SmartDude Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I had a woman tell me she just wanted to be friends. Told her thanks, but I am not looking for friends. She then calls me and says that she is not dating anyone right now(Just going on lots of dates), and that she would be kind of upset if we didn't stay friends. I was ready to let it go and just not contact her but she contacted me to maintain friendship??? She thinks I should be cool with talking about her dates and the whole nine yards. I kind of want to be her actual friend, but I am afraid that I am going to regret it. Basically what happened is I did not make my interest known soon enough. I was at her place, I had a chance but did not recognize it. I am afraid that I am going to be faced with my mistake (in my own mind) each time she talks about a new date she is having fun with. I am afraid its just going to make me sad that its not me. But on the other hand time could pass, and I might get over it. The thing is that we are very compatible, this is someone I would choose to be with if I had a choice. A good friendship is possible, So I don't want to totally be a poor sport about this. What to do? Do I keep her as a contact at least? Do you women ever put a guy in the Friend Zone but then regret it?
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 She thinks I should be cool with talking about her dates and the whole nine yards. I kind of want to be her actual friend, but I am afraid that I am going to regret it. Oh. So she's looking for a new girlfriend to girl chat with and talk about guys. Got it. 3
kendahke Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 She then calls me and says that she is not dating anyone right now(Just going on lots of dates), and that she would be kind of upset if we didn't stay friends. That's her problem, not yours. IF you don't want a constant reminder that she punted you, then block her and keep things moving. She'll get over it and find someone else. She's got more than enough guys in her friendzone--she doesn't need to collect your head, too.
Author SmartDude Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Oh. So she's looking for a new girlfriend to girl chat with and talk about guys. Got it. Right...Torture I know. I am wondering if there could also be benefits to this situation though. Like being introduced to her girlfriends. (she has a ton of friends)
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Right...Torture I know. I am wondering if there could also be benefits to this situation though. Like being introduced to her girlfriends. (she has a ton of friends) That depends on how you feel about her talking to them about how she blew you off. Might work, might not, Hope you've got a thick skin.
fred123 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 She doesnt want to date so why not suggest you just have casual sex?
fitnessfan365 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Right...Torture I know. I am wondering if there could also be benefits to this situation though. Like being introduced to her girlfriends. (she has a ton of friends) Girls talk dude. Do you really want to be known as the "nice male girlfriend"? In all honesty, I'd just walk away from the situation. Tell her once again that you're not interested in friendship but she's welcome to call you if she changes her mind. Then just pursue other women.
Author SmartDude Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Mmm ok many think its a bad idea. It is easy enough to see why. Anyone with stories to back this up? I would love to hear situations were this did not work out after trying? How about success stories?-You got over the rejection and found a new friend? I want to hear about it. BTW I am in early 40's..this will make a big difference as well. Young guys probably think im nuts right now.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 If she rejected you, no don't be her friend. If you mutually rejected each other, then it can work. Just don't be her bitch.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 BTW I am in early 40's..this will make a big difference as well. Young guys probably think im nuts right now. At that age, I would be more inclined to try it for a number of reasons. 1) You're more mature and hopefully you can handle rejection better. I literally run into women who have rejected me. I started a job and a woman who had rejected me literally a decade before works in my division. Obviously, I can't just hold a grudge against her. 2) Your social life is probably slower, so actually having an extra friend is something you may want/need. 3) I hope you were smart enough to tell you that you liked her before you developed feeling for her and you should be emotionally OK. As an older guy (your age), I'll tell you that will never happen to me again.
kendahke Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Don't be tragic. She's giving you every sign that there is no hope for sexual/emotional intimacy with her. Just don't do this. Being in your early 40's, you should have a far better grasp of your own self pride than you are coming across as not having. Do you honestly need another female friend who will punt you over into the friendzone while she whines and kvetches about the idiot her panties are wet over? Really? Time is marching forward with your youth by the hair... and it ain't waiting on her to figure out that you're a great guy. If she doesn't know that now, then her loss. Move on. 1
misspond Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Well now. This falls into the territory of "Gender A and Gender One can be friends". I'm obviously not falling into the trap of naming those genders one after t'other. Because we're all equal yes? The only male friends I have are either long distance and online (so untouchable/unavailable/their reasons or mine) or they are acquaintances through other female friends. There's some attraction but for whatever reason we both understand we'd never go there and we absolutely respect that. I'm nearly half a hundred years old. You either have to know how the dynamic works and totally respect it, or you can turn a blind eye and have it trip you up.
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