mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 My girlfriend told me last Monday. As far as i know, it means its over? The situation is this, i was feeling a bit like things were slowing down, so i talked to her about it. She seemed surprised i was feeling that way and she said it got her thinking. She said she thinks what i want is more attention from her. Then she said she has things going on in her life etc etc and needs some space to think things through. She also said a number of times that i should not 'think too much' and she will talk with me again soon in about a week or so when she is ready. So since then i have not sent any text or email or phone call, and i kind of feel a bit like I'm abandoning her, but it is what she asked for. So what do people think this means and what should i do?
amaysngrace Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It's her way of preparing herself to end it completely. She's checking out of the relationship. 4
smellysocksuni Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 More often than not, this means a person wants to break up with you. The best thing to do here is prepare for it to be over. 1
guest569 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 So since then i have not sent any text or email or phone call, and i kind of feel a bit like I'm abandoning her, but it is what she asked for. So what do people think this means and what should i do? Continue to do what you're doing. NO contact whatsoever 2
loveiswar101 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hi, got the same thing a month ago, this was after 2.5 years on and off, just coming back from an amazing holiday together. After a bit of the old begging (don't bag me). I decided that''s it, she wants space Ill give it and now nearly 3 weeks NC. But what I will say during these 3 weeks I'm probably more thinking it's for the best, really does give YOU time to think yourself, where your at and what you want. Is she the ONE ? But if I was you I would just leave her alone with her thoughts. She'll contact you when she's ready and can o from there ! Best wishes 1
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 It's her way of preparing herself to end it completely. She's checking out of the relationship. Yea, this is the obvious answer, sigh. But what to do? Should i interrupt her 'space' and contact her or should i wait? So far I'm thinking of waiting. To be honest, i do not know what she is thinking about me wanting more of her attention? I would like to talk to her about this, because what is the use to break up over a misunderstanding? As much as i adore her,,, i have to wonder what the future holds to be with someone who could shut things down like this without talking about it.... it is not a good long term prospect,,,, am i making any sense? 1
amaysngrace Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 You make sense but she sounds like she doesn't want a commitment with you. Generally when two people like each other they want to see each other more, not less. You told her how you felt and then she told you how she felt back. I'm sorry but you need to move on. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yea, this is the obvious answer, sigh. But what to do? Should i interrupt her 'space' and contact her or should i wait? So far I'm thinking of waiting. Good thinking. Leave her be. if she's complaining about you 'wanting more of her attention' contacting her now, would validate that "complaint". Show her that 'attention' within a relationship, for someone you love, is not only justified, it's a given. To be honest, i do not know what she is thinking about me wanting more of her attention? I would like to talk to her about this, because what is the use to break up over a misunderstanding? Let her come to you about this. You see, if you don't seek her attention, it's a hollow complaint, isn't it? Effectively, it actually doesn't give her a leg to stand on.... As much as i adore her,,, i have to wonder what the future holds to be with someone who could shut things down like this without talking about it.... it is not a good long term prospect,,,, am i making any sense? Oh yes. Sadly, you are. 2
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Im not really feeling much at the moment, i assume the realization will hit me at some point soon. I had tears in my eyes on the Monday, but then she sent me an email on Tuesday asking how i am and not to think too much and she would like to talk to me in person when she is ready. I do know she cares deeply for me, ,,, my guess is she is struggling with some practical thinking that the relationship cannot work,,, so of course i would love to be involved in that conversation, not just wait and be the recipient of the ending conversation. Am i thinking too much?? lol
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 No, not really. Basically, what she's done (which is grossly unfair) is to leave you in limbo. Do not reply to any communication. She's basically sending out feelers ('hope you're ok') to make HERSELF feel better and alleviate her guilt, not out of any huge concern for you. Although I'm sure there is some care there, if she had any more, she wouldn't be doing this. It's frankly disrespectful... She should have said: "Please give me a week to sort my brain out. Can we meet up on day/date/time at 'such-and-such' location to sit and talk this through? We definitely have something to work on, but worth working on too." Instead, you got given 'a week or so'...(what the hell is "or so"...?) because you got her thinking (oh, so it's your fault she now needs a week or so? No, what happened is that you confronted her with her passive 'laissez-faire' attitude, and she's been caught out...) and she'll talk to you when SHE is ready...? If I were you, I'd busy yourself getting your independence and life together. Go out with your pals, do some recreational exercise (walking, hiking, climbing, running, swimming...) just use up some good energy for your well-being - and show her that being in a relationship means commitment and communication. Be well. See to yourself, look after number one, and keep her guessing. You can do perfectly well without her. 3
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 No, not really. Basically, what she's done (which is grossly unfair) is to leave you in limbo. Do not reply to any communication. She's basically sending out feelers ('hope you're ok') to make HERSELF feel better and alleviate her guilt, not out of any huge concern for you. Although I'm sure there is some care there, if she had any more, she wouldn't be doing this. It's frankly disrespectful... She should have said: "Please give me a week to sort my brain out. Can we meet up on day/date/time at 'such-and-such' location to sit and talk this through? We definitely have something to work on, but worth working on too." Instead, you got given 'a week or so'...(what the hell is "or so"...?) because you got her thinking (oh, so it's your fault she now needs a week or so? No, what happened is that you confronted her with her passive 'laissez-faire' attitude, and she's been caught out...) and she'll talk to you when SHE is ready...? If I were you, I'd busy yourself getting your independence and life together. Go out with your pals, do some recreational exercise (walking, hiking, climbing, running, swimming...) just use up some good energy for your well-being - and show her that being in a relationship means commitment and communication. Be well. See to yourself, look after number one, and keep her guessing. You can do perfectly well without her. I think your post is very insightful,,,, on a level that i would call 'gifted'
Itspointless Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 What does "i need some space" mean? It can mean two things: 1. She wants to be an astronaut 2. She is checking out on you. I am sorry, I am with the others here. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think your post is very insightful,,,, on a level that i would call 'gifted' You're very kind. Let's just say I've been round the block a few times! 1
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Oh well.... Sometimes you cannot control the things that happen in life, but you can control the way you respond to it. Onward and upward! 2
sowhynot Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 but then she sent me an email on Tuesday asking how i am and not to think too much and she would like to talk to me in person when she is ready. I had the 'how are you' email after the 'we need to talk'. And it lasted another month or so before the final 'I'm sorry, but . . '. I fear everyone here is right, it's ended, finished, time to go NC. Sometimes you cannot control the things that happen in life, but you can control the way you respond to it. Really like this ! 2
NoLeafClover Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yea, this is the obvious wom, sigh. But what to do? Should i interrupt her 'space' and contact her or should i wait? So far I'm thinking of waiting. To be honest, i do not know what she is thinking about me wanting more of her attention? I would like to talk to her about this, because what is the use to break up over a misunderstanding? As much as i adore her,,, i have to wonder what the future holds to be with someone who could shut things down like this without talking about it.... it is not a good long term prospect,,,, am i making any sense? You my friend are 100% correct and perfect way thinking on that last paragraph. That is why you should move on and why most relationships arent the same after they get back together. Mostly because when you get back together you will wonder if she will up and leave again without talking things out. Its not someone you want to be with long term. You are lucky this is happening now and not when you are married and have kids. Move on as quickly as you can. There a lot of people out there that will not do this to you.
Redhead14 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend told me last Monday. As far as i know, it means its over? The situation is this, i was feeling a bit like things were slowing down, so i talked to her about it. She seemed surprised i was feeling that way and she said it got her thinking. She said she thinks what i want is more attention from her. Then she said she has things going on in her life etc etc and needs some space to think things through. She also said a number of times that i should not 'think too much' and she will talk with me again soon in about a week or so when she is ready. So since then i have not sent any text or email or phone call, and i kind of feel a bit like I'm abandoning her, but it is what she asked for. So what do people think this means and what should i do? When someone asks me for space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure things out. Don't reach out to her, respect her wishes. That being said, everyone needs a little space now and again and if they say they just need to work on something for themselves or need "me time" and let me know that up front, I'll gladly accommodate. They will usually at least keep light contact during that time, not completely disappear. Give her the week she's requested. If she doesn't reach out then or shortly thereafter, you still let it be. If she is immature and trying to break things off by fading away, let her go. Edited June 4, 2015 by Redhead14
mightycpa Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Im not really feeling much at the moment, i assume the realization will hit me at some point soon. I had tears in my eyes on the Monday, but then she sent me an email on Tuesday asking how i am and not to think too much and she would like to talk to me in person when she is ready. I do know she cares deeply for me, ,,, my guess is she is struggling with some practical thinking that the relationship cannot work,,, so of course i would love to be involved in that conversation, not just wait and be the recipient of the ending conversation. Am i thinking too much?? lol No... here's the situation.. she's hanging you out to dry while she is making preparations for whatever it is she really has in mind. It's not very considerate of your feelings, not one bit. So you don't owe her a lot of consideration in return. Therefore, text her, something like: While you're getting your space, I went and got a date with somebody. I thought I should let you know. Don't call me, I'll call you. CYA! Then go find a nice girl, and go out with her. She doesn't have to become your wife, or even your next girlfriend. Just something to do to pass the time. You're going to need some distractions, and you might as well get started. I know what you're thinking: What if she doesn't really want to break up? What if I mess it up? What if doing that is a mistake? You're fooling yourself. It's a breakup all right. She's not putting the finishing touches on a painting just for you, or throwing you a big surprise party, or going to present you with a proposal for marriage. Nope. She's preparing to slice and dice you, so you might as well get a jump on her. I can tell you she's not expecting it, and she'll probably get mad, which will feel a whole lot better than her pity when she finally dumps you. Sorry OP. But that's where you are right now.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Sorry... ^^^ Poor advice re finding another young lady. "Just something to do to pass the time"...? Charmed I'm sure.... That's just using someone to be spiteful. However, I do agree that you should prepare yourself fo the dump speech, and just get into a good place mentally so that when the other shoe drops you can look at her and say, "That's ok, I had a feeling you'd bail. Ok, no worries. Life goes on. Don't keep in touch. It's childish and superficial, and you'd only be doing it to make yourself feel better, and not me. Fortunately, I'll get over it. See, I'm not actually as demanding of your time as you thought I was, am I? " And let her stew on that.
Author mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Thanks to all for your helpful advice. Last night it occurred to me that i should believe in the best possible outcome. What will it cost me to have a little faith for a few more days? It may sound naive, but i have learnt that faith + wisdom is a very different thing to faith + denial. So the inevitable outcome will be to break up, but i will know it won't be my negative attitude that made it happen.... and who knows what a positive attitude may change? I will return and let you guys know what happens, wish me luck! 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Good attitude. Yup, keep us posted. But you're right to maintain silence in the meantime. It's what she asked for.... Let's see how it pans out for you. 1
Valkyriah Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Thanks to all for your helpful advice. Last night it occurred to me that i should believe in the best possible outcome. What will it cost me to have a little faith for a few more days? It may sound naive, but i have learnt that faith + wisdom is a very different thing to faith + denial. So the inevitable outcome will be to break up, but i will know it won't be my negative attitude that made it happen.... and who knows what a positive attitude may change? I so, so needed to hear that right now. Thank you for sharing that. In regards to the space thing - the situations are different, but I actually asked my guy for space until the end of my work week after he and I had a very difficult few days. I wanted to compartmentalize and make it through that while having some time to gather my thoughts. I respect him so much for sticking to it. It's been really hard for me to even stick with what I said, but I told him I'd get in touch after I was done on Friday at 3:30, so I have to stick to that, too. It'll be better for both of us after the stress of this week is over for me! Good luck! Everything will work out for the best, no matter what that is 1
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Sorry... ^^^ Poor advice re finding another young lady. "Just something to do to pass the time"...? Charmed I'm sure.... That's just using someone to be spiteful. However, I do agree that you should prepare yourself fo the dump speech, and just get into a good place mentally so that when the other shoe drops you can look at her and say, "That's ok, I had a feeling you'd bail. Ok, no worries. Life goes on. Don't keep in touch. It's childish and superficial, and you'd only be doing it to make yourself feel better, and not me. Fortunately, I'll get over it. See, I'm not actually as demanding of your time as you thought I was, am I? " And let her stew on that. Ahem... going on a first date with someone is not using them, even if you have no intention of taking it any further than that. Banging them like she's John Bonham's drums with no protection and no intention of seeing her again is USING somebody. Taking someone out and having a nice time with someone you don't know is, well, it isn't the worst thing in the world. Such childish thinking! Who knows? Maybe it would snap him out of the illusion he's trapped in. Good luck OP. You never know.
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I so, so needed to hear that right now. Thank you for sharing that. In regards to the space thing - the situations are different, but I actually asked my guy for space until the end of my work week after he and I had a very difficult few days. I wanted to compartmentalize and make it through that while having some time to gather my thoughts. I respect him so much for sticking to it. It's been really hard for me to even stick with what I said, but I told him I'd get in touch after I was done on Friday at 3:30, so I have to stick to that, too. It'll be better for both of us after the stress of this week is over for me! Good luck! Everything will work out for the best, no matter what that is You should start a thread after you learn the disposition, if you haven't already. I can think of three possible headlines: Asked for space, got more than I bargained for. Asked for space, cooled off and we're cool again. Asked for space, got it, and decided to break up. I'd truly be interested in your thinking. You have to admit, 99% of the time when you hear the words "I need a little time away", it is either the beginning of the end, or the end came and went while you weren't paying attention.
alphamale Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 So what do people think this means and what should i do? it means you should start looking for a new gf, and i mean pronto!
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