Getting drinks with ex

[bro]

My ex and I split about a year ago. Mainly because she wanted to get serious (marriage) and my reluctance made her give her the decision to end it because she thought I was just wasting her time and didn't like her enough. I wanted to be more realistic with the approach of marriage but she never gave me a chance, so she ended it. The split wasn't nasty and we remained in contact briefly afterwards. This is the 2nd time we split

 

She started to date someone shortly after. I tried to meet up with her for a meal one time and she backed out last min, saying she wasn't ready to see me. Despite my efforts to get her back (mistake), things didn't succeed.

 

Now I'm making a big life change (moving to the other coast) and figured it'd be nice to catch up since I probably won't see her again. I msg and she responds, saying that she is also moving (Asia). Didn't say why, but I didn't ask.

 

I initially asked for coffee, and she agreed, but when she asked "lunch or after work" I figured drinks would fare better because who can pass up alcohol. She said sure to grabbing drinks at a bar. I still have feelings for the girl, I won't deny that, and while it's not realistic that we get back together, I still wonder if she has some feelings for me.

 

Hard to say if she's still in a relationship, because I don't think any guy would let their GF grab drinks with an ex. Who knows.

 

I plan to go into this with a fresh mindset. Won't bring up the past and will focus on the happy times forward. What should I expect and what do you guys take of this situation?

Edited June 5, 2015 by bro

[aloneinaz]

I think if your emotionally healed from the break up and don't feel you could get "hurt" over seeing her again, then why not? You seem to have your head wrapped around the idea that it couldn't work out long term, especially with you moving away from each other.

 

 

Go into it like your meeting an old friend. Be light hearted and not rehash the past. Maybe you'll both get to enjoy a last round in the sheets as well.

[minime13]

Well, you still have feelings for her, so expect to have all those old feelings come pouring back, and expect it to be somewhat emotional - especially if she has completely moved on and is not as moved by the meet-up.

 

I'm wondering - what do you hope will happen? You're moving, she's moving and you're saying one last goodbye. Do you hope that this may spark something? Or, do you hope you can simply say goodbye? I guess what I'm asking is what is the point and purpose for this final meet-up?

[acapelo_dp]

I don't think it's a horrible idea but I don't think it's great, either. It has been a year and sometimes it is nice to catch up. I have seen ex's I dated years ago and it was a bit awkward at first but nice afterwards and harmless.

 

However, if you admit you still have feelings for her it might hurt more than help. Especially since you two are both moving away - it might back track all your progress of getting over her. But ultimately it's how you think you can handle it.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

meeting up with an ex is fine, but you've already said you have feelings for her. She wanted to marry you but you weren't ready? I think with that being said ( and she is moving literally moving on) having a friendly handshake or lunch ( not a drink) is appropriate and don't go on longer than an hour.... Or you know what? don't bother at all. Friendly ex meet ups work best when there are no feelings that could possibly "re-surface". I think you're gambling with dice here and I don't see what the point of it is. Maybe a year is actually too soon, maybe four or five years? but one year? hmmmmm do so at your own peril but my mind says " not worth it".

[NC-Thomas]

Im going with the rest here.

 

You are basically screwing with yourself if you are going to meet up with her. You are talking about going in with a fresh minded... what is it that you are going to accomplish by meeting with her? What is your agenda? Do you want to be friends? NO, you have feelings, meaning you want more than that.

 

Either way, no matter what she feels for you, you are moving to another coast?! Why would you want to meet up with her if you are moving away? There is no logic in this.

 

And what will you do if you are at his bar and she tells you that her boyfriend is waiting at home or whatever?

 

I truly don't see any benefit from going to a bar with an ex you have feelings for. It's just going to get you down. No-go. Move on.

[acrosstheuniverse]

You still have feelings for her so what are you trying to actually accomplish? Sounds to me like you're trying to rip open a wound with zero chance of a successful outcome. You already split and got back together once, it didn't work, you can't be considering trying to get back together again when all of this water has passed under the bridge, she may be in a new relationship, and you're moving? This is futile.

 

Also, yes some guys are happy for their girlfriends to grab a drink with an ex if they trust them. A couple days ago I met up with one of my exes from 2010 I was close friends with before and since, one of the rare times I've managed to salvage a real friendship from a relationship, not just cordial or 100% no more contact. He's a great guy and my current boyfriend didn't mind at all, he was invited along but thought it'd be kinda weird to go himself, just told me to go have fun. I've never cheated in my life and if he'd had a problem with it I wouldn't have gone, but it's nice to be in an open trusting relationship. Don't presume that if she goes it's because she's single or lying to her boyfriend.

[ExpatInItaly]

Probably not a good idea, given that you still have some feelings for her. Lunch would be a better idea, to keep it in strictly friendly territory.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

If you go for drinks there is a high chance you will get physical with her again lol. If you want that, then go for it