Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I've been getting to know this guy very slowly. At times, I think " am I falling for him?" and at other times I think" hold the phone and tread carefully." I have this bestfriend, she is more like a sister, she defends me through black and blue, and is very caring and married to a good man. There is this guy that I've been dating. They actually worked together ( well he under her) and she set me up with him. He left the church she was attending and he put it as " differences" but she seems to think it was disagreements. She called him out on a few things and did so politely but he took it the wrong way and left without saying goodbye. She tried to call and text him and he refuse to get back to her. He also was very rude to the pastor and sort of left without saying goodbye. Under certain leadership, he does not do so well it seems. Hoping that perhaps he had changed the error of his ways, she sort of set us up. I got to know him first through facebook and skype. And I decided to just see where it could lead. We had an awful lot in common and it appeared to be a match. When I had this normal theological or philosophical conversation about taking a risk, he got upset and didn't respond. When I apologised if i was being too harsh or came across to harsh he said " sounded funny but I just thought it was the time of your month so I decided to give you grace". Offended by this, I said that that was not appropriate and that came off passive aggressive- but I said this as nicely as I possibly could. He did not text back or call for ten days. Finally when he did text he said " I don't want any grudges or bitterness between us" he kind of said all of the things I did to hurt him but he sort of didn't apologize for what he said. He kind of said " sorry if I upset you but I am surrounded by woman all the time. As a single parent i live in a woman's world, I can talk about periods and it's normal". In the ten days that he did not talk to me, my bestfriend nicely but firmly emailed him to tell him that not responding to a woman like that is very rude and if you did not like daisy you could have at least told her in person, but not talking to her is like sending a clear message that she is not worthy of a response." My best friend felt some responsibility for this as she set us up. I decided to let it go. But he did not talk to me or get back to me five days after that. second time he stopped talking to me was when he talked about coming down and seeing me and my best friend offered to take his son and baby sit him if he wanted to come and see me. I said that that could be an option if he wanted it but up to him. He did not respond to my text for two days. When I texted him again saying " I do not like the silent treatment" He told me how his phone died, etc.. this happened and that happened and I was being too harsh. I decided to let it go again, until just recently he said to me next time I feel like getting support from someone please do not get support unless I speak to him first. I said to him , that I had not heard from him for over a week I thought I would never hear from him again and my best friend was defending me as she's been my friend for almost a decade. I did not hear from him again. Then I said " look i'm sorry if I hurt you, I take responsibility for that" he said " I forgive you" but that was 24 hours later. Seems like I have to bend over backwards and always apologise to him. I actually want to break up with him as I am beginning to suspect he is manipulative and I can do exceedingly better than a man who dangles a carrot in front of my face and withholds communication unless I apologise. Sometimes I'm not even sure what i am apologising for other than he is upset? I don't think he likes my bestfriend but am I right about this? seems like hardwork. And please be nice about this, we've all had a bad ex before I just hope I can get support. It seems so subtle especially when you're in it yourself.... D xo
Satu Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Your best friend has no business interfering, and you have no business letting her interfere. It's 99% certain to push any man away.
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Oh dear, dear dear..... You are worthy of a much better man than this, you know it. You and him barely know each other and he's already manipulative, passive-aggressive, condescending and controlling. What you see is only the tip of the iceberg. A future with him only means more manipulation and passive-aggressiveness. If you stay with him I see verbal abuse starting very soon, he is already using emotional abuse on you. Silent treatment is emotional abuse. Let this one go.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Oh dear, dear dear..... You are worthy of a much better man than this, you know it. You and him barely know each other and he's already manipulative, passive-aggressive, condescending and controlling. What you see is only the tip of the iceberg. A future with him only means more manipulation and passive-aggressiveness. If you stay with him I see verbal abuse starting very soon, he is already using emotional abuse on you. Silent treatment is emotional abuse. Let this one go. Thanks Gaeta
TheFinalWord Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) I've been getting to know this guy very slowly. At times, I think " am I falling for him?" and at other times I think" hold the phone and tread carefully." I have this bestfriend, she is more like a sister, she defends me through black and blue, and is very caring and married to a good man. There is this guy that I've been dating. They actually worked together ( well he under her) and she set me up with him. He left the church she was attending and he put it as " differences" but she seems to think it was disagreements. She called him out on a few things and did so politely but he took it the wrong way and left without saying goodbye. She tried to call and text him and he refuse to get back to her. He also was very rude to the pastor and sort of left without saying goodbye. Under certain leadership, he does not do so well it seems. Hoping that perhaps he had changed the error of his ways, she sort of set us up. I got to know him first through facebook and skype. And I decided to just see where it could lead. We had an awful lot in common and it appeared to be a match. When I had this normal theological or philosophical conversation about taking a risk, he got upset and didn't respond. When I apologised if i was being too harsh or came across to harsh he said " sounded funny but I just thought it was the time of your month so I decided to give you grace". Offended by this, I said that that was not appropriate and that came off passive aggressive- but I said this as nicely as I possibly could. He did not text back or call for ten days. Finally when he did text he said " I don't want any grudges or bitterness between us" he kind of said all of the things I did to hurt him but he sort of didn't apologize for what he said. He kind of said " sorry if I upset you but I am surrounded by woman all the time. As a single parent i live in a woman's world, I can talk about periods and it's normal". In the ten days that he did not talk to me, my bestfriend nicely but firmly emailed him to tell him that not responding to a woman like that is very rude and if you did not like daisy you could have at least told her in person, but not talking to her is like sending a clear message that she is not worthy of a response." My best friend felt some responsibility for this as she set us up. I decided to let it go. But he did not talk to me or get back to me five days after that. second time he stopped talking to me was when he talked about coming down and seeing me and my best friend offered to take his son and baby sit him if he wanted to come and see me. I said that that could be an option if he wanted it but up to him. He did not respond to my text for two days. When I texted him again saying " I do not like the silent treatment" He told me how his phone died, etc.. this happened and that happened and I was being too harsh. I decided to let it go again, until just recently he said to me next time I feel like getting support from someone please do not get support unless I speak to him first. I said to him , that I had not heard from him for over a week I thought I would never hear from him again and my best friend was defending me as she's been my friend for almost a decade. I did not hear from him again. Then I said " look i'm sorry if I hurt you, I take responsibility for that" he said " I forgive you" but that was 24 hours later. Seems like I have to bend over backwards and always apologise to him. I actually want to break up with him as I am beginning to suspect he is manipulative and I can do exceedingly better than a man who dangles a carrot in front of my face and withholds communication unless I apologise. Sometimes I'm not even sure what i am apologising for other than he is upset? I don't think he likes my bestfriend but am I right about this? seems like hardwork. And please be nice about this, we've all had a bad ex before I just hope I can get support. It seems so subtle especially when you're in it yourself.... D xo You state you want to break up with him, but it doesn't sound like you're in any serious relationship? Your best friend rubs him the wrong way. The fact she is interfering is making it that much worse. If I was a guy I would lose interest really fast given this scenario. It also sounds like your communication patterns are not that compatible. The period comment was immature. When he offered to travel to visit you and you you said "that is one option; it was up to him"...honestly (I know we can't gauge tone via discussion board) it doesn't seem you were too excited. You might have been a bit more enthusiastic. Traveling to see someone is a lot of work. A girl that is into a guy would typically be thrilled if he was traveling (sounds like a long distance) to see her. I personally do not like friends setting me up as they can take it the wrong way if you do not like the person they introduced you to and vice versa. I hope the best for your situation! Edited June 6, 2015 by TheFinalWord
Recommended Posts