Lona.loba Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Hi so me and my bf have been together for two years. We love each other so much. He claims that I'm narcistic but I'm not. The thing is that I talk alot about my self when we are texting because he rarely ever starts a converstation and only texts back short one word replays whenever I ask him about himself or start a conversation thts why I talk about my self. He's been like that since I one him , though he sometimes rarely initiates to start a conversation and doesn't only text back one word replys . He also suddenly goes and disappears in the middle of texting . I'm so annoyed of him only texting back one word replys and suddenly disappearing in the middle of talk! Now when we meet and hang out and stuff he's different he talks way more and isn't boring. When he texts he seems not interested ! Now I will not break up with him , so what should I do to get him to talk more to act interested and stop disappearing !!!!! It's really pissing me off
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Does he work? Study? Many people, myself included, simply cannot carry on text conversations all the time. We're too busy. If I am with other people, my phone isn't my priority. Do you work or study? How long do you expect him to talk to you via text? And what do you talk about? A lot guys in particular aren't interested in texting endlessly. They often use texting to convey information (eg. a meeting time or place) but not for general conversation. I don't understand what you want, really. You say he's more talkative in person. Isn't that a good thing?
Arieswoman Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 LL, You can call me a BOF if you want (boring old f@r£) but I just don't get all this texting stuff that people do nowadays. I would much prefer to talk on the 'phone where you can hear the other person and be aware of the timbre of their voice. Texting seems so impersonal to me and is wide open to misunderstandings. And I agree with other posters, how come you have all this time to text? Don't you work or study? 1
Author Lona.loba Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Does he work? Study? Many people, myself included, simply cannot carry on text conversations all the time. We're too busy. If I am with other people, my phone isn't my priority. Do you work or study? How long do you expect him to talk to you via text? And what do you talk about? A lot guys in particular aren't interested in texting endlessly. They often use texting to convey information (eg. a meeting time or place) but not for general conversation. I don't understand what you want, really. You say he's more talkative in person. Isn't that a good thing? Yes he works as a personal trainer at a gym and I go to university study and I travel once a week to Melbourne to take courses in special effects makeup there because its cheaper than sydney. I text him mainly because we can't meet and calling him is no difference than texting he barely talks also on the phone ur annoys me like we mainly talk about normal stuff like what I did today since when ever I ask him about himself he either says nothing much or it was good he doesn't elaborate although he talks way more in person
Author Lona.loba Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 LL, You can call me a BOF if you want (boring old f@r£) but I just don't get all this texting stuff that people do nowadays. I would much prefer to talk on the 'phone where you can hear the other person and be aware of the timbre of their voice. Texting seems so impersonal to me and is wide open to misunderstandings. And I agree with other posters, how come you have all this time to text? Don't you work or study? As I said to another poster he the same thing on the phone at least while texting it won't be that awkward but in person he's different he talks way more. Yes I go to UNi and study there but I don't stay there like 24/7 I chose the time of my courses to give me free time
Qboro90 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I used to have girlfriends like this and it drove me crazy. Sorry but we cannot text you thriughout the entire day about monotonous topics or just to bs. Whether he's at work, in school, or not busy at all, a guy needs time to just chill out without having to write you paragraph replies each time you ask him something or when you are free to talk.. The fact that he answers you if you text him this much is a sign that he cares about you. If he's a great bf when your together then leave him be when he's not available to text 24/7. 1
Author Lona.loba Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 I used to have girlfriends like this and it drove me crazy. Sorry but we cannot text you thriughout the entire day about monotonous topics or just to bs. Whether he's at work, in school, or not busy at all, a guy needs time to just chill out without having to write you paragraph replies each time you ask him something or when you are free to talk.. The fact that he answers you if you text him this much is a sign that he cares about you. If he's a great bf when your together then leave him be when he's not available to text 24/7. I don't ask him to text 24/7 I only require him to text back when I text him and be interested which is about three times a week for an hour or two each dy I'm not asking for everyday and when I text him i know that he's not busy with work and he's home.
GemmaUK Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 If I had been with a guy for 2 years and was still expected to have to text I would be bored stiff. I would prefer to see him to talk. You spend weekends with him which I saw from another thread so you do see him pretty often and can then catch up. I see texts like emails. I can reply (as can he) whenever I am (he is) free to do so. The only time for consistent replies is when you are meeting somewhere - if that is needed at all due to a train delay or something. I would never set down an hour or two for a 'text conversation'. I may as well have a 20 minute call or even just wait to see him in person then I can get on with whatever I am doing. What has he said when you have expressed to him that his style is not the same as yours and what compromises have you both come to on it?
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You have to work out whether this disinterest in your texts is just because he doesn't really enjoy text conversations or he doesn't have time for text conversations, or if this is due to a ramping back of his interest in you generally. Some people like space and "me" time and do not like interruptions, and some do not feel the need to text back immediately, if there is no real practical need to do so. If your time when you are together is good, then do not spoil things by making an issue out of texting, BUT if you are seeing a general disintegration of your relationship, then you will need to address that.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Sounds like a case of 'outta sight, outta mind.' He'll engage with you when you're together, but when you're not, he's just not that interested in putting in the effort to communicate with you. Either he's GOT the desire to do it or he doesn't. He doesn't. There's nothing you can do to make him suddenly want to communicate more with you.
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I got a little question. When you are spending time together does he reply to other people texting him? I think you have to quit on the idea of texting with your boyfriend. All it does is build frustration in you, so no texting = no frustration. You know not so long ago people did not have text and the world still went around and people dated and had happy relationship without it. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I don't ask him to text 24/7 I only require him to text back when I text him and be interested . You only require him to? He thinks you're a narcissist as well? Has he mentioned that you may come across as controlling as well? If you've known him for two years and he's never been a big texter, he's not going to change. If he texted more at the beginning, then he's probably tiring of you and doesn't care to keep entertaining you when you feel like shooting a text. You said he feels like you only talk about himself. Would you want to constantly text a female friend who only talks about herself? 1
kendahke Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Hi so me and my bf have been together for two years. We love each other so much. He claims that I'm narcistic but I'm not. The thing is that I talk alot about my self when we are texting because he rarely ever starts a converstation and only texts back short one word replays whenever I ask him about himself or start a conversation thts why I talk about my self. He's been like that since I one him , though he sometimes rarely initiates to start a conversation and doesn't only text back one word replys . He also suddenly goes and disappears in the middle of texting . I'm so annoyed of him only texting back one word replys and suddenly disappearing in the middle of talk! Now when we meet and hang out and stuff he's different he talks way more and isn't boring. When he texts he seems not interested ! Now I will not break up with him , so what should I do to get him to talk more to act interested and stop disappearing !!!!! It's really pissing me off Some people do not see the point in protracted texting when a phone call or seeing them in person is a better medium of communication. It's who they are and they have a right to be who they are without someone else trying to change them. You need to accept that he doesn't like protracted texting and leave the deluge of texting to your girlfriends if you're choosing to not break up with him, which really would be a silly and immature reason for breaking up. Accept him for who he is or bounce--or find something other than yourself to talk about. 1
katiegrl Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Hi so me and my bf have been together for two years. We love each other so much. **He claims that I'm narcistic but I'm not.** The thing is that I talk alot about my self when we are texting because he rarely ever starts a converstation and only texts back short one word replays whenever I ask him about himself or start a conversation thts why I talk about my self. He's been like that since I one him , though he sometimes rarely initiates to start a conversation and doesn't only text back one word replys . He also suddenly goes and disappears in the middle of texting . I'm so annoyed of him only texting back one word replys and suddenly disappearing in the middle of talk! Now when we meet and hang out and stuff he's different he talks way more and isn't boring. When he texts he seems not interested ! Now I will not break up with him , so what should I do to get him to talk more to act interested and stop disappearing !!!!! It's really pissing me off Re quote above in asterisk - people rarely, if ever, realize they may be narcissistic until someone else (someone close to them) points it out. So I would not be so quick to dismiss what he said. He may have valid reasons to believe this....over and above this texting issue. If my bf said that to me, you better believe I would have asked him why he feels that way... and not become defensive about it or deny it. Listen to him! Let him express his feelings about you - both positive AND negative....without becoming defensive. You say he annoys you....well I would venture to guess the reason he cuts off the texting is because you (or your texts) annoy *him.* Instead of focusing on yourself, ask HIM open ended questions...questions that require him to respond. Engage him. Take an interest in *his* life, what HE is doing. No offense, but you sound a bit self-centered.... and *that* is what annoys him...and puts him off. Also like others have said, he may dislike texting altogether, so pull back on all the texting and focus on how well you get on "while together.". Focus on him and his life...not so much on yourself. He may feel you just don't give a damn about him or his life. I would. Hope what I wrote didn't offend....g'luck. Edited June 6, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You only require him to? He thinks you're a narcissist as well? Has he mentioned that you may come across as controlling as well? If you've known him for two years and he's never been a big texter, he's not going to change. If he texted more at the beginning, then he's probably tiring of you and doesn't care to keep entertaining you when you feel like shooting a text. **You said he feels like you only talk about "himself".*** Would you want to constantly text a female friend who only talks about herself? Do you mean *yourself*?
Redhead14 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Hi so me and my bf have been together for two years. We love each other so much. He claims that I'm narcistic but I'm not. The thing is that I talk alot about my self when we are texting because he rarely ever starts a converstation and only texts back short one word replays whenever I ask him about himself or start a conversation thts why I talk about my self. He's been like that since I one him , though he sometimes rarely initiates to start a conversation and doesn't only text back one word replys . He also suddenly goes and disappears in the middle of texting . I'm so annoyed of him only texting back one word replys and suddenly disappearing in the middle of talk! Now when we meet and hang out and stuff he's different he talks way more and isn't boring. When he texts he seems not interested ! Now I will not break up with him , so what should I do to get him to talk more to act interested and stop disappearing !!!!! It's really pissing me off Stop using texting for deeper conversations. It's clear that he's not interested in texting. Call him. You can't make him be interested. He has to want to be. I'd stop using texting so much. Have more phone calls. Not a ton of them, but initiate a phone call more often. If he's disintereted during the phone call, you stop initiating contact with him period and let him do it if he's going to. If a couple of days go by and he doesn't contact you at all, you leave it be for as long as you can. He'll see that you've changed your ways as far as texting goes at least. Maybe you're just texting him too much. He needs some space.
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 This reminds me of a documentary I was listening to. It was a psychologist answering women's question on men and communication. He said very often in his office he'll have women complaining her husband-boyfriend doesn't engage in conversation with them but he seems to have no problem to converse with his friends and other people. Most women will conclude the man isn't a good communicator. Psychologist said to all of us women thinking our man doesn't converse with us because he's a bad communicator it's not true. He just doesn't want to converse with YOU. And his advice was to figure out why your man would find conversing with you a negative experience. Do you listen? Do you nag? do you shut him down with his ideas? etc. 1
joseb Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I don't ask him to text 24/7 I only require him to text back when I text him and be interested which is about three times a week for an hour or two each day I'm not asking for everyday and when I text him i know that he's not busy with work and he's home. I can't imagine anything more annoying than to be required to twiddle my thumbs on my phone for 2 hours. Maybe your BF is like a lot of guys, and texting is just not something that interests him. If the relationship is ok in real life, than you need to decide why texting for hours is so important to you, and if you can drop it with him and text with other friends to fulfil this need.
stillafool Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 There is really only one solution and that's to stop texting him and phoning him and wait until you see him to talk. He is bored by your texting and obviously bored when he talks to you on the phone. You say he is fine in person and you have good conversations so just wait until you see him to talk. Of course this won't make you happy either.
Author Lona.loba Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Re quote above in asterisk - people rarely, if ever, realize they may be narcissistic until someone else (someone close to them) points it out. So I would not be so quick to dismiss what he said. He may have valid reasons to believe this....over and above this texting issue. If my bf said that to me, you better believe I would have asked him why he feels that way... and not become defensive about it or deny it. Listen to him! Let him express his feelings about you - both positive AND negative....without becoming defensive. You say he annoys you....well I would venture to guess the reason he cuts off the texting is because you (or your texts) annoy *him.* Instead of focusing on yourself, ask HIM open ended questions...questions that require him to respond. Engage him. Take an interest in *his* life, what HE is doing. No offense, but you sound a bit self-centered.... and *that* is what annoys him...and puts him off. Also like others have said, he may dislike texting altogether, so pull back on all the texting and focus on how well you get on "while together.". Focus on him and his life...not so much on yourself. He may feel you just don't give a damn about him or his life. I would. Hope what I wrote didn't offend....g'luck. Thank u no it didn't offend I kin of know that I'm a bit narsistic but I wasn't narsistic before I moved and came to Australia , I will talk to him about the issue
Recommended Posts