dyna85 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 What I've noticed is that I've pretty much seen every option in terms of guys in my area on 2 online dating sites. It's the same guys over and over when I go to search for people. I mean, what are the odds that some cool guy is going to randomly pop up in the search one day? Anyone else get sick of the online dating realm and if so, how did you go about meeting a significant other? I feel so unmotivated at this point because there's no variety it seems. I just joined match for the second time in several yrs. This creepy guy with whom I went on a date with in my early twenties messaged me. If that's not for a sign that this online dating isn't for me, what is there? Any advice? I'm really feeling discouraged by this whole dating process at this point.
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Happens after a while online. The best way is to delete your profile and go back about 3 weeks later. This way you don't over-expose yourself and when you go back there are new faces. The maximum I will stay on a dating site is 7 to 14 days. Never more. Then I wait a few weeks and go back. You can also alternate dating sites. Two weeks on okcupid, then 2 weeks on match but not at the same time.
Author dyna85 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Whats wrong with the guy who messaged you? not interested
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I feel your pain. Since I split with my ex 5 years ago I've dabbled with OLD around twice a year because I go out with friends a lot and I'm in the older age bracket but I still figure that OLD is an option. I have changed my photos up to ones that are flattering and most recent, and I've added a couple of not so flattering but still pretty good ones. I'm still seeing photos of local men (sorry, I'm in the UK and not interested in anyone more than an hour away) who have same photos up that they had posted five years ago. I've no advice I'm afraid, other than that the dating pool on OLD is limited. And I've been on dates with men I've thought seemed great (they weren't), were different to what I wanted but I'll give them a shot (nope), and who have turned out to be gorgeous in the flesh but who, if issues were tissues, they'd have a mansize boxfull. Whilst I appreciate this reflects on me also I get how disheartening this is. It's an option though. I've had some lovely chats with men who are located a couple of hours away and we've both agreed that it's foolish to continue chatting as we're looking for someone local. You never know who's going to join up tomorrow, and in the meantime I'm trying to get out IRL more and just chat to people in general.
Author dyna85 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 I feel your pain. Since I split with my ex 5 years ago I've dabbled with OLD around twice a year because I go out with friends a lot and I'm in the older age bracket but I still figure that OLD is an option. I have changed my photos up to ones that are flattering and most recent, and I've added a couple of not so flattering but still pretty good ones. I'm still seeing photos of local men (sorry, I'm in the UK and not interested in anyone more than an hour away) who have same photos up that they had posted five years ago. I've no advice I'm afraid, other than that the dating pool on OLD is limited. And I've been on dates with men I've thought seemed great (they weren't), were different to what I wanted but I'll give them a shot (nope), and who have turned out to be gorgeous in the flesh but who, if issues were tissues, they'd have a mansize boxfull. Whilst I appreciate this reflects on me also I get how disheartening this is. It's an option though. I've had some lovely chats with men who are located a couple of hours away and we've both agreed that it's foolish to continue chatting as we're looking for someone local. You never know who's going to join up tomorrow, and in the meantime I'm trying to get out IRL more and just chat to people in general. It does seem very limited... ugh. So unfortunate. I agree that you never know what the future holds for these sites though and someone more appealing may join sooner or later. I guess I should just try to stay positive. I've definitely been making an effort to get out more often during the week though, like you, to increase my chances of meeting someone right for me.
Emilia Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 The same companies own several sites. Regardless, OLD is limited yes.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) If you can, move. There's not that many women of my race where I live and a literal ton about an hour away, so I'm seriously considering moving farther away from work and towards that city. I have no doubt it would increase my odds (although I also have to take into account women in that city are more pretentious than in the 'burbs). Double edged sword, but I'm pretty sure I'll do it. Edited June 6, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 If you can, move. There's not that many women of my race where I live and a literal ton about an hour away, so I'm seriously considering moving farther away from work and towards that city. I have no doubt it would increase my odds (although I also have to take into account women in that city are more pretentious than in the 'burbs). Otherwise, as the good posters of Loveshack say to me "It's your own fault that OLD does not work for you. It worked for me, therefore you must be a loser." This seems to be something that is more acceptable in the US than the UK. I've got kids settled in school and both mine and their friends live here. I'm not moving just to meet a nice man. I'd rather be single than do that. But I'm not saying that it's not an option for those of you for whom that might work.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 This is why I don't get OLD. How can you possibly like, or get a feel for someone just by some crappy selfies and a half assed profile. In order to truly find someone is to go out and meet people in person. I never had any problem getting dates in the days before the internet. I met guys everywhere, the store, camping, the bar, parties, events, shopping, etc. I guess everyone is too busy texting and don't have time to look up and see the world around them lol.
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 there's got to be several guys for each lady. yet none are good enough. None of us are perfect.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 This seems to be something that is more acceptable in the US than the UK. I've got kids settled in school and both mine and their friends live here. I'm not moving just to meet a nice man. I'd rather be single than do that. But I'm not saying that it's not an option for those of you for whom that might work. I don't have kids. Having kids changes absolutely everything. It makes dating harder, the more kids, the harder time you'll have. On the other side of the coin, they are your companions and keep you busy. So, you won't be very lonely. And then when they're grown and can take care of themselves, you can concentrate on dating again. 1
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 seems that near perfection is expected of guys on there. No..... women choose with their emotions so it's difficult for them to get a feel for a guy just by photos and a profile. That's why guys have a hard time having women interested. BUT if YOU have difficultly approaching women and carrying on a conversation with them irl, then OLD won't work for you anyways. OLD does take waaaay more effort. Sure you get more access to women, but that's about it. OLD doesn't give you more confidence or make you look better. 1
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 seems that near perfection is expected of guys on there. No, just don't be over-invested (just be friendly and easy to talk to), don't talk about weird stuff (aliens did not write the hieroglyphs on Egyptian temple walls), and don't beg for sex. It's really quite simple once you understand the rules. Oh, and don't say yes when what you really mean is no.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Women are more choosy by nature than men. however I've never ran out of new women in the city I live in, and I only search within 5 miles of my location. If you live rural that just goes with the territory. It's not OLD's fault, the local bar will have the same people every weekend too. 2
PogoStick Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 OLD here have 3 options: 1. Obese women 2. Single mom 3-5 kids "who are number 1 in her life". Really? 3. The reasonably attractive girl whose profile says: Be creative with dates, Get my attention, Date in your league. So yeah I'm pretty tired of it.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I think women need to change the way they date. Sitting around waiting for men to make the first move is very limiting. 1
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I think women need to change the way they date. Sitting around waiting for men to make the first move is very limiting. It's also limiting to discover that men have an agenda (this could be about age, I'm in my late 40's). I've approached men that I think might be, "in my league" (I hate that term), and it turns out that they're polite but not interested. I've approached men that are a wee bit "under my league" and it turns out that they are too shy/intimidated to continue a conversation to the point of saying, "coffee?" I have suggested "coffee?" to men in this range and they've either disappeared/bailed or been total nutters. I'm not going to approach men who are unattractive to me.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 It's also limiting to discover that men have an agenda (this could be about age, I'm in my late 40's). I've approached men that I think might be, "in my league" (I hate that term), and it turns out that they're polite but not interested. I've approached men that are a wee bit "under my league" and it turns out that they are too shy/intimidated to continue a conversation to the point of saying, "coffee?" I have suggested "coffee?" to men in this range and they've either disappeared/bailed or been total nutters. I'm not going to approach men who are unattractive to me. That's pretty much the case for everybody here. The better looking people don't want them and the uglier people they don't want. Pretty much sums up dating in a nutshell
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 That's pretty much the case for everybody here. The better looking people don't want them and the uglier people they don't want. Pretty much sums up dating in a nutshell I know right!? Right, that's it. I'm reserving 38 cats right now.
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 That's pretty much the case for everybody here. The better looking people don't want them and the uglier people they don't want. Pretty much sums up dating in a nutshell Actually, it shows a gap in the market. If I could start a "Average But Still Awesome" dating website (for people who have never used social media/The Interwebs) and get them to sign up a lá Match then I'd be rich I tells ya! Never mind all the people who would love to meet someone awesome.... W are all awesome. We just don't get out enough.
Weezy1973 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Stop OLD - seriously. In person chemistry is the great equalizer; none of that "in my league" nonsense. Someone you might skip over online, might suddenly become more attractive if you know them over time and get to see their mannerisms and humour in a non-dating environment. Or even just their smell. Some people swear by pheromones.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Actually, it shows a gap in the market. If I could start a "Average But Still Awesome" dating website (for people who have never used social media/The Interwebs) and get them to sign up a lá Match then I'd be rich I tells ya! Never mind all the people who would love to meet someone awesome.... W are all awesome. We just don't get out enough. That's basically what all the OLD dating sites are now. Everybody thinks they are awesome and average (but too attractive for the people they think are ugly). Eventually, I would think people get tired of this circular reject/get rejected game. What would be interesting to me is a dating website without photos. I believe it has been tried but never took off.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Stop OLD - seriously. In person chemistry is the great equalizer; none of that "in my league" nonsense. Someone you might skip over online, might suddenly become more attractive if you know them over time and get to see their mannerisms and humour in a non-dating environment. Or even just their smell. Some people swear by pheromones. IRL can be even messier. People get along great and still get rejected because they're not physically attractive enough. OLD just gets the most important question out of the way in the beginning. Or you fall in love with one of your friends and they reject you and it makes you suicidal for a while. Ya know, different pitfalls.
aloneinaz Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 This is why I don't get OLD. How can you possibly like, or get a feel for someone just by some crappy selfies and a half assed profile. In order to truly find someone is to go out and meet people in person. I had this debate with a co-worker a few years ago when I divorced. She was female and married and thought OND was a farce. I said what's the difference between meeting someone online vs. at a bar? You wouldn't talk to someone at the bar if you were not attracted just like OLD. She said "how do you know they are not a creep?" I said the same could be said about a girl at a bar. I simply found it much easier to use OLD. You HAVE to filter and interview people you talk to BEFORE ever agreeing to meet. That's where some fail. They get the cart in front of the horse and meet someone in person before ever having a phone conversation. I disqualified so many people after a short phone call. It's no different that having that first 5 minute chat in person w/someone at a bar except with OLD, you can say "I gotta run" and be done with that person. I also never had any issues with running out of potential candidates on Match or POF. I live in a big metro area and only filtered around 5-10 miles from me. It would suck to live in a smaller area where you're less likely to have more candidates.
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