Natalie8 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Im not the most patient so taking a back seat and waiting for things to reveal themselves is 'painful' for me. The guy in question is someone i had one date with last week. At the end of the date he suggested going to see a film the next time. He also kissed me and texted to ask if i got home ok. All good signs. However, he didnt actually set up a second date. We both went away to our home countries for a long weekend so i thought we would set up a date once we are both back. We exchanged a few texts since arriving back. He asked if i had plans for the weekend. I told him that i only have for sunday..hoping he would ask me out for saturday. He responded that he had no plans but a suprise visit from a friend from his home country has changed things. I figured i would still ask him if he wanted to meet on Saturday. ( i assumed the suprise friend could do some sightseeing by himself while we are on the date). He replied 8 hours later: they will be sightseeing but we can meet on Monday if i fancy it. I replied with an ambigous "ok. Have fun." I figured if he is serious then he would get back to clarify the Monday date..if he is lukewarm he will just let it go. I know that i could just sit back and by Sunday night i would have the answer: him confirming the date or not. But its only Sat morning here and i dont want to wait that long. Should i just text him and tell him that i feel he is not very bothered and in that case i see no point in texting etc. Or would this make me come across needy and pathetic?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Im not the most patient so taking a back seat and waiting for things to reveal themselves is 'painful' for me. The guy in question is someone i had one date with last week. At the end of the date he suggested going to see a film the next time. He also kissed me and texted to ask if i got home ok. All good signs. However, he didnt actually set up a second date. We both went away to our home countries for a long weekend so i thought we would set up a date once we are both back. We exchanged a few texts since arriving back. He asked if i had plans for the weekend. I told him that i only have for sunday..hoping he would ask me out for saturday. He responded that he had no plans but a suprise visit from a friend from his home country has changed things. I figured i would still ask him if he wanted to meet on Saturday. ( i assumed the suprise friend could do some sightseeing by himself while we are on the date). He replied 8 hours later: they will be sightseeing but we can meet on Monday if i fancy it. I replied with an ambigous "ok. Have fun." I figured if he is serious then he would get back to clarify the Monday date..if he is lukewarm he will just let it go. I know that i could just sit back and by Sunday night i would have the answer: him confirming the date or not. But its only Sat morning here and i dont want to wait that long. Should i just text him and tell him that i feel he is not very bothered and in that case i see no point in texting etc. Or would this make me come across needy and pathetic? Why on earth would you assume he would prioritize you over his friend? You've been on one date! I think you're being a bit silly and self-centered about that, to be honest. I wouldn't be asking a friend who's traveled from another country to spend time by themselves while I go on a date with someone I've been out with once before. He offered you an alternative, which is a good sign. And you act butthurt about that? Girl. Seriously. You are shooting yourself in the foot here. And no, do not text him that. That would come across as entitled and uninterested, and you probably wouldn't hear from him again. If you want to see him on Monday, say so. Don't play games. 2
Author Natalie8 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your reply and i appreciate your honesty. The reason why i thought we could still meet up is cos the visit from his friend was unexpected not planned and to me that means the friend didnt come here to visit him specifically but to visit London. With an unexpected visit you dont know whether the person you are visiting would be even free to spend time with you so i assumed the friend didnt plan to spend to whole weekend with him and would have been able to entertain himself. I dont see it as prioritizing..spending time with both of us. The last thing i want is to play games. I like this guy and i dont want to jump to conclusions..hence my post here to get different perspectives. I didnt say a clear yes to his Monday suggestion because i want to see if he would get back to confirm it. I didnt think it was playing games. I already put myself out there for askinh him out and i need to feel certian that he is interested. I dont if that makes sense. The reason why im unsure ( not butt hurt) is cos he took 8 hours to reply and turn me down. And i am the one who asked him out for this second date. Maybe i need to edit the title: i didnt mean option B as in option A is the suprise friend. I feel he is lukewarm..aside this whole suprise friend thing. Us women are always told to stop ignoring signs when a guy is not into us. If a guy is interested he will make an effort. He wont be content with texting, he wants to see us inperson, he will ask us out. This guy seems to make a minimal effort. Texting, but taking ages to reply 2-10 hours.. wasnt in any rush to ask me out. Didnt phone once. And he took 8 hours to say no to Sat and suggest Monday. I dont want to be the girl on the backburner. Edited June 6, 2015 by Natalie8 didnt explain myself properly
Arieswoman Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Natalie8, You said I dont want to be the girl on the backburner. then don't be. Make your own plans and wait for him to make contact. Then, if you're busy and he calls, you can politely refuse his invitation but say you'd love to go another time. You've made the initial contact, so see if he carries forward with anything. If he doesn't then he's not that bothered, sorry. Remember the old adage ; "never make someone your priority when you are only their option." And yes, I've done it I remember having 3 offers of dates for a Saturday night from 3 different guys who said that they would ring to confirm the arrangements for dinner. They even asked what restaurant I wanted to go to. I went out and bought a new dress and had my hair done, because I was so convinced that I would be going out with one of them. I thought my biggest problem was going to have to turn two of them down and I was rehearsing the speech I was going to make. None of them rang. On the Saturday night I still got ready and waited. I was hoping that one of them was going to rush around with a bunch of flowers apologising for not ringing and asking if I was ready to go out for dinner. Sad or what? I learned a lot from that. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Im not the most patient so taking a back seat and waiting for things to reveal themselves is 'painful' for me. The guy in question is someone i had one date with last week. At the end of the date he suggested going to see a film the next time. He also kissed me and texted to ask if i got home ok. All good signs. However, he didnt actually set up a second date. We both went away to our home countries for a long weekend so i thought we would set up a date once we are both back. We exchanged a few texts since arriving back. He asked if i had plans for the weekend. I told him that i only have for sunday..hoping he would ask me out for saturday. He responded that he had no plans but a suprise visit from a friend from his home country has changed things. I figured i would still ask him if he wanted to meet on Saturday. ( i assumed the suprise friend could do some sightseeing by himself while we are on the date). He replied 8 hours later: they will be sightseeing but we can meet on Monday if i fancy it. I replied with an ambigous "ok. Have fun." I figured if he is serious then he would get back to clarify the Monday date..if he is lukewarm he will just let it go. I know that i could just sit back and by Sunday night i would have the answer: him confirming the date or not. But its only Sat morning here and i dont want to wait that long. Should i just text him and tell him that i feel he is not very bothered and in that case i see no point in texting etc. Or would this make me come across needy and pathetic? You've only had one date. Don't reach out to him. Let him come to you if he's going to. And, when a man asks you for a date and doesn't offer specifics, you tell you'd like to go out with him that day and then tell him you'll need confirmation with details by X day and time (prior to actual day). If they don't confirm by then, you make other plans. In this case, I would make other plans and if he contacts you on the day of, you tell him you didn't hear back from him and made other plans. Then you give him another option and see if he schedules for that day and if he does, nail down the details. The ball is still in his court right now. Leave it there. 1
Author Natalie8 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 He actually messaged me today and asked if i would like to meet on Monday. I said yes. Thanks for your replies!
aloneinaz Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 He actually messaged me today and asked if i would like to meet on Monday. I said yes. Thanks for your replies! I feel your pain as I'm notoriously impatient myself when I'm on the dating scene. Here's a suggestion. NEVER have just one potential person on the hook to date to see where it will go. ALWAYS have at least 2-3. Why? Cause you won't put all your attention on one guy and massively overthink it. If you have a few guys on the hook, you won't be concerned about one guy not asking you out that night cause one of the other guys will. Once you find one that you really like and seems to be going places, then you can focus on them. The last time I was single, I was dating 3 different girls at the same time. I was having fun spending time with all of them but certainly had my favorite. When the favorite and I started to get hot and heavy and more serious, I let the other two know I'd met someone I really liked and was focusing on only them.
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