Qboro90 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Dating my gf for 3.5 yrs, taken her ring shopping, she's expressed how much she wants to marry and live with me. We both work a lot and live at home so we see each other Friday nights and Saturdays and that's about it. She recently started her new career as a nurse 6 months ago. Previously she worked in an office full of women. About 2 months ago she got lip injections without telling me. We discussed it and I asked that she just be up front with me going forward if she contemplated anything like that in the future. It worries me that she is looking for an ego boost or outside attention from others even though she assures me that she's not and it was something she had wanted since she was younger. Not to be cocky but she is drop dead gorgeous/model type looks and down to earth to boot. I've found myself lately feeling like she is no longer getting the spark or desire for me that we once had and that I am chasing her/expressing my desire to marry her. I guess you could say I am acting towards her the way she acted towards me when we first started dating. I have been finding myself becoming jealous and paranoid about what she does at work since this is the first time in our relationship where she has been surrounded by men, doctors, single guys who see her on a daily basis and who I have no idea their intentions. I trust her, she's never cheated on me or given me reason to think she has. But I can't shake this feeling that something is off. She's been improving on her already stunning looks with the lip injections, new gym membership to a popular gym where I know many good looking men go where as before she belonged to an all women's gym or had a personal trainer, she's gotten her hair done more regularly and is working overtime 3-4 days a week. Should I be worried? I'm usually confident and sure of myself and my relationship but after 3.5 years I feel like I'm losing her interest. I want her to be as head over heels with me as when we first started dating and electric as I feel for her more and more every day. Is this all in my head? She tells me I have nothing to fear and my stress will end once we get engaged (planning to do so this coming fall). What can I do until then? I'm driving myself crazy every day. Any suggestions are much appreciated, thank you!
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I'll assume you're both in your early 20's? Usually, you need to follow your gut here. If she's only had you as a first real relationship she may be a bit curious what else is out there too before setting down into a marriage. My Mom always told me in my late teens and early 20's to sow you oats while you can. If you don't, then you'll be curious about what it's like to have sex and relationships with others when you're married. Do you feel like you've both had enough other experiences? The divorce rate is over 50% nationally. I bet it's MUCH higher for couples who didn't have much experience with other partners before marrying. We all know those HS romances that lasted until grandpa and grandma passed away. We also know how truly RARE those are, especially in todays world. What I'd caution you NOT TO DO is what you've started doing. You appear to be coming off as jealous, insecure and maybe needy. If you're smothering her cause of your insecurity it will push her away. You need to be the same confident guy she fell for. If she's making a big push to improve her all ready stunning looks, you should do the same. Keep yourself in tip top shape and looking great so she knows you could also quickly move on to others if you split up. You're kind of in both a enviable spot and a tough spot. You have a hot, young GF that all guys want to take a shot at. It also sounds like neither of you have had many other partners as well. You just need to navigate back to being the guy she fell in love with and stop being the guy you described. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Just don't sabotage it. 2
devilish innocent Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You have to relax and trust her. She's stayed with you for three and a half years, and is now say she wants to marry you. That's a sign of somebody who has a lasting type of love. It doesn't matter what other guys think of her. She's set on being with you. There are many reasons women like to improve their looks. Not all of them are due to wanting to attract a man. She could be working on her image because she's starting to picture what she'll look like in her wedding dress. A long term relationship isn't always going to have the same passion as something brand new. That doesn't mean the love is gone. The feelings that seem more subtle on the outside are often the ones that are more mature and deeper.
Author Qboro90 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks for both of your inputs. To reply to the first response- no we are both in our late 20's and have had previous partners and relationships before one another. So it's not an issue at least on my part of wanting to explore or "enjoy my youth". I've done that 10 fold and it actually was a reason she held off on dating me for a while. She has done everything I could possibly ask for, yet it's just something that's been on my mind almost daily lately. I understand that as time passes the initial "honeymoon new relationship" phase fizzles off. When we're together it's phenominal but I get the feeling that by Wednesday of the work week those feelings she gets when we're together fade or are not as strong. I know once were engaged she'll be ecstatic but what can I do in the next 4-5 months before that big moment to keep her thrilled to have a boyfriend? We are both over living at home and eager to move to the next stage of our lives with one another. I've set myself up financially to POp the question and house shop by next fall yet am worried these summer months of the "same old routine" will get to her. Obviously it's gettingg to me. Again, thanks for the advice, it's probably just my own mind ****ing up a good thing but one can't help to do so.
mrs rubble Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks for both of your inputs. To reply to the first response- no we are both in our late 20's and have had previous partners and relationships before one another. So it's not an issue at least on my part of wanting to explore or "enjoy my youth". I've done that 10 fold and it actually was a reason she held off on dating me for a while. She has done everything I could possibly ask for, yet it's just something that's been on my mind almost daily lately. I understand that as time passes the initial "honeymoon new relationship" phase fizzles off. When we're together it's phenominal but I get the feeling that by Wednesday of the work week those feelings she gets when we're together fade or are not as strong. I know once were engaged she'll be ecstatic but what can I do in the next 4-5 months before that big moment to keep her thrilled to have a boyfriend? We are both over living at home and eager to move to the next stage of our lives with one another. I've set myself up financially to POp the question and house shop by next fall yet am worried these summer months of the "same old routine" will get to her. Obviously it's gettingg to me. Again, thanks for the advice, it's probably just my own mind ****ing up a good thing but one can't help to do so. Read aloneinaz's advice again, especially the part about taking care of your own looks. Good advice.
aloneinaz Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks for both of your inputs. To reply to the first response- no we are both in our late 20's and have had previous partners and relationships before one another. So it's not an issue at least on my part of wanting to explore or "enjoy my youth". I've done that 10 fold and it actually was a reason she held off on dating me for a while. She has done everything I could possibly ask for, yet it's just something that's been on my mind almost daily lately. I understand that as time passes the initial "honeymoon new relationship" phase fizzles off. When we're together it's phenominal but I get the feeling that by Wednesday of the work week those feelings she gets when we're together fade or are not as strong. I know once were engaged she'll be ecstatic but what can I do in the next 4-5 months before that big moment to keep her thrilled to have a boyfriend? We are both over living at home and eager to move to the next stage of our lives with one another. I've set myself up financially to POp the question and house shop by next fall yet am worried these summer months of the "same old routine" will get to her. Obviously it's gettingg to me. Again, thanks for the advice, it's probably just my own mind ****ing up a good thing but one can't help to do so. Maybe she's getting restless with you both living apart at your parents homes? What about getting an apartment to share together before buy a house next fall? This could reignite the flame for you both and have you both under the same roof. Sounds like you need to shake things up a bit to break the rut you're describing. 1
Recommended Posts