3 years gone :( Feel like absolute **** Encouragement and guidance?

June 10, 2015

Yes mate, it is really hard. It's like she has some sort of chain on my life, but in reality she doesn't.

Ultimately, what makes us unhappy? Our thoughts, we are in control of our thoughts and whether we relate to them with a positive or negative attitude. It's just so hard to control and turn them into a positive one.

Realistically, our ex's are probably not even giving us the time of day in their head, so why should we give them ours. Yes, perhaps they miss us at times when they are lonely but they made the decision to choose the loneliness over our relationship, so why can't we just snap out of it?!

The mind is a powerful, powerful thing. I felt empowered last week when she messaged me twice and I ignored her, this week I feel powerless, what an emotional rollercoaster

I completely agree with everything you said! ITs really a mind game and at the stage im at almost 7 weeks NC post BU its a tug of war between reality and pain and distraction from the attachment.

At the end of the day its the attachment to that special connection/bond that stops me snapping out of it and feeling loss always stirs up all sorts of negative emotions

June 10, 2015

It really helps to just read other stories or other opinions on LS to get your mind off those things. I do it now all the time. I feel exactly the same as you and I really miss my ex in my life but then i go read topics like yours on LS and knowing your not alone really helps. We should be happy we lost our exes because they don't want us in their lives so we shouldn't want them either. Good bye to our exes, we're moving on like you and i'm sorry but the there are better girls than you.

Yea mate it really does help im on LS on the daily! Its good to know that others can relate and that im not alone. With 3 years of attachment and memories im still struggling with the pedestal

June 10, 2015

Mid 7th week NC and post BU

Im SO ANGRY right now. How could my best friend and someone i cared for so much just pull a 180 on me when the going got tough? When her father was hospitalised in due to a car accident i was on the fone comforting her on the daily. When she was admitted to ED for an asthma attack i took care of her the remaining weeks.

But just because i ran to her when i was going through my financial difficulties and stayed with her for comfort as my stress levels were through the roof with uni aswel she couldnt even understand. I know i smothered her but at any point she could have spoke up and said somthing. She knew she was feeling unhappy because of all the negativity and she just didnt say anything. I feel so abandoned and betrayed and hurt. It was so selfish of her to not say anything about how she was feeling just because she knew i was going through something and didnt want to put her problems on me. Look where we have ended up. She just isolated herself and didnt talk to anyone about it and now ive been thrown to the curb.

She just sat there and bottled it up for a year and said nothing. There were times when she said she was unhappy but anyone any day of the week can say they are unhappy. Thats not saying anything unless you actually properly talk about the reason for why your unhappy.

I don't know maybe the suffocation and constant routine of being together 24/7 made it difficult to break out of routine and say anything what do you guys think?

Im so close to breaking NC i just want to scream at her face. Im about to pick up the fone and scream all sorts of abuse and profanities at her

Edited June 10, 2015 by philsach890

June 10, 2015

I am at the same amount of time you are, 5.5 weeks. So true that that is when your head clears a little, but there is still pain. I've been pushing myself to get out, see people, do stuff, and also not repressing any of my sadness. So I feel like that is really helpful - allow yourself to be sad, but also, create new memories.

Sending you lots of encouragement!!!

June 10, 2015

Been in a fiery psychotic anger all day. Had to give my phone to my flat mate as i didnt trust myself. Multiple time almost left the house to run to her place and do something stupid. I duno whats gotten into me today just all of a sudden iv just been hit by this wave of intense emotions and the reality again is sinking in like no other day.

Currently in a state of confusion lyk theres so much pain but its difficult to understand what this is and what reality is. I know this has been a year in the making which lead to this point but i never thought i would feel so empty dead inside

June 10, 2015

Been in a fiery psychotic anger all day. Had to give my phone to my flat mate as i didnt trust myself. Multiple time almost left the house to run to her place and do something stupid. I duno whats gotten into me today just all of a sudden iv just been hit by this wave of intense emotions and the reality again is sinking in like no other day.

Currently in a state of confusion lyk theres so much pain but its difficult to understand what this is and what reality is. I know this has been a year in the making which lead to this point but i never thought i would feel so empty dead inside

I understand.

I get this all the time too. Thank god, she is in another country though and this does make it relatively easier.

Stay strong buddy, this will be over soon. Just stick with NC.

June 10, 2015

I understand.

I get this all the time too. Thank god, she is in another country though and this does make it relatively easier.

Stay strong buddy, this will be over soon. Just stick with NC.

Thanks Dexter i wish i had that luxury but at the same time i think i would be more scared if she was somewhere else im just so used to knowing everything thats happening. I dont even know how i have self control sometimes because when i get angry sometimes im so close to breaking NC and really causing a scene.

Hope your keeping strong with NC on your side!

June 10, 2015

What do you guys do when you in a state of anger that is so bad you almost break NC and cause a scene?

Read my vent from earlier today if you have just joined in.

I was about to commit a crime today...the whole situation just crashed down on me today and the emotions just exploded. I had to give my fone to my flatmate to avoid hurling abuse and profanities.

Proceeded to do 100 handstands which strangely calmed me down and stopped me from causing a major scene that might have ended up in my arrest.

Thank god

June 10, 2015

Urges man.. they are strong.

I've had stronger urges than ever now that I've actually deleted her from my FB and phone. But I remind myself that giving into the urges will only hurt me more so why do it?

It bloody sucks, I know.. I see her everyday, my lunchbreak is in 1 hour and I KNOW that she will either walk or drive past me, it really does suck, but stay positive.

You did good buddy, and thanks for your support on my thread.

June 10, 2015

What do you guys do when you in a state of anger that is so bad you almost break NC and cause a scene?

Read my vent from earlier today if you have just joined in.

I was about to commit a crime today...the whole situation just crashed down on me today and the emotions just exploded. I had to give my fone to my flatmate to avoid hurling abuse and profanities.

Proceeded to do 100 handstands which strangely calmed me down and stopped me from causing a major scene that might have ended up in my arrest.

Thank god

Hi,

are you seeing anyone about your anger issues?

I read through your thread, punching walls, throwing bowls, wanting to commit crimes - I worry for you.

At least the physical exercise helps, keep that up.

But do try to see someone if you are not already.

June 10, 2015

Urges man.. they are strong.

I've had stronger urges than ever now that I've actually deleted her from my FB and phone. But I remind myself that giving into the urges will only hurt me more so why do it?

It bloody sucks, I know.. I see her everyday, my lunchbreak is in 1 hour and I KNOW that she will either walk or drive past me, it really does suck, but stay positive.

You did good buddy, and thanks for your support on my thread.

I admire your courage you are very strong having to see her everyday but still keep your head up! Post deleting i think it will be hard at first but with time as you get used to not seeing any of it im sure it will get better and you will think less of it.

No problem will be following you updates keep positive and stay strong

June 10, 2015

Hi,
are you seeing anyone about your anger issues?
I read through your thread, punching walls, throwing bowls, wanting to commit crimes - I worry for you.

At least the physical exercise helps, keep that up.
But do try to see someone if you are not already.

Hi Joseb i dont literally mean commit a crime i think when im in that state of frustration i want to just go over to her place and scream at her which might get me arrested! Iv never been one to burst out violently, the emotions and frustration (and alcohol) at the time of the break up just pushed me to my limits emotionally and i lost control

Thankyou for your concern though!

June 10, 2015

I wanted to let you know that it WILL get easier. My ex-husband of seven years, with three daughters together, left me about three years ago for another woman. Who he had been cheating on me with, of course. He used to bring her around when he'd pick up the girls, and when he grabbed his things...I still can't believe how sh*tty he was at times, and I still get a little pissed. But it is nothing like the boiling, black, hateful, scary anger I used to feel. There were times that the only thing keeping me from pounding the two of them were the thoughts of losing my girls and my nursing license. But ooooh boy, I yelled. I came up with some interesting swearing combinations, I must say. And in the end, it didn't do sh*t. I was embarrassed that a piece of sh*t and a nasty whore could cause me to lose my cool like that. I didn't like that crazy person I was when they were around. And when my therapist pointed out that my ex was likely doing things on purpose to rile me up, so he could feel better about his decision to leave the "crazy ex", I stopped.

I stopped flipping out on him, but the anger was still all there. What I would do was still yell at him, just when I was alone. Verbalizing how I felt helped much more than just writing it down for some reason. I would almost rehearse it ahead of time, organize my thoughts, and say what I had to say. And cry or whatever I felt like doing. I just never again let either of them see me upset. After all, what is there to miss about a cheating asswipe and the whore who knnew he was married and kept effing him anyway? They deserve each other.

I hope this helps. At least know that it will get better, part of healing is becoming indifferent to your ex, and once this happens the anger will be almost gone. Just resist the urge to call her or see her, she's not worth it. And try to actually stop yourself from letting the angry thoughts spin out of control. If you have to say "STOP" out loud, do it. Whatever it takes.

Oh, and guess what? (This is the best part) The whore left my ex for his brother. On Christmas. Ha! The best part was, I barely gloated when it happened, I was so over it all by then

June 10, 2015

OP- I'm sorry you're still in pain and are so angry about this relationship failing. I've been where you are at 6 weeks. I will say, I felt much better at this juncture as I was able to eat and sleep again. Each day that passed made it easier and easier. My mindset was "you don't want me in your life", then f-you, I'll find someone that will! I kept reminding myself of this and repeating it in my head. It helped me too not break contact and to continue to vanish from her life.

Many won't agree but at 6 weeks post break up, I started casually dating again. Why? Cause I needed a distraction. I needed to feel wanted. I missed female companionship. I was tired of only thinking about the person that rejected me. Did it help? OMG, yes, yes it did. I will say that it didn't erase my thinking about the ex but it massively lowered the volume of it and kept me in NC. A few months of dating (and meeting others freshly out of RS's) and then I met my now almost 2 year GF. She was also a few months out of getting dumped by her BF. We were both emotionally healthy enough to casually date and as time passed, we became exclusive. We then fell in love and I couldn't be happier. I've been with her almost twice as long as the ex now as well.

Now, I will challenge you to think rationally here a bit. We all hate to be rejected and kicked to the curb by those that say they love us. Understand, that relationships sometimes quit working for people and they have no choice but to end it. Hopefully they do it w/some class and kindness. I've ended most of my relationships this way. People have a right to chose to not continue on in a relationship. Yes, we can be angry but if we reach the point of calling them to yell at them for hurting us, this crosses the line IMOP. My ex wife is simply an angry, nasty, combative, biiootch, 8 years after I ended our lousy toxic marriage. I have exposure to her because of our kids. She's not had a relationship since me, doesn't date, is pretty overweight now according to the kids and is simply a miserable human being. I really believe it is karma for her horrific behavior towards me. It also only reinforces my decision to end it as I put up with her BS for way too long. I simply don't understand nor see the value in holding onto so much anger and hatred for so long. My ex GF I mentioned came back to me after 5.5 months apologizing and asking me to come back to her. I accepted her apology and told her no. I hold zero animosity towards her despite what a POS she was to me the last months of our relationship.

For those that are in the 4-8 week range of NC, understand it will get easier after each day.

Recognize that if you contact the dumper for any reason, the results will be-

* They will think you're really pathetic and need to get a life and possibly some help.

* It will only make them glad you're out of their life.

* You'll stroke their ego further and think they still have you in their pocket.

* You'll lose your remaining self respect after you do it.

* They will think you might have become a stalker, especially if you freak out on them, yelling nastiness. Some could even get a restraining order.

* It will only set you back in your healing and restart the clock.

What possible good could come out of contacting the dumper-

* Nothing, zero, nada.

Most of you guys are doing many of the right things to move on w/your lives. This site can help reinforce your decision to stay NC and your need to accept it's over. However, staying on here too long or living on this site is also going to impact your ability to heal. Reading all these stories of other people going thru what you are can be comforting but can also just keep your situation in the front on your mind all day. I backed away this site after a couple of months but was grateful for what I learned too.

June 10, 2015

Another option to do is when you want to say something to your ex to first write it down somewhere. Write everything down you want to tell her in that conversation and then just leave it for a few hours. After a few hours you probably read through what you've written and you don't want to send it to her anymore because it's just pathetic what you've written. Nothing is going to come out from contacting your ex who dumped you. Writing it down helps you to not send it out of the blue as a reaction to one of your emotions but to wait, read it again after a few hours and then to trow it in the trashcan.

June 10, 2015

Aloneinaz - you've genuinely helped me more than you think in my situation, as have many others. Thank you for the support and kick up the @ss

June 10, 2015

Aloneinaz - you've genuinely helped me more than you think in my situation, as have many others. Thank you for the support and kick up the @ss

Super nice of you. I'm just sharing what I've learned from other's from this site and what worked for me when I went thru this hell 2 years ago.

June 11, 2015

I wanted to let you know that it WILL get easier. My ex-husband of seven years, with three daughters together, left me about three years ago for another woman. Who he had been cheating on me with, of course. He used to bring her around when he'd pick up the girls, and when he grabbed his things...I still can't believe how sh*tty he was at times, and I still get a little pissed. But it is nothing like the boiling, black, hateful, scary anger I used to feel. There were times that the only thing keeping me from pounding the two of them were the thoughts of losing my girls and my nursing license. But ooooh boy, I yelled. I came up with some interesting swearing combinations, I must say. And in the end, it didn't do sh*t. I was embarrassed that a piece of sh*t and a nasty whore could cause me to lose my cool like that. I didn't like that crazy person I was when they were around. And when my therapist pointed out that my ex was likely doing things on purpose to rile me up, so he could feel better about his decision to leave the "crazy ex", I stopped.

I stopped flipping out on him, but the anger was still all there. What I would do was still yell at him, just when I was alone. Verbalizing how I felt helped much more than just writing it down for some reason. I would almost rehearse it ahead of time, organize my thoughts, and say what I had to say. And cry or whatever I felt like doing. I just never again let either of them see me upset. After all, what is there to miss about a cheating asswipe and the whore who knnew he was married and kept effing him anyway? They deserve each other.

I hope this helps. At least know that it will get better, part of healing is becoming indifferent to your ex, and once this happens the anger will be almost gone. Just resist the urge to call her or see her, she's not worth it. And try to actually stop yourself from letting the angry thoughts spin out of control. If you have to say "STOP" out loud, do it. Whatever it takes.

Oh, and guess what? (This is the best part) The whore left my ex for his brother. On Christmas. Ha! The best part was, I barely gloated when it happened, I was so over it all by then

Hey Ziggy thankyou for your response! I commend you for everything you have gone through its really inspiring how strong you were through that entire process. I cant even begin to imagine how difficult things were for you but im very happy to know that you were able to find a way to deal and manage the anger.

I really hope that my episodic anger eventually subsides i hate getting so worked up and feeling that way its so unhealthy and exhausting. I'll take your advice and try to control myself next time the thoughts hit me!

June 11, 2015

OP- I'm sorry you're still in pain and are so angry about this relationship failing. I've been where you are at 6 weeks. I will say, I felt much better at this juncture as I was able to eat and sleep again. Each day that passed made it easier and easier. My mindset was "you don't want me in your life", then f-you, I'll find someone that will! I kept reminding myself of this and repeating it in my head. It helped me too not break contact and to continue to vanish from her life.

Many won't agree but at 6 weeks post break up, I started casually dating again. Why? Cause I needed a distraction. I needed to feel wanted. I missed female companionship. I was tired of only thinking about the person that rejected me. Did it help? OMG, yes, yes it did. I will say that it didn't erase my thinking about the ex but it massively lowered the volume of it and kept me in NC. A few months of dating (and meeting others freshly out of RS's) and then I met my now almost 2 year GF. She was also a few months out of getting dumped by her BF. We were both emotionally healthy enough to casually date and as time passed, we became exclusive. We then fell in love and I couldn't be happier. I've been with her almost twice as long as the ex now as well.

Now, I will challenge you to think rationally here a bit. We all hate to be rejected and kicked to the curb by those that say they love us. Understand, that relationships sometimes quit working for people and they have no choice but to end it. Hopefully they do it w/some class and kindness. I've ended most of my relationships this way. People have a right to chose to not continue on in a relationship. Yes, we can be angry but if we reach the point of calling them to yell at them for hurting us, this crosses the line IMOP. My ex wife is simply an angry, nasty, combative, biiootch, 8 years after I ended our lousy toxic marriage. I have exposure to her because of our kids. She's not had a relationship since me, doesn't date, is pretty overweight now according to the kids and is simply a miserable human being. I really believe it is karma for her horrific behavior towards me. It also only reinforces my decision to end it as I put up with her BS for way too long. I simply don't understand nor see the value in holding onto so much anger and hatred for so long. My ex GF I mentioned came back to me after 5.5 months apologizing and asking me to come back to her. I accepted her apology and told her no. I hold zero animosity towards her despite what a POS she was to me the last months of our relationship.

For those that are in the 4-8 week range of NC, understand it will get easier after each day.
Recognize that if you contact the dumper for any reason, the results will be-

* They will think you're really pathetic and need to get a life and possibly some help.
* It will only make them glad you're out of their life.
* You'll stroke their ego further and think they still have you in their pocket.
* You'll lose your remaining self respect after you do it.
* They will think you might have become a stalker, especially if you freak out on them, yelling nastiness. Some could even get a restraining order.
* It will only set you back in your healing and restart the clock.

What possible good could come out of contacting the dumper-

* Nothing, zero, nada.

Most of you guys are doing many of the right things to move on w/your lives. This site can help reinforce your decision to stay NC and your need to accept it's over. However, staying on here too long or living on this site is also going to impact your ability to heal. Reading all these stories of other people going thru what you are can be comforting but can also just keep your situation in the front on your mind all day. I backed away this site after a couple of months but was grateful for what I learned too.

Hey Aloneinaz its good to know you can relate to me! At 7weeks although im not feeling amazing im definately doing better and feeling better. I can actually eat and sleep which is a major plus! I think il start adopting that F-You mentality to help remind me to stay away and just focus on me.

When i think about the logic you stated it really does make sense. I mean what good would i get out of screaming and yelling or breaking ****. I dont wana be labelled as that psycho ex that noone respects. I definately DO NOT want to have any of those results you listed it makes sense.

Thankyou for your advice and words brother and ditto what Yummm said your support has been so helpful!

June 11, 2015

Hey Ziggy thankyou for your response! I commend you for everything you have gone through its really inspiring how strong you were through that entire process. I cant even begin to imagine how difficult things were for you but im very happy to know that you were able to find a way to deal and manage the anger.

I really hope that my episodic anger eventually subsides i hate getting so worked up and feeling that way its so unhealthy and exhausting. I'll take your advice and try to control myself next time the thoughts hit me!

You're welcome, I'm glad I could help. I learned a lot from that break-up, that's for sure. And that's why I come on here, to help others. You'll smooth out, I promise. You're partway there, with realizing it's unhealthy and unwelcome. I'll be around, cheeing you on.

June 11, 2015

Hey Philsach890, how did your final exam go today? I hope you'll be out celebrating tonight

June 12, 2015

Hey Philsach890, how did your final exam go today? I hope you'll be out celebrating tonight

Hey Yummm my final exam went well! Haha had the craziest celebrations so hungova today but sooooo glad i got to spend time with my closest frineds

June 12, 2015

You're welcome, I'm glad I could help. I learned a lot from that break-up, that's for sure. And that's why I come on here, to help others. You'll smooth out, I promise. You're partway there, with realizing it's unhealthy and unwelcome. I'll be around, cheeing you on.

Thanks so much Ziggy i appreciate your support! Reading your post made me feel alot better thankyou for your advice

June 14, 2015

So just about to enter the 8th week post BU and NC so heres where im at:

How do i feel? Well im not really sure tbh. I have changed ALOT though during the last month and only now am i starting to c it. Im still very far from being completely okay and i still hurt every single day but i can actually acknowledge that i am getting better everyday even though its a miniscule step at a time.

1st month post BU i was at the lowest depths of hell and couldnt even function as a human being. Now im starting to see value in myself and how important my well being is. The last 3 weeks my stress levels were through the roof as i was struggling with this and also studying for finals. Finished finals a few days ago and now im at home with my family where i need to be. Spent last night dinner, drinking, karaoke with some old best friends that now live in my hometown (i study in a different city). What an amazing night. I always felt alone when travelled home during study breaks as ex lived in a different city and i didnt have any close friends at home. Spending time and reconnecting with my friends last night made me realise how much i missed them and how much they care about me.

Im getting good at keeping out the bad thoughts and stopping myself from getting into unhealthy cycles of thinking. I think this is one of the most important aspects of healing. We tend to let our minds get carried away and end up causing ourselves a great deal of pain. I still do sometimes get carried away but its not as common as before so im making progress. Getting to this stage where i don't dwell on what happened and my fears etc etc iv realised i have alot more time i can spend thinking about MYSELF and WHATS IMPORTANT TO ME.

This is why NC is so important. Its not about them its about YOU. Every time you check FB, instagram etc and see something you dont like then your just gona start hurting and thinking again back to square one. Staying away from them and social media means you are helping YOU. Checking and keeping tabs doesnt change anything it just makes you feel ****. Save yourself the unneccesary hurt and put your time and headspace somewhere more productive as in YOURSELF.

For those going through hard times keep your head up and keep going you will be alright. Try not to let your thoughts get the better of you and stay busy, surround yourself with caring positive people and try to maintain a positive attitude as often as possible. You will have your bad days i still have mine but you gotta get through the worst to see the good.

June 19, 2015

Hey all thought id give an update as to how things are going.

Im at the end of the 8th week post BU + NC . Im currently on a 1month intersem uni break and am back in my hometown. This week has been especially hard as it is the first time in 3 years that im on a uni break without having contact or even knowing what my ex is upto. The last 2 months post BU i was still at uni and had my best friends and flatmates around everyday for support but this week iv had to cope on my own.

The change in environment has been quite stressful. I find that now im on my own and i know shes back in her hometown for break im actually thinking about her alot more. Its the usual stuff that hits you, memories, fears, insecurities, negativity, conversations etc etc.

I dont get deep into vicious thought cycles but a million times through the day the thoughts just hit me out of nowhere and i quickly push them aside. Also the past 3 days shes been appearing in my dreams and it hurts. When i wake up i have to tell myself its just a dream its not real your brain is just trying to cope with the loss.

If you have read my story we were together for 3 years. Its been 2 months post BU but is it normal for me to feel this way? I havent heard from her in 2 months i thought she would at least check up on me to see if im doing okay. Even though she doesnt love me i know she does care about me. My question is why would she just push me away and be so indifferent and not contact me to see how im doing? I was her first love and BF so is it because its easier for her to just stay away as she doesnt know how to handle the situation.

Any comment and opinions appreciated!

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3 years gone :( Feel like absolute **** Encouragement and guidance?

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