JaneyJ1991 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) I feel like every time I see him, if I want to be sexual at all (and we're not even having sex, just fooling around), I have to initiate it. I have to be the instigator. I have to escalate the kissing. I have to keep after it. And I've never experienced that before. Last night, we were watching a movie (that he's SEEN before), and I started getting worked up, and basically had to ask him if he could "pause the movie so we could have a moment". After I got off, I asked if he wanted to. His response, "Nah, I can do it later." I was stunned. He's like, "Well it's just such a big mess, and a big ordeal for me to get off." And then, "We never finish a whole movie. Can't we finish ONE movie?" He would rather..Watch a movie he's already seen, then be intimate with a girl who wants him? Last week, we were both getting worked up on the phone..And he turned down phone sex. It's starting to make me feel insecure about myself. I never thought I had a high sex drive, for a female. He's 25, extremely healthy, weight lifts (read: tons of testosterone being produced), and I'm 23. I'd think most men would be thrilled if the woman they were dating wanted to have an orgasm with them/see them orgasm. Last night, I bought a new outfit, tried to look really nice, etc. It felt very discouraging. He told me last night quote, "I feel kinda awkward getting off in front of you. That's probably why it takes awhile." and quote, "Well, YOU DO have a high sex drive." I feel terrible. It makes me feel kind of sl**** to be the one who's always after intimacy. It makes me feel like I look easy or something. I would think he has a low sex drive, but I know he hooked up with someone around the time we met, and they had SEX FOUR TIMES in FOUR DAYS. Yet...He doesn't want to get off with me ONCE every four days? Is it me? Did I do this to him? Or is it him? Does it genuinely sound like I have the higher sex drive? Or he's just downright not into me physically.? Edited June 4, 2015 by JaneyJ1991
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 OP, do NOT beat yourself up over this. You're absolutely right that any guy in their twenties in particularly should be jumping for joy for having a girlfriend who not only enjoys sex but initiates it. Just read some of the threads on here of people bellyaching about the exact opposite! Personally, something sounds off with this guy. It's hard to really assess things or your relationship since we're only getting a tiny one-sided snapshot but this definitely doesn't sound normal. And it's definitely NOT your fault so shake that nonsense out of your head straight away. How long have you been dating? Have you always had a great sex life or is this pretty much how it's been all along? A bit more info regarding your relationship and sex life might help us offer some better advice. As it stands now I want to reassure you that you did not "do this to him". Don't let him gaslight you like that. On a more positive note...welcome to the horny girlfriend club
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Question: why you are not having sex? You need to understand that the goal in getting all worked up for a man is to have sex. By putting penetration off the table you are taking away his purpose. There is no satisfaction and it gets pretty boring fast for a man if all you do is get high and then release the tension manually. Also, he is still waiting on his test results and you still have not made a decision if you are ok with his hsv or not. Your indecisiveness is like a rejection. Under these circumstances I am surprised he's getting hard at all. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Okay clearly I need to do a better job at doing homework and reading past threads from OP's - ugh. As for my original post, I still stand by my comment that the OP is normal in terms of her sexual appetite and that men should be grateful BUT given the OP's other post and the background info, this is a bit more complicated than I originally thought. Someone else can take this one.
Lansing Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah, since you aren't talking "sex drive" in terms of actual sex it is hard to comment... no pun intended... Basically, he probably feels like he is getting excited for nothing. It is probably easier for him to watch porn and get off on that vs. getting off on you by himself.. This isn't a straight case of a guy not wanting you.... 1
Dork Vader Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 How long have the 2 of you been dating? If it's only been a few weeks or a few months give it some more time. It can take a while for people too get comfortable. Continue to talk to him about it and see if you can get him too increase what he does. Talk too him about diet, exercise and how frequently he masturbates. Tell him to knock off the masturbating entirely. Tell him to quit eating foods that can lower his testosterone levels. Ask him what you can do too help him become more interested in sex. Tell him that this is a make or break issue for the relationship and the two of you need too at the very least find middle ground. My ex had a much higher sex drive then I did at first. But I would do things like oral for her and so on. Adding exercise, changing my diet and giving up masturbation entirely fixed that. My sex drive then became much higher then hers. If I ever was not in the mood well... I'd let her satisfy herself with me. Relationships are two way streets and sex can't always be about him. If he can't figure that out, then I think you should move on.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah, since you aren't talking "sex drive" in terms of actual sex it is hard to comment... no pun intended... Basically, he probably feels like he is getting excited for nothing. It is probably easier for him to watch porn and get off on that vs. getting off on you by himself.. This isn't a straight case of a guy not wanting you.... Great post. Was going to say the same thing myself. Since you're not ready to have full on sex yet OP, everything you're doing is basically a big tease with no pay off. So he's pulling back and keeping himself in check until you two can actually have sex.
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well, rejecting you for sex is not good. A good rule of thumb for relationships is to give your partner sex and affection whenever they want it. Too bad he does not know this.
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well, rejecting you for sex is not good. A good rule of thumb for relationships is to give your partner sex and affection whenever they want it. Too bad he does not know this. The way I see it it's not him rejecting her. It's her rejecting him. She is the one who does not want to have sex she just wants to fool around. A grown up man isn't interested in fooling around for months! 2
MadJackBird Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Is this the same guy that may or may not have HSV and cheated on you? Why are you with him?
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Who is "he?" Your boyfriend? How did you guys get together? Does he ever initiate anything sexual? Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's into you. He said he felt awkward getting off in front of you. That should tell you something.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well, rejecting you for sex is not good. A good rule of thumb for relationships is to give your partner sex and affection whenever they want it. Too bad he does not know this. If you read the first post you'll notice that she doesn't want to have full on sex yet. Her only interest is in fooling around/foreplay. So my guess is that he is sick of getting worked up for nothing and wants to hold back until she's ready to actually have sex. That's why it's funny she's talking about "sex drive" when she doesn't want actual sex to happen yet. 1
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 "I feel kinda awkward getting off in front of you. This just dawn on me. What kind of fooling around are you having? Does he have to get himself off because of his possible hsv? So you fool around and he has to finish himself? If this is it than it's even worse than I thought. No wonder he's not interested anymore. 1
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