candie13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 taking things for granted. stopping to appreciate the other person. stopping to put in any efforts in the RS - which affects the overall RS dynamic.
Male Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) I guess.... but does it really work? Are they truly happy? I just can't wrap my head around that sort of dynamic. Of course they are happy. They have a "live in mother" that does almost everything for them. Add a dash of sex to the mix and the guy has everything he wants. I for one do not like a woman that portrays the motherly role. I like to do a lot of stuff for myself. I like my relationships to be a shared experience, without gender specific, preassigned duties. You even see it reflected in the media - sitcoms or TV commercials where the domestic husband is portrayed as an utter dope and his save-the-day wife treats him like one. I notice that all the time as well. Especially in most commercials. Does anyone know why they always portray the husband as the dope and the woman as the smart one? You rarely see women portrayed as dumb. Its gotta be more than just for humor. Does it empower the woman watching the commercial and make her more likely to buy said product? I know there is a ton of research and psychology that goes into marketing such as that, would love to know more if someone is in the industry. Edited June 5, 2015 by Male 3
autumnnight Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You even see it reflected in the media - sitcoms or TV commercials where the domestic husband is portrayed as an utter dope and his save-the-day wife treats him like one. This dynamic in a television show just makes me mad: Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Guy, and on and on. If I were a man these shows would seriously insult me. 1
Shepp Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Lets not be sexist here. I think it is much more common for men to have to be husband and daddy to their wives. And for wives to demand it and or tolerate it. That's an intresting one.. If you take it as all relationships have a tendency to learn one way or the other then I actually can't think of a single relationship of anyone I know where the guy 'plays daddy' or 'wears the trousers', literally I'm running through everyone I know sitting here and in each relationship I would put the women as the decision maker, plan maker, looking-after kinda role. Maybe it's a geographical thing? The exception would actually be my own marriage, I would say we lean the other way, although ever since we've known each other ive been careful to avoid falling into the 'daddy' role! I don't want to tell her what to do, I don't want to fall into that role because I know I could be a right git if I did, probably part of why I like a fiesty girl is I like someone who doesn't just do what I say. But I mostly don't want her to do what I say because then she wouldn't be her anymore , I'd ultimately lose the girl I fell in love with! But I am the better long term thinker and I'm more likely to be the one making a decision, but I really really stand alone on that! I can't think of a single other couple! 1
Confused48 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Hm.. interesting perspective. I think I disagree though, unless husbands just do it privately. Or maybe i just speak more to women than men? I have never really encountered a man speaking to his wife like she is an idiot the way that I see women doing it. I need to pay better attention, maybe? i will respectfully disagree. from my own experience -- i find that men are more ready to accept the woman just the was she is, but women are usually trying to ALWAYS change something on their man. maybe it's just my experience. Ok, so you've never seen the relationship where the man, usually 10 years older at least, sometimes 20, he takes care of everything for the woman. Treats her like a daughter. She relies upon him for everything. If she gets into a fender bender, he drops everything to go make sure she doesn't have any consequences. She never gets her hands dirty. She never deals with the bills or the laundry. Her biggest worry is scheduling her hair appointments around her spa appointments and if she has real trouble with that he will make some calls for her on that too. Even if she cheats with a younger guy, he just grounds her, takes away her GNO privileges for a bit. In return of course these women give him just want he wants in bed. They also let their man tell them what to wear, what kind of car they get to drive, where they will live. They have little choice about such things. If they are naughty, they accept their punishment. Oh, another common punishment in this arrangement is to take away the credit cards for a bit. They might pout a bit but they know pretty soon all will be well and they will be back to the normal routine. Edited June 8, 2015 by Confused48
minimariah Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Ok, so you've never seen the relationship where the man, usually 10 years older at least, sometimes 20, he takes care of everything for the woman. Treats her like a daughter. those weren't relationships i was refering to. taking care of your partner (even when it's really weird and over the top) isn't the same as trying to CHANGE someone and RAISE them all over again. men are more open to accept the woman just the way she is while the woman will try her best to change a man (will try to get him to want marriage and kids when he doesn't, will try to get him to start cleaning around the house, will try to make him to stop smoking, will correct his clothing...). of course men do it, too - but i think in general, they don't try to change their partner as much as women do. what you described isn't that type of relationship -- that's a typical sugar daddy/baby relationship which is different than those relationships where one partner tries to "mold" another into the person they want them to be. men do it, too - but i have a feeling women do it much more often.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 After several decades of wanting castrated men and now women are complaining about it?......You know what they say....Be careful what you wish for.... TFY
thefooloftheyear Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You even see it reflected in the media - sitcoms or TV commercials where the domestic husband is portrayed as an utter dope and his save-the-day wife treats him like one. You ever notice its also only white men who are portrayed like this? Its not a coincidence... TFY 1
Emilia Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 There is a fine line and codependence is unattractive but with some men - especially with those that are used to passive women - you have to draw the line early on. Many men I know test boundaries to see how far they can go and won't respect a woman unless she cracks the whip. They even say so.
GorillaTheater Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 There is a fine line and codependence is unattractive but with some men - especially with those that are used to passive women - you have to draw the line early on. Many men I know test boundaries to see how far they can go and won't respect a woman unless she cracks the whip. They even say so. That's certainly part of the picture. I think another part of the equation is this: my wife is a SAHM. I think sometimes she gets a little stuck on "mommy mode", and sometimes she falls back on habit when it comes to how she treats me. Not a big deal. Usually a smirky "you gotta be kidding me" look, or a butt grab, is enough to get things back on track. 5
Got it Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Yes! And I don't see this type of bossing around as nurturing. It is usually over little piddly stuff that is more subjective than life threatening. Like, laundry must be folded one way and he doesn't do it right. Do you want him to help? Then let him fold it however he wants. My childhood best friend seems to have this dynamic. She complains she does everything but then doesn't want to delegate because it isn't "her" way. That, to me, is really shooting yourself in the foot. Yes I have things I would like done a certain way. But I ask myself "is this a hill I want to die on". Both of us like things a certain way and we try and accommodate each other but if not I either recognize that I am asking to own it at 100%, and be fine with it, or compromise. Luckily I am not married to someone that is purposely trying to play dumb to have limited responsibility. Actually just the opposite. He steps up in almost every area imaginable and far exceeds my expectations. Actually he keeps me on my toes to make sure I continue to pull my share. I married him because he is an extremely competent adult that is capable at about anything he sets his mind to. I used to nag a lot with my ex because he would give me lip service and then not do it. I finally just stopped and did what I wanted my way and stopped asking. At some point you just learn, in a tug of war, the best strategy is to just drop the rope. I have no interest in mothering/nagging an adult and that would be a major respect killer. 2
Got it Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 You ever notice its also only white men who are portrayed like this? Its not a coincidence... TFY Actually I disagree. I think the husband is like this in "Are we there Yet?". The dopey husband seems to be all the rage right now which is very insulting to men. 1
Emilia Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 That's certainly part of the picture. I think another part of the equation is this: my wife is a SAHM. I think sometimes she gets a little stuck on "mommy mode", and sometimes she falls back on habit when it comes to how she treats me. Not a big deal. Usually a smirky "you gotta be kidding me" look, or a butt grab, is enough to get things back on track. I don't have kids but ran away with that a couple of times and apologised for it. I've found this more in the beginning where boundaries are established. There is definitely more testing early on. Then you get into a groove though I can see how kids and responsibility can bring it out. 1
minimariah Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I have no interest in mothering/nagging an adult and that would be a major respect killer. it is, it's a quiet love killer. it's a long process and then folks wake up one day & realize that it's too late. resentment, i'd say is one of the biggest relationship & love killers.
understand50 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well, We all need to address the training of young men. My sons, and daughters, were thought to: Cook, do laundry, iron shirts, how to clean the house, take care of a car, change a tire, shoot a rifle and hand gun, bake bread, pie, and a cake from scratch, Make a meal from scratch, take care of small children, (infants and preschoolers), sew and repair their clothing, rewire and fix basic household appliances, general house maintenance, swim, first aid, take care of themselves medically, (Flu, Colds, ETC). You get the picture. To be an functioning adult today, you need to have all these skills. This are thought in the home. Not hard to do, chores, and letting them do things when they are of an age that they will learn. I think, unless they are lazy, most people will do for themselves, if they know how. Boy Scouts, is one place to learn. Most of the training is above. 4H, is another place to learn, and lastly mom and dad can make sure that these skills are pasted on. If a man, or woman, has these life skills, they do not have to babied. And if you have a "man" , or "woman", who is floundering with these skills, send them here: The Art of Manliness There is no excuse for not being able to take care of yourself, or your family 853855 3
Confused48 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 those weren't relationships i was refering to. taking care of your partner (even when it's really weird and over the top) isn't the same as trying to CHANGE someone and RAISE them all over again. So yes, mothers do tend to have different roles in their children lives than fathers. Most do anyway. So of course when you have an adult relationship where one party is more childlike and the other more parental, then depending upon if the childlike one is the male or the female, then the parental-like party will have different stereotypical behaviors than if gender roles are reversed. However, I do still stand by my view that you see a lot more women with father figure husbands than men with mother figure wives. No, I can't cite any scientific studies, lol. Just my observation. Your mileage may vary.
Author WasOtherWoman Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 After several decades of wanting castrated men and now women are complaining about it?......You know what they say....Be careful what you wish for.... TFY A castrated man is sooo unattractive....
minimariah Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 However, I do still stand by my view that you see a lot more women with father figure husbands than men with mother figure wives. No, I can't cite any scientific studies, lol. Just my observation. Your mileage may vary. i agree with THIS, but i think we don't understand each other. i'm not talking about mother or father figure relationship. i'm talking about relationships where one partner constantly nags and tries to change everything the other partner does, treats the other partner like a total idiot. i have a feeling that mother type relationships are different than father type relationships. i do agree that father figure husbands are more common for a simple fact that women tend to go for older man that the other way around BUT i see way more "nagging" women who complain about everything than i do men.
Confused48 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 i agree with THIS, but i think we don't understand each other. i'm not talking about mother or father figure relationship. i'm talking about relationships where one partner constantly nags and tries to change everything the other partner does, treats the other partner like a total idiot. i have a feeling that mother type relationships are different than father type relationships. i do agree that father figure husbands are more common for a simple fact that women tend to go for older man that the other way around BUT i see way more "nagging" women who complain about everything than i do men. Well I see the nagging behavior as an attempt to dominate the other person. Men may not nag as much as a method of domination but I think you will find men in relationships with women their own age even, trying to dominate them. They many want to change the way they dress, who they have as friends, how they share the household chores. Perhaps in our society it is seen as more acceptable for the male to dominate, dictate, decide and more acceptable if a woman bows to this, as long as there is no abuse. When a woman dominates and the man accepts it, then we see the sexist reaction that he is weak and she is a nag. In my view it is just people being human. Trying to dominate with greater and lesser amounts of resistance and success. Its not a male thing or a female thing. Its a human thing. 2
Got it Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well, We all need to address the training of young men. My sons, and daughters, were thought to: Cook, do laundry, iron shirts, how to clean the house, take care of a car, change a tire, shoot a rifle and hand gun, bake bread, pie, and a cake from scratch, Make a meal from scratch, take care of small children, (infants and preschoolers), sew and repair their clothing, rewire and fix basic household appliances, general house maintenance, swim, first aid, take care of themselves medically, (Flu, Colds, ETC). You get the picture. To be an functioning adult today, you need to have all these skills. This are thought in the home. Not hard to do, chores, and letting them do things when they are of an age that they will learn. I think, unless they are lazy, most people will do for themselves, if they know how. Boy Scouts, is one place to learn. Most of the training is above. 4H, is another place to learn, and lastly mom and dad can make sure that these skills are pasted on. If a man, or woman, has these life skills, they do not have to babied. And if you have a "man" , or "woman", who is floundering with these skills, send them here: The Art of Manliness There is no excuse for not being able to take care of yourself, or your family 853855 Umm, why does someone need to know how to shoot a gun? I think that is PURELY subjective and not a necessary skill. And the rest, sure learn, or earn enough money you can pay others to do if desired. 1
Got it Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Well I see the nagging behavior as an attempt to dominate the other person. Men may not nag as much as a method of domination but I think you will find men in relationships with women their own age even, trying to dominate them. They many want to change the way they dress, who they have as friends, how they share the household chores. Perhaps in our society it is seen as more acceptable for the male to dominate, dictate, decide and more acceptable if a woman bows to this, as long as there is no abuse. When a woman dominates and the man accepts it, then we see the sexist reaction that he is weak and she is a nag. In my view it is just people being human. Trying to dominate with greater and lesser amounts of resistance and success. Its not a male thing or a female thing. Its a human thing. I disagree, if one has to nag then they aren't dominating as they aren't effective change. They are just nagging because the other person is passive aggressively ignoring them/doing their own thing. It is definitely a power struggle between the two but it is because they are not working as a team and both is trying to assert power passively and actively. -
understand50 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Umm, why does someone need to know how to shoot a gun? I think that is PURELY subjective and not a necessary skill. And the rest, sure learn, or earn enough money you can pay others to do if desired. As is everything it is in the eye of the beholder. 2170
Male Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 The dopey husband seems to be all the rage right now which is very insulting to men. And the all female talk shows are fueling the flames to that as well. Shows like "The View" can make derogatory comments about men, and the female audience all laugh about it. But if you turned the tables, and had a group of guys on stage, with an audience full of men all cracking on women, their would be feminists groups, single moms, and scores of other women calling for the heads of everyone involved. 3
Got it Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 And the all female talk shows are fueling the flames to that as well. Shows like "The View" can make derogatory comments about men, and the female audience all laugh about it. But if you turned the tables, and had a group of guys on stage, with an audience full of men all cracking on women, their would be feminists groups, single moms, and scores of other women calling for the heads of everyone involved. Ummm, I am working during the day so couldn't begin to tell you what talk shows are even on let alone what is being discussed. You watching talk shows Male? Something right before "your programs"? 2
Got it Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 As is everything it is in the eye of the beholder. 2170 Umm, these were given as skills men/people needed to have. Not what is deemed attractive, etc. So what eye is beholding what here?
Recommended Posts