miranda23 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 A little backstory: I know this is going to sound sketchy because we started dating when we were 14. We made it all through high school, but I never thought we would because we were just kids. Then I thought we would break up and go our separate ways come college, but we decided to try and make it work. He moved 8 hours away from me. We talked every day and I visited him twice when he wasn’t home on breaks. It was hard, but we made it. It was after that first year of college that I realized I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He’s the best friend I ever had and I always had fun with him. We never had a single fight, which I know people say is bad, but I really just never got mad at him. I would tell him if I was annoyed with him about something, but I never had to raise my voice at him. I was so happy and he was too. We even went on a trip to DC together last summer, just the two of us. People said that would be a test to see if we could really stand to be around each other, and only each other, for several days. It was a wonderful experience. Then the second year of college came around and I visited him twice like normal and he would come home on breaks and we’d hang out. One night in November, the night before he went back to school, I got really sad because he didn’t seem all that into hanging out with me that night. I knew I was going to miss him terribly so it really upset me that he was “tired” and pretty much asked me to leave. I went home and cried and texted him accusing him of not loving me as much as I love him. In hindsight, I should have handled this differently. The next morning, he came to my house before he went back to school. He told me that he thought I did love him more than he loves me, but that’s because I have a bigger heart. He said he was lucky to have me. Then he looked me in the eyes and told me that he needed me. I felt so loved and happy after that. We made it through the rest of the year just fine and happy. He asked me to move with him when he had to go out of state for his summer internship. I quit my job in my hometown and packed up my stuff. He came home from school the week we were supposed to move. When we saw each other for the first time again, we hugged for a long time like we normally do. I was so happy to have him home and we were talking about how excited we were to move in together. He even said, “We get to wake up next to each other every day!” and held me tight as he said it. Then about four days before we had to move, we found out that the apartment complex we were moving into screwed us over on cost and I didn’t have enough money to help him pay for it. He told me it would be best if I didn’t go. When I told him how sad I was about it, he said that he would be just as sad and lonely as I would be. The day after we found out I couldn’t move with him anymore, we went up north with our friends. We were having a lot of fun, talking and drinking with everyone. My boyfriend and I were touchy feely all night, holding hands and hugging and kissing. We shared a sleeping bag and went home together the next day. On the way home, I started getting sad again. He dropped me off and didn’t offer to come inside, and I didn’t ask him to even though I really wanted to talk about everything. After he left, I texted him and asked if we could try to figure something out so I could go. He asked to come back over and talk. We sat in my room and he asked me if I wanted to know the real reason why he wasn’t really interested in talking about finding a way for me to move with him. I said no, of course, out of fear. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said no. Then he proceeded to tell me that he “wasn’t feeling it” anymore. Then he told me to my face that he didn’t love me anymore. He said he hadn’t since that November morning when he came to my house. I believed him immediately because I never believed I deserved him. What’s worse is he was started to like his friend who is a girl that he hangs out with up at school. He said that she helped he realize that he wasn’t happy. I’m not sure what he wasn’t happy about, though. He said that he still found my attractive, that sex was still good, he still had fun hanging out with me, and he still had feelings for me. So what wasn’t he happy about? Is he just bored? Is he trying to see if he can find something better, and he has grass is green syndrome? Is there anything I can do to make him love me again? Honestly, after thinking about it and ever since I stopped talking to him, I’ve started to find it hard to believe that he doesn’t love me at all. I know he said he didn’t, but is it really true? I’ve made myself stop trying to contact him for 31 days. He hasn’t tried to contact me at all. I think he might actually miss me if he didn’t have that other girl to talk to. I really just don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him. I have been for so long. I have gone on dates since our break up and surrounded myself with friends and bought all new clothes. I’m trying to distract myself and move on, but I don’t want to move on.
AIJ Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Sounds like a case of GIGS, I suppose you just have to let him get on with it. Move on. Easier said than done, I know, but you'll get there in time. If he does realise he has made a huge mistake, then he'll be back. Don't hold your breath though.
lana-banana Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) It's not GIGS; it's being young. Exploration and self-discovery are fundamental parts of growing up. He is entering a new phase of his life, which is common at your age. Unfortunately he doesn't see a place for you in this next phase. The most you can do is acknowledge his request and move on. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, but take heart. You are going to change so dramatically in these next five to ten years. There will be plenty of heartbreaks, but plenty of wonderful loves too, and each experience will help mold you into the amazing woman you'll become. Edited June 7, 2015 by lana-banana 3
mystikmind2005 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 It is funny how people say they don't love you in these situations, but it is almost never true. The fact is, you can grow apart from someone while still loving them, but obviously you don't want that person to be held back with false hope, so you tell them you don't love them. In this way, telling someone you don't love them in itself is an act of love. He wants you to move on and be happy,,,, you should do it.
loveiswar101 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm so sorry this is happening. Reading your story it seems you guys are very young still and add this to the distance apart, it would be safe to say (sorry about this) you were destined to fall apart. You or him would be spending time with other people and finding others attractive, physically and mentally in this instance it was he. It IS NOT anything to do with you at all. Him saying he loves you less is the same story I got and the easy way of letting you down without hurting. I got the same but like you I feel unwanted. We need to pick yourself up dust yourself down and fight to move on. As many have said to me if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Stay NC, get stronger and become the person you want to be, from what you say above you will have no problems attracting someone, you just need to find the right one. I'm sure you will. Best wishes..
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