fremenowplease Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago after our last bad bad fight, caused my me. He basically says I need time to get over my romantic feelings for him, but knows I am going through a lot in my life right now and wants to help me through it in about a month or so. I was working 16 hours days with 3 jobs and had completely lost myself in the process. I would wake up and be literally crying from exhaustion not knowing how I would make it through the day. I was just running from one thing to another trying to make everything work. Obviously I wasn't able handle a relationship too. I was yelling at him, and have learned that I need to communicate needs better but at the time did not know how. Anyway, I just quit one of my 3 jobs so I could feel more stable and its already done wonders. However the day I quit was the day he ended things with me so he hasn't even seen my stress levels come down! He says he cares very much for me but can not be here with me during this time while I figure out what it is I need to. I miss him so much but agreed to his feelings. On the night of our break up, he contradicted himself however and mentioned a party we both have tickets to go to this weekend, saying we should go together. I don't know what to do! I have yet to hear from him since then, and have been working on myself every day and trying to remain positive. I also signed up for some stress /anger management classes so that I can get help and learn the tools to not take my stresses out on others when its overwhelming. He is aware of this as well. He also told me he is not interested in dating anyone else, and won't be for a long time, but that I still need to not wait for him hoping we will get back together when we see each other again. Is there a chance that if I can in fact make big changes in my behavior that he will come back around? Will my new positive character respark his interest? I really just needed a break from so much work for so many weeks!!
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago after our last bad bad fight, caused my me. He basically says I need time to get over my romantic feelings for him, but knows I am going through a lot in my life right now and wants to help me through it in about a month or so. I was working 16 hours days with 3 jobs and had completely lost myself in the process. I would wake up and be literally crying from exhaustion not knowing how I would make it through the day. I was just running from one thing to another trying to make everything work. Obviously I wasn't able handle a relationship too. I was yelling at him, and have learned that I need to communicate needs better but at the time did not know how. Anyway, I just quit one of my 3 jobs so I could feel more stable and its already done wonders. However the day I quit was the day he ended things with me so he hasn't even seen my stress levels come down! He says he cares very much for me but can not be here with me during this time while I figure out what it is I need to. I miss him so much but agreed to his feelings. On the night of our break up, he contradicted himself however and mentioned a party we both have tickets to go to this weekend, saying we should go together. I don't know what to do! I have yet to hear from him since then, and have been working on myself every day and trying to remain positive. I also signed up for some stress /anger management classes so that I can get help and learn the tools to not take my stresses out on others when its overwhelming. He is aware of this as well. He also told me he is not interested in dating anyone else, and won't be for a long time, but that I still need to not wait for him hoping we will get back together when we see each other again. Is there a chance that if I can in fact make big changes in my behavior that he will come back around? Will my new positive character respark his interest? I really just needed a break from so much work for so many weeks!! Sure, that chance exists, but keep up with the progress and moving forward for YOURSELF, not just to see if he'll come back. For now, don't reach out to him. Let him contact you, if he's going to. When he does, don't mention the relationship unless he does. Keep things light and let him hear that you're pulling things together. He will need to see that this "new" you is going to stick around and observe for a while before he becomes comfortable enough to try again. 1
Hopeful30 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Nop. At least I wouldnt. All my exes are happy now and that was the point. I wasnt happy with then and moved on, so to see them happy is a relief. If I couldnt do it, im glad someone else can 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He doesn't want to be with someone who copes with stress by yelling at their partner. I'm sorry to say if a partner of mine treated me like that, especially early on, I'd have serious concerns about continuing the relationship too. Those big changes probably won't persuade him back to you, you need to make them for yourself and yourself only. I'm sorry to say when someone says 'don't wait for me' they're usually a lost cause.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I agree with what everyone is saying. Is there a chance he "may" return? Maybe but don't plan on it. You need to address your issues that you mentioned so you don't repeat them with him or your next partner. It would be a major deal breaker for me if my partner took her stress out on me. My last ex did and then ended us because I couldn't do it. I was RELIEVED after I got over it and when she came back wanting another chance, all I could think about is how nasty, angry and $itchy she was when she was overwhelmed. I'd already bought that ground and said NO THANKS.. She's someone else's nightmare now since I know she'll never address her issues like you're trying to do. Leave him alone as already mentioned. Give him time away from you to see if he'll miss you.
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago after our last bad bad fight, caused my me. He basically says I need time to get over my romantic feelings for him, but knows I am going through a lot in my life right now and wants to help me through it in about a month or so. I was working 16 hours days with 3 jobs and had completely lost myself in the process. I would wake up and be literally crying from exhaustion not knowing how I would make it through the day. I was just running from one thing to another trying to make everything work. Obviously I wasn't able handle a relationship too. I was yelling at him, and have learned that I need to communicate needs better but at the time did not know how. Anyway, I just quit one of my 3 jobs so I could feel more stable and its already done wonders. However the day I quit was the day he ended things with me so he hasn't even seen my stress levels come down! He says he cares very much for me but can not be here with me during this time while I figure out what it is I need to. I miss him so much but agreed to his feelings. On the night of our break up, he contradicted himself however and mentioned a party we both have tickets to go to this weekend, saying we should go together. I don't know what to do! I have yet to hear from him since then, and have been working on myself every day and trying to remain positive. I also signed up for some stress /anger management classes so that I can get help and learn the tools to not take my stresses out on others when its overwhelming. He is aware of this as well. He also told me he is not interested in dating anyone else, and won't be for a long time, but that I still need to not wait for him hoping we will get back together when we see each other again. Is there a chance that if I can in fact make big changes in my behavior that he will come back around? Will my new positive character respark his interest? I really just needed a break from so much work for so many weeks!! He dropped you at a low point when you needed him. He told you he couldn't be there for you during rough patches. He stated several times that he wants you to move on - he wants you to get over your romantic feelings for him, wants to help you in a month ? what does that even mean, not interested in dating someone else right now, but wants you to move on and not wait around for him, hoping you'll get back together. No, there isn't a chance. Even if your positive attitude attracts him again, he gave up on you when times got tough - for you. Why would you want that back?
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Just keep positive, and see where things go. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you are moving forward in a good way.
preraph Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I commend you for taking steps to fix your situation. Those steps will help you no matter whether he comes back or not, so don't just do it for him but for yourself. The anger management course will work wonders, I imagine. And yes, it is so stressful working too much. I have done so myself many many times. It is sometimes necessary, so good you're taking the course to manage your anger. I know someone it really helped. Just let him know you've quit one job and am taking anger management and instead of trying to talk him into coming back sooner than he's ready, you tell him you will let him know when you've completed your course and are feeling like you have a grip on your life. Don't be clingy or needy or beg and bother. Just give him a rest and some space, and try not to contact him for no reason until you've finished all this work on your life. Good luck!
Author fremenowplease Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 How long does it take for a guy to get back in touch??
Author fremenowplease Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 The first thing out of his mouth when we met up to break up was that he had missed me
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 How long does it take for a guy to get back in touch?? I'm sure you realize there's no single answer for this. It's impossible to predict. Some never really do. Others do after a while. The point is that you need to move forward for you, and not only as a way to get him back. It's great that you're moving in a healthier direction. Keep in mind that a week isn't very long and I imagine you'll need much longer to see a sustained improvement. The same would go for a romantic partner. I don't think he'd give much weight to a week's worth of progress, to be honest. If you two met up again at some point further down the road, then it might be different. I also am a bit skeptical of his offer to help after a month - where did that time frame come from? Also, a couple other questions: how long were you together? What caused this fight, and what was said?
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 The first thing out of his mouth when we met up to break up was that he had missed me That means nothing. You will always miss the person you were dating, whether it was a good relationship or not. I think you need to examine your own life and move toward your own happiness. You're putting way too much stock in something that no longer exists, with a guy that ditched you when times got rough. Things will always get rough in relationships. You need someone that will stick through it with you. Not leave you and say 'talk to you in a month.'
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