Thecondor1991 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 it means they want to break up but don't want to hurt your feelings.
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yea, this is the obvious answer, sigh. But what to do? Should i interrupt her 'space' and contact her or should i wait? So far I'm thinking of waiting. To be honest, i do not know what she is thinking about me wanting more of her attention? I would like to talk to her about this, because what is the use to break up over a misunderstanding? As much as i adore her,,, i have to wonder what the future holds to be with someone who could shut things down like this without talking about it.... it is not a good long term prospect,,,, am i making any sense? Unless you want to break it off preemptively so you're not the dumpee, then respect her request. When you brought up the slow down of the relationship, what did you talk about? Did your tone insinuate that you were thinking that it was over, or were you talking about maybe stepping it up a little? That matters. If she thought you were getting ready to dump her, then she may be preparing herself for that, or letting you see how it is without her. She didn't seem to think anything or need space til that conversation, so that conversation kinda matters if you're trying to figure out what she's doing and what she means.
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I so, so needed to hear that right now. Thank you for sharing that. In regards to the space thing - the situations are different, but I actually asked my guy for space until the end of my work week after he and I had a very difficult few days. I wanted to compartmentalize and make it through that while having some time to gather my thoughts. I respect him so much for sticking to it. It's been really hard for me to even stick with what I said, but I told him I'd get in touch after I was done on Friday at 3:30, so I have to stick to that, too. It'll be better for both of us after the stress of this week is over for me! Good luck! Everything will work out for the best, no matter what that is Thank you for this,,, i can so imagine what you are feeling is what my girlfriend is feeling, although there are logistical problems to our relationship that adds a new dimension of difficulty on top, and is really at the heart of all this..... She is already depressed because she owns her own 2 bedroom apartment which she has worked very hard for, then her younger brother moved in and took the spare room, then earlier this year her younger sister moved in sharing her own bedroom. Her sister has no plan of moving out. So that is the ongoing situation but at least we can spend time with each other at my place, so everything is great. Then what happened, my parents moved in at my place! Last Sunday i told her that this has happened, but it is not like a big surprise, i have told her a few times it 'may' happen. I noticed she was a bit quiet after that and when i try to talk about what we can do with our situation she just shrugs and says "i don't know" and doesn't say anything more. Oh and on that same Sunday i asked her if i am giving her enough attention because i could feel the connection between us was not as strong, (even the week before the 'parents' incident). Her reply was simply to say "too much" and she said it a couple of times in a row. She did not explain to me what she meant by that. So i thought allot about all this on Sunday night and wrote an email to her with ideas and things about how we can try to manage the situation and move forward. That Monday night she briefly spoke with me online, told me she had read my email, told me she thinks what i want is more attention from her, then told me she needs space for a couple of weeks because she has allot going on at work etc etc. So my feeling is that she is not breaking up for emotional reasons but for practical reasons. So i am hoping her emotions are on my side enough that she will choose to stay with me.... i think it would say allot about how she feels about me if she did.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Goodness me, that's a whole new ball-game... I hate to pry, but how old are her siblings? Is there rent at play here, or are they 'free-loading'? We're they invited to move in, or did they just ask to do so, or assume it would be ok for them to 'muscle in'...? Really, I know it might create initial strain, but she really does have a right to ask them to move out in a reasonable period... And how long are your parents going to be staying with you? (I'm almost thinking this sounds like something that would happen in the Asian/Orient, where the familial connection is far more intense than in the Western culture countries.... 1
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Goodness me, that's a whole new ball-game... I hate to pry, but how old are her siblings? Is there rent at play here, or are they 'free-loading'? We're they invited to move in, or did they just ask to do so, or assume it would be ok for them to 'muscle in'...? Really, I know it might create initial strain, but she really does have a right to ask them to move out in a reasonable period... And how long are your parents going to be staying with you? (I'm almost thinking this sounds like something that would happen in the Asian/Orient, where the familial connection is far more intense than in the Western culture countries.... The sister has a good paying job but refuses to pay rent, the brother seems more responsible tho. Yes their all from Indonesia, Chinese decent. There is an element of muscling in too it. My parents will probably be here at least a year if not more. Oh the siblings are in their 20's, wheras my girlfriend is 38
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 There's the problem then. She has too many people muscling in on her time, wanting a piece of her and crowding her space. Family ties being what they are, to those of Sino-Asian origin, family will sadly, always win over romantic ties. YOU are not the problem. THEY are the problem. Asking you to give her space, is her solution. Compound that with the situation your parents are now involved in (staying with you) and you guys have little chance of privacy and solitude. She needs to be a bit more stern with her siblings. But I doubt you'll be able to point that out to her without some major wrangling.... 1
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 There's the problem then. She has too many people muscling in on her time, wanting a piece of her and crowding her space. Family ties being what they are, to those of Sino-Asian origin, family will sadly, always win over romantic ties. YOU are not the problem. THEY are the problem. Asking you to give her space, is her solution. Compound that with the situation your parents are now involved in (staying with you) and you guys have little chance of privacy and solitude. She needs to be a bit more stern with her siblings. But I doubt you'll be able to point that out to her without some major wrangling.... Yes, she has complained to me allot about her sister - mostly about losing her privacy - and a few times she initiated some 'dirty' talk online and then suddenly would say "oh my sister just came in". After that happened a couple of times she gave up on that idea of dirty talk. It gets worse... she was even telling me she wants to move out, she wants to buy another place etc etc. It gets worse.... Then what happened two weeks ago now, her sister got the flu and my gf did not want to catch it, so she was sleeping on the couch, cold and crying, and her sister took her bed.... then after the flu the sister is now staying in her bed with my gf.
GoBlue Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I appreciate your commitment to hang in there and to come at this with faith and wisdom. I always struggle with someone who says "they need space" because you (the partner) are showing too much "need for" affection, or attention, or normal couple interaction. You probably don't want to be married to someone who struggles with always wanting their space and not having enough energy (or love) to respond to your attention by giving you the same thing. I believe that dating is for the purpose of determining whether a relationship has what it takes to develop into a lifelong, committed relationship that stands the test of time. That means sometimes there are break-ups along the pathway to finding true love. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be blessed! 1
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I appreciate your commitment to hang in there and to come at this with faith and wisdom. I always struggle with someone who says "they need space" because you (the partner) are showing too much "need for" affection, or attention, or normal couple interaction. You probably don't want to be married to someone who struggles with always wanting their space and not having enough energy (or love) to respond to your attention by giving you the same thing. I believe that dating is for the purpose of determining whether a relationship has what it takes to develop into a lifelong, committed relationship that stands the test of time. That means sometimes there are break-ups along the pathway to finding true love. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be blessed! What you say is true,,,, i just wish women would talk 'with' me for once when they feel the relationship is not going in the direction they want. I will always do this for them My viewpoint is that two minds/hearts are better than one, and together you can find a way to work it out or say goodbye,,, why can't i find a woman that believes this instead of women who just 'say' they do, when things are nice and shiny, but the first instant they start cooling off, it's never true?
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 What you say is true,,,, i just wish women would talk 'with' me for once when they feel the relationship is not going in the direction they want. I will always do this for them My viewpoint is that two minds/hearts are better than one, and together you can find a way to work it out or say goodbye,,, why can't i find a woman that believes this instead of women who just 'say' they do, when things are nice and shiny, but the first instant they start cooling off, it's never true? Actually i think i know the answer to that question already.... I was daydreaming a few weeks ago and in a moment of quiet reflection the thought came to me toward the mystery and wonder of what it is, the love of a woman? It can be gentle and quiet like a whisper in the wind, a thing of wondrous beauty, as delicate as a butterfly but stronger than the finest steel. Men, we can be loud, we can be focused on our own emotions and every day lives, how often we overlook that gentle kiss on the wind which is the love of a woman? How often we do not appreciate its delicate beauty, or overlook its true value? And then quietly, unseen by the world, a teardrop falls, and that precious love is lost. Men who know how to cherish the love of a women, and give love in return, these are the men who find themselves with one of those amazing kind of relationships that everyone asks "what's your secret?"
alphamale Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 it means that she has already found someone else to be with and she wants you out of the picture ASAP
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 it means that she has already found someone else to be with and she wants you out of the picture ASAP I don't think so, but of course i do hope she does find someone to love even if it is not me, she is a wonderful person, it is something we both deserve i think
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 Update: I decided to send her a text message today, asked her how she was etc, she replied and invited me to chat online later. So we did some catching up chat. Then i mentioned it has been a long week, she said "it has been a looooong week". More chit chat, eventually i came out and said she is still my hearts desire and i am still fully committed to the relationship and i would like to talk to her to understand her feelings I know she prefers deeper conversations in person. She said yes, and she wants to talk in person to avoid any further missunderstandings. The date is booked for this sunday. It is possible she will still have bad news for me on that day, but it is looking much better than it did last week. Now that the pain off impending doom is reduced, i find, i can feel that i don't have the same level of enthusiasm for the relationship than i did before the 'i need space'. Obviously this has hurt me allot, i don't suppose i should expect to bounce back to normal right away? I guess it must be exactly the same for her?
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