Darth_Matt Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 advice. I was thinking about breaking NC and contacting a girl I dated 18 months ago. We haven't spoke in 8 months. I had very strong feelings for this girl. It took a sometime to get over her. The fact I'm writing this and asking for advice tells me I still may have strong feelings for her. Anyway, there's a band coming to town that we both like. I've been thinking of letting her know or asking if she's going. Make small talk. Part of feels this is no big deal. Its been 18 months, shoot her a text, she may like hearing from me and we can start a dialog again. Another side fells - don't! I remember how hard it was to get over those feelings and I'm setting myself up to be hurt again. What would you all do? I know this is very childish. Emotions and feelings aren't easy to process sometimes.
Brigit Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 advice. I was thinking about breaking NC and contacting a girl I dated 18 months ago. We haven't spoke in 8 months. I had very strong feelings for this girl. It took a sometime to get over her. The fact I'm writing this and asking for advice tells me I still may have strong feelings for her. Anyway, there's a band coming to town that we both like. I've been thinking of letting her know or asking if she's going. Make small talk. Part of feels this is no big deal. Its been 18 months, shoot her a text, she may like hearing from me and we can start a dialog again. Another side fells - don't! I remember how hard it was to get over those feelings and I'm setting myself up to be hurt again. What would you all do? I know this is very childish. Emotions and feelings aren't easy to process sometimes. Why did you break up?
Author Darth_Matt Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I ended it because she was distant. The closer we got the more distant she came. I was the person she cared about since her divorce (so she said). The truth, is I can tell she wanted out. It was painful to date her and it was just as painful not dating her. We remained friends after, and spoke often. Eventuality I had to go complete NC. It was the best for me. But lately I've been thinking of her more and more.
Thecondor1991 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well if you are healed then I dont see why not. However if you think it may hurt you than I would say no.
Author Darth_Matt Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I agree. I don't think I am going to. One way to find out if you can be friends with someone - think of them dating someone else. How does it make us feel. I know my answer. I think it would hurt me. So, I don't think it would be a good idea to contact her. Even if I do think she would enjoy hearing from me. Those are my thoughts. Slow day at work so I've been in my head a lot today
Author Darth_Matt Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I was the person she cared about since her divorce (so she said). "I was the FIRST person she cared about, since her divorce". Sorry for the typos!!
Brigit Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I agree. I don't think I am going to. One way to find out if you can be friends with someone - think of them dating someone else. How does it make us feel. I know my answer. I think it would hurt me. So, I don't think it would be a good idea to contact her. Even if I do think she would enjoy hearing from me. Those are my thoughts. Slow day at work so I've been in my head a lot today You can contact her it wouldn't be the end of the world. If she was distant before she'll probably wind up being distant again. You'll probably get hurt again.
ZiggyZoo Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think you made the right decision. I've found that if I'm not absolutely 100% ok with a no, then I shouldn't even be asking. Maybe in eight more months... And I don't think its childish at all. Asking advice is always a good idea if you're not sure.
Jamesdk Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I agree. I don't think I am going to. One way to find out if you can be friends with someone - think of them dating someone else. How does it make us feel. I know my answer. I think it would hurt me. So, I don't think it would be a good idea to contact her. Even if I do think she would enjoy hearing from me. Those are my thoughts. Slow day at work so I've been in my head a lot today That's a REALLY great way to find out and know if you're over someone! I'm going to have to remember that. Thank you
Author Darth_Matt Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I have no problems with being friends with girls I've dated. I'm friends with a couple of them now and I get along great. No romantic feelings at all. But with her its different. I get the nervous stomach just thinking of her. That's whats confusing - is it just over- thinking. Making a big deal out of nothing or is it my brain saying "don't you will get hurt again. Stay with NC". I still have feelings for her - Obviously!
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Why not ask someone new? Some hot new thang that could be your next great love? Re-visiting a past relationship that didn't work doesn't sound like a great idea to me. People and relationships don't change no matter how much we'd like them too. 1
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