Loveless86 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Okay so my Gf broke up with me 2 months ago, she left me for someone else, I was heartbroken. After 5 weeks of solid NC I'm feeling better, I can almost go an hour without thinking about her. I have a new career and my life is on the up things are good. Then out of the blue she messages me ( so she must have kept my number) saying she hopes I'm okay and asks me if I want my jumper back she then puts kisses at the end of the message :/ more than one. As far as I know she's still with her new bf ( I don't check her FB) and also she could have easily left my jumper with a mutual friend ( which is what I told her to do) To me it seems like she's testing the water to see if she could get back with me but I'm not sure I've gone back to NC anyway, any thoughts on this would be appreciated
loveiswar101 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 As you quote, she's testing the water. Please don't assume she want's to or think she wants to get back with you. As they say on here..breadcrumbs ! I'm a believer on manners and being polite. Depends where you're at and what you want ! Choice would be continue NC...(most would recommend) or My choice would be something like.." have no need for jumper anymore, thanks anyway" . Gives nothing but to the point and polite. But don't get into foolish text tennis after that ! Hope helps.. 1
Ariess10 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 If it were me, since I'm still not over her at 2 months break up and 2 months nc I probably wouldn't answer it .. I just feel no good would come out of it and it would give me false hope... That's just me tho
Author Loveless86 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I left her hanging for 2 days then told her to leave it with our mutual friend. She tried to get a bit of banter going but I was blunt and to the point. I'm not gonna let her mess my head up again. Another one can have a go 1
Author Loveless86 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Also what's this breadcrums thing all about?
Yummm Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Breadcrumbs is when the ex messages back with things that are meaningless. Apart from 'I made a terrible mistake and I want to get back with you' everything else is pretty much 'breadcrumbs'.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I see, thanks. Yep I've definitely been getting breadcrumbs. I'm guessing the point is to make themselves feel better and to see if she could have me if she wanted.
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I wouldn't of replied. Leaving you for another guy ends all civility in my mind. You owe her nothing, no reply nor any other means of communication. She's only curious if she still has power of you and if you'd start telling her how much your miss her and feed her ego. Dumpers LOVE to have a feeling of a safety net. Someone that still covets them and wants them if their current fling doesn't work out. Classic dumper behavior. Nothing speaks volumes more than DEAD silence from the dumped. It simply means they don't care anymore and they are not ever worth a reply.
coryreply Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I think you're response was fine. You "addressed" her question and didn't let it go further. I would expect another meaningless text to come soon. Stay strong.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 I've gone back NC I didn't reply to her last message. I'll no doubt hear something else soon, there was no reason for her to get in touch with me in the first place.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Sort of wish she hadn't got in touch now, I can't stop thinking about her. I almost got to the point where she was distant memory, but she had to bring it back to the surface I wish I could delete her from my memory. You're right aloneinaz, dead silence is the key. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 It sounds as if you haven't actually read the No Contact Guide (otherwise you would have known what 'breadcrumbs' are...) Here, have a look. It absolutely works 100%, absolutely, but only if you implement it 100%. And by the way, SHE didn't break No Contact. YOU did. If you had not replied, Contact would not have been established. She just threw out a hook. You clinched the break in No Contact, by taking the bait. Had you NOT taken the bait, she would have been left with no fish to fry.... 1
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Yeah that sounds about right, I should have ignored her. Did realise there was a guide, I need to study it obviously :/
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Which ever way you look at it SHE was the one who broke 5 weeks of silence. I get that I shouldn't have replied, cos no goods come of it.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Yes, that's standard behaviour, again referred to in the NC Guide... They go fishing for responses to gratify their own ego; it's for their own satisfaction, to know they're still in with the chance to be considered in a good light. You'll also come across the situation where if a dumpee does NOT respond, the dumper starts calling them petty and childish, 'why can't you just be friendly?!' So they display a kind of reversed injured-party mentality, as if your ignoring them is a slight on them... They conveniently forget they dumped you and broke your heart...!
aloneinaz Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Which ever way you look at it SHE was the one who broke 5 weeks of silence. I get that I shouldn't have replied, cos no goods come of it. Several regulars on this site think I'm the NC, vanish from their life king. I'm fine with that because it works and it's what's best FOR US. Having any dialogue with an ex while you're still emotionally healing only sets you back. Dumpers know that when they contact someone they dumped, it will get the dumped thinking about them again. That's the main point of the contact besides trying to insure they still have a back up plan. No one likes to be ignored, especially when the dumpers are accustomed to having the dumped wage their tail, tell the dumpers how great they are, and beg for another chance. Imagine the shock and horror when they receive dead silence in return.. The main point of NC is to heal from someone who said they don't want you in their life anymore. I've ended a few relationships and understood they many never want to speak with me again. It comes with making the decision to move on.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Several regulars on this site think I'm the NC, vanish from their life king. I'm fine with that because it works and it's what's best FOR US. Having any dialogue with an ex while you're still emotionally healing only sets you back. Dumpers know that when they contact someone they dumped, it will get the dumped thinking about them again. That's the main point of the contact besides trying to insure they still have a back up plan. No one likes to be ignored, especially when the dumpers are accustomed to having the dumped wage their tail, tell the dumpers how great they are, and beg for another chance. Imagine the shock and horror when they receive dead silence in return.. The main point of NC is to heal from someone who said they don't want you in their life anymore. I've ended a few relationships and understood they many never want to speak with me again. It comes with making the decision to move on. I was very blunt with her, she tried to get a dialogue going, asking how i am and such. I didnt respond to it just told her to leave my things with a friend. Ive improved since 7 weeks ago when i was begging for her back, she was most likely trying to see if she still had me as her bitch like you said Maybe her emotions got delayed because of her rebound, she might be thinking she ****ed up
Simon Phoenix Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I was very blunt with her, she tried to get a dialogue going, asking how i am and such. I didnt respond to it just told her to leave my things with a friend. Ive improved since 7 weeks ago when i was begging for her back, she was most likely trying to see if she still had me as her bitch like you said Maybe her emotions got delayed because of her rebound, she might be thinking she ****ed up Doubtful. She just wanted an ego boost and you gave it to her by responding.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Doubtful. She just wanted an ego boost and you gave it to her by responding. Sorry couldnt resist, I waited 2 days before replying and was to the point, i doubt she got what she was after, i know what youre saying tho i should have given her nothing.
aloneinaz Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 she might be thinking she ****ed up Honestly, if that was the case, she would of said that and asked to get together with you to discuss it. Dumpers are not shy to TELL you what's on their mind. Reality is she got curious since you were no longer stroking her ego, wanting her back, to see if she could get a response out of you. The ole breadcrumbs thing. Providing dead silence to them let's you know they've lost their hold over you and you've moved on.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 I was doing really well, i was a mess when we broke up then i found out she left me for someone else and it nearly pushed me over the edge. Ive been feeling a lot better recently, then she goes and knocks me back. I really hope i never see or hear from her again. Im dreading seeing her in person if a couple of polite texts from her does this to me :/
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 And by the way, SHE didn't break No Contact. YOU did. If you had not replied, Contact would not have been established. No, she broke contact by establishing contact with him. She sent a message, he read it. That's "contact". Op you did fine keeping your response brief, non emotional and to the point. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Author Loveless86 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 No, she broke contact by establishing contact with him. She sent a message, he read it. That's "contact". Op you did fine keeping your response brief, non emotional and to the point. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thanks wizer I was proud of myself for not getting carried away and entering into a pointless dialogue which would have only massaged her ego and left me feeling worse.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 No, she broke contact by establishing contact with him. She sent a message, he read it. That's "contact". Not so.... If you telephone someone and they don't pick up the phone, (assuming they have no answering machine), have you established contact? No reply means nothing advances, nothing changes, nothing is disturbed. They do not even know you called. yelling in the wind is futile and pointless, if you have no response.... If you were to leave a message, and they delete it without responding or returning your call, Contact is not established... If someone picks up, and says hello, THEN you have established contact. Contact is only established when there is a response. And that 'No Contact' is broken, by someone picking up the 'phone... Op you did fine keeping your response brief, non emotional and to the point. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I wasn't telling him otherwise. I just pointed out what No Contact means.
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