nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Hey guys! Okay, i'll try to keep this short as possible without missing any details. There's a new girl who started at my job about 2 months go. We seem to have moderately similar personalities. She seems to listen to what i'm saying(She'll chime in from 20ft away with a comment) always even if i'm not talking to her and she doesn't appear to be listening. I heard her say a word that only I say(Donezo). She just randomly threw it out there one time and I noticed. When I first arrive at work and i'm walking to the punch clock I notice in my peripheral she stares at me for a few moments. She does it every time I arrive at work. Sometimes she seems like she's kind of avoiding me. So i'll avoid her. When i'm avoiding her is when she initiates talking to me(She'll say the most random thing just to say something). She almost always laughs/giggles at my stupid jokes. She kind of teases me like calling me messy, and once told me I act like i'm 5(Which kind of pissed me off because there's no way in hell I act that immature...) She's more talkative to almost everyone else who works there. Like say hi to other people first when they come in, but never initiates a greeting to me. I'm a shift manager so i'm a rung above her. Yet no matter how busy I am in the middle of what i'm doing, she'll ask/tell me to do things for her(like grabbing stuff out of the freezer or any other random thing that comes up) She acknowledges that she's bossy, but the other day I sorta noticably got a bit pissed about her trying to tell me what to do. Then she said "You don't have to, if you don't want to". Is that her testing me or something?? She does also seem to try to be helpful to me if im stressed or in a pickle. Oh another random thing she said to me when she first started there is that her goal this summer is to get drunk because she hasn't been before. I initially thought she just said it was so that i'd ask her to drink with me, but I never did. She's also told me outside of work all she does is stay home and watch movies all day. I mentioned that i'm pretty much the same way. We both hate people in general as it seems. She'll agree with a lot of the opinions I have on life. I was able to hold like a minute of eye contact with her while talking and that actually didn't seem awkward. Everytime I try to drop a hint that I like her or throw a tiny flirt out there, she doesn't acknowledge the flirting at all(if she even heard it). She doesn't seem to mind standing very close to me and her shoulder orientation is very often facing me, and the one night we actually got done working at the same time I was trying to leave quickly but she made sure to be walking out right behind me/with me. Sorry if I jumped around a bit and it's hard to read, but i'm typing things as I remember them. All in all she's a bit bossy, sometimes warm sometimes cold. Gives good and bad signals. I do have a bit of a crush on this girl she just seems like my perfect type. I'm pretty certain I haven't done anything to weird her out, I never stare at her or anything a creepo would do. Just don't know what to make of this weird girl who gives every good and bad sign in the book! I think she might have confidence issues and afraid to show anything. Or i'm overthinking at this point. Has anyone else encountered a girl like this? She on my mind quite a bit but i'm thinking about just avoiding her as much as possible and focusing on only working. Any advice is GREATLY appreciated and feel free to ask further questions if needed. Thanks!
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Unless you're flipping the burgers and she's salting the fries, don't ask her out.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 There's no policy against dating someone where I work. and it's not a fast food restaurant...lol What if this is the one for me!? I'm asking for advice with the information i've given. Not if I should date someone I work with in general.
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 There's no policy against dating someone where I work. and it's not a fast food restaurant...lol What if this is the one for me!? I'm asking for advice with the information i've given. Not if I should date someone I work with in general. I respectfully disagree: (emphasis added) Any advice is GREATLY appreciated So, back to your original post. You said this: I think she might have confidence issues and afraid to show anything. Or i'm overthinking at this point. The way I read it, it is you who has confidence issues. It's almost as if you don't want to ask a girl out unless you know she's likely to say yes. You want to go out with her? Ask her out. She'll say yes, or no, and you'll have your answer. It is pretty much that simple.
Charles in Charge Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 TLDR Signals shmigmals. For Christ sake just ask someone what they're thinking and quit trying to analyse their every insignificant action. Allow me to save you some time. If you're not sure if she/he is into you then they probably aren't.
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 She doesn't usually say hi to you, she talks to other co-workers more than you, she doesn't respond to your flirtations, you are a supervisor and she's a subordinate. Doesn't really seem like she's more than lukewarm - which, in my opinion, you shouldn't bother with at work. You really shouldn't date people at work, period, because it gets messy. This, definitely no.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Well the last time I wasn't sure if somebody was into me. They were. Why even have forums for advice when people answer with "just ask". Most people don't find it that simple. and Mighty the reason I mentioned confidence issues is because i'm not the only one there who has mentioned that she might have them. All i'm getting here is no insight on anything i've mentioned besides being suggested I work in fast food, don't date people I work with, and just ask. and the guy right above me made his account probably 5 minutes ago so I know who NOT to listen to. Anyone have anything to add minus attitude?
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) mini you responded while I was typing my last message so don't take that as I was talking to you. I'd say in person its more than lukewarm. A lot of sites suggest if they act the way she's acting, she might have a crush. So I wanted to post on a site of "experts" my exact situation to see if there's any insight. Edited June 5, 2015 by nastc1
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Well the last time I wasn't sure if somebody was into me. They were. Why even have forums for advice when people answer with "just ask". Most people don't find it that simple. and Mighty the reason I mentioned confidence issues is because i'm not the only one there who has mentioned that she might have them. All i'm getting here is no insight on anything i've mentioned besides being suggested I work in fast food, don't date people I work with, and just ask. and the guy right above me made his account probably 5 minutes ago so I know who NOT to listen to. Anyone have anything to add minus attitude? Just because a member's 'new' doesn't mean they're 'new'. I have over 10 years' membership here.... The "Don't date anyone at work" advice is sound, good and reasonable, because while everything is rosy, going to work is pleasurable. Sadly, unless you're dating a complete equal, if anything goes badly wrong with the relationship, one of the two is in a very uncomfortable position, and usually has to consider the option of leaving. Even equal-level peer dating has its problems. Working together, having just broken up is both awkward and limiting. Also, dating at work means distractions.... The No Contact Guide was originally penned by someone who worked closely with his GF and was dumped by her during a particularly testing and trying time. Really, if she is a subordinate, then you should steer clear and keep the relationship on a purely professional level.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Tara I promise working with her is no issue. I've dated 2 people i've worked with before and successfully kept it completely professional and almost no one even knew we were dating. I also know the importance of the instance of a breakup to not let it affect things at the workplace, and it never has before. So again its REALLY no issue.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You can't rely on previous experience for future situations. her emotions and feelings are not being considered here. From your PoV, everything would be hunky-dory. From hers? You have no idea. I'd give it a while longer, but basing my own opinion on what you have said, it doesn't actually look as if she has any real interest in getting to know you or taking it up a notch. A woman has all kinds of permutations running through her mind when faced with the possibility of connecting with a superior. Office gossip can be a killer. Reputations are precious within a professional environment.
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Tara I promise working with her is no issue. I've dated 2 people i've worked with before and successfully kept it completely professional and almost no one even knew we were dating. I also know the importance of the instance of a breakup to not let it affect things at the workplace, and it never has before. So again its REALLY no issue. It isn't an issue for you, but you're pushing it to keep dating people from work. Not everyone is as understanding with that rule. In fact, most people are not. But, if you want to keep playing with fire, I'd still say that, from what you presented, it seems lukewarm at best. We can also add that she's called you messy and childish - those are not endearing. You're looking at the "possible" because you want her to like you. Objectively, in my opinion, it doesn't seem like she likes you in that way.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Thank you for thinking before posting. I'll give it time and see what happens. But if we would end up dating I would have no intentions of ever breaking up with her. and I definitely wouldn't make it awkward if she broke up with me. She's in college and not intending on making a full career out of the place i'm sure. Thanks.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Mini when she said those things it was a very playful tone of voice not just someone trying to insult me. I wish I could upload the interactions from my brain so you could see what I mean. But hey its not 2284 yet
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Thank you for thinking before posting. I'll give it time and see what happens. But if we would end up dating I would have no intentions of ever breaking up with her. and I definitely wouldn't make it awkward if she broke up with me. She's in college and not intending on making a full career out of the place i'm sure. Thanks. I don't really see how anyone can say that with full conviction. IF you were to date her, there may be aspects of your relationship you'd eventually find intolerable, unreasonable, unworkable and even unforgivable. And if she's still in college, her mind is elsewhere. She's already juggling a job with her education... it would be more respectful to not push an advantage on her.
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I was just saying I think I like her that much. Would hate to let it pass by, haven't had an actual crush on someone since elementary school..
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I was just saying I think I like her that much. Would hate to let it pass by, haven't had an actual crush on someone since elementary school.. Your initial perceptions of her are extremely positive, but while her actions seem to denote a push-pull flirtatious attitude, you would be the better person if you took a step back and behaved in a more detached and aloof manner. It might be difficult for you to get feedback as to her feelings and intentions, but it might pay to put feelers out among her direct colleagues, to see whether she has laid any hints or mentioned any preferences.....
Author nastc1 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 That seems like a pretty good idea. I forgot to add that another guy I work with, randomly said the other day that he thinks we would "Really click". I'll just be more passive like you said. Maybe i'll get some info from another worker. I get along with everyone there, so they're all on my side with this one.
Hopeful30 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I think you like her more than she likes you. Seems like you're over thinking. Just ask her out. Then you'll have your answer.
Author nastc1 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Okay, after some evaluation. I'm pretty certain this girl likes me. How do I ask her out without making it awkward? She's starting to flirt with me and tease me more when I ignore her. Every girl i've dated made the first move on me. I'm maybe slightly above average looking with a weird personality. But yeah i've had like 15 girlfriends without making the first move. This time i've gotta. I will marry this weird girl who's exactly like me. Edited June 11, 2015 by nastc1
joseb Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 But if we would end up dating I would have no intentions of ever breaking up with her. and I definitely wouldn't make it awkward if she broke up with me. Of course you think that, noone starting a relationship is thinking about breaking it up immediately. But most relationships break up, and most of those breakups are messy. So your confidence isn't really well founded. I just think that unless you have almost no options, dating people at work should be a no-no.
Author nastc1 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 That's how I meet most of the ladies in my life my man. Through my ****ty ass job. But maybe not that ****ty because I have loads of opportunities to date insanely hot girls. Life is short and I think i'd take my route any day =D
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