Valkyriah Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hey - I'm in a bit of a weird situation, but I just need a bit of support here. I told my "ex" (weird, nebulous limbo state right now ) that I wanted some time and that I hoped we could talk after my work week was done on Friday, so I asked him not to contact me and told me I wouldn't until then. He agreed and said that would work for him. I'm having MAJOR impulses to text him or call him now, but I know that 1) he's most likely at work right now anyway, 2) I shouldn't go back on what I said even though it seems like a good idea right in this moment, and 3) it might do more harm than good to contact while I'm feeling so impulsive...he also might be sort of thrown because I created that expectation...I don't know. So, can anyone help remind me of these (or other!) reasons I should stick to what I said? Also, anybody have some really good distractions for me tonight so I don't contact him? I'm having trouble trying to get myself to do the things I normally would since he and I would often do many of them together. Thanks!
7675 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I'm no expert on this stuff, but I wouldn't make a decision based on an impulse. Think clearly before you do anything. Besides, you are the one who wanted "some time" And it's only a few days right? Don't do it. Fight the urge. FIGHT IT!
Author Valkyriah Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Thank you so much! You're absolutely right, and I know it, but I just need to hear it again from someone else sometimes I've just had so many moments today where it's like my impulse is to text him / call him. I went out to lunch, and the sauce on my pasta was broken, and I wanted to text him because he taught me what that means just a week or two ago (he works in a restaurant). One of my coworkers had a little going away party for me, and I wanted to tell him how happy that made me. I wanted to whine about how hard my workout was and have him tell me how proud of me he was that I was sticking to it. Just all these little moments where I would normally talk to him are so hard! I'm trying to text my best friend instead so I can make that little impulsive part of me feel better and I can take the time to think through things! Argh - so hard, though!
7675 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I'm in the exact same position, almost everything around me reminds me of my ex. Atleast your ex seems likely to respond. Mine told me to leave her alone... which sucked. I don't understand whether you're trying to get back with him or not though? But I still suggest you stick with what you planned on originally. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff.
Author Valkyriah Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Oh, if he's open minded about trying to fix things and figure it out, I'm 100% for it. I think that the impulse to want to end things came not from him being cripplingly depressed right now, not from what he really wanted. He was completely unsure, and I wasn't expressing myself well then, so that's part of the reason I asked for time. Solid advice, though! I'm trying even though I'm feeling like I'm going through withdrawl I think. I'm just trying to remember that getting a "fix" right now isn't going to be the best way to handle it!
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 So it sounds like you gave him time to think. It sounds like you already know what you want, you're not getting it, and that leaves you dissatisfied enough to want to end things Or did you ask for time because he was hurtling towards the end and you are stalling for time? I don't get it.
Author Valkyriah Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I asked for time because I needed some time to think and get perspective. I'm not great at expressing myself in the moment, I knew this week was going to be incredibly stressful for me, and and I wanted to be able to gather my thoughts and share them in the way I wanted to. Yeah, it gave me some time to clear my head a bit and try to really concentrate on what I want and what's best for me and what I'm willing (and not willing) to do to get that. All I know is that, no matter how this goes, it was the right decision for me. Now I know I have everything straight in my head and I'll at least have a chance to express myself in a way that I can be okay with.
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah, ok. So I gather that the bottom line is that the status quo is not good enough. You require change on his part to move forward together?
Author Valkyriah Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I do, yeah. He needs me to change some things, too. I think we're both being reasonable about what we're asking the other to do. It's not huge thingd, though. Like he wants to talk on the phone instead of text more often. Okay, that's something that could easily be solved. I want him to keep his place cleaner so I feel more comfortable when I'm over there. He wants that, too, but he's gotten frustrated in his roommate's part in that problem. That has a solution, though. I need him to continue and move forward with getting help for his depression, which he's really just restarted doing. He needs me to let him handle things more instead of jumping in and trying to "fix" them. I'm willing to try to work on the things that he needs from the relationship. I've been thinking about specific, concrete ways to move forward in those areas, if he's in. I needed some time to figute out my needs, too, since I've been so distracted by other crap in my life for a bit here. I think it was important for me to realize that neither of us were looking for things that were fundamentally impossible or unreasonable. I can be confident now that I know what I eant, what I don't, and what I'm willing and wanting to do for the relationship. A few days have me clarity that I didn't have in the moment when he brought up his concerns.
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