Ex GF Confusion

[huawei]

Hello everyone

 

I’m new here as you may have guessed so firstly a big hello to you all.

 

I have a bit of a problem at the moment regarding an ex which I could use some help and advice with from both sexes and all ages because I am totally confused and if I’m totally honest. I’m not the greatest when it comes to social or relationship type situations.

 

Now, short background story first of all… I was with this girl who was 6 years younger than me for over a year and a half about 3 weeks and a month ago we split. Reason; we didn’t really do much as I had a few health problems which prevent me from going out and doing much. She went traveling last year and came back saying she wanted more of that and I guess she didn’t see me in that picture. Which I thought was fair enough, it happens and I can live with that. She kept that to herself and never said a thing until we actually split (about 4/5 months of saying nothing).

 

So anyway, we split up and a few weeks went by with zero contact. I deleted her number, wiped my phone, changed my number so I’d not hear from her again as I didn’t want to hear if she had moved on. I was hurting a lot during this time and was often wondering if she had got with someone else, you know, the usual scary stuff I’m sure anyone who’s had a break up feels.

 

So after about a month I hear from a friend of ours that, she is in fact already seeing someone else. This news destroys me. Sure I get it people move on but so soon!??! I was devastated and I became abit of a recluse for a few days and actually took and overdose. After that event I refused to be so stupid ever again and allow her to get me to that stage ever again and began going to the gym, eating right, getting out, and getting back to work. All of which I have done now. I’ve even lost 14 pounds in just over 2 weeks and feel great for it!

 

Anyway, time went by and I woke up from a dream about her and felt I couldn’t do this anymore and needed answers. I knew she would be home on that day so I went to see her. I got there and she was a little shocked and I said sorry for just turning up like I did. But she was fine. Very friendly etc. We acted like friends would for about 15 mins but then we both knew something had to be said.

 

So I instantly just asked if she would take me back since I had got my life back together and was in a much better place. She said she was confused right now and didn't want anyone else to worry about. So with what I had heard previously about her seeing someone else ringing in my ear (which she didn’t know I knew) I thought ok then, and asked her straight “are you seeing anyone?” She denied but wouldn’t look me in the eye. So I thought ok we are face to face she won’t look me in the eye but I’ll (stupidly) trust her maybe my friend got it wrong. We spoke and spoke and I told her how much better I was getting and how much I’d like to give us another go now I’m better.

 

Then all of a sudden as I’m in the middle of telling her. She says “I’m seeing someone else” and we both fell silent for about 20 seconds. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I sat there for about 10 seconds to take in what she had said. Sat there a bit longer and said well then there’s nothing I can do is there, wished her well and while holding back tears, left.

 

Then about a week later a friend gets a text message from her asking if they had my new number. I saw this message and thought right, ok this is either good or bad. Thought for a while about if I should even go there as I was making good progress getting over her and moving on but in the end I took her number and text her asking what’s up. She said she just wanted to see how I was….

 

This is where things get really, really confusing for me. I was like I’m fine, and she talks to me for days like I’m just a friend and we’ve not had any relationship previously. She doesn’t mention anything to do with our past or her current guy, nothing. Just friendly chat, jokes, messing about sort of stuff.

 

So I just spoke to her for a while but after a few days I had enough of it and just had to ask her what does she actually want? Because I found the entire situation a bit weird. She said I just wanted to see how you were. At this point I took a bit of a break from talking to her so I could talk to my friends about it and they have all said just run, run, run… She’s playing mind games, etc.

 

I’ve not run as such but I’ve been playing it very carefully and I asked her straight is she still with this guy, she said yes, so I said I know it’s none of my business but it’s something I’d rather just know about rather than worry about. Have you slept with him, she denied it. But eventually as we kept talking it became obvious that she had and eventually I got it out of her. So ok she’s moved on and is doing my worse fear which is having sex with another man.

 

So at this point I know we are done and that I need to really think for myself here. So I ask her, what do you want from me? Why did you contact me? I don’t buy that you just wanted to see how I was (and still don’t) so what’s the deal here!? Do you want to be friends or what because you’re clearly with someone else now so I know it’s not to get back with me. She then says “it’s not like that, it’s not long term” which even now I don’t understand what she means by that. She then said “he sleeps with loads of other girls, it’s not serious” and also that “I can’t tell what will happen in the future with us (me and her), I can’t think about it right now” At this stage I was like… right ooo kkkk, totally confused now. She then says “I wish he wasn’t” referring to this guy having sex with other girls.

 

So again I asked what do you want from me?! And being pretty angry at this point I just said what I had on my mind at the time which was are you trying to keep me on side so that if he doesn’t commit to you and continues to be a player, you will always have me as a backup or someone to fall back on… she instantly replied no, I’d never be that cruel which I believe as she’s not a bad person but perhaps she doesn’t even realise that’s what she’s doing!? I have no idea.

 

So again, I left it and didn’t contact her. Then she starts texting me. Asking how I am. I say I’m ok and that I’m planning to go away and stuff with some mates. This is where things go even weirder. She goes absolutely nuts asking what mates who, girls? What? When? Who is she? You’re seeing someone aren’t you? Loads and loads of crazy questions regarding women. She ends it with I can’t talk to you if you’re seeing anyone else and actually blocked me from talking to her. At this stage I’m like… right… what the hell!???

 

So I left it, and again within a day or 2 she contacts me as if nothing has happened. A day or so later one morning she told me she was feeling down and was a bit hungry and said could I run to Subway for her and grab her a sub. I was thinking I’m cool with that and I’m also thinking it’s a perfect way to actually talk face to face as text talk is so unhealthy. So I agree, she then declines and says she’s ok. At this stage I’m already out the door so I thought ah well need to go to the store anyway so I go there grab her one of her fav snacks and wrote inside the wrapper “Just a little something to make you smile. Keep your chin up and be happy, much love Tim <3” I dropped it through her door and went away she didn't see me. I text her to look for post she did and said thank you. But then I thought to myself after… what am I doing!? I’m acting like I want her back and trying to get her back. Then I got thinking do I!? What do I want?! Even now I don’t even know.

 

Now last night, I get a text. I be civil and be nice, talk normally then she suddenly informs me she has self-harmed. (She has a history of this but has not done for some time). I ask her why? She avoids it. I then said is it because of us talking again, she said no. I said if it is then please say and I will disappear as I’m not having you do that sort of thing because of me it’s not worth it. She again says no I accept it and as I normally do I help her get positive and tell her how to take care of it and clean it and I calm her down and try and get her mind in a positive place. Tried to get her to listen to some music I like that helps me mellow out and clear my mind, she said “she can’t because it reminds me of you”. So I’m like… ok what?!

 

This morning I wake up and text her and ask her to see if she’s ok and she says she just wants to try and get through her work day today. So I sent her lots of usual funny things I do which I know will make her laugh to try and pick her up a bit till she’s actually at work. Then she texts me about 4 hours later saying she is better now her work mates have cheered her up and she’s ok now. She opened up about why she did what she did last night and said it’s because this guy she is seeing “is a guy” so I presume he’s had sex with another girl and she doesn’t like it or whatever.

 

She informed me shes off on a weekend of drinking and parties which I know will involve him so I said just don’t tell me anymore about it I don’t need or want to know. I’m doing my own thing and going away myself and distracting myself from this whole situation. She again asks the questions about who with and girls and stuff but not as bad as before. It's as if she is allowed to move on, have sex, whatever but I'm not? It's really strange and shes almost trying to blackmail me with not talking to me if i get with a girl? I could be reading into that wrong but that's how it seems to me? It's like... If you move on then I can't talk to you. Yet I can go out and have sex with some player who has a entire line of girls to play with. And what's more. she is INCREDIBLY insecure in relationships and has been cheated on before. She would always check my phone and things and ask me if i was cheating so why shes gone where she is now I have absolutely no idea what so ever.

 

Another thing to note, now and again when she seems to get angry, agitated or whatever she tells me how I’m a typical bloke and that I love boasting and stuff. I don’t understand what she means by this as I am soooo far from that. If anything, I’m self-conscious and certainly never boast so I can only presume she means it’s because I’ve been going on about going to the gym and getting in shape which I’ve been saying to her to try and be positive and show her how I’m doing I love telling people how I’m doing but I think she takes it the wrong way or? Again, more confusion.

 

Sorry for the huge essay but I just have a lot on my mind and not many people in my life to talk to for advice I need help with this and I am so confused with what to do here. I don’t understand her motives. I don’t even understand what I’m doing. Or should do…

 

Any advice is extremely appreciated as I’m at a point of pulling my hair out here.

 

Thanks

 

Tim

[DexterLS]

She doesn't know what she wants and you are letting her have her way with you.

 

Please, stop all of this nonsense and go No Contact. You deserve it as well as her. You both need time apart to think and know what you want.