Is avoiding eye contact a deal breaker?

[Charles in Charge]

I don't like to look people in the eyes. I dunno, to me it just seems rude. Frankly I just refuse to do it. I find that many women have a real problem with this after a while. At first they think it's cute but usually by the 3rd or 4th date they start voicing their unhappiness about it.

 

Is this a must in a relationship? I mean if I was blind it would be considered quite rude to get angry over such a thing. So why is it any different with someone who prefers not to do it?

 

I think I'm a pretty good catch. I've been told this often as I'm independently wealthy, have nice abs and I'm a considerate lover....but it never seems to work out.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

You need to keep a balance. Staring into their eyes too much will make them uncomfortable. Looking away or down all the time will make you appear to lack confidence.

[Charles in Charge]

I don't look down sheepishly or display a lack of confidence. I just kind of stare off in an aloof, disinterested sort of way. To be honest they often mistake it for me being cocky or arrogant. I explain to them that that isn't the case and they're fine with it for a while. But it always becomes an issue.

 

It's almost always after we've been intimate. I prefer not to see her face while it's happening and they find that offensive. It seems like the last straw for them. Oddly enough they never complain during...only afterward.

[katiegrl]

If you don't look people in the eye when speaking to them, where do you look?

 

Good eye contact with people is a sign of self-confidence. Bad eye contact indicates insecurity.

 

And contrary to what you think, bad eye contact (not looking people in the eye when speaking to them) is rude, not the other way around.

 

And just a little advice, on a job interview, you damn well better look the interviewer in the eye, otherwise guarantee you will not get the job....

[katiegrl]

I don't look down sheepishly or display a lack of confidence. I just kind of stare off in an aloof, disinterested sort of way. To be honest they often mistake it for me being cocky or arrogant. I explain to them that that isn't the case and they're fine with it for a while. But it always becomes an issue.

 

It's almost always after we've been intimate.

 

**I prefer not to see her face while it's happening and they find that offensive.**

 

It seems like the last straw for them. Oddly enough they never complain during...only afterward.

 

Quote in asterisk.... gee that's strange, I wonder why? LOL!

[LostOne1]

What I sometimes do is look at her, when we make eye contact I look away. But then I start to smile as I look away. It shows I am interested, and I know you're looking at me.

 

I always see it as a cocky way to show her that I see her, and I know she sees me too.

[katiegrl]

What I sometimes do is look at her, when we make eye contact I look away. But then I start to smile as I look away. It shows I am interested, and I know you're looking at me.

 

I always see it as a cocky way to show her that I see her, and I know she sees me too.

 

That is different.. and yeah kinda sexy.

 

What the OP is describing is different.... he doesn't look at people when actually speaking to them, while having a conversation. That's just rude....and indicates insecurity.

 

Turn off...

[Charles in Charge]

Well I don't play games like the whole glance into her eyes and then look away and giggle. I'm an adult for crying out loud.

 

What is offensive about not enjoying seeing your partners face during sex? Do this Katiegirl, record yourself at the moment of climax and tell me if the face you see when you watch it is attractive. If I want to see her looking like she's receiving a root canal I'll accompany her to the dentist.

 

Yuck. No thanks. Not attractive.

[Charles in Charge]

That is different.. and yeah kinda sexy.

 

What the OP is describing is different.... he doesn't look at people when actually speaking to them, while having a conversation. That's just rude....and indicates insecurity.

 

Turn off...

 

Wow, that says a lot about your character. I guess you would never stoop to dating a blind person then. They can't look you in the eyes so they must be a major "turn off".

 

Sad.

[katiegrl]

Well I don't play games like the whole glance into her eyes and then look away and giggle. I'm an adult for crying out loud.

 

What is offensive about not enjoying seeing your partners face during sex? Do this Katiegirl, record yourself at the moment of climax and tell me if the face you see when you watch it is attractive. If I want to see her looking like she's receiving a root canal I'll accompany her to the dentist.

 

Yuck. No thanks. Not attractive.

 

That is sad. My bf loves looking at me, before, during AND after sex! And I love looking at him to!

 

When you meet a chick you are really into, guarantee you will love looking at her too.

 

If not, well then sorry you've got some issues.

[katiegrl]

Q

Wow, that says a lot about your character. I guess you would never stoop to dating a blind person then. They can't look you in the eyes so they must be a major "turn off".

 

Sad.

 

Being blind is completely different, because they UNABLE to see anything! Duh.

 

You CAN see and are choosing not to look at people.

 

THAT is sad.

 

Anyhoo I am done with this thread.

 

Wish you the best! :bunny:

[Charles in Charge]

There are more intimate positions that don't require eye contact then there are that do. It's an unnecessary and outdated courtesy like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes.

[Syberia]

There are more intimate positions that don't require eye contact then there are that do. It's an unnecessary and outdated courtesy like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes.

It's more intimate to look at them than not to. Your view is obviously in the minority here, and it's not going to do you any favors with the ladies.

[Fleur de cactus]

I hear you! I grew up on a culture where looking in people eyes is disrespectful, and looking away does not mean you are rude or ignoring. It means you are thinking or listening. When I came to U.S people at the beginning were judging me, thinking that I told lies or hiding something. I tried to change but even now I catch myself looking down or a little far. But my thoughts and ideas are with the person I am talking to. It is question of how some societies see things and do not want to negotiate values. To people I respect most of the time I dont even look in the face. I dont think it is disrespectful. To be honest I dont feel comfortable with too much eye contact.

[pie2]

Are you Autistic (lack of eye contact is a sign)? If so, it's part of who you are. However, people with Autism have trouble with social interaction, so finding intimacy with a woman may relate to more than just your eye contact. In which case, avoiding eye contact isn't the dealbreaker...it's all of the other problems with forming a social bond with the other person.

 

If not Autism, do you have another diagnosed mental health condition? That could be more of the problem than just a lack of eye contact.

[Charles in Charge]

Lol, no I do not have autism. I just don't feel the need for invasive behaviour like staring into the eyes of someone I'm socializing with like some sort of drooling halfwit.

 

I guess my take on it is not the norm. The way I see it is that I don't need to obsessively scan people and study their body language and eye movement, desperately searching for signals of sincerity. If someone tells me something I believe them. I take people for who they claim to be until they give me reason to think otherwise. I don't need to watch your pupils to gauge your interest or truthfulness. People who need to do that are the insecure ones in my humble opinion.

[mightycpa]

You know Charles, avoiding eye contact makes you seem like you're not in charge. Direct eye contact is a dominant behavior, and if you avoid it, you're putting the silent signal out there that you are the beta male.

 

Also, avoiding eye contact is a sign of disinterest. Imagine that you're a TV researcher, and you're measuring how well people like a show. The entire room is not watching the TV, but, how did you put it? The entire room is

staring off in an aloof, disinterested sort of way.

Would you report back that everybody liked the show? No. You'd have to report that they didn't seem to like the show. In this metaphor, the girls you date are the show. They think they're wasting their time with you.

 

This may not be true, but perception speaks much louder than truth.

 

That's why.

[Charles in Charge]

You know Charles, avoiding eye contact makes you seem like you're not in charge. Direct eye contact is a dominant behavior, and if you avoid it, you're putting the silent signal out there that you are the beta male.

 

Also, avoiding eye contact is a sign of disinterest. Imagine that you're a TV researcher, and you're measuring how well people like a show. The entire room is not watching the TV, but, how did you put it? The entire room is Would you report back that everybody liked the show? No. You'd have to report that they didn't seem to like the show. In this metaphor, the girls you date are the show. They think they're wasting their time with you.

 

This may not be true, but perception speaks much louder than truth.

 

That's why.

 

I have never met a guy who uses terms like "alpha" and "beta" who is well educated or successful in life.

 

I'm just saying.

 

What the heck, I'll play along. Using your terminology, what is more "beta"? Making the conscious decision to act a certain way to appear "alpha" or just not giving a **** and being yourself?

 

Chew on that for a while "brah"

[katiegrl]

You know Charles, avoiding eye contact makes you seem like you're not in charge. Direct eye contact is a dominant behavior, and if you avoid it, you're putting the silent signal out there that you are the beta male.

 

Also, avoiding eye contact is a sign of disinterest. Imagine that you're a TV researcher, and you're measuring how well people like a show. The entire room is not watching the TV, but, how did you put it? The entire room is Would you report back that everybody liked the show? No. You'd have to report that they didn't seem to like the show. In this metaphor, the girls you date are the show. They think they're wasting their time with you.

 

This may not be true, but perception speaks much louder than truth.

 

That's why.

 

^^This is very true, but I get the sense the OP doesn't give a shyt what girls think....or what anyone thinks for that matter.

 

He knows he gives off the air of indifference... he just doesn't care.

 

That's what I'm sensing from him anyway...

[Charles in Charge]

Katie, when we embrace our loved ones passionately, when we kiss, when we pray or when we bury our faces in our hands to mourn, we close our eyes. To be with someone who need not look at you to feel you, to know you, to deeply connect with you...it's something amazing. Its happened for me from time to time but it's rare and it's special.

 

One day Katie I hope that you'll find a man who doesn't need to look at your face while you talk, kiss or make love. Then you'll know true intimacy.

[misspond]

I don't like to look people in the eyes. I dunno, to me it just seems rude. Frankly I just refuse to do it. I find that many women have a real problem with this after a while. At first they think it's cute but usually by the 3rd or 4th date they start voicing their unhappiness about it.

 

Is this a must in a relationship? I mean if I was blind it would be considered quite rude to get angry over such a thing. So why is it any different with someone who prefers not to do it?

 

I think I'm a pretty good catch. I've been told this often as I'm independently wealthy, have nice abs and I'm a considerate lover....but it never seems to work out.

 

Just find yourself someone who doesn't enjoy being looked at. Job done.

[joseb]

That is sad. My bf loves looking at me, before, during AND after sex! And I love looking at him to!

 

When you meet a chick you are really into, guarantee you will love looking at her too.

 

If not, well then sorry you've got some issues.

 

I agree. If I am really attracted to a girl I love looking at her face while having sex. I'm not into tantric style starting for hours, but to not look at all at her face - seems really odd.

[SunnySide0418]

Well I don't play games like the whole glance into her eyes and then look away and giggle. I'm an adult for crying out loud.

 

What is offensive about not enjoying seeing your partners face during sex? Do this Katiegirl, record yourself at the moment of climax and tell me if the face you see when you watch it is attractive. If I want to see her looking like she's receiving a root canal I'll accompany her to the dentist.

 

Yuck. No thanks. Not attractive.

 

 

Most men find that hot and sexy.

[SunnySide0418]

Wow, that says a lot about your character. I guess you would never stoop to dating a blind person then. They can't look you in the eyes so they must be a major "turn off".

 

Sad.

 

 

But you're not blind! And I bet any blind person wishes they could look into someone's eyes!

[GorillaTheater]

What the heck, I'll play along. Using your terminology, what is more "beta"? Making the conscious decision to act a certain way to appear "alpha" or just not giving a **** and being yourself?

 

Depends on how well just being yourself is working for you.

 

You're giving the impression that the answer is "not so well".