iamhopeful Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 We've been together for more than 14 years (10 years married) with 3 wonderful kids, 10, 6 and 5. I never had any past relationships before I met my husband. He's my only boyfriend ever since. We had ups and downs in our first 5 years of marriage but we're able to surpass all the trials. In 2010, my husband opened his business (a nanny agency) and a few months after, found out that he had an affair with my baby's nanny. I was very furious that I hurt myself and him PHYSICALLY. A few months after that, our lives were normal. I trusted him again and never had I talked about the affair again. We’re financially-stable (I was also working) and my husband is a very responsible father and a good provider. In 2012, he opened a branch office in another place (one- hour plane ride) and a few months after, I quit my job. Since he opened his branch office, he seldom called me and just went home every 2 to 3 months saying that plane tickets are expensive, that he cannot leave his business to spend time with us because it is still on its starting phase, not practical for him to go home every month because of the money he will be spending for our dine-outs and leisure with the kids. I understood him and agreed with everything he told me because I know that he is a spendthrift kind of a person. Fast forward, Christmas 2013. He went home to spend Christmas with me and our 3 kids. He’s not the expressive type of a husband. Never did he buy gifts even for our kids. He gives me money to buy gifts for myself and for the kids. He asked me what I want as a Christmas gift from him. I told him that I want a baby girl (got 1 girl and 2 boys). He said NO and that he doesn’t want to have another baby because of a lot of reasons. So I said okay. Everything changed in 2014. He calls me every 3 days saying that he’s very busy with his business and when he calls, he talks about business – never did he talk about how was my day, if I’m okay, etc. He treated me like I’m just one of his office staffs. November 2014, I was sent to another place to open our 2nd branch office and had fun with the kids in the beach, etc. But he didn’t spend his Christmas with us. He said that the plane ticket is very expensive and that since he stayed with us for almost a month in November. Christmas for me is the most important time of the year and that I wanted to spend it with my husband and kids. There was nothing I can do so I nodded. We never had intimacy for a year and I thought it was okay because I’ve made myself used to it. January 2015 came and he came home to celebrate our 2nd kid’s birthday. We went to an island and spent quality time there. We were very happy. When we went home, he told me to book a flight for him to go back to his branch office. I incorrectly booked a flight (instead of choosing 4PM, I chose 8PM). He got very mad at me and texted me very harsh messages saying that I’m nothing, useless and doesn’t contribute anything to the family. I was hurt because he always tell me those things whenever he gets mad at me. Told him to take care of the kids because I cannot bear the pain anymore and that I wanted to go “somewhere”. He told me that he’s sorry, etc. 2 days after that, I went to another place to open our 3rd branch office. It was my first time there – no guides, no friends and no relatives. On my 2nd day, around 7am, while looking for a space to rent, I met a guy who offered me his help to look for a space because he was a part-time real estate agent. He gave me his contact number and told me to contact him around 5:30PM so that he can accompany me. So we met at the park near his office had a long walk, had dinner (I paid for it to thank him of his assistance) and he walked me to the hotel where I was staying. We talked in the lobby for hours ‘til around midnight. Told him to go home but he said that he’s staying in the park for that night because he was kicked off from the house where he was staying. I told him that I’m not going to sleep since “my new found friend” has nowhere to go so we went out, bought coffee and walked around. I felt safe while walking in the dark corners of the street because he’s with me. When we went back to the hotel, I told him that I will buy water and then I’ll go to my room because I’m very sleepy and that he needs to leave or sleep on the couch in the lobby. When I got back, he’s gone. The front desk told me that he went up (where my room was). I forgot to bring the key when I went out to buy water in a nearby convenience store. I told him to get out of the room but he insisted and told me that he is very tired to even move. I sat on the floor and had a nap. He was not sleeping. He pulled me and told me that he won’t do anything. He hugged me tight and a few minutes after, he held my face and attempted to kiss me on the lips. My heart and mind was fighting. I missed this intimacy but I didn’t expect that a stranger will be the one to fulfill my desires. We kissed long and deep. I enjoyed it. We had sex after 12 hours of our first meeting. When I felt him inside me, I told myself: I sinned against my husband but it’s okay since this is just a one-night stand. Morning came and he left ahead because he has to attend work. He kissed me again saying that he is very happy and satisfied with what we did. My heart skipped a beat. It was my first time in years that someone told me that he’s happy of what I did. I know that this is way too much for any sane people to handle but that’s what happened. We had sex in Valentines Day and had sex in the office that we rented multiple times. He told me he loves me because of the care I showed him (I cooked for him, went to his boarding house to take care of him when he’s sick, buys him some things he needed, etc.). He said that it’s first time that someone cared for him that much. I was very happy with him because he appreciated my effort. He sent me text messages me every day asking me if I’ve had breakfast, or if I brought an umbrella with me, or to rest for a while, etc – the things that my husband never did to me for the longest time. After more than 2 months, I went back to our house and we promised each other not to “give-up on our relationship”. To make my very long story short, my husband found out about my affair. I chose my family (of course!) over him. My husband was asking me the details about how many times we had *ex, what positions, how satisfied I was, if I did oral/anal, etc. I kept on telling him lies but my husband didn’t stop until I told him everything. He’s very furious of the fact that I did oral/anal with that guy. He called me slut, prostitute, dirtiest of all the dirtiest because I had *ex only after 12 hours of meeting that person. He asked me why I did those things that I didn’t do with him even during the peak of our intimacy. I told him that that time I was blinded of my emotions and desire for that guy to be happy. No matter how I remorseful I am and told him I love him very much, he doesn't believe me anymore. He said that he wants me to kill that guy and that he will kill me after that. Told him that I won't because I don't want to end everything with another mortal sin. He got very furious. He wants a divorce and he said that I need to do everything he asks me so that he can forgive me. Told him that it will never happen because I have more than enough reason to live - my 3 wonderful kids. Also told him that I will find a job and I won't stay in our house with the kids because the kids are attending school now and I don't want them to be affected with our problems. But he said that he will file an Abandonment Case if I do that. He wants me to move out with the kids! He has no mercy even to our kids. I'm always praying for the better. I know God is helping me get through this. He told me that he doesn't believe in God anymore and that when I die, he and the kids will too. He warned me not to let him see me because he definitely will kill me. I don't have work right now. I don't want divorce but now, my concern is all about my kids. I don't know what to do. I know he's coming home on the 27th for our 3rd kid's birthday. Should I tell the police about this? Please help me.
Author iamhopeful Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 My husband actually impregnated one of his office staff and now has a month-old son. They are living together and my husband is telling me that he can let go of his mistress and son anytime and that I need not to get mad or feel pain of his infidelity!!! Is this even fair? I'm always praying that God will give me patience and perseverance to withstand this problem. I feel like my husband is my heaviest cross I'm carrying. I'm still hopeful that everything's going to be okay.
minimariah Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 be careful. do you have any strong support system - family, friends...? do you have any proof of his threats, messages, calls, voicemails, mails...? record everything in future, every single time he makes threats against you. and absolutely notify the authorities, police and child services. this man is threatening to kill you and your kid -- take him seriously and do everything in your power to protect both yourself & your kid. do you have a safe place to go, a safe house? somewhere your H won't look for you? how are you doing with the finances, do you have a steady source of income? 1
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Reading your whole story of how little time he spent with you, I knew immediately he had another life (family) set up somewhere. File a restraining order and divorce papers immediately. You don't need him... 7
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 What country do you live in? It's hard to give you advice without knowing what cultural issues may be in play... What Nationals are you?
anika99 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 First of all if your husband is making serious threats to physically harm you, then yes, you should call the police. Your safety is paramount. As for the rest I see a lot of problems with your perceptions. First of all you rug swept your husbands affair. You physically hurt him and yourself but then after that you acted like everything was normal and didn't even mention his affair. So you and your husband didn't deal with it, you both acted like it never happened and that's why your marriage remained in poor shape. Now you want your husband to rug sweep your affair like you did his, but he's not going along with that plan. He's not going to let you off the hook the way you let him off, and he shouldn't. Your title says your husband is holding a grudge but he's not holding a grudge, he's just been hit with the shock of infidelity and is still reeling. You can't expect him to just wake up and go on like there is nothing wrong. Sure you did that when he cheated on you but it's usually not a good idea to stuff your feelings and just carry on like everything's okay when in actuality your world has just blown up. He is behaving like a normal person behaves when they discover their spouse cheating on them. It takes many months, even a few years, to recover from infidelity. So this isn't him holding a grudge, it's him dealing with a trauma. I don't think you are remorseful for your affair and I don't think your husband believes you're remorseful either. You are faking remorse and your husband knows it and that's adding to his anger and his unreasonable demands. If you were truly remorseful you wouldn't have lied to him over and over again when he was begging you for the truth. Remorseful people don't lie to the person they are hurting. If you were remorseful you wouldn't be blaming him for your decision to have an affair. Yes you can blame him for contributing to the problems in your marriage but you can't blame him for your choice to cheat and if you were truly remorseful you would realize that. Your husband can threaten anything he wants regarding the kids but that doesn't mean anything. If he is set on kicking you out and divorcing you then you need to get a lawyer. A judge will decide on how assets will be divided, who gets custody and how much child support will be paid. Your husband doesn't get to make these decisions, the courts do. I don't think you love your husband and I don't think you really want to be with him anymore so the best thing to do now is to divorce.
anika99 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Sorry, just read your additional info regarding your husband's ongoing infidelity and his other child. Definitely get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. You need to protect yourself and your children. Your husband sounds like a real piece of work. I still don't think cheating on him was the right way to handle things but I think you will be happier once you get rid of him.
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 He obviously feels he's entiltled to have an affair doesn't he? Cheaters never like it done to them. Not only did he cheat once, but now he has a son with another woman, when he didn't want another child with his wife. You deserve a better husband . Time to consult a very good attorney and file for Divorce. Make sure you get everything you are entitled to financially as his wife. Consider legal seperation in the meanwhile and file for child support for your 3 children. An attorney will explain why this is important . He's making threats that you should take very seriously. See about getting a restraining order against him. Not so nice for him, when the boot is on the other foot Don't be a doormat and don't tolerate his self righteousness. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! From now on protect yourself and your children. 1
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah, this is too toxic. You need to get out. Get a divorce and start fresh. This isn't a marriage. He's got another kid with a different women and you've have/had an ongoing affair.....this isn't a marriage at all. I feel sorry for your kids at the moment. Get restraining order and get a divorce. This is nuts.
Noirek Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Go to the cops. Do not listen to the person who only focused on the adultrey and ignored all the psychotic threats. You need to get you and your kids somewhere safe. Men and women have murdered their entire family before. It is not something to take lightly. All the other why and how and self analizing can wait until you are all safe. 1
Clay Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I have to agree with some of the others. I was betrayed by my xW and I don't deny I did have some thoughts but I never acted on anything. You need to get your kids and get out of there. Your safety is your first concern not your second. Once your out then work on the other issues. If he continues to make threats just get a order of protection against him. Clay
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Go to the cops. Do not listen to the person who only focused on the adultrey and ignored all the psychotic threats. You need to get you and your kids somewhere safe. Men and women have murdered their entire family before. It is not something to take lightly. All the other why and how and self analizing can wait until you are all safe. Yeah....that's why I also said to get a restraining order.... 1
loveboid Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I don't think he wants you anymore. I would leave immediately.
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah....that's why I also said to get a restraining order.... So did I. What is obvious to many of us may not be so to the OP. She is in danger and needs protection. Immediately. 2
harrybrown Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Good luck. Have you called the police and have you talked to an attorney? You also should try to get your lover out of your life for now. This could make matters worse and explosive. Neither one sounds like a keeper. Your children need you and do not need the OM or your H to cause them harm. 1
violet1 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 My husband actually impregnated one of his office staff and now has a month-old son. They are living together and my husband is telling me that he can let go of his mistress and son anytime and that I need not to get mad or feel pain of his infidelity!!! Is this even fair? I'm always praying that God will give me patience and perseverance to withstand this problem. I feel like my husband is my heaviest cross I'm carrying. I'm still hopeful that everything's going to be okay. Wow! Lady wake up! Why on earth would you want to stay in this marriage? He has another family and has threatened to kill you. Do you have any messages of his threats? Make sure you record every phone call from him. Yes, go to the police. Do not take his threats lightly. Yes, your affair was wrong, but he continues to cheat on you and deny you intimacy. Get out of this marriage ASAP. Contact your family and friends. Make an appointment with an attorney as well. An entitled serial cheaters who's offended when his wife cheats. Wow! I think I've heard it all now. 3
Author iamhopeful Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 I'm from Asia. We're both Catholics. This may sound unreal but I love my husband so much. I already ended my affair the day my husband found out about it. He knows that I don't have contact with that guy. Yes, my husband begged me for the "details" about my affair. I kept on lying because I don't want him to leave the marriage. I know he's mad right now, very mad. But through prayers, I can feel that his anger and pain are slowly fading. He tells me these threats now then a day after, he asks her sister my whereabouts and asks if I went out alone. QI blocked him in my email and phone because I don't want him to contact me yet. Should I go to a psychologist for an advice? He tells me that he missed me and our kids so much but a few seconds or minutes after, flashbacks of my affair flood his mind. Is it a good idea for me not to have communication with him yet? He's coming home this June 27 for our 3rd kid's 5th birthday. Should I talk to him?
Babs22 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 You being from Asia explains A LOT! I am married to an Asian, I am American. In Asia, it is very common for men to have affairs and even entire other families and the woman are just expected to be OK with that. There is obviously a double standard, it was ok for him to have an affair and a child, but it is not ok for a wife to have an affair. That place is so backwards and obviously the OP has been programed the Asian way. Sorry if that is not politically correct, but I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard from my H about this, so I don't think I am generalizing. It happened to my H's mom and to his sister. His nephew has 3 half sisters from two different affairs his dad had. One sister is nearly his age. Nephew's mom divorced his dad (who was abusive) and has accepted all the half sisters. My husbands mom's relationship with his dad was also abusive . She divorced and his dad married the affair woman. H has 4 half siblings from that marriage. It blows my mind that the women are okay with all of this. OP, your relationship with your H sounds abusive and he is as guilty as you are about having an affair. Why is it okay for him to have an affair and not for you to have an affair. Personally, I would divorce him. But I realize you were brought up differently. 1
AGoodFriend Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Well, it's not hard to see why you stepped out of the marriage for someone who showed interest in you. Maybe you slept with the guy a little to quickly, but I can see where your feelings were at the time. Your husband was very neglectful, and to top it off, he had had affair long before. I'm sure he had had plenty of them in the other places. Two rights don't make a wrong, this we know, but people do need to be loved and be appreciated. Your husband is lucky that you didn't hold a grudge against him for what he did a while ago. He should try to treat you them same. Except he won't be able to. He is abusive and controlling. He wants to keep you down so he can feel better about himself. If he had never been neglectful or had an affair, then yes, he would be in the right. But that is not the case. So you need to take yours and kids's safety into account. You may even have to get a restraining order. In the end, there is nothing to save in your marriage. The trust between you two died a long time ago. And your husband may have never had true feelings for you to begin with. Do what's best for your kids and yourself at this point. P.S. Don't put too much stock into what the lover says; only judge his actions. He may have been enjoying the action, but there is a chance he will recoil and run away if you actually become available and expect some type of relationship from him in the future.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I kept on lying because I don't want him to leave the marriage. He already left your marriage a long, long time ago. Time to lawyer up. Stop begging this abusive jerk to stay with you when he's so clearly moved on. 2
sandylee1 Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I'm from Asia. We're both Catholics. This may sound unreal but I love my husband so much. I already ended my affair the day my husband found out about it. He knows that I don't have contact with that guy. Yes, my husband begged me for the "details" about my affair. I kept on lying because I don't want him to leave the marriage. I know he's mad right now, very mad. But through prayers, I can feel that his anger and pain are slowly fading. He tells me these threats now then a day after, he asks her sister my whereabouts and asks if I went out alone. QI blocked him in my email and phone because I don't want him to contact me yet. Should I go to a psychologist for an advice? He tells me that he missed me and our kids so much but a few seconds or minutes after, flashbacks of my affair flood his mind. Is it a good idea for me not to have communication with him yet? He's coming home this June 27 for our 3rd kid's 5th birthday. Should I talk to him? So you love him.....but does he love you? Because his actions don't show that he does? Is this a relationship of equals? Don't let him oppress and make you a second class citizen in this modern society. Otherwise what is the benefit of you being here. Women being treated badly in Asia, would wish they had the ability to leave the marriage. Don't accept this double standard regardless of culture. The fact that you don't live in Asia enables you to have equal rights and stand up for yourself. Affairs are more acceptable with men in my culture too , but women are getting wise and refuse to tolerate it. My friend's H had two affairs, resulting in 2 kids. He was seeing 2 OW at the same time. When she filed for D, he was angry. Tried to say she was breaking up the family. He's trying to bully her to leave the marriage of 20 years with nothing. He's not apologetic for these affairs at all, because he feels entitled. It's not okay and if you continue to be intimidated by him he'll continue cheating on you throughout your marriage. You should seek out real life support groups specific to your situation as well. It doesn't matter if your Asian, don't accept it. If you allow his abuse to continue what are you teaching your children? I want my children to value their cultural background but not at the expense of being mistreated. Take his threats seriously. What he feels now is more a case of 'how dare you sleep with another man' , but he can screw around all he likes. His ego is the issue. For your safety , report this incident. Keep a journal or confide in someone about every time he threatens you. Don't ever think, he won't go through with these threats. People don't believe until it's too late. If you don't want to file for D because I see this man will feel super angry about you getting half the assets then seperate legally for now. 2
Author iamhopeful Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Thank you for sharing your thoughts but I'm afraid that getting a restraining order may aggravate things. Should I wait for my H to come home before doing anything? I blocked him in my email and my phone so that I won't get hurt of his decisions. I want to go to a marriage counselor instead of an attorney. He's very mad about the "details" of my affair. I researched A LOT about how a husband recovers after his wife's affair and these made me understand why he is reacting this way. 2 days ago, we talked on the phone. He asked me if I want to meet him. I asked him if it's okay with him and he said after a pause "Not yet". Then he talked about him going home this 27th. He said that he wants to talk to his and my parents about our situation. He wants me to tell them about the "details" of the affair and see if his parents would still want us to stay together. He always tell me that he cannot accept the fact that I cheated on him because I'm a naive-type of a woman and that I'm a stay-at-home mom and that he's a good father and provider (true). I already did everything I can to prove to him that I'm not seeing that guy anymore: 1. Already sent a No Contact Message to that other guy. My H saw the text messages I sent and the OG's responses. I changed phone numbers. He even got my phone with the new number with him. 2. I PERMANENTLY deleted my Facebook account. He asked me what's my new Facebook account. Told him that I didn't create a new one (God knows I'm telling him the truth!) and he said that if I will tell him that I've got none, that means it's the finality of our marriage. He didn't reply when I asked him if he wants me to create a new FB account. It wasn't a challenge but I was asking if me creating an account will change his mind. 3. I disclosed the email address I created where I can contact that OG and my H was the one who deactivated it. 4. I have 2 other email addresses for my 2 phones so that I can download apps and games. He logged in to the accounts and found nothing because I didn't use it for email communication. 6. Every time I go out, I always tell my kids' nanny where I'm going and what time I'll be coming home. The nanny then calls me and tells me that my H called asking where I am and what time I left. 7. I tested for a Hepatitis B and HIV because my H asked me to. Thank God both test results were NEGATIVE. He then told me to have my self vaccinated. My mind and heart are fighting whether to see a marriage counselor or a lawyer. I want my kids to grow up with a complete family. My H always tell me that I'm the one to be blamed. My mom and sister are very furious about my H's affair but because I've sinned against my H, I only feel pain. I don't feel even an ounce of hatred. I sometimes think that I may have killed my H and his OW if I found out about their affair if I didn't stray. Any marriage counselor here who can advice me what to do? Should I hold on to this marriage and hope for the better or just give up? Will it pacify my H's anger if I won't communicate with him until he comes home this 27th? Or should I text or call him everyday instead? He tells me that every time he thinks about me, flashbacks flood his mind. Is there a way to control his mind not to have flashbacks?
Babs22 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Thank you for sharing your thoughts but I'm afraid that getting a restraining order may aggravate things. Should I wait for my H to come home before doing anything? I blocked him in my email and my phone so that I won't get hurt of his decisions. I want to go to a marriage counselor instead of an attorney. He's very mad about the "details" of my affair. I researched A LOT about how a husband recovers after his wife's affair and these made me understand why he is reacting this way. 2 days ago, we talked on the phone. He asked me if I want to meet him. I asked him if it's okay with him and he said after a pause "Not yet". Then he talked about him going home this 27th. He said that he wants to talk to his and my parents about our situation. He wants me to tell them about the "details" of the affair and see if his parents would still want us to stay together. He always tell me that he cannot accept the fact that I cheated on him because I'm a naive-type of a woman and that I'm a stay-at-home mom and that he's a good father and provider (true). I already did everything I can to prove to him that I'm not seeing that guy anymore: 1. Already sent a No Contact Message to that other guy. My H saw the text messages I sent and the OG's responses. I changed phone numbers. He even got my phone with the new number with him. 2. I PERMANENTLY deleted my Facebook account. He asked me what's my new Facebook account. Told him that I didn't create a new one (God knows I'm telling him the truth!) and he said that if I will tell him that I've got none, that means it's the finality of our marriage. He didn't reply when I asked him if he wants me to create a new FB account. It wasn't a challenge but I was asking if me creating an account will change his mind. 3. I disclosed the email address I created where I can contact that OG and my H was the one who deactivated it. 4. I have 2 other email addresses for my 2 phones so that I can download apps and games. He logged in to the accounts and found nothing because I didn't use it for email communication. 6. Every time I go out, I always tell my kids' nanny where I'm going and what time I'll be coming home. The nanny then calls me and tells me that my H called asking where I am and what time I left. 7. I tested for a Hepatitis B and HIV because my H asked me to. Thank God both test results were NEGATIVE. He then told me to have my self vaccinated. My mind and heart are fighting whether to see a marriage counselor or a lawyer. I want my kids to grow up with a complete family. My H always tell me that I'm the one to be blamed. My mom and sister are very furious about my H's affair but because I've sinned against my H, I only feel pain. I don't feel even an ounce of hatred. I sometimes think that I may have killed my H and his OW if I found out about their affair if I didn't stray. Any marriage counselor here who can advice me what to do? Should I hold on to this marriage and hope for the better or just give up? Will it pacify my H's anger if I won't communicate with him until he comes home this 27th? Or should I text or call him everyday instead? He tells me that every time he thinks about me, flashbacks flood his mind. Is there a way to control his mind not to have flashbacks? Are you in America or in Asia? For the life of me, I do not understand why you want to continue in a marriage where your husband had at least one OW and a child from his affair. When you first told your story and how much he stayed away from home, my first thought was, he has someone else. Why is he allowed to be furious at your affair, which was very short, and you are not allowed to be furious. I would tell your family about your affair and his affair and his other child from his affair. I would also tell them about his verbal threats. I would not go in and tell your family a half truth, by only talking about your affair. I believe his affair was far worse as he ended up with a child from it. Has he been tested for diseases? He has been sleeping around too. I would bet money on the fact that he has had more than one affair partner. I understand in Asia there is a double standard and that men expect their woman to be docile and under their husbands control. This is unacceptable. Why would you put up with this? Your children are not seeing a real family. Ever since he started spending most of his time away from you they have not seen a real family. How could you be breaking up the family unit when he has started another entire family someplace else? This whole story makes me want to scream!! Your husband is being a jerk. Your husband does not love you, or he would not treat you this way. Your husband feels that you are his property and he is angry that someone else has touched his property. He is not angry because he loves you. Nothing you tell me about him says he loves you. Everything you say tells me that he does not respect you. He should not be verbally threatening you. You really should report that. You need to speak to a lawyer asap, not a marriage counselor. Please do something besides making excuses for his behavior and his affair and claiming you are the only one who did something wrong. You need to get angry about the entire situation especially his affair.
Author iamhopeful Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I'm from the Philippines. Both our families know about my short-lived affair and his affair. His mom told me not to give up on our marriage because of our kids. They tell me to pray so that my husband's anger will subside and eventually can forgive me. My mom is telling me to confront him and the OW but I don't want to aggravate things. Should I go to him or should I just wait for him to come home this 27th? I understand why my husband is very mad at me - because I lied to him a lot of times about the "details" of my affair. He cannot accept the fact that I had slept with the OG multiple times in more than 2 months and did the "things" that I didn't do to him. The books and blogs online were saying that guys are emotional and jealous and telling them all the "details" will help them eventually stop thinking about my affair. So I spilled the beans but it made him more angry. I am a plain housewife and I was planning to apply for a job but I can't because my kids want me to take care of them. They don't have any idea about what's going on except for my eldest (10 years old). She knows that I did something that upset her dad and her dad doesn't want to forgive me. She even talked to her dad and asked him to forgive me but his dad texted me saying not to use the kids for reconciliation. I think all your comments are true - that he doesn't love me. But is it too early for me to give up and leave our marriage?
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