na27 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I recently read somewhere (I cannot remember if it was this site or another site with breakup advice) about a certain healing technique if you have a lot of items that remind you of your ex. I personally always have kept items from fun nights I had, whether it be a ticket stub or a brochure or a note. But when it came to this relationship, I kept pretty much everything. I had a drawer that I set all this stuff in and to get my clothes each day, I had to see this drawer. It started to bother me after the BU and I recently stumbled upon this advice which has helped. I will paraphrase it the best I can. Gather all of these things together and find a big box to put all of it in. You can throw it all in and seal it shut, or you can take your time with each item and let yourself remember the memory of it. When you are finished, put the box away, somewhere that will help you forget about these mementos for a while, but not somewhere so hidden that you'll never stumble upon it again. When you are feeling better, whether it be months or years, you can revisit the box if you want to and think of all the good memories you got out of the relationship. The cool thing about the box is you can do whatever you want with it whenever you one day feel better about the breakup. You can throw it out if you don't want it anymore or you can keep those memories with you without being sad about it. I did this today and my head feels more clear since doing it. Don't get me wrong - it was hard to dig out all of this stuff again (I admittedly cried twice during the process) but it felt better once it was all finished. Now I don't have to worry about finding little notes or receipts or concert tickets that I had from him because I cleaned out every part of my room to make sure I got all of it. If you also have mementos, this is something to consider - it really does seem to help.
Plaster Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I did that the week after our breakup. It's now in a box, dated our first meeting , when we officially started and when we finished. I don't dare go through it. I'd rather open a box with anthrax in then open that memory box at the moment.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I've often wondered about the value of keeping memento's from a previous relationship, no matter if it ended well or poorly. Some people/sites suggest simply throwing it all the garbage. Then, deleted from you computer any emails, texts or pictures. I have a box of memento's from my first GF 3 decades ago. I can't honestly remember the last time I went though it or would want to go thru it. It's my past. It's ancient history. What's the value of keeping a loving b-day card from that long ago? My last GF and I broke up. She ended it. I pretty much through all those little things in the garbage. I deleted most of the pictures. I have a few items I found recently and stored them away. I'm over that relationship and am happily in a new one. Why keep any of this stuff? 2
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Nope, not for me. If it wasn't something of use to me (like my headphones or iPad), I got rid of it. I want no "good" memories reminders around either, because it makes me want to reconcile. I know he's sh*t, and the past is the past. I know it sounds harsh, but he's an ex for a reason. We didn't work. No need to take a stroll down memory lane. 1
Plaster Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah I have been wondering what will come of it. I'm pretty early on in the break up. There's still a fragment of hope of reconciliation, so I guess when that goes all I can do us get rid?
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I would suggest the following: Pack everything into a neutral box, and give it to a friend or relative to put into their loft. Do NOT tell them what it contains. Just say it's extra stuff in your home you don't have room for right now..... Then forget about it. In time, they may come and say to you: "Hey, what do you want me to do with that box you gave me to keep?" If you then cannot remember a complete list of everything that was in that box - ask them to throw it out, you don't need it any more. (Learn to duck too, in case they throw something at you in gratitude for taking up their loft/garage space....)
Author na27 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah, I figured for a lot of people it would be a bad idea and of course would differ from relationship to relationship. The only reason I wanted to post it would be to just give advice out and see if it could help someone else. Who knows, it could be the worst idea ever and cause more pain for me, I have no idea. But I think trying out different healing processes can be beneficial to see if something can help. If you know for sure it is something you would not ever want to do and you just want to throw it all in a fire right this moment, then yeah, I'd say take a pass.
mightycpa Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I did something like that. I put it all in a box and chucked it. Out with the old, in with the new. Never regretted it.
Author na27 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I've often wondered about the value of keeping memento's from a previous relationship, no matter if it ended well or poorly. Some people/sites suggest simply throwing it all the garbage. Then, deleted from you computer any emails, texts or pictures. I have a box of memento's from my first GF 3 decades ago. I can't honestly remember the last time I went though it or would want to go thru it. It's my past. It's ancient history. What's the value of keeping a loving b-day card from that long ago? My last GF and I broke up. She ended it. I pretty much through all those little things in the garbage. I deleted most of the pictures. I have a few items I found recently and stored them away. I'm over that relationship and am happily in a new one. Why keep any of this stuff? Yeah, in your case it's definitely best not to try it again since you did the same a long time ago with no benefit. I think it differs with the person, like for me, I keep a lot of that stuff from all kinds of people I've met, including the loving bday card example you had haha. It may be silly, but throwing that stuff away gets me super sad, and I do think about things I've thrown away in the past and regretted. Maybe I should suck it up and try your thinking, I have no idea. But for now I like the memory box process and I'll see if it ends up serving a purpose later on. For now, I used it as something to clear my head and gather the stuff in a less visible place because I wasn't quite ready to throw it all out.
Author na27 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I did something like that. I put it all in a box and chucked it. Out with the old, in with the new. Never regretted it. Yeah, I might end up doing that too depending on how mad I'll get. We'll see!
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah, I might end up doing that too depending on how mad I'll get. We'll see! That's just it. It's not a question of how mad you get. It's a question of helping you move on to benign indifference. 1
Lizrd3000 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I somehow don't hold value in materialistic items... As in, I don't have any emotional connections with them. Never have. Maybe it's an disorder or something, but lets keep it this way. lmao
Author na27 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I somehow don't hold value in materialistic items... As in, I don't have any emotional connections with them. Never have. Maybe it's an disorder or something, but lets keep it this way. lmao Yeah that's probably a good thing, honestly!
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah, in your case it's definitely best not to try it again since you did the same a long time ago with no benefit. I think it differs with the person, like for me, I keep a lot of that stuff from all kinds of people I've met, including the loving bday card example you had haha. It may be silly, but throwing that stuff away gets me super sad, and I do think about things I've thrown away in the past and regretted. Maybe I should suck it up and try your thinking, I have no idea. But for now I like the memory box process and I'll see if it ends up serving a purpose later on. For now, I used it as something to clear my head and gather the stuff in a less visible place because I wasn't quite ready to throw it all out. I don't know what's right or what's wrong? I was very interested in seeing other peoples way of handling situations like this. I can't think of one thing my ex wife of 11 years gave me that I still have? I really can't and its only been 7 years since the divorce. My last ex really never gave me anything of sentimental value. Usually clothes and I couldn't tell you which ones.. My current GF's last relationship ended badly. He was a douche bag. It was 1.5 years long. She threw out EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING he gave her. She deleted every picture. She wanted that memory erased from her life. I remember her telling me that and thinking DAMN! I'm a sentimental guy. I like having certain things around from years or decades ago. But I also worry about if I died, people going thru that stuff and wondering why I kept it. They would only pitch it in the trash too. My Mom passed and we had to go thru her stuff. She had several boxes of sentimental stuff. It meant nothing to us and ended up being thrown away. IDK.. I guess it's every individuals preference.
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