my coworker is a nice guy but he doesn't make eye contact with me

[HansonGirl]

with every other person I talk to at work, we make eye contact. but I noticed Tom will look off to the side of me. I met with him to discuss work and he just wouldn't look me in the face. Isn't that strange? And it's not like he dislikes me - he is nice to me and has offered to help me with stuff and give me a ride and so forth. so why can't he look in my eyes. I don't mean to be awkward about it - I don't have this issue with any of my other coworkers, who all look me directly in the eye when we speak...

[preraph]

Some people just don't feel comfortable looking people in the eyes. That's why you so often hear advice telling people to look others in the eyes if they want to be trusted. Maybe he's not trustworthy. Maybe he's just socially ignorant and isn't making an effort.

[mandymor]

Some guys get nervous around women that they are attracted to. Looking someone in the eyes can be a very intimate thing and it might be too much for him to handle. Has he shown any signs that he's into you?

[SammySammy]

Some guys get nervous around women that they are attracted to. Looking someone in the eyes can be a very intimate thing and it might be too much for him to handle. Has he shown any signs that he's into you?

 

Right. Either he doesn't like her and is trying not to show it or he's very attracted to her and lacks the confidence or self-esteem to let her know. I'm betting it's the latter. He's attracted to her.

[anika99]

Perhaps he falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. People with varying degrees of autism or aspergers often struggle with eye contact and other social norms.

[preraph]

In order for him to be attracted to her, though, he has to look at her. So if that was it, she'd be catching him trying to sneakily look at her.

[alphamale]

he is attracted to you and wants you to be his girlfriend

[HansonGirl]

he is attracted to you and wants you to be his girlfriend

 

Ok, thank you all for your responses. To answer some of the questions I saw on the thread: I did notice him stealing a glance every now and again but I try not to stare in his direction, so i am not really sure. in order to really notice something like that you have to yourself be focused on the person, and frankly I hadn't been. But in any event, i don't attach any meaning to that, whether or not he really has.

Also, I really highly doubt he's autistic. i mean he does have kind of a monotone voice...so i don't know.

But you know something about this guy, I've gotten to know him a little bit outside of work, and when we're out and about he's like a whole other person. He comes off confident, swearing, almost obnoxious. even when he's talking to me in the groups, it's normal. but if it's the two of us, it's awkward. and at work it's awkward. At work he is all polite and staring off into the distance to my left while we're carrying on a conversation. I just find that really strange. Are you sure perhaps I don't make him uneasy (in a bad way?) I just don't know what I have done wrong. and what's more confusing is that he'll be offering to do me favors while at the same time not looking at me. And i don't mean he's looking at like his computer screen, or at a document. he's looking just like, off to my left.

and we went out recently- a few of us, and he barely even spoke to the entire time. And our other coworkers were trying to tell him to ask this bartender out. He didn't do it, but with his confident persona, i could see him being capable of it. so that's why I don't think he's interested in me like that, if he acts like I don't exist when we're out with the group. maybe he actually HATES me...

[SycamoreCircle]

♫Tom & HG sittin' in a tree

Eye C.O.N.T.A.C.

First comes Love

Then comes Marriage

Then comes Tom with obnoxious swearage♫

[HansonGirl]

♫Tom & HG sittin' in a tree

Eye C.O.N.T.A.C.

First comes Love

Then comes Marriage

Then comes Tom with obnoxious swearage♫

 

LOL... but let's be serious

[mandymor]

Is there anybody at work, I'm thinking another female, that you can ask if he does it to them? Because if you're not the only one he's doing it too, then it could just be something that he does out of habit.

[preraph]

I'm getting that he doesn't really want to talk to you one one one socially but is fine if you're in the group and is helpful at work, which is, of course, his duty. I really don't know why you're focused on him (and you are -- I remember this almost exact post some time back) because he sounds a bit obnoxious out in public.

[loverboy69]

He's what they call the confident shy guy.

 

When he is at ease with his friends or with those he has no attraction to he's confident and outgoing. That's why he has no problem being normal around everyone else.

 

When he is in the private company of someone he finds even remotely attractive the awkwardness sets in.

 

Believe me I know exactly what is going through his head. My current SO did that to me for over a year before he got the courage to ask me out. He was awkward (in a cute way), nervous, wouldn't look me in the eye, overly formal at times, polite; but would often stare at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

 

But when he was around other coworkers or friends he was animated, cracking jokes, hollering and "potty mouth," just like your coworker. It's like he had 2 personalities; one just for me and another for everyone else.

 

Just remember the way he acts around everyone else is the way he'll act around you once he's comfortable enough to do so and if you ever date him in the future keep that into consideration. You may or may not like it.

[alphamale]

When he is in the private company of someone he finds even remotely attractive the awkwardness sets in.

that's a pretty common phenomena

[pink_sugar]

It is also important to note that sometimes it can be a cultural thing.

[kenmore]

Is it possible that he's looking at you but his eyes don't point exactly where he's looking? Some people have that, and if so he may be looking straight at you.

[passingbreeze]

I agree with anika99. It's likely that he has a touch of Asperger's. It's difficult for people with this syndrome to look others right in the eye when talking. They can't help it. It's not a bad thing, it's just they way some people are.