Lozzi Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Hi first post. A bit of background. I met my ex the second day in this city. Inkoved here and we worked together. We became friends very quickly. About three years in we became friends with benefit. After two years of this I made it clear that I was 28, I wanted a husband and children and if he couldn't give it to me then I'd find someone who would. He said he wasn't sure so we went NC. He didn't last a week and came back and told me he loved me and wanted marriage and children but not immeaditley. We started dating and a year later moved in together. A year after first moving in together his parents sold their house and asked if they could stay with us until they sorted out their next step. This involved us renting a bigger house. I had reservations but agreed. We moved in May and were desperately in love. He bought the ring in June/July and we started trying for a baby. I fell pregnant immeaditley but miscarried at eight weeks. We'd been having issues with his parents but he always stuck up for me. The night we told them I was pregnant they were horrible and barely congratulated us. I still remember us being in the shower sobbing on each other because of how horrible they took the news. Just no intrest whatsoever. After the miscarriage he was a bit distant but I thought this was his way of coping. In November he told me he didn't want to take sides anymore. This essentially meant I had to suck up the issues with his parents. He proposed in December. We picked a date and started planning. He went through stages of really bad moods. I'd ask him if he was OK and I'd be told he was fine. If I pushed he would snap to leave him alone. When these moods weren't present he was wonderful and loving. We started trying again in March. After Easter I was late and threw up. Despite not getting positives on the home tests went to the doctor who confirmed I was not pregnant. He was so upset. A week later and still not having my period I took a home test. It was positive. He's been in a mode all week me being his birthday I told him what I suspected. The response I got was 'well I guess I'm stuck with you now' This blindsided me. I had no idea what he meant. Doctor confirmed I was pregnant on Thur. This is the day he told me that he'd been rethinking the entire relationship and didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. To say I was devastated was an understatement. He advised that he had a big issue with me not doing things straight away (like HIS washing or dishes. They were done same night but not straight away) or being on my phone al the time. That was legitimate. We were awkward. He'd also been messaging an 'old friend through work' that just gave me a gut feeling of wrongness. At five weeks I miscarried again. He barely supported me through this and then seven days after the miscarriage we had a huge blow up the Sat night. He tells me he's never loved me that way but cares for me deeply (he's since confirmed that he did love me. He thought by telling me he never did it would make it easier) and he doesn't know if we can fix it. This is a month after I found out we supposedly have issues and not even two weeks since I miscarried. We agree to working on our relationship for three months and reevaluating then. Then on the Monday (still not two weeks after) he tells me he can't do it. I'm hysterical. Following night he comes home from work and tells me he wants to work on it. I grab it like a lifeline. He apologizes and tells me he rembsrs the good times we've had and wants to try. He's got an appt at a specific place so he goes to that. I check find my friends (we've both used it for Years) and he's turned his location off. It's then I get a text from a work are that is a screenshot of his Blendrr profile. I get on his iPad. His find my iPhone shows him not where he says he'd be. I find his Blender account and it's current and he's been contacting people on it. Including explicit messages with this 'old friend from work' and mentions of how horny he is. I ring him and confront him with it. He tells me he's not cheated on me (and I believe this. I might be a fool but I do) We agree that it's part of our issues and he needs to get my trust back. We're ok for a week. Then he gets REALLY cold with me. Flinching if I touch him, refusing to kiss me or hug me. I'm about 90% done at this point and I ask him what he wants. He tells me he's done, he just can't do it. Can't explain why he's fallen out of love with me but he has. It's now five days later. We're still living together. We're both moving in two weeks and going NC. I'm crying all the time. He's gone back to being who he was before and comforting me. I'm beyond deveatated and don't know how to cope. I know I'll do better but right now I'm in the thick of it and just not coping. I don't know what to do, I want this to be a nightmare I wake up from but it's real and we're not getting back together. (At this point no matter how deveatated I am I won't take him back. He's treated me so badly) We're going no contact once the house is finished but he says he wants us to try and be friends afterwards. It's hard because he's been my one constant since I moved here. Losing him is losing my best friend and that's the worst part. Any advice is appreciated. Edited June 6, 2015 by Lozzi
Poppyolive Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 This is sad. You are both on arollercoaster, he's the one driving. How about you take charge of the ride and cut all ties. This man is very confused and sadly doesn't love or respect you. You deserve much much more. You have a lot of hurt and pain to ravel through. You can not do it with him with you. Your road to recovery begins with no contact, some support, help & time. Can you stay with a friend? Family? I'm sorry you are hurting.
Poppyolive Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Losing him as a best friend is the worst - these are not the actions of a best friend, please don't kid yourself. He's trying to soften the blow.
Author Lozzi Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 No family not an option. No family in the state I live. And yeah a good friend has said he's being nice to make himself feel better but it's the only thing keeping me sane.
Author Lozzi Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Can anyone advise how to cope with next two weeks before I can move? I really have nowhere else to go.
ForHer Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 NO. You are worth SO MUCH MORE and you are a woman and we can get through this. Last year my boyfriend left after I had our daughter she was only six weeks old and two weeks later he was dating someone who started at his work a week after we broke up and I GOT THEOUGH IT it was hell but I did and now he do anything to have me back and I'm gone When I started reading I thought you were so strong telling him what you wanted and going NC because of it and towards the end I feel like all that went away. As women we should always remember we are the trophy. The other accounts are wrong. It's disrespectful even if he hasn't cheated. I think you should tell him if he wants attention else where go find it because as a women you'll have NO DAMN TROUBLE finding your own attention. I think you should make sure he knows this. Right now he thinks you belong to him and you don't. You belong to yourself. Start working out, get a tan, spend extra time on getting ready and avoid him. Leave the house. Even if you have no where to go go for a drive. Go sit by a river. This should be your chance to focus on you. Make a joke about you breaking up with him AND his parents. I wish you the best and one day you'll be happier and he'll regret losing you!
Author Lozzi Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Thank you. Right now it really sucks and I'm still bloody crying. I just hate everything about this and I alternate between hating him and wishing this was a mistake.
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