OLD Photo trickery / heavyset women

June 7, 2015

I think the point of this thread is many people are very frank and open about what they like and dislike in potential partners. I've read tons of women's profiles where they state to NOT contact them if- Your bald, overweight, less than 6', have bad teeth, are over a certain age, are married (duh) and other things. I'm fine with women telling me what they look for in their guys in their profile. I did the same in my profile.

Now, say a guy read that from a women's profile, and still managed to talk his way into a meet with her by being less than honest in emails or phone calls. She then discovered meeting him the first time that the guy was 5'7", 40lbs overweight, badly balding w/poor teeth. She's going to be pissed to say the least.

I agree with you. Physical misrepresentation is counterproductive and it wastes everyone's time.

However, just to play devil's advocate, let's say a guy like FF said he was looking for a woman who was into fitness. That's all—not "slim," not "slender." Well, I for one am not slim, but am, ACTUALLY, into fitness. I work out five times a week, like a mofo. Yet I don't have a toned, athletic body. Still, would you accuse me of misrepresenting myself in this situation? Sure, FF might not find me attractive, or have expected something else than the person who walks through the door, but to say that I am not who I say I am is false.

To give a real-world example, my now BF answered on of his multiple choice questions saying that it would be a dealbreaker if a potential match was even slightly overweight. Yet, he was the one who reached out to me—and I tried to be very careful to represent myself accurately in my photos. I am slightly overweight. I began to wonder if he was really seeing what he was looking at in my photos, and was honestly a bit surprised when it turned out to not be a dealbreaker. But still, I let him make that decision for himself. I didn't take myself out of the running.

June 7, 2015

However, just to play devil's advocate, let's say a guy like FF said he was looking for a woman who was into fitness. That's all—not "slim," not "slender." Well, I for one am not slim, but am, ACTUALLY, into fitness. I work out five times a week, like a mofo.

I can't speak for all dating sites, but these are separate questions on Match. You can indicate you work out five times a week AND indicate you are a few extra pounds. These are separate preferences and are not necessarily linked.

June 7, 2015

I have a feeling the problem will only get worse for these type of women in OLD:

Insecure self image ---> upload manipulative / unrealistic photo ---> rejected by surprised men ---> growing even more insecure

So either:

1. Upload realistic pictures (results in getting less dates / attention from men, so this option is hard to take for many women)

2. Work out, go on a diet.

Personally I always try to figure out their current body type by searching them on social media, works like a charm. And if that doesnt work, just ask them for a recent picture. You can always bail on the date early if she is truly different compared to the pictures.

June 8, 2015

I agree with you. Physical misrepresentation is counterproductive and it wastes everyone's time.

However, just to play devil's advocate, let's say a guy like FF said he was looking for a woman who was into fitness. That's all—not "slim," not "slender." Well, I for one am not slim, but am, ACTUALLY, into fitness. I work out five times a week, like a mofo. Yet I don't have a toned, athletic body. Still, would you accuse me of misrepresenting myself in this situation? Sure, FF might not find me attractive, or have expected something else than the person who walks through the door, but to say that I am not who I say I am is false.

This is a very common stereotype/misconception I get. Truth be told, the extremely slim "hard body" fitness model type does nothing for me sexually..AT ALL. I like my women softer, curvier, and voluptuous. Think of the pin-up models back in the 50's. None had ribs protruding, their spine showing through their lower back, or the hips and ass meeting in a straight line. A healthier, larger woman like that who is also extremely athletic and into fitness is my ideal woman. Plus, confidence goes a VERY long way. I've been extremely attracted to larger women that were very secure with themselves.

But the women I am talking about that claim to be "athletic" and "into fitness" wind up being EXTREMELY plus size and mis-represent themselves entirely. I mean a woman that claims to be a Crossfit junkie and doing intense fitness on a long term regular basis is not going to be a size 24. Just saying.. When we meet in person, their story suddenly changes to "I just started doing Crossfit and I love it but I mainly hike". As I said though, the main thing is that the photos are so vastly different than the in person version.

Edited June 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365

June 8, 2015

I think OLD is a last resort for those who can't get dates, whether it's because of appearance, or lack of social skills. They are desperate, so they are going to use tactics like using old photos, or manipulate photos. They just hope that person will get attached though messages first, so what they are like irl will be over looked.

I think people just have unreal expectations. You attract what you are going to attract that's the reality of it. But I would find OLD very limiting like I said before. You can't possibly get a feel for a person unless you meet them in person......I would rather go out and meet someone than look at a bunch of crappy photos on line.

June 8, 2015

Threads like this make me SO glad I have a husband and never had to do any online dating. I keep trying to imagine what I would do if I were single these days...guess I'd have to lose at least 25 or 30 pounds before having any pics taken for any kind of online dating profile.

The funny thing is that I can have two pictures of myself taken right around the same time, and in one, I have no double chin and my face looks clear, youthful, pretty, flowing blonde hair, etc. and the VERY NEXT day, another picture (that I delete) can show me looking like a puffy, pasty-faced whale with blemishes! The hell I'd want to put the second photo on a profile! Doesn't anyone want to present themselves the best they can? Same with body shots. One photo I have makes me look average, the same width and size as my fitness-fanatic friend standing next to me, while another makes me look huge-taken the same month. So I'm thinking- gee, which one's accurate?

What do you do? Post 30 pictures of yourself? The same thing goes with men. My husband looks like an old geezer in some photos, (those ones I do a double-take because I don't recognize him!) but in others he looks youthful and more 'buff' than he actually is. He looks muscular in shirtless beach photos taken front-on, but IRL he's kind of skinny in a side-view. I guess men on OLD can use cameras to add 10 pounds of muscle if that's the case!

Edited June 8, 2015 by bebe23

June 8, 2015

I think OLD is a last resort for those who can't get dates, whether it's because of appearance, or lack of social skills. They are desperate, so they are going to use tactics like using old photos, or manipulate photos. They just hope that person will get attached though messages first, so what they are like irl will be over looked.

I think people just have unreal expectations. You attract what you are going to attract that's the reality of it. But I would find OLD very limiting like I said before. You can't possibly get a feel for a person unless you meet them in person......I would rather go out and meet someone than look at a bunch of crappy photos on line.

You may be onto something. Or in my case, I only signed up for OLD when I was too shy or too down on myself to even attempt talking to people in person. I did it before venturing out with friends and being social. I had been out of the dating scene for years.

Once I learned I COULD get male attention in person, I deleted my profile and never looked back. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. It is so much easier to meet people in person. Lay it all out there, and they either accept you or they don't. No wasted time.

There is definitely a fat phobia on this forum, and it makes me sad. I'm probably "fat" to a lot of the men on this forum. There are so many threads here about fat people. I would think that people who come here would want to encourage others (because obviously we have all experienced some self confidence issues or heartbreak to have come to LS). Instead, I see all these mean comments about heavyset people (mainly women). Very discouraging.

June 8, 2015

I think OLD is a last resort for those who can't get dates.

I was reading statistics last night and it is now official that singles you find online are more educated and are better looking than the single not using online and counting on cold approaches to meet.

June 8, 2015

You may be onto something. Or in my case, I only signed up for OLD when I was too shy or too down on myself to even attempt talking to people in person. I did it before venturing out with friends and being social. I had been out of the dating scene for years.

Once I learned I COULD get male attention in person, I deleted my profile and never looked back. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. It is so much easier to meet people in person. Lay it all out there, and they either accept you or they don't. No wasted time.

There is definitely a fat phobia on this forum, and it makes me sad. I'm probably "fat" to a lot of the men on this forum. There are so many threads here about fat people. I would think that people who come here would want to encourage others (because obviously we have all experienced some self confidence issues or heartbreak to have come to LS). Instead, I see all these mean comments about heavyset people (mainly women). Very discouraging.

That is so true. This forum seems to be populated mainly by frustrated, single younger men who are SHALLOW. Around my community, which is pretty rural, there's couples of all shapes and sizes.

I was at a social get together today with church friends, and there was this obese, bald, bearded guy (maybe not nice to describe him that way but it was true) with a strikingly pretty wife who looked like a high-fashion model, probably a size zero. We were sitting in the corner of the room where there were chocolates in dishes, and she and I were eating them and chatting about our kids. I realized if I had said to her something like 'Wow, you must be so lucky to be thin and still eat chocolates like that!" it would be RUDE. You don't talk about those things in polite company. My guess is that this very nice, sweet mom I met today is probably SICK of moms who look like me 'skinny shaming' her.

Edited June 8, 2015 by bebe23

June 8, 2015

It's not just men. There seem to be a few women who feel the same. Some of the comments make heavyset people seem less than human. I have to wonder how people here would be To hang around IRL.

Back to OLD: I wonder how many people who participate in it haven't really tried in person? Like I said, before I got back into OLD, I just assumed that no one would want me because I wasn't a perfect size two. I mentioned in another thread that after I'd had a bad date from OLD, I lost about 35 lbs, but I still went out and got dates in person during that time. To me, it's much more gratifying to attract someone in person. I don't think I would ever go back to OLD.

June 8, 2015

There is definitely a fat phobia on this forum, and it makes me sad. I'm probably "fat" to a lot of the men on this forum. There are so many threads here about fat people. I would think that people who come here would want to encourage others (because obviously we have all experienced some self confidence issues or heartbreak to have come to LS). Instead, I see all these mean comments about heavyset people (mainly women). Very discouraging.

Once again this thread has nothing to do with "fat phobia". It has to do with heavyset women that mislead men online by lying about their appearance with bogus descriptions and photos.

If a woman that's larger represents herself truthfully, I respect that a lot. I've even dated women who were larger that were fully confident in themselves. But a guy should at least be able to make an informed decision on who a woman actually is, and not who she is pretending to be.

June 8, 2015

Once again this thread has nothing to do with "fat phobia". It has to do with heavyset women that mislead men online by lying about their appearance with bogus descriptions and photos.

If a woman that's larger represents herself truthfully, I respect that a lot. I've even dated women who were larger that were fully confident in themselves. But a guy should at least be able to make an informed decision on who a woman actually is, and not who she is pretending to be.

But isn't the problem with these women that they are obese/overweight/fat? It has everything to do with weight problems. It says so in the thread title! "Heavyset women".

June 8, 2015

There is an unavoidable degree of implied negative connotation in the topic's premise, FF.

June 8, 2015

But isn't the problem with these women that they are obese/overweight/fat? It has everything to do with weight problems. It says so in the thread title! "Heavyset women".

No actually the thread title says OLD Photo Trickery/Heavyset Women. Then my first post specially calls attention to heavyset women who intentionally mis-represent themselves.

It's NOT a thread to rag on heavyset women in general.

June 8, 2015

No actually the thread title says OLD Photo Trickery/Heavyset Women. Then my first post specially calls attention to heavyset women who intentionally mis-represent themselves.

It's NOT a thread to rag on heavyset women in general.

Regardless, people must have taken it as a way to rag on heavy women, as the conversations suggest. Maybe edit the title if you don't want it to seem that way?

June 8, 2015

But isn't the problem with these women that they are obese/overweight/fat? It has everything to do with weight problems. It says so in the thread title! "Heavyset women".

It's about misrepresentation. Today it's about women being dishonest about their body weight but it could be anything else. We have men on here complaining about women hiding how many children they have, again misrepresentation, it's not something against women with children.

June 8, 2015

Beware of the overhead shot. Fat women make themselves look skinnier with angles.

June 8, 2015

It's about misrepresentation. Today it's about women being dishonest about their body weight but it could be anything else. We have men on here complaining about women hiding how many children they have, again misrepresentation, it's not something against women with children.

I get that the OP's intent was to discuss misrepresentation, but what I am saying is there are people who have taken it as a way to talk down about fat people (yet again). "Man. I thought I was going to meet a beautiful woman, but she ended up being a fatty so I only stayed for one drink and left." That seems to be the theme of the thread here.

Perhaps the heavyset women could've been left out of the thread title, and the conversation would have been more broad.

June 8, 2015

I get that the OP's intent was to discuss misrepresentation, but what I am saying is there are people who have taken it as a way to talk down about fat people (yet again). "Man. I thought I was going to meet a beautiful woman, but she ended up being a fatty so I only stayed for one drink and left." That seems to be the theme of the thread here.

Perhaps the heavyset women could've been left out of the thread title, and the conversation would have been more broad.

That's the thing though. It's a thread based on my personal experience. The women who I keep meeting repeatedly that are outright lying are heavyset women. But other people are free to add whatever they want in terms of misrepresentation they've experienced.

June 8, 2015

I get that the OP's intent was to discuss misrepresentation, but what I am saying is there are people who have taken it as a way to talk down about fat people (yet again). "Man. I thought I was going to meet a beautiful woman, but she ended up being a fatty so I only stayed for one drink and left." That seems to be the theme of the thread here.

Perhaps the heavyset women could've been left out of the thread title, and the conversation would have been more broad.

^ And we need look no further than Mr. emprisario above for the evidence.

June 8, 2015

^ And we need look no further than Mr. emprisario above for the evidence.

Right?!

Was going to say that.

Fair enough OP. I don't doubt your intentions were to share your story. It's the comments of some of the others that some took offense to.

June 8, 2015

I will not date a female that weighs more than me it look wrong IMO.

June 8, 2015

I will not date a female that weighs more than me it look wrong IMO.

I agree, I don't consider it shallow. Plenty of guys out there that love the big gals.

June 8, 2015

I get that the OP's intent was to discuss misrepresentation, but what I am saying is there are people who have taken it as a way to talk down about fat people (yet again). "Man. I thought I was going to meet a beautiful woman, but she ended up being a fatty so I only stayed for one drink and left." That seems to be the theme of the thread here.

Perhaps the heavyset women could've been left out of the thread title, and the conversation would have been more broad.

C and L...people can interpret or take insult at this thread (or any thread for that matter) anyway they wish...usually due to personal experience. It is par for the course on any forum like this.

Is that the OP's (fitnessfan's) fault or problem? No it's not.

He has stated numerous times he has no issue with heavyset (okay fat) women. That is NOT the issue. And even those responses advising him to meet real quick and walk out were NOT advising him to walk out because she is fat!

I know for me and I suspect for others based on their posts, we were advising him to walk out once he realized that she LIED about her weight. Again, NOT because she is fat.

It is the LIE, the MISREPRESENTATION, that is the issue here.

And the fact is....it happens a lot... and it is not right. It is misleading and that is wrong. No matter how much they weigh!

If people wish to twist the premise of this thread based on their own experiences or issues, which premise is again is about lying and misrepresenting yourself, and NOT to *rag" on fat people... then that is their prerogative.

But fitnessfan should NOT be blamed for that.

Edited June 8, 2015 by katiegrl

June 8, 2015

C and L...people can interpret or take insult at this thread (or any thread for that matter) anyway they wish...usually due to personal experience. It is par for the course on any forum like this.

Is that the OP's (fitnessfan's) fault or problem? No it's not.

He has stated numerous times he has no issue with heavyset (okay fat) women. That is NOT the issue. And even those responses advising him to meet real quick and walk out were NOT advising him to walk out because she is fat!

I know for me and I suspect for others based on their posts, we were advising him to walk out once he realized that she LIED about her weight. Again, NOT because she is fat.

It is the LIE, the MISREPRESENTATION, that is the issue here.

And the fact is....it happens a lot... and it is not right. It is misleading and that is wrong.

If people wish to twist the premise of this thread, which again is lying and misrepresenting yourself, and NOT to *rag" on fat people... then that is their prerogative.

But that is not the OP's fault.

I get that, and stated it above. There are other people here who took issue with the way the conversation went. As I stated above, I have no issue with the OP. I do think the thread title leads people to come in and insult heavy set people. Like Jen said, look above a few posts. There are some mean comments here. I get that it isn't his intention to slam fat people, but there have been others in this thread who stated they didn't even give the woman a chance when they saw her WEIGHT. Sure, there has been mention of other physical characteristics and age, but the conversation is overwhelmingly about "fat women". I simply observed that there seems to be a fat phobia on this forum, and that this thread is going in that direction in terms of discussion. That is my interpretation.

To each their own.

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