Is avoiding eye contact a deal breaker?

[Charles in Charge]

Oh dont get me wrong, I bang a lot of broads, I'm just bored with casual sex and would like to settle down with a nice girl.

[rester]

You don't have to look anyone in the eye, but it will make forming relationships with other people much easier if you do. If your goal is to form lasting relationships, looking people in the eye is a good way to get one step closer.

[regine_phalange]

Didn't you ever feel the need or the curiosity to look into a woman's eyes? There are many things you can see there that go unsaid... I can understand avoiding eye contact with strangers. But with someone you're dating? It's a sign of disinterest or emotional unavailability. Even with someone you're friends with, looking them in the eyes now and then when they're talking is a polite thing to do, it shows you're paying attention.

[GorillaTheater]

My wife's eyes are one of her nicest features. Can't imagine making an effort to avoid them.

[smackie9]

Op you are going to have to drop the "I think it's rude" or "I think it's too invasive" and listen to what the ladies are telling you. The like it, it's what they want, and they need it. Stop making excuses....you have a fear of this type of interaction, and you just need to admit it. This behavior needs to change or nothing will change for you. Face your fears, and remove those negative thoughts.

 

Believe it or not, not being able to look people in the eye IS being rude, makes you look untrustworthy, and it's stopping you these women from properly connecting emotionally with you.

 

So yes, it's a deal breaker for me and other women.

[katiegrl]

Op you are going to have to drop the "I think it's rude" or "I think it's too invasive" and listen to what the ladies are telling you. The like it, it's what they want, and they need it. Stop making excuses....you have a fear of this type of interaction, and you just need to admit it. This behavior needs to change or nothing will change for you. Face your fears, and remove those negative thoughts.

 

Believe it or not, not being able to look people in the eye IS being rude, makes you look untrustworthy, and it's stopping you these women from properly connecting emotionally with you.

 

So yes, it's a deal breaker for me and other women.

 

 

I agree but it's not just because ladies like it (or women you hope to attract and date)....

 

 

People in general prefer looking at each other when speaking to them. NOT gazing into their eyes to gauge their soul...lol...it's simple common courtesy.

 

 

I mean, when you are talking to someone, where the hell do you look? At the person next to you? Or do you look down, up, across the room?

 

 

That is just so weird and frankly off-putting for the other person. It gives off the vibe you would rather NOT be engaging with them at all.

 

 

When people can't make good eye contact with me when talking to me... it tells me a lot about them. Either they don't give a shyt or they are socially awkward.. would rather be somewhere else, they're insecure, lack confidence....whatever. It's a huge turn off.

 

 

You need to get over your hang up about it. Otherwise, you will end up alone...it's just off-putting.

 

 

And as I said before, when on a job interview (a job of any significance that is), you damn well better look your interview in the eye when speaking. It displays confidence and strength, and if you DON'T...guarantee you will NOT be getting the job.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Oh dont get me wrong, I bang a lot of broads, I'm just bored with casual sex and would like to settle down with a nice girl.

?

 

You "bang" a lot of "broads"? How old are you? You must be from NY or NJ with the way you refer to women.

 

 

I have a question for you. How do you flirt with a "broad" you want to "bang"? How do you show her that you're interested in "banging" her if you have an aversion to using EYE CONTACT? Do you use ASL to convey your interest? Or do you write her notes on a napkin and give it to her?

 

 

If a guy never made eye contact with me, especially during conversations and sexual intimacy, he wouldn't be in my life anymore. I mean, I can understand not making CONSTANT eye contact; but for the most part, eye contact is the way human beings communicate non-verbally. It helps us to convey our emotions about things, the way we feel about someone...and it feels good to look into their eyes and for them to return our gaze in response and to be able to communicate in that way without having to say a word!

 

 

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[Endorphine]

I don't like to look people in the eyes. I dunno, to me it just seems rude. Frankly I just refuse to do it. I find that many women have a real problem with this after a while. At first they think it's cute but usually by the 3rd or 4th date they start voicing their unhappiness about it.

 

Is this a must in a relationship? I mean if I was blind it would be considered quite rude to get angry over such a thing. So why is it any different with someone who prefers not to do it?

 

 

I find it rude not to look at people's eyes, specially when they're talking to you! i think there's a lot of truth when they say that: "eyes are the reflection of your soul".

 

And as it: "it is a must for a relationship?" well, i suppose it's about finding someone who feels the same way you do!

[Tayla]

I don't look down sheepishly or display a lack of confidence. I just kind of stare off in an aloof, disinterested sort of way. To be honest they often mistake it for me being cocky or arrogant. I explain to them that that isn't the case and they're fine with it for a while. But it always becomes an issue.

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The bold says it all. Its up to the OP to accept that about himself. He simply has little interest or effort to engage or be receptive in his interactions. So be it.

[guest569]

Is eye contact rare among your family/friends/colleagues/culture? I guess you will need to find a woman who feels the same way. That's fine, you don't need to change, just understand and accept that for many people they require eye contact to trust, understand and build a connection.

[Charles in Charge]

Jesus you people have blown this out of proportion. It's just a little quirk. I'm perfectly capable of looking someone in the eye, I just don't want to and I refuse to be phony and do things because I'm obligated to do them.

 

As for the no eye contact during sex issue it's not like I ask her to put a paper bag over her head. I just make her face the other way. And with good reason...orgasam face is ridiculous.

[smackie9]

Excuses = denial

[guest569]

Well, you asked the question. Yes, it is a deal breaker for many.

[GemmaUK]

100% deal breaker for me.

 

Sounds like it has been for those you have dated also.

 

 

They say 80/90% of communication is non-verbal.

 

I would have missed out on a heck of a lot of fun had myself and my partner not been able to communicate non verbally.

I love a man with expressive eyes and eyebrows.

 

If you aren't comfortable (which it sounds like you are not) with eye contact use the trick where you look at the bridge of their nose instead.

Non-verbal communication will still be missed by you quite drastically in doing this so dating will still be difficult but you might learn to look into a person's eyes with more ease if you practice.