Should I stay with the guy I've known for 10 + years??

[LadyT345]

I've been involved with a guy for 3 years but we've known each other for over 10 years. He lives in a different country than I do and he says he doesn't believe in titles. When I confronted him about it I said we arent in a relationship and he said he wouldn't say that cause a relationship to him is more about how a person treats each other, there's just no title. We began to get closer, he started to open up more to me. I want to be with him and I know he has my back for everything. I am no longer at the honeymoon stage where I always feel butterflies when I see him ( I do when I hear his voice which is a rare thing) but I know I still care for him I trust him.

 

Then there's this other guy I met last year when I ended stuff with the first guy. I love being around this other guy and I love talking to him. I get really happy when we talk. But his priorities isn't straight, he says he loves me and wants to be with me but we would barely it see each other. ( I get he needs his own space he's a working man.) I can't take him for his word which means a lot to me, the littlest things he doesn't keep his word with. For example he'd say he's coming for me then never show up ( happened once) the other times he'd come hours later. He doesn't make me feel secure, we stopped talking for 6 months he came back stopped talking again for a month and a half and now he's back. Then at times when we're playing he can be a bit rough and doesn't stop when I say so at the first time (this makes me feel very uncomfortable and I can't put all the blame on him I can get a bit rough and aggressive while we're playing.) I don't want to keep opening old wounds when he leaves I put him out of my mind then he returns and the pain and sadness reappears. I will be going off to school in the next few months and I dont want to go through anymore long distance relationships even though he'd be an hour and a half plane ride away (no one has money for that) and I just don't want to cheat on anyone.

 

Recently I've been hearing a lot that young people in their 20s (I'm turning 21) should be enjoying themselves and that its ok to multi-date. But when i think of someone doing that to me I don't like it. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do? I don't want to multi-date I don't feel like that's right. I've been cheated on before and I don't want to do that to anyone. Please can someone help me????

[StalwartMind]

Stop multi dating, commit to one person, give yourself 100%, don't give up when you face difficulties, learn and develop yourself, find out what you want from life as well as a partner, be reliable, find someone with similar qualities, be honest to yourself and others, stop comparing, start creating, don't limit your own abilities, take risks, believe, don't cheat even if opportunity arise that you feel tempted by, be a better person and focus on enjoying life through your passion.

[TaraMaiden2]

.... aaaand breathe......

[StalwartMind]

Naturally breathing as well! I imagine it would end up being rather stressful attempting otherwise.

[Torii]

Stop multi dating, commit to one person, give yourself 100%, don't give up when you face difficulties, learn and develop yourself, find out what you want from life as well as a partner, be reliable, find someone with similar qualities, be honest to yourself and others, stop comparing, start creating, don't limit your own abilities, take risks, believe, don't cheat even if opportunity arise that you feel tempted by, be a better person and focus on enjoying life through your passion.

 

 

I don't agree.

 

 

I think it's wonderful that OP is challenging her own beliefs and feelings in this situation. She wants to experience life to the fullest, whether that's dating other people or being on her own for a while and I guarantee she will learn a lot more about herself than simply staying in a relationship, with one person, that may or may not be compatible with her, for all her young years. A lot of people regret staying in one relationship for many years because they don't achieve or experience what they want to experience in their life; they put the need of their partner before their own and this can be disastrous.

 

I think OP should do what's best for her. I think she should take some intimacy time for herself; develop and experience her life a bit more before deciding what she really wants to do. You got many more years ahead of you, sweetheart. Don't settle for the first man that comes along.

 

 

Get to know yourself more and decide after that.

[Popsicle]

I encourage you to date someone who lives near you. A lot of these problems will be solved.