.

Having people look at your pictures and think you are attractive and send you messages is an ego feed.

Several women here have said they get 100 messages within the first couple of days. If you are the type of person who feeds off of that and is very choosy about looks, OLD is good. You can just browse the profiles and sift through discriminately.

Since most women don't have any trouble attracting men, I do think those who value compatibility over looks are more likely to use real life to meet men.

Edited June 8, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

June 8, 2015

Not to get completely off-topic, but I heartily disagree. Walking up to someone in "real life" is just as much about looks as sending someone a message online. I'd say the only way to meet someone in a "non-shallow" way is to get to know someone over weeks and months and let attraction build. OLD does take away this organic element, that's true. But let's say you work from home, or have had the same coworkers for years, or all your friends are married, etc. Your pool of organic choices is very small. OLD just widens your pool. Yes, I'm sure there are attention grabbers on OLD, just like (shockingly) real life. But there are also folks who are very earnestly seeking good matches.

June 8, 2015

Not to get completely off-topic, but I heartily disagree. Walking up to someone in "real life" is just as much about looks as sending someone a message online. I'd say the only way to meet someone in a "non-shallow" way is to get to know someone over weeks and months and let attraction build. OLD does take away this organic element, that's true. But let's say you work from home, or have had the same coworkers for years, or all your friends are married, etc. Your pool of organic choices is very small. OLD just widens your pool. Yes, I'm sure there are attention grabbers on OLD, just like (shockingly) real life. But there are also folks who are very earnestly seeking good matches.

Shallow was the wrong word.

There's definitely just as many women who care about looks in the real world who don't use OLD.

What I meant more to say is that in the exceedingly rare case of a person who might give another person a chance despite them not being hot/cute/their physical type, that person would be less likely to be online, especially if they are a woman.

June 8, 2015

You know what Elaine - I am so tempted to do this!

The latest full body photo I have of myself is 4 1/2 st heavier. The dress I was wearing now falls off when I try to put it on... I have some shockingly ****e pictures with no make up and pulling horrid faces...

Or something similar to that "you'll never bang this body" thing - put up a hideaway boobs picture on your profile that's also frumpy, and then if they take a pass on talking to you, bust those babies out and get dolled up and tell them that's what they actually passed on.

June 8, 2015

Or something similar to that "you'll never bang this body" thing - put up a hideaway boobs picture on your profile that's also frumpy, and then if they take a pass on talking to you, bust those babies out and get dolled up and tell them that's what they actually passed on.

Jen honey you know I could never bust the babies out for just anyone! The brie is only for you!

June 8, 2015

I've been lurking this thread for the past few days. As far as some of the comments from the ladies, I think I can see where they are coming from. I understand that many a woman often feels picked apart and judged by men, especially for things that she feels are none of their business. And that women HATE this. So a call for women to disclose more about themselves so men they don't even know can evaluate, is going to get some heat.

But don't women do something similar themselves? I mean, how would a woman react if to meeting a guy from Match who says he is 6' but really turns out to be only 5'7". Or if a guy masks his age by posting old photos and having recent ones with him wearing a baseball cap and loose clothes (so you can't see his gray or that he let himself go). What if a guy misrepresents his employment in a big way (but doesn't quite outright lie)? What if a guy has a social anxiety that reveals itself only when you meet up with him for the first time? If this makes you not interested, I think that is totally fair on your part. So, how/why is it different if a guy does likewise?

Meanwhile, there are plenty of well-intentioned guys on Match who can't get dates period. They write nice email after nice email but they don't get a single response. Why are these guys being written off? It probably isn't due to the type of person they are deep inside...

So, as much as I have gotten on dudes for whining on here, I find myself rolling my eyes at the "men are so shallow while women care about the person deep inside" that I feel is the tone of the posts from some of the women on this thread. That's not true either. No gender has the moral high ground.

Edited June 8, 2015 by Imajerk17

June 8, 2015

I've been lurking this thread for the past few days. As far as some of the comments from the ladies, I think I can see where they are coming from. I understand that many a woman often feels picked apart and judged by men, especially for things that she feels are none of their business. And that women HATE this. So a call for women to disclose more about themselves so men they don't even know can evaluate, is going to get some heat.

But don't women do something similar themselves? I mean, how would a woman react if to meeting a guy from Match who says he is 6' but really turns out to be only 5'7". Or if a guy masks his age by posting old photos and having recent ones with him wearing a baseball cap and loose clothes (so you can't see his gray or that he let himself go). What if a guy misrepresents his employment in a big way (but doesn't quite outright lie)? What if a guy has a social anxiety that reveals itself only when you meet up with him for the first time? If this makes you not interested, I think that is totally fair on your part. So, how is it different if a guy does likewise?

Meanwhile, there are plenty of well-intentioned guys on Match who can't get dates period. They write nice email after nice email but they don't get a single response. Why are these guys being written off? It probably isn't due to the type of person they are deep inside...

So, as much as I have gotten on dudes for whining on here, I find myself rolling my eyes at the whole "men are so shallow while women care about the person deep inside" that I feel is the tone of the posts from some of the women on this thread. That's not true either. No gender has the moral high ground.

I agree with you, and have said as much in several of my posts. Everyone, to some degree, misrepresents themselves—online AND in person. Rare is the WYSIWYG individual.

I get OP's frustration—meeting women who make themselves look better in their photos, or perhaps mask their less than stellar physiques do both parties a disservice. The way I see it is that dating is a risk no matter HOW a person might misrepresent themselves. There's really no way to screen for it completely, aside from staying out of the game altogether. I spent many wasted nights meeting men who only turned out to be looking for an easy lay, after I'd specifically stated that I was looking for long-term relationships. This is no different than OP's situation, just in different context.

Besides, let's get real for a second—OP's original post did sound more like a vent session, since he provided almost zero in the way of actual details, and more sweeping generalities like, "All the full body pics I come across online always make a woman look at least 8-10 sizes smaller than she actually is."

Notice he didn't say, "All the women I come across online make themselves out to be VPs of their companies, when in reality they're actually the janitors of the building." He was complaining about physical misrepresentation, and whether he meant it to or not, it did come across (ever so slightly) as, "woe is me, what am I going to do about all these fatties?"

June 8, 2015

OK here is what I don't get

After knowing all of this Why use that Web site?

June 8, 2015

Besides, let's get real for a second—OP's original post did sound more like a vent session, since he provided almost zero in the way of actual details, and more sweeping generalities like, "All the full body pics I come across online always make a woman look at least 8-10 sizes smaller than she actually is."

Notice he didn't say, "All the women I come across online make themselves out to be VPs of their companies, when in reality they're actually the janitors of the building." He was complaining about physical misrepresentation, and whether he meant it to or not, it did come across (ever so slightly) as, "woe is me, what am I going to do about all these fatties?"

^ Exactly, which speaks to this whole underlying premise of "....as to this problem with fat chicks ...." It's the very premise that's offensive, whether there was any intent to harm or not.

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