jen1447 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Interesting caveat but you have big boobs, Phoe. Do you ever notice that being done as a comparison sort of thing? I've seen that tendency in guys before. It's like - [boobs ~ nonverbal thought] [my girl Phoe has big boobs.] [that girl over there has big boobs.] [hey I wonder if that girl's boobs are as big as Phoe's?] [hey Phoe look at that girl's boobs!] [boobs ~ nonverbal thought]
Author NC-Thomas Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) Great to see my thread hasn't died out yet. Well I get it that many woman are very upset about my recent behavior, perhaps you all shared similar experiences with disrespectful men in the past? For example: Keep the stupid sh** to yourself. No one is interested to know how you think about other women. Anyway, im very glad for the people here that are objectively able to respond without all the hatred apparently comes with it. Personally I love it when woman are able to take a joke, but I guess it was not very considerate of me. I'm also taking my future dates to the park... Edited June 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited to remove rude comment 1
pteromom Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Personally I love it when woman are able to take a joke, but I guess it was not very considerate of me. There are a lot of women out there who can "take a joke", but you have to show them that you are a respectful guy who is just joking first. What you don't realize is that many of us have been in some type of relationship with a guy who is cutting, controlling, manipulative, or downright abusive. A lot of these guys will use comments about other women as a way to make his woman feel inferior and desperate so she panders to him and fights for him. Any kind of joke that can be taken as a put-down or disrespect should be done ONLY after you have built a bond and shown her that you really don't disrespect her and really want the best for her. Doing it before that is understood makes it look like you are TRYING to make her feel insecure. Good idea about the park too. And when you get around to taking a date/gf to the salsa club, make sure you introduce her to your female friends there. And you can dance with other women without flirting or without commenting about them to the woman you are with. It's all about showing respect. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) Seriously though OP, just don't flirt with other women, or comment on how attractive they are with a girl you are newly dating... It's lacking tact. Edited June 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BlueIris Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) ... I have had many women appreciating my sharp / wise-ass sense of humor. ... Fair enough. Date them. Dating is a picking process and not everyone is going to like everyone. You two aren't a match. I think the "she's insecure" diagnosis is tossed about too frequently these days. I'd think that women who ARE secure would find looking at and talking about other women kind of tacky and that insecure women would be more likely to accept that because they want to keep the guy so badly. I don't know (how can we know what someone else is thinking or feeling?), but I see that "she's insecure" assessment a lot and I doubt it. Also, I doubt that she or anyone here is "very upset." And really, I believe in showing people who we are while we're dating them. If that's how you are, it's only fair to let your dates know that so you and they can make informed decisions about whether you're well-suited to each other. Edited June 9, 2015 by BlueIris 1
dyna85 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think it's a red flag if a guy is glaring at other women, to the point that it's completely obvious that they are being weird about it. I went on a date where this happened and it made me uncomfortable and I found it very strange. I didn't mention it though, I just made a mental note. I think the fact that she pointed it out could mean she's insecure, unless you were being extremely overt in your looking at the other women, to the point that it distracted you from focusing on your date and made her feel uncomfortable. It depends on what truly happened, and only you two know since you were there. Why would you be commenting on other women being attractive though when on a 2nd date? Seems like you're not really into this person and maybe she picked up on that and for whatever reason, called you out on it. Again, not sure of the full story, but you mention her size and the fact that she was 'chubby' and you state you were looking at other women and commenting on them. Depends on whether the guy is ogling and OTT. That, to me, is a red flag.
MoreAmore Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Commenting on attractive women with your long term girlfriend is different than commenting on attractive women with someone with whom you are early in the dating process. That seems intentionally malicious, especially if you felt the need even here to comment how your date was chubby and other women were clearly more attractive than she is... that is telling as to how it came across. 1
MoreAmore Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 If she can't put up with me complementing another women I should not act like a stupid emotional child when he looks at / complements another girl". Must we also agree to disagree on whether you mean to say compliment or complement? In both cases, there's a correct answer and there's the direction you chose to pursue; However, if we are going for support here over all else, we can leave it at that. 1
frogs88 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Bad call OP - that sort of behaviour is when you are with buddies. Not on the second date with a girl... Scrap that, don't ever do it. It may be fake but that's how the world works. Avoid the subject of other womens attractiveness of possible. If you fear it may become insincere then tone it down a little. There's no way to put out a fire with your bare hands without getting burned.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Im 27. LOL. That explains it. You may think you know it all, but you still have a lot to learn. Being arrogant and thinking your viewpoint is the only one that makes sense is going to keep you single for life. And hey, maybe that's what you're striving for. Not everyone is looking to be coupled up for life. I'm not arguing that there are a lot of attractive people in the world. I'm not arguing that men and women look at attractive people. We all get it. It's not rocket science. But there's a big difference between appreciating someone else's beauty and acting like a fool about it by making an obvious show of it and commenting on women to the woman you're with. It's ignorant, disrespectful, degrading, uncalled for and shows absolutely no class whatsoever. If you think it makes you look worldly and like some big manly stud, it does NOT. It makes you look like an immature tool. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 By the way: I already kissed her on the first date and even had sex. So I don't see the problem. Clearly by now she would know my interest is just in her ;-) Youth is wasted on the young. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Im probably going to get a lot of flame and blame from many women for saying this: but this woman failed my test. If she can't put up with me complementing another women and wants all attention for herself for every moment of the evening (how selfish) then she isn't relationship material in the first place and will probably turn out to be a manipulative jealous **** later one. (can't imagine going to any place with such a person without getting BS) LOL. There's that arrogance I was speaking about. Methinks someone has an overly inflated sense of self, assuming he's the prize in the 'relationship material' category. 2
omegangster Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 If both of you already danced together and also making pairs with the other opposites then what's the point of feeling odd when you look at other females. I guess you should try broaden her mind set.
MGX Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) ROFLMAO! NC-Thomas is a switch! Usually guys on LS lack self-confidence. NC has so much self-confidence, he's arrogant! We both danced with other people, so whats the problem? On the first date we also went to a dance club to dance salsa after a few drinks in a bar. Maybe I need to build the attraction again on the second date without other people interfering... allthough it was her idea to go there. Maybe she REALLY just wanted to dance with YOU only. I think it was a bad idea for both of you guys to dance with other people. Edited June 11, 2015 by MGX
2nd tyme Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 My take - NC is a good dancer but fundamentally insecure, so he takes women to the dance studio where he can be seen in his best light, being admired, etc. When even that is not enough, he reminds his date how much of a prize he is, that he can pick up prettier women at the studio since he is a good dancer, she should be lucky to be with him, he could have his pick of the litter, she should be working to keep him, etc. If she gets offended, it was all 'a joke' even though there is no humor or punchline. Its basic male insecurity at work. He will go back there on future dates for the same reasons, cycle repeats.
Author NC-Thomas Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) If I was such an arrogant prick as many tell me I am, then I wouldn't have admitted my fault, as said on page 3. Im very open to learning about people and life itself, including dating. But somehow this topic keeps growing with hateful posts. Female hatred from previous experiences ? I don't see men doing this here. Perhaps you all need to reread your posts and think to yourself? What am I going to achieve by writing this in the first place? Did you feel a lot of anger when writing a reply? What does this hate, like talking me down as a person, talking me down because im only "27"? Tell me, how does calling me a fool, help me in anyway? Is Loveshack a place to help people or burn them down? Seems like the latter. Good luck burning down people for a mistake or attitude, I wish you, and especially Lois Griffin a lot of wisdom! I don't think Loveshack is the right place to learn about women... too much people still hurting from the past, spitting flames. The fact that we are all fallible makes us human, so why this hate for someone that is trying to benefit from this experience and take it as a lesson? You are not here to help, just to degrade and spit on people whose actions did not fit your standard. Now, I can look at myself and realize I made a mistake, take it as a lesson and move on, can you? If you can't reply to this threat in a respectful way, I would ask you to refrain from replying. Edited June 11, 2015 by NC-Thomas
jen1447 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 If I was such an arrogant prick as many tell me I am, then I wouldn't have admitted my fault, as said on page 3. Im very open to learning about people and life itself, including dating. But somehow this topic keeps growing with hateful posts. Female hatred from previous experiences ? I don't see men doing this here. Perhaps you all need to reread your posts and think to yourself? What am I going to achieve by writing this in the first place? Did you feel a lot of anger when writing a reply? What does this hate, like talking me down as a person, talking me down because im only "27"? Tell me, how does calling me a fool, help me in anyway? Is Loveshack a place to help people or burn them down? Seems like the latter. Good luck burning down people for a mistake or attitude, I wish you, and especially Lois Griffin a lot of wisdom! I don't think Loveshack is the right place to learn about women... too much people still hurting from the past, spitting flames. The fact that we are all fallible makes us human, so why this hate for someone that is trying to benefit from this experience and take it as a lesson? You are not here to help, just to degrade and spit on people whose actions did not fit your standard. Now, I can look at myself and realize I made a mistake, take it as a lesson and move on, can you? If you can't reply to this threat in a respectful way, I would ask you to refrain from replying. Not all help comes in the form of pats on the back. Are you a big enough person to accept criticism that you don't like? You demonstrated some serious lack of consideration for your date, and then in reaction to the reactions, you've been generally flippant. That's not going to inspire kindness in a lot of people. If you showed some humility you'd probably get more responses that you like. 2
toscaroscura Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Not all help comes in the form of pats on the back. Are you a big enough person to accept criticism that you don't like? You demonstrated some serious lack of consideration for your date, and then in reaction to the reactions, you've been generally flippant. That's not going to inspire kindness in a lot of people. If you showed some humility you'd probably get more responses that you like. Also for some reason, he's fixated on only the women's comments as hateful. I read back through the thread and, while more women did comment, I didn't see the few men sugarcoating anything at all. And the men and women were equally as respectful, the tone of the posts being more "you messed up, man, that was disrespectful". Now, after a couple pages, when OP doubled-down on the arrogance and dissing the women as all being biased, a couple women got snarky. But even before then, OP was getting irritated at perceived female bias and hatefulness. Which goes to show me that he is hypersensitive to female criticism, no matter how tactfully put. Maybe he prefers women stroke his ego? Like I said before OP, you want to be right rather than care about your date's feelings. And hey, that's your prerogative. But being right doesn't always make someone happy or give them the result they want. 2
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