Gary S Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Don't worry about it, most beautiful women are high maintenance. So give the average girl a chance. Do you know what's good about marrying an ugly woman? - If she ever leaves you, who cares! 2
Cowboysnation Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I have a few friends who gave up and settled down with a overweight unattractive woman but I rather just be alone. There is nothing accomplished being with someone you are not attracted to
Krieger Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Don't worry about it, most beautiful women are high maintenance. So give the average girl a chance. Do you know what's good about marrying an ugly woman? - If she ever leaves you, who cares! She has to have a pretty face or I am not interested sorry . I could not date a girl that is ugly it a lot of pressure to be the good looking one in the relationship.
ascendotum Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I have a few friends who gave up and settled down with a overweight unattractive woman but I rather just be alone. There is nothing accomplished being with someone you are not attracted to "...who gave up and settled down with a..." That sucks...for both of them. If these guys have made peace with their decision and embrace the women for their good qualities, and are happier being in a relationship that is not based on desire than being single, then fine. If they resent being with the woman and it bleeds through into his day to day life with her and he does not treat her special for being with him, then they should do the woman and themselves a favor and breakup. Likewise this goes both ways and applies to the overweight woman as well if she continually wished she had someone better. Its not great settling (if you have not come to terms with reality and your aspirations) but it also sucks being in a relationship with someone who is settling for you, and not giving their best for you. 2
Cowboysnation Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 She has to have a pretty face or I am not interested sorry . I could not date a girl that is ugly it a lot of pressure to be the good looking one in the relationship. I can't even play with a girl that's ugly lol
Krieger Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I can't even play with a girl that's ugly lol well I do not have much too offer a female now days so I have to take what I can get until I get college over with and get a real job.
Rejected Rosebud Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 and what do you have to offer in return to a beautiful, polite, caring, intelligent vibrant woman? or even an ugly woman? 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You really think we are that limited? That social status and money is all we're after? Maybe it's not you the problem, maybe it's the type of women you've been going after. Or maybe it's your view of women I mean I don't know anybody pretty OR ugly who would date a guy who thinks of women that way. :sick: 2
Krieger Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Or maybe it's your view of women I mean I don't know anybody pretty OR ugly who would date a guy who thinks of women that way. :sick: Woman want it all well most do anyway and it fine . I just can't compete with that. What I mean by wanting it all us a guy that makes 100k take home drives a nice car has a house and good looking. A guys status in life matters if it did not matter no guy would ever work or care about money. Most all woman care about the money a guy makes and his social status sad but true.
Guitarisgood Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and in the eye does one see himself. You can sure talk yourself up to a certain level thinking you're what a woman wants then blame the world for your misgivings. Yet when you think about it, the common denominator in all those years to date is well, you and because you that you perceive is not working, you're going to give up. Maybe it is time for a change. Maybe you're not all that you're caught up to be. Where you see hungry guys cowering for a female, maybe you should see it as competition - that you should become better than them all, to take them on and get the girl. If that doesn't work out, maybe it is time to find new pastures - to see the world and start somewhere anew where this place cannot give you what you want. Sure, settle for this chick but years down the track, when you meet that chick life had set you up with that's drop dead gorgeous with just as down to earth personality and a kind heart. Don't go dropping the girl you settled with. She doesn't deserve it and neither does you. 2
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Oh man, I'll go ahead answer this for you. OLD there are is a bunch of women looking for someone more attractive and has more going for himself than they do. For example a size 16 with 3 kids looking for a fit good looking dude with a job. That and a bunch of women who like to text and flirt but don't wanna actually meet in person. I'm not a size 16 with kids who is aiming for a hot successful guy. I'm slim and have a nice smile and I simply look for the average guy with a good heart. 1
Taramere Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 what im getting at is its all a competition. my ideal girl is beautiful, polite, caring, intelligent, vibrant. i think she exists, but the problem is shes probably with someone who can say all the right stuff and with higher social status than me. i cant compete for her, so shes out of my league. even if i met her she wouldnt pay attention to me. so i could settle for an unattractive but polite girl with a good attitude. it has an advantage...she gets little attention from men, she will actually pay attention to you. unattractive women also tend to be less self absorbed and arrogant. they havent been spoiled by all the attention. Basically you're looking for somebody who will tolerate your negative outlook of her as "unattractive" or the even more delightful "ugly". Which would require low self esteem on her part, rather than a good attitude. You're an abusive partner in the making, I would say. 2
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You have also stated time and again how important chemistry and instant fireworks are to you. Because I am wired to feel sparks easily. And I have the looks to realistically expect enough average Joes to find me attractive instantly. Many people feel a spark and chemistry instantly . The are just giddy abd excited about dating. It's not a thing of fairy tales and plenty of average couples felt the instant spark and early honeymoon phase.
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Cold approaches are hard because many women do not trust strangers. There has to be some point of reference, some connection somewhere before she is going to just say yes to a random man attempting to pick her up in a bar, coffee-shop, book-store or supermarket. Right away you are at a disadvantage and if she is busy doing the weekly shop or out to buy a specific book or having a good time with friends she is not going to want to be accosted by some random bloke either. You know nothing about her, so she could be married, in an LTR, heartbroken, besotted with someone else or just not interested in dating ATM, she could be at bad time in her life and then you show up... To cold approach you have to be good looking, or good looking enough AND have a superb personality to make her comfortable and confident enough to take you seriously, and if she is not showing interest in the first place, then most will have an uphill struggle to convince her to give you a chance. Parties are good, because there is a common connection, single people are usually obvious, and there is an opportunity to talk all night and find out if they are interested, without the pressure of a "it's now or never" approach in a public place. I guess if you do not to want to compete with others for the outgoing obvious hot women, then there is no need to suddenly drop your expectations to pitch at the witch in the corner with the warts - you need to be looking around for the shyer ones, the less obvious ones, the ones with "potential", as opposed to the hotties with all their wares on show and their accompanying gaggle of guys with their tongues hanging out.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Average men are not on the same level as the Average woman...that's just common knowledge. Average women can date and sleep with pretty much as many average looking men as they desire, there's no shortage of them...they can live in a wanderlust, romance to romance, penis to penis and think the worlds this wonderful place of love and taking you wherever the wind blows you until they've got their heart broken 10 times...most average men can't do that. And additionally these women have access to better looking men than you have of women, and also can sleep with some very good looking men to boost their little ego and confidence...because even these men cannot date the kind of women they always want, so those men do bump it down every now and again to take what is coming to them instead of chasing. Average men however, will struggle to date even average women and yes, will likely have to pull back their standards into overweight and unattractive if options are that slim. There are plenty of average looking women that want nothing to do with average looking men...so if you have no extraordinary ability, like looks, talent, skill, income, stability, humor...something that really pops and tells a woman that you're a rare little gem, chances are she's not ever going to notice you out of a crowd, women think it's about compatibility and men being genuine but personally have not seen that to be the case at all, it's more about that guys talent and skill....so you're going to have to work for attention like most men. Even good looking men do not get attention easily. This is why for men they often become "friends" with women, women they want to sleep with or connected to other women that might want to sleep with them, at least this gives them a social circle which is how most guys like to operate as it establishes rep and therefore gives them access to vagina, once one girl likes you the rest like you too. But they're not going to be able to cold-approach and take home the girl with the high heels, slim figure with a round ass, perky tits and beautiful face...I've seen guys who did pretty well in those little social circles of men and women, but horribly fail when it came to women they just met...cold-approaching can work but that's just not REALISTIC for most men (most men need some kind of "in", then it's much easier because the woman is all trusting and happy even if you're the same douchebag guy in the club/bar), especially as you get older and women become a little more wiser and self-controlled...most of the time she won't give you two seconds of her time because she doesn't have to, not until it's a guy who's got his game together that comes along who she think is "genuine"...like if a guy is being genuine when hitting on women, he's definitely selling a persona. As an average man, you're going to either have to become really successful with average women..otherwise you've got to have some extraordinary skills, to get those top tier women, you better be popular in some way. I'm not talking about the guy who gets that lucky chance every now and again as a woman get's desperate or lonely and just picks up the most available guy that's showing the most interest around her. If you're going to want those really attractive women...you're going to need confidence, looks, usually some kind of status or something that is intriguing that draws attention to you, be somewhat creative, witty...humor even goes a long way, but without any of these skills, word craft, intrigue, or anything "special"...you're basically just the AVERAGE guy, and that might as well be the bottom of the barrel. Even if you are good-looking, if you are average in other respects women will lost interest in you easily....women have options they can be picky about which you cannot as a man more often than not. For older women stability and commitment starts to mean a whole lot, so you can turn a corner as you age. Just get a lucrative title and be a decent guy, and I guarantee some woman will pick you up, even one that is exceptionally better looking than you. So even if you have no skills, if you are not butt ugly, you can attain some of the superficial things in life and maybe get something a little close to your "dream girl" in terms of looks. Just don't think you're going to have a load of options because any average woman looking for a guy with a list of qualities and attraction isn't likely to even notice you. 3
GemmaUK Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Cold approaches are awkward and horrible. I don't care how he looks but if I haven't indicated to him that I have seen him and am interested then him approaching me is not going to go well - it never has. Attraction is two way. If you are in the same location and she is surfing, you are surfing and you make contact then great. If she is not making contact with you then she isn't interested or hasn't even noticed you exist. This works the same way for both men and women. 3
morrowrd Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 The problem with this system, is if there is no attraction, the relationship is doomed. Say you find some "ugly" girl, pursue her, and get into a relationship with her. Say she's good to you, lots of affection, attention, whatever.... you're still not going to be attracted to her, and it's going to affect the relationship negatively. Maybe in the beginning, things will be alright but coming from experience, it turns "icky" for lack of a better term. My advice, leave the ugly girls alone unless you are able to cast some sort of "shallow hal" spell on yourself because you'll find yourself in a relationship you'll want out of. 1
Satu Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I would never even think of someone as being 'ugly.' Everyone is beautiful to me. From my journal: We see what we see because of who we are. What is seen depends on who is looking, why they are looking, and what they are looking for. And then we become what we see. 7
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 The problem with this system, is if there is no attraction, the relationship is doomed. Say you find some "ugly" girl, pursue her, and get into a relationship with her. Say she's good to you, lots of affection, attention, whatever.... you're still not going to be attracted to her, and it's going to affect the relationship negatively. Maybe in the beginning, things will be alright but coming from experience, it turns "icky" for lack of a better term. My advice, leave the ugly girls alone unless you are able to cast some sort of "shallow hal" spell on yourself because you'll find yourself in a relationship you'll want out of. I agree, settling with someone that doesn't tick your boxes, looks wise, intellect wise, personality wise, status wise etc. is asking for trouble. If they are not the person you imagined yourself being with, then you are going to struggle being with them, and that is not fair on them, either. Of course your expectations need to be realistic, supermodels, celebrities, billionaires and Nobel prize winners are not two a penny.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 ...cold approaching women, bars, clubs, parties, you name it. its all the same game. ive suffered a lot of rejection, so much i cant approach anymore. i see a girl i fancy i know im gonna get rejected. why bother? Just being honest here. You keep blaming your 'social status' and lack of a 'wealthy lifestyle' for why you keep getting rejected. These women you're approaching don't know SQUAT about your lifestyle or what your job is or what kind of car you drive when you initially approach them. Their rejection is based purely on your looks and/or the manner in which you engage them. So either you're unattractive and that's why the beautiful ladies continue to turn you down, or you have bad breath, or you're dorky and uncoordinated, or you have an irritating voice, or you're just coming off as plain creepy or desperate to them. YOU'RE the common denominator here, and if women are constantly rejecting you, it's not due to your job or your social status because they have no idea what you have or don't have when you approach them. Maybe an 'ugly' girl is all you can attract. Just because YOU think you're nice looking doesn't mean all the girls out there do. I can't tell you how many profiles I'd seen back when I was online dating where a guy would claim in his profile that he was good looking and had a lot to offer a woman - and the guy looked like a freakin gargoyle. Just being honest. 4
SycamoreCircle Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I'm going to go against the grain here and sympathize with some of the OP's ideas. I had actually been thinking about some of these things just last weekend. I went to a birthday party for the one-year-old daughter of a guy I used to work with. He's a chef and I believe his girlfriend works in the fashion industry. She owns the three-story brownstone they live in, in Bushwick. I had met her before and I guess one of the first things you notice about her is she's not conventionally attractive. I do remember, in a bit of kitchen banter with the chef, him saying something like, "yeah, give me a girl with a crooked tooth...so hot!" He's very much into early underground punk music and is generally anti-establishment. He's also a short, bald Asian guy. She's white, by the way. They've been together for many years and she, in fact, has a prominent crooked tooth. Their baby is beautiful. Their home is beautiful. He's unemployed presently and playing Mr. Mom and seems to be thoroughly enjoying it. The party was a real success and I couldn't help but think that his unconventional tastes landed him a great girl who would probably be off the radar to most men. They are both fun, interesting, strong characters whom I'm honored to know. When I look at their quality of life compared to my own I can't help but feel that maybe I could have something similar if I didn't have the hang ups I do. I point the finger at myself. I accept that I have fears, I have conceit, I have unrealistic ideas. Maybe OP is struggling towards a more realistic view of himself and others. 6
Brigit Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I've dated some really rich guys- most of them are rich because they're tight-fisted, don't share and hate to be parted from their money....also most of the really good looking guy's I've dated have been, so into themselves, they barely rocognize anyone else exists...they also have a tendancy to cheat. It's more important to me to notice how a guy treats other people, how he listen's to people. I know what you mean. When I was dating this guy kept talking about how much his watch cost and I thought "I don't care how much your watch cost I only care about the watch you're going to buy me." LOL I suppose I was a bit of a gold digger but not as much as some. 1
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 . The party was a real success and I couldn't help but think that his unconventional tastes landed him a great girl who would probably be off the radar to most men. Yes, I take your point, but is she really "off the radar" to most men or is he really "off the radar" to most women, being unemployed, short, bald and Asian? I guess not, but they are both "off the radar" to self obsessed beautiful people or wannabe beautiful people, whose superficiality makes them undateable IMO. Conventionally "beautiful" people, do not make up the majority of the population. Her crooked tooth, makes her essentially undateable? Are you actually serious?
Popsicle Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Come to my city then. Guys are too petrified to talk to women and the prettiest girls at the party all stand around and talk or dance with each other because the guys won't talk to them. I saw this just last month at a party. You would score big time here. I truly believe location matters. Edited June 6, 2015 by Popsicle
Cowboysnation Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I know what you mean. When I was dating this guy kept talking about how much his watch cost and I thought "I don't care how much your watch cost I only care about the watch you're going to buy me." LOL I suppose I was a bit of a gold digger but not as much as some. Because most men are programmed to believe lots of women like a guy who has money.
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