venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Met a guy and he asked me on a date. He is very expressive and warm and we have a lot in common. I refused to let him come to my place because we recently met and he seemed fine with it. We did mess around one night and I gave him a hand job and he came very quickly. He said twice about how embarassed he was and begged me not to have bad opinion of him. I said that I didn't and wanted to see him again sometime. Then he replied that wwe might be able to make it happen sometime and that he was dating multiple women to find the one, then went on and on about how great i was and mentioned specifics, and that any man who gets to marry me is the luckiest man, then he ended with good thought from our date. I replied that i was dating others too and that maybe we would run into each other again sometime and tganked him for compliment. He replied begging me to not ignore him because he would never ignore me, then reiterated his compliments of me. I've never had this hapoen before. Please help me analyze.
clia Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well, at least he was up front about it. Sounds like he's coming on strong with the words. Has he asked you out on another date?
Author venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Well, at least he was up front about it. Sounds like he's coming on strong with the words. Has he asked you out on another date? No not yet. I tried to ease his embarassment by saying i wanted to see him again, then he said he was dating others and came on strong with the words. Thoughts? It's puzzling.
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Met a guy and he asked me on a date. He is very expressive and warm and we have a lot in common. I refused to let him come to my place because we recently met and he seemed fine with it. We did mess around one night and I gave him a hand job and he came very quickly. He said twice about how embarassed he was and begged me not to have bad opinion of him. I said that I didn't and wanted to see him again sometime. Then he replied that wwe might be able to make it happen sometime and that he was dating multiple women to find the one, then went on and on about how great i was and mentioned specifics, and that any man who gets to marry me is the luckiest man, then he ended with good thought from our date. I replied that i was dating others too and that maybe we would run into each other again sometime and tganked him for compliment. He replied begging me to not ignore him because he would never ignore me, then reiterated his compliments of me. I've never had this hapoen before. Please help me analyze. What's to analyze? He likes you apparently, you just met and you're both seeing other people. That's the way it should go. Until he starts calling you consistently and asking for dates consistently and demonstrating that he's focused on you, you just keep living your life. Nothing else really matters until all that happens. 4
Toodaloo Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Sounds to me like he was embarrassed and didn't want you to think he is a looser... Guys tend to think that they have to be studs and last for hours and if they come quickly its detrimental to how we view their sexual prowess... Yeah, stupid, I know. But its how many of them think. Has he asked you out on another date? Has he been attentive and has he called? have you spoken to him since? if he is dating others I would cut back on the sex stuff until you are both concentrating more on each other than worrying about anyone else. Actions always speak far louder than words.
Author venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Something isn't right......run! What doesn't sound right? I don't think it does either. I'm not really dating others, I'm not actively looking and focusing on other things, then he came along.
clia Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think you probably won't hear from him again. The hand job followed by telling you he is dating other women and the words of adoration. It sounds a lot like the standard pump and dump.
Author venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I think you probably won't hear from him again. The hand job followed by telling you he is dating other women and the words of adoration. It sounds a lot like the standard pump and dump. What is the pump and dump? I never heard it before. What I don't get is if he already got what he wanted and is dating "multiple wonen", then why go on and on about all if the great things about me?
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 What is the pump and dump? I never heard it before. What I don't get is if he already got what he wanted and is dating "multiple wonen", then why go on and on about all if the great things about me? A pump and dump is a situation where a man wants sex (or some kind of sexual gratification) from a woman and nothing else and after he gets it, he dumps her or doesn't see her again or at least for a while anyway. And, what do you expect him to do, criticize you and berate you and cut off the potential for another round of sexual gratification? He's telling all the other women he's seeing the same thing he's telling you. As for coming really fast, maybe be just got really turned on by you specifically or the others haven't been around for a while. And/or those women are waiting to have sex with a man until he demonstrates sincere and focused interest in them.
Author venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 A pump and dump is a situation where a man wants sex (or some kind of sexual gratification) from a woman and nothing else and after he gets it, he dumps her or doesn't see her again or at least for a while anyway. And, what do you expect him to do, criticize you and berate you and cut off the potential for another round of sexual gratification? He's telling all the other women he's seeing the same thing he's telling you. As for coming really fast, maybe be just got really turned on by you specifically or the others haven't been around for a while. And/or those women are waiting to have sex with a man until he demonstrates sincere and focused interest in them. Thanks for this explanation. So with the pump and dump, have the guys already decided that they are only after sex? How should females handle this type of guy?
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Thanks for this explanation. So with the pump and dump, have the guys already decided that they are only after sex? How should females handle this type of guy? Until a man demonstrates a sincere and focused interest in you, you don't have sex with them. The only way to know for sure that they didn't only want you for sex after you've had sex with them, is to see if they keep up with communication afterward, and not sexting, I mean quality communication about how you are, when you can go on another proper date and being consistent about it. Sometimes a guy may actually be dating for a relationship but based on a woman's behavior will decide to have sex with them and not continue to consider them to be a good dating for relationship prospect. How do you handle this guy? You wait to see if he continues to contact you and is consistent. If he asks you for a proper date, not to his house, you could go but don't have sex with him again until it's clear what he wants. And, at this point, it would be prudent not to have sex with him again until it's clear that he's serious about you. It is perfectly ok to take sex off the table now because you are not in a relationship yet and it is your right not to have sex even if you've already done that. If he respects you enough, he will wait until you two know each other better to have sex again. You don't have to tell him you're taking sex off the table, you just don't leave the opportunity for that to happen again until you're comfortable. Keep any dates you have with him public and don't go to his house or bring him to yours. Tell him you have things to do in the morning or something like that. If he pushes you and says you've already been sexual with him so what's the big deal or implies you owe it now, you can tell him you're uncomfortable about doing that again until you do know each other better. You could say something like "I enjoyed doing that that night, but I'd like to hold off a bit now." 2
Author venusinlibra Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Until a man demonstrates a sincere and focused interest in you, you don't have sex with them. The only way to know for sure that they didn't only want you for sex after you've had sex with them, is to see if they keep up with communication afterward, and not sexting, I mean quality communication about how you are, when you can go on another proper date and being consistent about it. Sometimes a guy may actually be dating for a relationship but based on a woman's behavior will decide to have sex with them and not continue to consider them to be a good dating for relationship prospect. How do you handle this guy? You wait to see if he continues to contact you and is consistent. If he asks you for a proper date, not to his house, you could go but don't have sex with him again until it's clear what he wants. And, at this point, it would be prudent not to have sex with him again until it's clear that he's serious about you. It is perfectly ok to take sex off the table now because you are not in a relationship yet and it is your right not to have sex even if you've already done that. If he respects you enough, he will wait until you two know each other better to have sex again. You don't have to tell him you're taking sex off the table, you just don't leave the opportunity for that to happen again until you're comfortable. Keep any dates you have with him public and don't go to his house or bring him to yours. Tell him you have things to do in the morning or something like that. If he pushes you and says you've already been sexual with him so what's the big deal or implies you owe it now, you can tell him you're uncomfortable about doing that again until you do know each other better. You could say something like "I enjoyed doing that that night, but I'd like to hold off a bit now." I did not have sex with him and refused to let him come to my place. Should women just ignore pump and dump guys? Is it 100% accurate that he is one and only after sex?
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 When's the last time you heard from him or saw him? Where did the hand job take place? His home? How many dates have you had with him? What you need to do is not put so much thought into this. I wouldn't contact him again. See if he asks you out on a proper date. As mentioned, keep living your life and date others as well. If you don't hear from him again, then it was a pump and dump.
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Met a guy and he asked me on a date. He is very expressive and warm and we have a lot in common. I refused to let him come to my place because we recently met and he seemed fine with it. We did mess around one night and I gave him a hand job and he came very quickly. He said twice about how embarassed he was and begged me not to have bad opinion of him. I said that I didn't and wanted to see him again sometime. Then he replied that we might be able to make it happen sometime and that he was dating multiple women to find the one, then went on and on about how great i was and mentioned specifics, and that any man who gets to marry me is the luckiest man, then he ended with good thought from our date. I replied that i was dating others too and that maybe we would run into each other again sometime and tganked him for compliment. He replied begging me to not ignore him because he would never ignore me, then reiterated his compliments of me. I've never had this hapoen before. Please help me analyze. I think if he were interested in actually dating you (instead of just receiving a hand job from you), he would NOT have said what he said in bold. If it were me, I would have been completely insulted by that remark.... I mean you just gave him a hand job, told him you would like to see him again, and he replied we "might" be able to make that happen? And that he's dating others, looking for the "one"? Wow, thanks dude.. ugh. I admire his honesty about dating others, but come on now, a man who is interested in dating a woman would never say this to her. Again, totally insulting...I would have said thanks anyway...and left. Then blocked him and ignored if he ever contacted me again. Sheesh. Edited June 4, 2015 by katiegrl 2
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He's doin the "talkin in circles" to confuse you, and to keep you thinking you have a chance to have a relationship with him....or not?..he's jerkin ya now eh?
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He's doin the "talkin in circles" to confuse you, and to keep you thinking you have a chance to have a relationship with him....or not?..he's jerkin ya now eh? Exactly... I am still irked by his "we might be able to make that happen" and "I am looking for "the one" remarks immediately after the hand job and your expression in seeing him again. Could he be any more condescending and insulting? I mean who the hell is he... Adonis? lol Don't do me any favors dude... nevermind. Next!
fred123 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You went on one date so why are the girls on here really mad? Maybe he decided that she was better as a friend. He wants to see how things are going? They are friends. How do you even know it was a date or just two friends meeting up?
lana-banana Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 ...and that any man who gets to marry me is the luckiest man I'm zeroing in here because any man who says this is not interested in you. He's trying to reaffirm your self-worth while rejecting you. It's basically a consolation prize, akin to "You're going to make someone very happy". The short of it is he was using you for sex but he didn't want you to feel like you were being used for sex.
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You went on one date so why are the girls on here really mad? Maybe he decided that she was better as a friend. He wants to see how things are going? They are friends. How do you even know it was a date or just two friends meeting up? Two "friends" meeting up? Sorry I didn't realize being friends included hand jobs. But yeah obviously, he only wants to be friends....if that. So (1) why did he allow her to give him a hand job...and (2) afterward when she expressed interest in seeing him again, why wasn't he just honest with her? And say, I am only interested in a friendship... instead of yeah "we MIGHT" be able to.... the implication being when he's bored and horny one night, and none of the "other" women he's actually dating are available, he "might" give her a ring to get together, for probably another hand job... or more if she's open to it. And if that's not insulting enough, immediately after the hand job, he tells her he is looking for the "one." (And obviously you're NOT it...sorry!). Talk about insensitive. What a boob. Like I said...next. JMO
Author venusinlibra Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Two "friends" meeting up? Sorry I didn't realize being friends included hand jobs. But yeah obviously, he only wants to be friends....if that. So (1) why did he allow her to give him a hand job...and (2) afterward when she expressed interest in seeing him again, why wasn't he just honest with her? And say, I am only interested in a friendship... instead of yeah "we MIGHT" be able to.... the implication being when he's bored and horny one night, and none of the "other" women he's actually dating are available, he "might" give her a ring to get together, for probably another hand job... or more if she's open to it. And if that's not insulting enough, immediately after the hand job, he tells her he is looking for the "one." (And obviously you're NOT it...sorry!). Talk about insensitive. What a boob. Like I said...next. JMO Agreed. I was most puzzled by all of this being preceded by him being so worried and embarassed about me having a negative opinion of him. Next, after I said that I was dating around a lot too, he came on strong again with the compliments. I've never had this game played on me. Either they act like the man and juggle women and get them to chase him, or else they act all pathetic and insecure about being embarassed and fear the woman thinking badly of him. I'm more hung up on analyzing this than dating him. To be honest, I somewhat knew he didn't meet all of my criteria and wasn't looking for a guy when I met him. I guess I got caught up in the moment. Both of us like to joke around and I really thought he was pulling my leg by saying he came from my handjob after less than two minutes. It was pitch dark and I didn't even have access to his entire you know what. Lol. Here's something funny: i saw his dating site profile and he is looking for the following: * good christian lady who is sexy * girl who comes from a good family * a girl who respects herself I can't make this stuff up. Lol
central Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I usually dated several women, seeking one who was truly compatible for the long term. I didn't usually say anything about it, but would be honest if asked. It made finding a great match faster than sequentially dating, and the ones who weren't really compatible seldom lasted beyond a couple of dates. If he's doing the same, then him wanting another date means he sees potential in you. Another date or so may lead to one of you deciding it won't work, or you both deciding it's worth pursuing, at which point you talk about being exclusive to see where it goes.
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