spiderowl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 It's not unusual for a guy to tick the box on a dating site saying he's interested in finding a 'serious relationship'. Quite often a guy will also tick the 'casual relationship' box too. Having chatted to some of these guys who have indicated serious relationship, I'm coming to the conclusion none of them are really looking for that. All their talk seems to be about 'fun' and just getting into something fun. Most really aren't thinking ahead at all. I guess they think if it happens, then great, but if not who cares, casual is fun. So why not be honest and say 'I'm looking for a bit of fun and I'm not thinking beyond that?' Are there really guys who look to relate and build a relationship?
central Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I'd check all the boxes. I want a serious relationship, but you have to weed out the incompatibles through casual dating. Eventually, the right one will come along, and then it can become serious. Most people you date won't be suitable for a serious, long-term relationship, even if that's your goal. 7
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I am. Casual sex is unfulfilling to me. I do admit it is hard to turn down offers for meaningless sex when you're alone & the offer is put to you in an enticing manner. Another reason for long term NC, to avoid those 2am drunk calls.
Elam Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 It's not unusual for a guy to tick the box on a dating site saying he's interested in finding a 'serious relationship'. Quite often a guy will also tick the 'casual relationship' box too. Having chatted to some of these guys who have indicated serious relationship, I'm coming to the conclusion none of them are really looking for that. All their talk seems to be about 'fun' and just getting into something fun. Most really aren't thinking ahead at all. I guess they think if it happens, then great, but if not who cares, casual is fun. So why not be honest and say 'I'm looking for a bit of fun and I'm not thinking beyond that?' Are there really guys who look to relate and build a relationship? A few are going to want a relationship, but the ones who can play the field will want to play the field for as long as they can. The trick is to find a man who doesn't have that many options.
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 When I was dating, if a girl said she only "wanted to date but nothing serious", it meant to me that she was looking for someone to wine and dine her along with entertaining her at my expense. I simply didn't understand that logic of 'nothing serious'. Ok, let me get this straight. You want to met and go out with guys but.. they better understand that I'm not looking for anything serious as this point so you better not fall for me cuz it's not going to happen.. Really?? The other thing it could be construed as is they were only looking for booty calls. There's other sites for that in my opinion. I'd never contact ANYONE who said that. I was always looking for a relationship and marked the box as such. Did it mean I was going to jump into a relationship with anyone? Hell no. I at least wanted to know the women that I was investing my hard earned $ on dates with had the potential to become a LTR. To put on their profile that they were on there "not wanting anything serious" was laughable at best. 3
MissBee Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 It's not unusual for a guy to tick the box on a dating site saying he's interested in finding a 'serious relationship'. Quite often a guy will also tick the 'casual relationship' box too. Having chatted to some of these guys who have indicated serious relationship, I'm coming to the conclusion none of them are really looking for that. All their talk seems to be about 'fun' and just getting into something fun. Most really aren't thinking ahead at all. I guess they think if it happens, then great, but if not who cares, casual is fun. So why not be honest and say 'I'm looking for a bit of fun and I'm not thinking beyond that?' Are there really guys who look to relate and build a relationship? Of course there are. You just have to be conscious of the fact that that's what you want and make sure to find out early on if a man is into that. My last serious bf was someone I met through OLD and he was looking for a serious relationship and made this clear from day one.
deadelvis Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah some men are looking for a serious relationship. For example, I have no interest in casual relationships. If it's not going to be a serious long term relationship I'd rather not waste my time.
candie13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 not really. I think no person really knows if they want a "serious relationship". it sort of evolves there, or not, based on mutual attraction, common set of values and interests and ideally love. However I do believe that men can tell if they are only interested in hook ups or are considering seeing just one person. From that point onward, there are no guarantees. 1
alphamale Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I think that as guys get older they look for more serious relationships. They have to finish sowing their wild oats before they settle down.
newmoon Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 i don't find this problematic. if they tick "casual" it can still end up serious with you and if they tick "serious" you might still end up as casual for them. i don't think choosing one over the other means anything at all. you can't really know what relationship you'll get into and who you'll meet, so it's just covering both bases imo. on your end, i'd probably open up the selections too - accept guys who put "casual" because you don't know what it might turn into. 1
autumnnight Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 It probably depends on the man and the woman. Some men mean it when they check that box, some men think they "should" check the box or think it will attract more women. A man might chat with one woman and think, "I would enjoy her company, but she's not really what I had in mind long term." Then he might chat with another woman and think, "Wow, this is amazing. I think she may be a keeper." The whole idea of OLD kinda makes me nervous. I mean, you're just...out there, with pictures and everything. I'd rather kind of get to know someone "organically." I'm not opposed to getting to know someone online, but the profile and box checking thing would be strange for me. 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 not really. I think no person really knows if they want a "serious relationship". it sort of evolves there, or not, based on mutual attraction, common set of values and interests and ideally love. However I do believe that men can tell if they are only interested in hook ups or are considering seeing just one person. From that point onward, there are no guarantees. It gets confusing when a guy says he is looking for a relationship, only wants to see one person, then everything he talks about suggests he isn't interested in getting to know you as a person, only in talking about sex. I guess you have to go by a guy's actions not what he says but then if you do that means a lot of guys are liers!
Author spiderowl Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 i don't find this problematic. if they tick "casual" it can still end up serious with you and if they tick "serious" you might still end up as casual for them. i don't think choosing one over the other means anything at all. you can't really know what relationship you'll get into and who you'll meet, so it's just covering both bases imo. on your end, i'd probably open up the selections too - accept guys who put "casual" because you don't know what it might turn into. I see what you are getting at but if a guy ticks 'casual', then there is no point at all getting emotionally involved with him. One would either have to pass him by or take the option of a casual relationship and stay emotionally shut off from him. I did try that once and the guy confused me utterly by telling me he loved me and that he saw me as his girlfriend. He wanted a casual relationship initially!
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Just because a guy says he is looking for a relationship, does not mean he is looking for a relationship with you. If he tells you that he is just looking for fun at the moment, take his word for it. My guess is that, for whatever reason, he doesn't see you as relationship material, or he thinks he can do better. He plans to hold out for someone else when it comes to a relationship. Lot of guys use this as an excuse to dodge relationships, they're not really "looking" for a relationship, even if they say they are...and it's convenient to say it's not with you, even if they aren't looking for a relationship to begin with...but how can YOU as a woman tell the difference? you can't, and they wouldn't tell you the truth. So they will actually go out with you and date, just for sex...just like most guys will and do. You see the problem is, men usually want casual but end up in relationships...not the other way around. If they're having casual sex with you or FWB, that's probably because you're not relationship material...it's likely. Because their standards for a relationship are usually pretty high and probably unrealistic, but they are determined...especially if this guy has options and has the attention of several women (which is not easy for men to achieve like it is for women). Women usually set their little levers in their brains so they can be programmed and readied for what it is going on "Ok, this is just casual, he wants nothing serious...then I will expect this" but the problem is that it's a risk losing that woman by telling her the truth, whom is primarily looking for a relationship which will likely result in a rejection over the fact that you're only looking for casual...therefore guys check the little relationship box. They may have not, for not any one moment...have ever considered you relationship material or even were dating for the purposes of a relationship. That was never even a thought in his mind. So you really shouldn't ever listen to what a guy says, regardless of what he writes in his profile or what he states he is looking for, there's no reason as a woman to go off of that information as being truthful and valid. Men know what they're looking for and they know what you're looking for as women make it abundantly clear...it's easy to tell you what you want to hear because you say it all the time, so the reality is most of it's a game with women to get laid and get some company. But they already know you aren't the type for a relationship, that's their little secret and that's why they're dating you possibly...because they're not worried about falling into a relationship or at least not for long-term...their plans are entirely in the moment and short-term. A lot of guys out there having this mini-relationships and short-term relationships are operating as exactly as they intended, there is no "test period" or any kind of actual compatibility testing out or anything like that...the reality is for most guys, is that if they see a woman that lights their fire and she is attractive enough and has the right qualities he's looking for, then he gets the ball rolling pretty quick with her, he acts differently than he would normally act with women that are below that level, he's not the same man. However, this is all melted together by men intentionally...women think that men are trying to figure it out and actually going through the process of determining whether things are right for a relationship or not and women try to be patient for this process. But men are manipulating the system, and can either do things for the sake of "not being in a rush", which is a good excuse to keep you at bay and a way of him controlling the pace...but also he can just go through the motions of "swooning you"...meaning he's going to act like the guy who's met the right girl and has it all figured out and you as a woman probably wouldn't think to ask or question his intentions because you'll want to believe its some kind of romance developing. Women just don't know what the hell is going on and what to think, because they think every guy is different and they add all these irrelevant variables that really mean nothing in the end in terms of about whether a man will commit or not, she distorts the truth because she is interested in him. So often times, women are their own worst enemies...they always shift and change the rules according to the situation and circumstance, which makes them easy to manipulate, because they never stick to their plan and listen to their gut feeling and do what they know they should do...they get swept up in the emotion and their own head, and this is what these men are counting on, because every guy knows once a woman is emotionally compromised she's puddy in his hands and he could do with you what he like...and then he can just mysteriously bail at any moment for some "valid" reason. At the end of it all, the guy would just lead you to believe things weren't working out and it was a natural process of just "it didn't work out", even though it was all orchestrated by him the entire time, the fact that you end up on the same page is an art, not the truth...because for him this is the best impression to leave with women, therefore they don't feel used or violated in any way...and this is how a lot of guys handle casual sex too, they don't really respect the women they are sleeping with and would never wife-up...but they treat them with respect anyway to look like a good guy and to leave a good impression, and then those women run around saying how they didn't feel used and the guys was sweet and all of this or that...usually the guy is just doing that for his own satisfaction and ego. And then there's also the guys who just specialize in getting in and out without any emotional connection, and this is actually a favored style by women as they don't feel manipulated emotionally...they're not doing it for you, they really just don't care about you and value as much of anything, because some women like this as it's more straight-forward and they don't have to figure anything out...but that's not going to work for the relationship minded women, which these guys are often after anyway because it's too much work for them. So some salesmen wanting you walking away a happy customer, and the other just don't give a damn after they've taken your money...but they're both salesmen at the end of the day, they're selling c00ck and buying vagina. And this is why some guys feel bitter and upset, they want to be able to manipulate, seduce, womanize like the other men whom have these talents or looks to do this...but they can't figure it out. They see behind the scenes what men are about, we all do as men...we know the truth behind the words, intentions, behavior...the "show" but women don't often figure out, they're often very generous in giving men the benefit of the doubt if anything unless a man makes it overtly obvious he was intentionally using a woman. But if it makes women feel any better, men dig their own graves in the end....through this dodging and selective process, the end up skipping over good women for them that they didn't rate as "relationship material" whom would in fact have made much better partners and were much better women...for the girl they were just simply attracted to more and had good sexual satisfaction with, not because she was better in bed but because she was simply that standard that he thought he wanted. So it all kind of comes full circle in the end and a woman eventually ends up in a relationship, and women aren't exactly angels either...there's a lot of manipulation in their part as well, the difference is women want commitment and men want sex, somewhere they eventually meet in the middle and not always for the right reason...most relationships are simply birthed out of chance and circumstances, more than anything else. 1
newmoon Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I see what you are getting at but if a guy ticks 'casual', then there is no point at all getting emotionally involved with him. One would either have to pass him by or take the option of a casual relationship and stay emotionally shut off from him. I did try that once and the guy confused me utterly by telling me he loved me and that he saw me as his girlfriend. He wanted a casual relationship initially! you're making the point for me.. it doesn't matter what box they tick because once someone meets you they can change their mind. they can say casual and then when they meet you, you're the one :-) 1
watsonyards Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 It's not unusual for a guy to tick the box on a dating site saying he's interested in finding a 'serious relationship'. Quite often a guy will also tick the 'casual relationship' box too. Having chatted to some of these guys who have indicated serious relationship, I'm coming to the conclusion none of them are really looking for that. All their talk seems to be about 'fun' and just getting into something fun. Most really aren't thinking ahead at all. I guess they think if it happens, then great, but if not who cares, casual is fun. So why not be honest and say 'I'm looking for a bit of fun and I'm not thinking beyond that?' Are there really guys who look to relate and build a relationship? I'm looking for a relationship. But I'm very picky and will just hook up with girls until I find the right one. 1
preraph Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 "Do Guys Really Look for a Serious Relationship"? Yes, with a lingerie model. I honestly do think that when you drill down on a whole lot of young guys, they are just wanting to get laid alot, so the only woman they envision settling down with is one who's too good looking for them, someone so physically perfect they are willing to marry them. Then when they get up a little older, over 30, they start thinking, Hey, I never did meet my angel, so I better find someone to have a family with. Guys are always afraid of getting married. I've been confidentes with some guys and their biggest fear about marriage is they marry and then they meet "the perfect one." You always hear "I don't think I'll be able to do any better." It's really lame. Now, there are exceptions to all this, but there is a whole herd of guys out there with that mentality. Then if they marry it's because if they don't, their woman is going to start dating some new guys, and they can't handle that. But there are exceptions. There are guys who truly envision marriage as being fun and having a companion and think it would be fun to be domestic. One of my ex-bfs surprised me by saying that once. I'd never have thought it. I was the one who would grimace at the "M" word, and one day he said, "I think it would be fun cooking together and stuff." And I had another friend who married a psycho just because she was interested in cooking and so was he. And of course, there are men who look forward to having children. And then one guy I know just had to have someone around 24/7 for constant companionship. Nice guy, been married forever now, but not for me. So pay attention to how guys talk about marriage. Are they only talking about finding the best looking one who'll marry them? Are they only talking about being able to have sex all the time? Are they only talking about finding a woman who's a good housekeeper or cook? Not really good reasons. Look for guys who say their parents had fun together. If you are a woman who wants kids, look for ones who enjoy their nieces and nephews. Listen for the ones who talk about enjoying domestic things like cooking or working in the yard. Those are your guys to marry. 1
salparadise Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 ...pay attention to how guys talk about marriage. Are they only talking about finding the best looking one who'll marry them? Are they only talking about being able to have sex all the time? Are they only talking about finding a woman who's a good housekeeper or cook? Goodness preraph, if I didn't known that you've been around the block a time or two I'd think you've been shut in a closet for six decades! Of course guys want serious relationships. I want nothing more myself. But it's not easy and never guaranteed, and there is a process you have to go through. So the trick is to keep the goal in mind, enjoy the process, get naked and have some fun along the way... but don't allow the ones who aren't appropriate candidates waste too much of your time or hook you with crazy sex. In a nutshell.
hotpotato Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Yes, sometimes. Unfortunately there are guys who will pretend like they like you so they can get in your pants. Ive had guys admit to this, that he was just horny. Most guys arent going to tell you that he only wants sex, is really trying to date some other girl, or whatever. That would hurt their chances of having sex. Most guys will let their intentions be known with you pretty fast. Id rather deal with them than the aforementioned type. If a guy is coming with the "movie and cuddle" crap on the first date or even before that is an automatic x (for me). If hes already that focused on sex, id just next him. Im not going to waste my time hoping he may get to know me as hes thinking of bending me over. I dont know of any better way other than meeting and weeding out people who dont offer what you want. I dont even look at the boxes. I cant even fell you what I checked.
RedRobin Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Yes, there are. Despite what some guys say here, there are plenty who are not into casual. It is simple. Don't bother talking to guys who check the casual box, even if they select the relationship box too. I never do, because I don't want men with those interests OR history. Unless they are quite young, pretty much all men know if they want casual or a relationship... And have a pattern of one or the other, for the most part. You don't need a pages long essay to tell you to stay away from confused men, fence sitters, and the just plain dodgy. Waste of time. And boring. Nor do you need people telling you that all desirable men prefer casual, because that is total BS. You need a better weed out method. Starting with avoiding ones who are ok with casual. Period. If you are looking for a relationship. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Im gonna take a stab and say the OP is around my age....Here is the issue with guys my age, as I have experienced...Look at the guys past...Did he get hammered in a divorce settlement? That guy is probably not going to want a serious relationship.. Also, understand a couple of things... Some guys that are approaching middle age are losing their drive..Quite honestly, when that starts to go, most guys at that point just bury themselves in work or hobbies..The fire is dwindling down to candle power...They may want a woman for some light companionship or sex once in a while, but they aren't walking around with half a boner all the time looking for a place to put it... At this age, most guys already have children and some grandchildren even..They are usually immersed in those things as well. which will affect the ability to be "all in" so to speak...There are those commitments and they are going to likely put a gf behind the family rather than in front.. I'm sure there are some left that do really want a lasting and fulfilling relationship...Guys at this point tend to be jaded and cynical, so a women would have to try to get around that... Women tend to be eternally optimistic about the prospects of a storybook romance..Guys on the other hand will let the scars of past relationships sour them.,..They'll still play( for sex) but wont give you what you ultimately are looking for.. TFY 2
Author spiderowl Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Im gonna take a stab and say the OP is around my age....Here is the issue with guys my age, as I have experienced...Look at the guys past...Did he get hammered in a divorce settlement? That guy is probably not going to want a serious relationship.. Also, understand a couple of things... Some guys that are approaching middle age are losing their drive..Quite honestly, when that starts to go, most guys at that point just bury themselves in work or hobbies..The fire is dwindling down to candle power...They may want a woman for some light companionship or sex once in a while, but they aren't walking around with half a boner all the time looking for a place to put it... At this age, most guys already have children and some grandchildren even..They are usually immersed in those things as well. which will affect the ability to be "all in" so to speak...There are those commitments and they are going to likely put a gf behind the family rather than in front.. I'm sure there are some left that do really want a lasting and fulfilling relationship...Guys at this point tend to be jaded and cynical, so a women would have to try to get around that... Women tend to be eternally optimistic about the prospects of a storybook romance..Guys on the other hand will let the scars of past relationships sour them.,..They'll still play( for sex) but wont give you what you ultimately are looking for.. TFY I think there's a lot of truth in this. These guys are just playing and not serious about finding a relationship. I think it's true that guys my age are losing their drive too. They don't take the same risks to initiative contact and don't feel the need to maintain it that a younger guy would. I know this because younger guys do make a lot more effort and seem keener on building a relationship, surprisingly.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think there's a lot of truth in this. These guys are just playing and not serious about finding a relationship. I think it's true that guys my age are losing their drive too. They don't take the same risks to initiative contact and don't feel the need to maintain it that a younger guy would. I know this because younger guys do make a lot more effort and seem keener on building a relationship, surprisingly. True... Some of the guys he mentions may eventually want a relationship, but only after they have gotten good and sick of 'dating'. That's why I avoid men straight out of a divorce. 5 yrs or so after? That's the sweet spot, IMHO. The ones ready to crawl under a rock and die... Yea, you wouldn't want them for other reasons. Their passion for life is probably gone... Right along with their libido. Those men probably always put work first and treated their spouses like an accessory... Which is why they are single... And they still haven't learned.
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