dsg14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I'm a 23 year old indian american guy about to enter his first year of med school. My family didn't have a lot growing up and I really pushed myself in HS and college to do well, really ignoring the opposite gender. I was also overweight. Thankfully I've slimmed down and added some muscle over the past year. I want to put myself out there ( in terms of dating etc) come fall. However, given that I'm 5ft 4, would anyone be willing to date me? It's discouraging to see how much the ladies value height. I can't fault folks for having some very deeply ingrained preferences, but a part of me fears that I'll be alone for forever.
acheybreakey Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You won't be alone forever, certainly at least not due to your height alone. Some people have some intrinsic height preferences that aren't necessarily written in stone. For example, I am 6'0 and if someone asked me what height of man I prefer, I would probably respond with someone about my height or taller. But that doesn't mean that I don't frequently date men shorter than me. I was in a many year relationship with a man that was 5'6 and we ended for reasons totally unrelated to height. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that regardless of what you may think girls want, or what girls may think that they want, if you click with someone and there's a genuine connection, your height should not matter. And if it does matter that much to that person, then you probably dont want to be with them anyway. 1
Dork Vader Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 There are plenty of women out there who would be willing to date someone that is 5'4. I know a lot of Asian men who are not tall and they have no problem meeting women. Just focus on building friendships with women. From friendship relationships will blossom. As you spend time with them casually you will get to know them and they will get too know you. That is where feelings of attachment form. 1
Author dsg14 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Thanks for your replies. Any more thoughts? I should have tried dating earlier but I got so buys with school and getting into med school I ignored this part of life. I'm determined to put myself out there but at times I do get disheartened by the height thing.
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It's no different than women who are 6'3", of course dating will be limited for you. Is there hope for you? Sure there is! There are women who will date someone their height or an inch or two shorter. Never be negative about it.....women are attracted to confidence, and a positive attitude. 5
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 A friend of mine is about your height & his wife is beautiful & taller than him. She also out ranks him. 1
Vercetti Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 There are plenty of women out there who would be willing to date someone that is 5'4. I know a lot of Asian men who are not tall and they have no problem meeting women. Just focus on building friendships with women. From friendship relationships will blossom. As you spend time with them casually you will get to know them and they will get too know you. That is where feelings of attachment form.r You were just advised to friend zone yourself with women and that romantic relationships will magically happen from that point of no return. The last thing want to do is sabotage yourself in such a way. Anyhow how tall you are will only be a limiting factor if you allow it. What should you care what most women or bloody society allegedly wants...you just want ONE women that's into you. I think that's beyond possible. Go after girls in real life and avoid online. You're in school so should have lots to mix it up with. Just don't be friends, go forthright for what you want...a romantic partner. Will get what want and at least be respected if direct with intent.
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Thanks for your replies. Any more thoughts? I should have tried dating earlier but I got so buys with school and getting into med school I ignored this part of life. You won't have a problem finding women. You are someone with goals and a career path, someone who is interesting and offers a future. You are going to run into women who won't date you because of your height. That WILL happen. Maybe even a lot. But really, ALL of us have attributes that are dealbreakers for somebody. No matter what you look like, some people will be attracted to you, and some won't. So focus on the ones who will date you, and ignore the ones who won't. Don't let them turn you bitter or turn to a woman-hater. You should expect that only a percentage of those you pursue will be open to you. And that isn't only about your height. There are all kinds of reasons people say no, and it isn't always about the person who is asking. Approach it like a job interview. You aren't looking for numbers or to be attractive to everyone - you are looking for the right fit.
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Go after girls in real life and avoid online. I agree with your post except for this. I say he should cast his net as widely as possible to open as many possibilities as possible. You need to have thick skin with online dating, but it is also rich with possibility. And going on lots of dates will give him practice with dating.
loveweary11 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Sure, it will limit you, but we all have physical attributes that limit us in some way or another. There are plenty of girls around your height who don't mind guys the same height as them. I wish I could show you pics of one I'm friends with. She is 5'1" and beyond perfect. He is 5'3" and not at all perfect! ha ha ha But, they click. Common interests, enjoy each other's company. 1
misspond Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Anecdotes do not science make. But I have very tall female friends (over 5' 8") who have long term partners considerably shorter than they are. In one case they forged a relationship via friendship over a long time, in another case they clicked immediately (although she had to pursue him) and in other cases it was a combination of many factors. Just get out there and be friendly/funny/flirty. As another friend of mine says, "get yer tackle out and see what bites." (And she never means that literally, unless literally floats yer boat).
Vercetti Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I agree with your post except for this. I say he should cast his net as widely as possible to open as many possibilities as possible. You need to have thick skin with online dating, but it is also rich with possibility. And going on lots of dates will give him practice with dating. Aye I agree on casting wide net. Just OLD can be bloody brutal. Did not want him getting down cause of online filters in a check box. Coffee shop on strip near his school would be loaded up, guess he could check his dating profile from there. He has lots going for him, don't want him getting down looking at a computer screen. Only agree wide net, was just motivating due to some people that get stuck OLD and get stuck griping about it. 3
Elam Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) I'm a 23 year old indian american guy about to enter his first year of med school. My family didn't have a lot growing up and I really pushed myself in HS and college to do well, really ignoring the opposite gender. I was also overweight. Thankfully I've slimmed down and added some muscle over the past year. I want to put myself out there ( in terms of dating etc) come fall. However, given that I'm 5ft 4, would anyone be willing to date me? It's discouraging to see how much the ladies value height. I can't fault folks for having some very deeply ingrained preferences, but a part of me fears that I'll be alone for forever. You'll be invisible to most women, and you'll probably spend your 20s without a girlfriend, nor will you hook-up, but as you enter your 30s you'll be making a lot of money and women will want to marry you because of your income. They won't be sexually attracted to you but at least you'll get some before they divorce you. Honestly, if I was you I'd stick to escorts and forget about dating and marriage. There are plenty of women out there who would be willing to date someone that is 5'4. I know a lot of Asian men who are not tall and they have no problem meeting women. Just focus on building friendships with women. From friendship relationships will blossom. As you spend time with them casually you will get to know them and they will get too know you. That is where feelings of attachment form. No, there aren't. I have several friends who are decent-looking with a decent weight for their height and they are in their late 20s and never had a date, never had a kiss. They aren't socially inept and they aren't in the closet. Women choose men based on the man's looks, and unless he looks like James Dean women won't want to sleep with him. Some women do date short men. But there are very, very few women like that and most of them are already in a relationship. Edited June 4, 2015 by Elam 1
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I know plenty of short guys who do better than I do in the dating world. You may do better offline however. Short people are winners. 3
Elam Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You won't have a problem finding women. You are someone with goals and a career path, someone who is interesting and offers a future He won't have a problem finding women who'll want to access his bank account. He's a prime target for future alimony and child-support, that is why women in their 30s might see the guy as someone worth spending time with, but they aren't attracted to him. Trust me on this OP. I have many friends who are short or whatever and they're stuck in sexless relationships and marriages. Short people are winners. Because there's a reason for it. Height is the #1 women in their 20s look for. Even Tom Cruise with his looks and his fame and money gets crap for being short, so you can imagine how average-looking men with short statures are treated daily. 1
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You'll be invisible to most women, and you'll probably spend your 20s without a girlfriend, nor will you hook-up, but as you enter your 30s you'll be making a lot of money and women will want to marry you because of your income. They won't be sexually attracted to you but at least you'll get some before they divorce you. Honestly, if I was you I'd stick to escorts and forget about dating and marriage. No, there aren't. I have several friends who are decent-looking with a decent weight for their height and they are in their late 20s and never had a date, never had a kiss. They aren't socially inept and they aren't in the closet. Women choose men based on the man's looks, and unless he looks like James Dean women won't want to sleep with him. Some women do date short men. But there are very, very few women like that and most of them are already in a relationship. Do NOT listen to this.^^^ Ugh!! YOU are about to enter medicine, which in itself is a draw. If you are pleasant company and confident, you will be in demand. Get to know your classmates and use med school to network and socialise, and meet women. Do not get too caught up in books and study and forget that you are young and should use the time to make contacts, friends and meet women too. 5
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He won't have a problem finding women who'll want to access his bank account. He's a prime target for future alimony and child-support, that is why women in their 30s might see the guy as someone worth spending time with, but they aren't attracted to him. Trust me on this OP. I have many friends who are short or whatever and they're stuck in sexless relationships and marriages. There are many tall people stuck in sexless marriages too. And *I* have friends who are short who are in happy marriages - some of them even met their wives in their 20s, when they were apparently supposed to be seeing escorts and being ignored. GASP! Because there's a reason for it. Height is the #1 women in their 20s look for. This is complete BS. There are women who have strict height requirements, but it is far from ALL of them. 4
Elam Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 There are many tall people stuck in sexless marriages too. And *I* have friends who are short who are in happy marriages - some of them even met their wives in their 20s, when they were apparently supposed to be seeing escorts and being ignored. GASP! This is complete BS. There are women who have strict height requirements, but it is far from ALL of them. Are there? I don't know any. I even know of guys who are tall, married to decent-looking women who have high social status compared to them(doctors, dentists, engineers etc) and these guys don't even have a job, but the women fought with tooth and nail to get them. The men I know of who are in sexless relationships and marriages share all the same traits. They are short, or they are of average height but their facial looks are nothing to write home about. Oh, I'm sure that there are married men who are happy. Like I'm sure that there are Aliens outside in the big, big Universe but I've never actually met a member of an Alien Race. But rest assured that I know that there are aliens out there! Are you a man? Do you date women? No. I date women. I know men who date women. Most of the men I know who were rejected were rejected by their height, and many of these guys aren't even short. Most women want a guy who is at least 6 feet tall. The guys who got laid the most and the most frequently were the 6 feet tall + I knew of guys who never even had a girlfriend or a hook-up and they weren't ugly. 1
bluefairy812 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I'm 5'4 and my ex is 5'5. I wore flats for 90% of the relationship. Height doesn't matter when you're fun, intelligent, and have a great career! Plus know how to love the ladies. :love: 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yes, you'll find girls who will be attracted to your wit, your charm, the fact you're in med school, your hobbies, and some may even be attracted to your height! On a personal note, I'm 5'2 and have never dated or been in a RL with a guy over 5'10. My 1st BF (we met in med school ) was 5'5 and my guy (also a medic ) is 5'8. They were all drop dead gorgeous (to me). 4
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Are you a man? Do you date women? No. I date women. I know men who date women. No, I am a woman. I date men. And I have dated men who were short, men who were tall, men who were skinny, fat, built. Men who were successful. Men who were definitely NOT. I've dated musicians, and I've dated programmers. I would never say "looks don't matter". I was attracted to everyone I dated...even though some of them were not guys who other women would notice. I get so sick of this PUA thinking. 3
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yes, you'll find girls who will be attracted to your wit, your charm, the fact you're in med school, your hobbies, and some may even be attracted to your height! Very true - being the same height has physical advantages. 2
pteromom Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 The men I know of who are in sexless relationships and marriages share all the same traits. They are short, or they are of average height but their facial looks are nothing to write home about. The bolded above is the most important fact in your comment. The men I know who are in sexless relationships are all different heights and some are even very good looking. Even if you buy that women only pursue tall good-looking guys, it takes a LOT more than being tall and good-looking to sustain passion and intimacy in a relationship. It isn't as if you can just show up and give nothing else, and your partner will stay attracted. But that's getting off-topic, so if you wish to dive deeper into the topic, feel free to start another thread.
Elam Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 No, I am a woman. I date men. And I have dated men who were short, men who were tall, men who were skinny, fat, built. Men who were successful. Men who were definitely NOT. I've dated musicians, and I've dated programmers. I would never say "looks don't matter". I was attracted to everyone I dated...even though some of them were not guys who other women would notice. I get so sick of this PUA thinking. That's funny because there are communities like /short and /foreveralone with many, many young men who are in their late 20s and never even had a date, let alone a kiss. I've seen pictures of these guys. They aren't ugly, they aren't obese. What they are is short. The women they are into aren't Jennifer Lawrences. They approach a multitude of women of varied looks and heights and still they are rejected by all. I don't care about the handful of women who are willing to disregard a man's short stature when selecting him for a relationship or a hook-up(although the men who are short and successful with women tend to have extreme good-looks like Tom Cruise). Most of the men I've met who were short only began to have some success with women when they finally got their career started. And that wasn't success. Success is getting laid for free. What these guys had was a ''relationship'' which saw women trade sexual intimacy for resources. What PUA thinking? I don't deal with PUAs. A man's sexual success with women depends on his looks and on his height. PUa trickery is for 50 year old men who are trying to get 20 year old women. And I find it so hilarious when they don't get the women they want, whereas I just say hi and bam. Don't tell me that my 6'6'' height transmits a warm, kind personality? 1
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