3 years gone :( Feel like absolute **** Encouragement and guidance?

June 20, 2015

Any opinions?

June 21, 2015

Hey buddy. Checking up on you, how you doing?

It's good that she hasn't checked up on you, it hurts now but aids your healing as I'm sure you know. Since I blocked & deleted her 2 weeks ago it's been so hard yet so much better for me. Still think about her everyday but it's in the back of my head instead of the front.

You're doing well, thoughts are normal and it seems like it's normal to think about her and sadness everyday which sucks, but we will get through it, chin up buddy, you're doing so well with NC!

June 22, 2015

Hey buddy. Checking up on you, how you doing?

It's good that she hasn't checked up on you, it hurts now but aids your healing as I'm sure you know. Since I blocked & deleted her 2 weeks ago it's been so hard yet so much better for me. Still think about her everyday but it's in the back of my head instead of the front.

You're doing well, thoughts are normal and it seems like it's normal to think about her and sadness everyday which sucks, but we will get through it, chin up buddy, you're doing so well with NC!

Hey Yummm long time! Ah man iv been pretty s**t tbh...as said above just been adjusting to being back home and being alone away from friends. Its been tough but i made it through last week. Good on you brother for blocking and deleting, i only have urges when i get really worked up and have bad days but usually never want to check. I took your advice i know it will hurt me so why bother?

Today was a nightmare and one of the worst days iv had in a while. COmpletely brokedown at work and had a meltdown had to run to the toilets and have a cry At least its not everyday, these days come every once in a while so i guess thats good. I just couldnt control the thoughts of fear and negativity today and dug myself into a hole.

Everyday is tough but i get up an put one foot in front of the other, eat food, work, sleep, repeat. Some days it REALLY SINKS in and really hurts

Thankyou for the reply im trying to stay strong!

June 22, 2015

Hi, philsach890. It's been also 2 months post BU too for me and a month of NC. Remove her from my phone and social media last week, so I hope things get better ahead. Every single night she's been also in my dreams for a few weeks, and it really hurts. So I guess it's pretty normal.

Hope we're getting better and finally over it. Cheers!

June 22, 2015

Hi, philsach890. It's been also 2 months post BU too for me and a month of NC. Remove her from my phone and social media last week, so I hope things get better ahead. Every single night she's been also in my dreams for a few weeks, and it really hurts. So I guess it's pretty normal.

Hope we're getting better and finally over it. Cheers!

Hey mate same goes for me thanks for reply, stay strong and keep it up!

June 22, 2015

I cant see how sumone you have been with for 3 years can just be so cold and distant and not even check to see how i am doing. I do wonder if she cares about me despite not loving me anymore. For all the LTR dumpers out there what is your mindset the months following a breakup like mine? Do you just forget the 3 years just like that? I do wonder if she did forget the last three years

June 23, 2015

It's so so normal to have all these thoughts and questions, did they love us, do they miss us, why are they not even bothering to contact us to see how we're doing, etc. And you know what, we'll really never know. Even if they contacted us or told us some stuff, who knows how sincere they would be, what their intentions would be. Most certainly their actions and words would be self serving. So the best thing to do is really catch yourself when you're thinking such thoughts and distract yourself. Your mind will eventually get bored and move on.

It's not what you want to hear though I know You want answers. It's SO frustrating!! But all I can tell you is take a deep breath, and repeat a thousand times if needed 'and this shall pass, too'.

It's all about acceptance. We feel like ****, we're angry, hurt, frustrated, confused..... but it passes. Everything always passes. It's sad, so very upsetting at times, but you know what, I think one day I'll fall in love again and that will only happen if I heal from this and move on... and the thought of new love one day again excites me. Joy will fill our hearts again... just trust that Always try to end on a good note in your thinking, it has helped me.

June 23, 2015

It's so so normal to have all these thoughts and questions, did they love us, do they miss us, why are they not even bothering to contact us to see how we're doing, etc. And you know what, we'll really never know. Even if they contacted us or told us some stuff, who knows how sincere they would be, what their intentions would be. Most certainly their actions and words would be self serving. So the best thing to do is really catch yourself when you're thinking such thoughts and distract yourself. Your mind will eventually get bored and move on.

It's not what you want to hear though I know You want answers. It's SO frustrating!! But all I can tell you is take a deep breath, and repeat a thousand times if needed 'and this shall pass, too'.

It's all about acceptance. We feel like ****, we're angry, hurt, frustrated, confused..... but it passes. Everything always passes. It's sad, so very upsetting at times, but you know what, I think one day I'll fall in love again and that will only happen if I heal from this and move on... and the thought of new love one day again excites me. Joy will fill our hearts again... just trust that Always try to end on a good note in your thinking, it has helped me.

Thanks Jemay just been having a really tough couple of weeks i was so good at pushing thoughts aside before i start to dwell but it just hasnt worked as of late. I know im searching for answers that i wont find and theres no point in doing so. The thoughts have been hitting me out of no where and affecting me more than usual and i dont know why

June 23, 2015

Im entering the 9th week post BU + NC.

I feel like s**t. Absolute s**t. Im definately not as bad as the first month but its really sinking in everyday. I wake up with a bag of sand in my chest everyday. Shes on my mind every minute of the day. Im on autopilot at work 9 hours a day. I sleep well, eat well, gym, network, hang with my friends family and workmates. I still feel like s**t.

How do you guys feel around the 2month period post BU? Is it normal for me to be feeling like this? I feel so trapped and in a state of limbo. Everyday is the same s**t, get up go to work feel the pain day after day. Its just really exhausting and im getting so sick of it

June 23, 2015

Im entering the 9th week post BU + NC.

I feel like s**t. Absolute s**t. Im definately not as bad as the first month but its really sinking in everyday. I wake up with a bag of sand in my chest everyday. Shes on my mind every minute of the day. Im on autopilot at work 9 hours a day. I sleep well, eat well, gym, network, hang with my friends family and workmates. I still feel like s**t.

How do you guys feel around the 2month period post BU? Is it normal for me to be feeling like this? I feel so trapped and in a state of limbo. Everyday is the same s**t, get up go to work feel the pain day after day. Its just really exhausting and im getting so sick of it

What you are describing is feeling grief. You are getting this is it and are feeling the loss of a loved one. It's very hard and yes, it is very normal.

What often prolongs our agony is the fact that we romanticize our ex partner. We focus on the good moments wanting those moments back. And often we put them on a pedestal making them more than they actually were. All of a sudden we think we have lost the best thing in our lives when in all actuality it is a blessing they are gone. Once you really focus on the fact that you are so so lucky that you are now having the opportunity to find much better you will see your pain will be transformed into 'phew, damn I'm so lucky I got out of there!!.'.

Please don't worry you're not feeling better yet. I know it sucks to feel so low but it is temporary, I promise xox

June 24, 2015

For those that have exceeded 2 months post BU please share your experiences and the feelings you had at this period?

Im feeling very trapped atm and day to day is very difficult. I almost feel like im taking many steps back

June 24, 2015

Hey buddy!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks post BU.

Over the past week i've been feeling alright. Not good, but not bad. She's still on my mind everyday but like I said in the back not the front.

Today for some reason it's abit harder. She's forcefully coming to the front of my head rather than the back nomatter how much I try to put her to the back today, hence my lengthy stay on LS during work today

I just keep reminding myself that there will be waves, good days and bad days and the bad days are coming less and less. We still have emotion towards our ex's but we know that reacting on them will only hurt us so we have to just ride it through.

I am getting a little upset though as our relationship was only 12 weeks (did connect from the first time we met so I could say it was about 14 weeks) and 7 weeks post BU and i'm still not over her. I really don't want to be dwelling over a relationship longer than it actually lasted!

But I am DEFINITELY in a better place than I was weeks ago and by the looks of things so are you. I'm here if you fancy a chat man, stay strong

June 24, 2015

I'm new to this forum so I hope you'll forgive me if I overstep the mark.

I had my heart broken and eventually had to say goodbye to a 17 year marriage (21 years together in total) back in March. Whilst I have more good days than bad days now, I do know the feelings you are going through, I've lived and breathed them.

Unfortunately I didn't have the luxury of NC as we have two boys who still need to see their father, and a house and business to sort out (still in the painful process of doing that), which drags out the pain IMHO but what I can say is that seeing a counsellor really helped me to get through the worst of it. It might help you too. It sounds to me like you are sinking into depression, and you may need a little help to pull yourself out.

If you want a woman opinion, I say, don't beat yourself up, you made a mistake, but it sounds like she had left the relationship long before you did. The best thing you can do now is try and do some good things for yourself and remember who you were before you met her. I ended up joining a bootcamp with some friends. That got me out of the house and I had something to look forward to instead of thinking too much about what I would have been doing had my H been home.

I hope you can find the help you need to get past this and then move on with your life. I truly try to keep the belief alive that things really do happen for a reason, we may not know what they are or when they will make themselves known, but it will all become clear eventually.

Maybe the end of this relationship had to happen in order to open the door to something better. In the meanwhile, be happy in who you are as a person and that will eventually attract someone into your life who deserves your love.

June 24, 2015

For those that have exceeded 2 months post BU please share your experiences and the feelings you had at this period?

Im feeling very trapped atm and day to day is very difficult. I almost feel like im taking many steps back

Ι΄m around 7 weeks post BU.

My experiences are the same with yours and tbh the first month I felt better. During this second month I feel worse and worse everyday. Everybody around me is happy and planning vacations, and it's like I'm living in a parallel world of grief.

I didn't even last a minute and had the urge to cry, when they were asking us when we will take our summer leave (and now I have nothing to do because ex blew me off). Ok vacation is not the most important thing, but still nobody knows what's happened and they keep asking.

I 'm trying to keep my normal routine, work, and hobbies but sometimes I find myself trying to force things, and I feel even worse.

Edited June 24, 2015 by Felicite

June 25, 2015

Hey buddy!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks post BU.

Over the past week i've been feeling alright. Not good, but not bad. She's still on my mind everyday but like I said in the back not the front.

Today for some reason it's abit harder. She's forcefully coming to the front of my head rather than the back nomatter how much I try to put her to the back today, hence my lengthy stay on LS during work today

I just keep reminding myself that there will be waves, good days and bad days and the bad days are coming less and less. We still have emotion towards our ex's but we know that reacting on them will only hurt us so we have to just ride it through.

I am getting a little upset though as our relationship was only 12 weeks (did connect from the first time we met so I could say it was about 14 weeks) and 7 weeks post BU and i'm still not over her. I really don't want to be dwelling over a relationship longer than it actually lasted!

But I am DEFINITELY in a better place than I was weeks ago and by the looks of things so are you. I'm here if you fancy a chat man, stay strong

Yummmm brother long time!

I kno EXACTLY how you feel. The last 4 days i dont know what happened but she was right at the front of my mind. The coping techniques iv been developing just didnt work and no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt tell myself to stop going into the bad thoughts. It is only today that i managed to implement my techniques and stop myself from jumping too far into the negativity.

Keep going no matter what man! I think your connection was just really special and thats why its so difficult. Even if the healing takes longer than the relationship dont feel bad! Only time will tell but its better to take as much time as you need.

Im doing the same man just taking it day by day. Thanks heaps for your kind words as always, stay strong im doing the same!

June 25, 2015

I'm new to this forum so I hope you'll forgive me if I overstep the mark.

I had my heart broken and eventually had to say goodbye to a 17 year marriage (21 years together in total) back in March. Whilst I have more good days than bad days now, I do know the feelings you are going through, I've lived and breathed them.

Unfortunately I didn't have the luxury of NC as we have two boys who still need to see their father, and a house and business to sort out (still in the painful process of doing that), which drags out the pain IMHO but what I can say is that seeing a counsellor really helped me to get through the worst of it. It might help you too. It sounds to me like you are sinking into depression, and you may need a little help to pull yourself out.

If you want a woman opinion, I say, don't beat yourself up, you made a mistake, but it sounds like she had left the relationship long before you did. The best thing you can do now is try and do some good things for yourself and remember who you were before you met her. I ended up joining a bootcamp with some friends. That got me out of the house and I had something to look forward to instead of thinking too much about what I would have been doing had my H been home.

I hope you can find the help you need to get past this and then move on with your life. I truly try to keep the belief alive that things really do happen for a reason, we may not know what they are or when they will make themselves known, but it will all become clear eventually.

Maybe the end of this relationship had to happen in order to open the door to something better. In the meanwhile, be happy in who you are as a person and that will eventually attract someone into your life who deserves your love.

Hey Totallyfooled i cant even begin to imagine how you felt going through all of that, your an incredibly strong person! I don't think im sinking into depression i just feel trapped by my emotions some days. I feel anger, frustration and have been thinking alot of negative thoughts lately. Im trying to keep myself super busy with work and all. I work 9-10 hours a day so its been difficult when i get home as im exhausted!

I really need to be better towards myself. Iv really been beating myself up and i have alot of regrets

June 25, 2015

Heys guys i would love to hear your personal feelings/experiences that you went through from 2months onwards. I do feel really stuck in my healing atm and want to know what kind of shifts/changes in perspectives you experienced. I want to know that there are positives in the first 6 months post BU.

June 25, 2015

You sound so much more positive mate... I'm really happy for you.

Perhaps you feel similar to me in a sense of just getting by day by day monotonously.. I made a topic yesterday asking for some guidance you should check it out! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/534658-need-some-guidance-indifference

I would say you're doing extremely well for 2 months after a relationship that long, you're also headstrong bro, just think positively of yourself, you are a great guy and you will get through this!

June 25, 2015

You sound so much more positive mate... I'm really happy for you.

Perhaps you feel similar to me in a sense of just getting by day by day monotonously.. I made a topic yesterday asking for some guidance you should check it out! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/534658-need-some-guidance-indifference

I would say you're doing extremely well for 2 months after a relationship that long, you're also headstrong bro, just think positively of yourself, you are a great guy and you will get through this!

Ahhh trying to be more positive! Last 4 days have been 80% Negative, 20% positive. Today 60% positive, 40% negative haha.

Will definately check your new thread bro, honestly i really do feel like i just get through each day monotonously. ITs just so boring i feel so empty everyday trying to keep busy to get through the day.

Thanks for the encouraging words bro im trying my best!

June 26, 2015

Heys guys so here i am the end of 9weeks post BU + NC

Im still on break from uni and the last couple of weeks have been really tough. Following the stress of examinations i got to my hometown and jumped straight into full time work 9-10 hours a day, 6 days a week. FML i didnt really get a break from all of the stress and emotional turmoil so last week i was absolutely exhausted. However work has been good in that it has given me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and allowed me to keep busy and productive.

Everyday she has been on my mind. I can say that everyday is bad and everyday hurts . My mind has been wandering alot and mentally ive been exhausted beyond anything. Somehow just somehow i just push through each day, work harder and harder and just.....survive. The last 5 days iv been in a really dark place mentally and was starting to lose hope in myself and pushed away any thought of positivity or improvement.

Out of nowhere and to my surprise i got some good news regarding my life outside this whole situation. I passed my finals!!! Omg i couldnt believe it. After the BU i was such a mess i had to take almost a month off uni. When i got back to uni it was exam period and it was the most difficult task trying to focus while having exam stress and BU stress colliding head on.

This was a huge positive for me as i am in my final year of my studies and i cannot afford to fail. 2nd HUGE POSITIVE is that today my boss offered me an INTERNSHIP next year which is required for me to register in my field of study! Im studying to be a pharmacist and following completion of our degree we have to do a 1 year internship to qualify and register as a pharmacist. Honestly this whole BU just destroyed me and while i was messed up and bed ridden all of my class mates were applying left right center. Ive been so incredibly stressed as originally my boss at work (i work at a pharmacy) said a couple of months ago he didnt have the budget to take on and train an intern. I literally get back from my lunchbreak today and hes said hes given it some thought and since the business is doing well and picking up, he decided he wanted to take me on and train me and pay for all my registration fees which is around 6-7k in total. It was just so unexpected and out of blue but made me think there is hope in life and good things will come to you when you least expect it.

I really needed this. Ive been suffering for 4months and it hasnt been a good year and hearing this positive happy news made me believe there is something for me. I like to think it was a sign that im going to be okay and that i need to keep fighting and keep surviving.

I hope this helps for those going through hard times atm! I know how you feel iv been there and im still going through it. There are bad days but sometimes you just have to be strong and get through the worst before you start seeing the best. Im still staying strong everyday and i know there are going to be more hard times ahead but its a matter of getting through as best you can.

Try to stay positive and slowly find value in yourself as i am doing!

June 26, 2015

I passed my finals!!!

2nd HUGE POSITIVE is that today my boss offered me an INTERNSHIP

Congratulations!

Moving on and focusing on the good stuff.

August 24, 2015

Wow it's been a really really long time since i've posted here! A couple of months at least. I've gone through alot in the last couple of months. Haven't been doing so great the last couple of weeks so thought i would update my progress and hopefully get some advice and encouragement

It's been 4 months and a week NC + post BU now. First couple of months i wanted to die every single day. I couldn't function at all. I forgot how to brush my teeth, go s**t, would eat 1 meal a day and lost 7kgs in a week. 3rd month when i went back to my home town for uni break i started to get better. Having a holiday full time job got me into routine and kept me busy round some amazing people. Learnt how to eat and sleep again but the hardest part was getting hit by negative thoughts on the daily. Over the course of that month i taught myself how to deal with these negative thoughts and although i was hurting daily, i was coping.

Entering the 4th month i got back to uni and underwent tremendous changes. IT was so difficult because i knew i was in the same city as her and was nervous that i could bump into her at any moment. I had many moments where i saw her and it broke me down. I would see her from a distance and cross the road or run away. Turned upto a party where she saw me and she left soon after. Each encounter messed me up. When i saw her everything around me would just stop and my heart would stop.

Each of these experiences messed me up and i would be hurt for a few days to a week. However i became stronger after each encounter and would stop dwelling on the whys etc. There was a point where i was so sick of being a victim so i decided to take the bull by the horns and rebuild my life, self esteem and confidence.

Started going gym, eating well again, joined a dance group and became an artist! The dance group allowed me to meet some amazing individuals and i've made alot of new friends. We have a big performance coming up in a few weeks so im very excited for that! Also i never really knew i had it in me but i became an artist. I had alot of creativity bottled up inside for a long time and finally had the courage to put my ideas onto canvas. I released a bunch of portrait ink paintings and the response has been phenomenal. My works featured at a student art exhibition and i've received alot of love and support from friends who are shocked at where this has come from. It's just bittersweet coz she was an artist and i used to sit and admire her paintings and i never got to share this with her. I wonder what she thinks of my work.

Am i okay? Tbh i'm not. I'm surviving but the pain is still there. I've been keeping busy with art and dance but took a break from art 2 weeks ago coz i was mentally exhausted. The minute my brain gets a break all the pain and memories and bad thoughts came back ughh.

I haven't been sleeping the last 2 weeks and have nightmares every night. I've been feeling really **** every day and i think about her alot and miss her. I also have been feeling really angry and some days i'm so angry i think about revenge and saying things to hurt her. I'm having a really hard time atm and it's been going on for 2 weeks now.

We were together for 3 years. Entering the 5 month post BU now and i'm still messed up. Is this normal? Anyone else share how they progressed 6 months to a year post BU? I guess i'm just looking for encouragement. I'm trying so hard to move forward but its still difficult to let go

August 25, 2015

Been waking up this morning feeling in denial. It's as if the last 4 months of healing never happened. I thought i progressed so much but all im remebering are the good times and i can't accept that this has happened. Why am i feeling like this? Is this normal?

September 1, 2015

Thankyou for the kind words!

"we tried to work on things for 2 months. That whole time i was a distant stranger and it didnt feel right"

This has been my personal hell for the last two months. I just want my life back. I want my fiance back. I want my future back. We are still living together for the next four weeks. There's no moving forward and no going back. I am stuck in a personal limbo hell.

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3 years gone :( Feel like absolute **** Encouragement and guidance?

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