Kyle_K Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 First off, not sure if posting in the right area but I like to believe I am and this is actually the first time ever posting in a chat room so thanks for bearing with me folks! Alright well, heres my story: So last year I met this girl, at first I didnt think anything of her, but we became better and better friends to the point where she and I were best friends. Now I started to foolishly fall in love with her and I knew that it could potentially end badly. I decided to tell her and when I did she didnt flip out or get mad, she accepted me still even though she knew I loved her but at the time she didnt have feelings for me. I should just go ahead and state we met at work (yikes, I know) but I switched jobs and decided to tell her on the last day we worked, wed always go out and get food after work and hang out. So I switched jobs and we still remained VERY close knit and tight together, but then she fell into a relationship with a guy she met on Tinder even though she said shed never find another guy on their. It hurt, it hurt a lot and then she told me that she had started developing feelings for me, which I took for a good sign because at the time she was just going on dates with that guy. Well it didnt work and she started a full on relationship with him. I was crushed and she knew I was too, she didnt do it on purpose to hurt me, I know her better then that but she always kept hitting me with "He was there first" which made it worse. Well, as we go on she starts getting more and more attached to me until the point where she one day after an out of state visit came back and told me that she felt like I was the one she wanted to end up with and marry. Which at first I was thrilled and overjoyed because I could honestly spend the rest of my life happily with her. She's gorgeous, hilarious, very down to earth and understands me very well. We are on a very personal level where she helps me through some depression and anxiety issues and I help her through struggles at her job and with school etc. But I FOOLISHLY fell into that rut where I told her I wanted to marry her too, she keep telling me that she's looking for a peaceful way out of this relationship so she can pursue something with me but they've already broken up twice and got back together and she keeps telling me "You wont have to wait much longer" and "the wait will be worth it and YOU know it". She's not the only one to blame in this, I'm a man I can admit when I've screwed up, we've spent a couple of nights together and have had sexual escapades (she was my first) we hold hands and hug and kiss but she's not all the way mine. I feel guilty about what I do even though I hate her boyfriend with a passion, nobody likes her boyfriend and all of her friends and even her parents have told her that they feel like I'm the one for her. I have a really great relationship with her whole family and they accepted me but are very cold towards her current boyfriend. Basically, the question is, am I foolish for waiting, I've only waited for give or take half a year for her. She keeps me in and gets upset when I tell her we really need to slow it down and I need to back up to give her space to figure things out. I just can't let her get hurt because I'm such a fool for her, I know I should step away but I can't and right now as we speak she's on a weekend getaway with her boyfriend and I'm hurting worse then ever. Any help would be greatly appreciated, Im sure people have dealt with this before. Thanks a bunch!!
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 She's a cake-eater. Tell her she has a week to dump her BF and commit to you, or you quit seeing her. You're an option, a soft place to land when she wants you. Give her the ultimatum and tell her you mean it. And you'd BETTER mean it, otherwise - I'm sorry it's mean, but - you might just as well have the word 'doormat' tattooed on your forehead, and shove a broomstick down the back of your shirt, to make up for any possible lack of spine.... Honestly dude, she is soooo playing you. Loves the attention, and is keeping you hanging.... 2
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 She's a cake-eater. Tell her she has a week to dump her BF and commit to you, or you quit seeing her. You're an option, a soft place to land when she wants you. Give her the ultimatum and tell her you mean it. And you'd BETTER mean it, otherwise - I'm sorry it's mean, but - you might just as well have the word 'doormat' tattooed on your forehead, and shove a broomstick down the back of your shirt, to make up for any possible lack of spine.... Honestly dude, she is soooo playing you. Loves the attention, and is keeping you hanging.... This^^^ My question for you is why haven't you been dating someone else while she's been with this other guy? Really, you have to know what Tara is saying is right on point. Personally, I wouldn't want to EVER be someone's 2nd choice nor should you. Personally, you should just cut bait and move on cause she's not going to come to you or she would of done it already. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 We have a saying in my family: "When you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." IN this case, forget that advice. If you have reached the end of your rope - good. Prove it. Let go of the end, and quit holding on to something that essentially is tied to a load of thin air.....
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 We have a saying in my family: "When you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." IN this case, forget that advice. If you have reached the end of your rope - good. Prove it. Let go of the end, and quit holding on to something that essentially is tied to a load of thin air..... One that I've lived by for years and was reinforced by my last ex's actions was- Words mean NOTHING to me but your ACTIONS do.. 1
Author Kyle_K Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Please don't feel bad for being harsh haha, Im not offended at all, I think I need someone to shake me to my senses. I appreciate the advice, I guess I know what I have to do but I worry too much about whats gonna go on in her head. I do really need to start focusing on me, and standing up for myself. It hurts me to no end to think about doing it but its my fault for getting there in the first place and I need to fix it, thanks a bunch
Author Kyle_K Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 Haha I would be dating but unfortunately I'm not too good when it comes to getting out and meeting people. I did go on one date and that went very poorly
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You're clinging to this girl like she's the ONLY chance you'll ever have at a relationship in your whole, entire life. She's not. She's disrespecting you AND the guy she's seeing. You do need to know that none of your justifications about this guy - that he's a jerk and no one likes him and that her parents think you're the better guy for her - make what you're doing with her RIGHT. You've basically lowered yourself to 'lapdog' status. Patiently sitting at her feet, eager for a pat on the head or a crumb tossed to you, willing to degrade yourself and hide in the shadows while she 'deals' with breaking up with this guy, etc. etc. etc. It makes you look needy and desperate. Women don't respect a guy whose too eager to please and do anything she tells him. It makes you look pitiful and completely emasculated. Stop doing it. Lastly, have you been watching her real close and seeing how deceitful and self serving she is? Stringing this guy along and stringing YOU along? Don't for ONE MINUTE think that she'd never do this to you. Because she would, and in a New York Minute. One day you'll be in the same exact position as this guy is with her right now. Actually, you can COUNT on it.
kendahke Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 She was your first? Dude, she's got your nose wide open. Re-read what Tara Maiden and Lois wrote because you need to retrieve your dignity really fast and dump her. She has no intention on being with you, let alone marrying you. A woman who wanted to marry you wouldn't put another man in the middle of her path to that goal with you.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 There is something that is not right in you and your social life and she knows it. That is the reason she is playing you and you accept it. Please have more self-esteem and confidence. She know that you will wait for her eternally and will continue to play you.
petsrule Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 If she was serious about being with you, she wouldn't still be with her other boyfriend for 6 months. Who knows how many other men she might have told the same things that she told you.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 If you are at the end of your rope, let go or you will hang yourself with it.
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