you must let it go Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) @Jamesdk If you love her let her go. I tell you now inviting EX girlfriend to this site to read all this is making you a laughing stock she will show all her friend this and they are going to think you are a nut job! James Grab yourself by the nads get some of your self-respect back cut this woman loose and go strictly N/C. The ex if she respected you she would do the same this is her throwing you bread crumbs. James be grateful this as end after only 7 months and not 7 or 17 years down the road and maybe children are involved? You have dodged a bullet, in fact both of you have. p.s get back on that dating site you will find someone else that loves you for who you are. Edited June 5, 2015 by you must let it go 1
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 @Jamesdk If you love her let her go. I tell you now inviting EX girlfriend to this site to read all this is making you a laughing stock she will show all her friend this and they are going to think you are a nut job! James Grab yourself by the nads get some of your self-respect back cut this woman loose and go strictly N/C. The ex if she respected you she would do the same this is her throwing you bread crumbs. James be grateful this as end after only 7 months and not 7 or 17 years down the road and maybe children are involved? You have dodged a bullet, in fact both of you have. p.s get back on that dating site you will find someone else that loves you for who you are. If anybody wants to laugh at me for pouring my heart out then so be it. It's ok to be vulnerable. I stand by every word I've typed. I actually really like some of her friends and i know they've told her they can see how much I like her. You my friend don't understand heart break! I'm not about to go date after four days of being broken up with someone I really care about!!!!
DexterLS Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 JamesDK, I know this is hard, but you have to let her go. She is not coming back. The sooner you accept this, the better.
imbax Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Hi James and ex-gf, I have read the whole thread and I must say this is the most interesting thread I have ever come across. Firstly, I think your relationship had some huge issues. Her breaking up with you was not because of the "oh you checked the dating site". It was a build up of many many many things that have gone wrong in the relationship. And that is the same with all relationships, its never about the one single "deal breaker". For starters, you guys had HUGE trust issues and communication issues in the relationship. Dude, you really got to man the hell up. Women hate it when men don't know what they want. Do you want to be with multiple girls? Or only her? Make up your mind and stick with it rather than hurting everyone around you and looking like a female who doesn't know what they want! Secondly, instead of ranting and having a debate on an online forum, please just take some time and calm down for a moment. Once you are clear minded, then maybe chat to her in private and post your feelings and thoughts in a more sensible manner for the public to view. Try not to use this public forum to manipulate us into a different view of the story when it is evident that there are crucial details missing from the whole story. Thirdly, who gives a **** about dating sites. My ex-gf had one and we used to laugh at the guys who wanted to date her etc. I used to sit next to her swiping at guys who I thought would match her for fun. But at the end of the day, it was for a laugh! The point is, there was no communication in your relationship and soon the dating site was turned into a source of mistrust and insecurity. On a side note: one big issue my 24 year old male brain can't contemplate is: does everyone just sleep around like that these days? I have only been with one girl (my ex) and thought sex was reserved for people you love and is not something to be thrown around like that so easily. Maybe I am naive and wrong to think like that. Ex-gf and james, take a breather and just chill out for a few weeks. James I am sorry for your loss but it just sounds like you guys weren't compatible with each other. I think it's best if you both take at least a few months of no contact. It will be for the best! 1
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I have to say, in the few years I've been on this site, this has to be one of the most epic threads ever! I've never seen the approach that the OP took. Inviting the ex who dumped you onto a thread to demonstrate how hurt he is. Maybe he is being sincere? IDK, it seems like this relationship got off the tracks right out of the gate. I'm simply puzzled at the sharing of "FYI, I'm sleeping with this person along with you right now and then the other saying, oh, I'm sleeping with one other person too" when they first started dating? In my mind (right or wrong), when you first meet and start to date someone, it's almost expected that they are dating and maybe sleeping with others as well. Until there a conversation about exclusivity, why is this a big deal? Now, if you sleep with a girl for the first time and she asks if you're sleeping with others too, yes, you should be honest. Some girls and guys don't want to be a part of that. I've never shared when I started dating someone that I was also seeing or sleeping with others as well. It's simply none of their business. I've never asked them either. Once the relationship becomes more serious and you BOTH agree to seeing only each other, you need to stick to that. As far as this relationship goes, I think both need to take some time away from each other and cool down. Yes, he made an epic mistake that I didn't think was a deal breaker but with what's she's added, it might have been the last straw. It seems to me that this could be reparable if they both wanted to. The fact that she joined this site to spar with him speaks volumes about her being hurt and maybe not ready to end it. If she was "done", she would of simply ignored his email and not jumped on this site to defend herself. Either way, I hope both sides cool off and let some times go by. Sometimes epic relationship melt downs like this can bring couples closer together if they are willing to put the mistakes of the past behind them and start over. 3
you must let it go Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 If anybody wants to laugh at me for pouring my heart out then so be it. It's ok to be vulnerable. I stand by every word I've typed. I actually really like some of her friends and i know they've told her they can see how much I like her. You my friend don't understand heart break! I'm not about to go date after four days of being broken up with someone I really care about!!!! I know all about heart break James. I was with my first love for 5 years her breaking up with me I thought Id never get over that took me about a year to get over it most recently back in November last year (time you started dating Ex girlfriend) my girlfriend mother of my 2 children and a mortgage of 16 years ended it with me. I know all about heart break James 7 months have past since the breakup I know what your going through can't eat, sleep don't want to do anything and depressed I'm still in this mess. I will tell you now in a few weeks, months or even years down the road you will look back and think wtf was I doing? What are you a man or mouse? when her friends read this thread (and she will show them) any respect they once had for you will be out the window you said you did not want to do your dirty laundry in public? well you have done just that by fetching ex-girlfriend her to read all of this every man and his dog she knows is going to read this. I wrote a begging love letter to my 1st love some 20 years ago and I regret it big time! all of our friends (well mostly mine) became mutual I don't have any contact with any of them now because she showed them the letter I felt humiliated guess what? she still hangs out with my old friends and I don't's even have them on my facebook all because of a stupid f%^& letter I wrote while heart broken! James time to move on my friend it's over unless she wants you back!
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 James time to move on my friend it's over unless she wants you back! ^ ^ Repeated for truth! ^ ^ 2
bluegreen Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I thought we were here to help support and soothe at times not hurt humiliate and damage one another. Yap he made some shot ahem of mistakes but he had lot of going against him. She will laugh at him U say well she might is she is cold stone bitch and maybe light above his head will go off. For now she sees no reason But U have to Leat her process all of this and if all fails offer Friendship to earn her trust again Be her friend be there love does not dye in 4 days but it's worth fighting for if it indeed was true one... 1
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 If I wanted to be with anyone else I would just go be with them now! I'm free. But I only want to be with her! Why don't you get that? James, we get that you want to be with her. But if she doesn't want to be with you, there is very little you can do. Begging, pleading, cajoling, etc. is not going to change the situation. You have let her know the door is open to re-examinging the relationship and the best thing you can do for the time being is move on and perhaps - some day - she will knock on that door. You have to be prepared for the possibility/probability that the knock will never happen.
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 James, we get that you want to be with her. But if she doesn't want to be with you, there is very little you can do. Begging, pleading, cajoling, etc. is not going to change the situation. You have let her know the door is open to re-examinging the relationship and the best thing you can do for the time being is move on and perhaps - some day - she will knock on that door. You have to be prepared for the possibility/probability that the knock will never happen. CarrieT you couldn't have said it any better. I've told her countless times how sorry I am, how much I miss her and care about her and how I'll do anything to regain her trust. Saying it all anymore will only make things worse!! I only want to be with her but if she doesn't only want to be with me then it doesn't matter. The ball is in her court if she can ever find it in her heart to re examine the relationship. If she truly can't forgive me then I wish her the absolute best!!
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Ok folks I just want to thank everyone for all the advice, long replies and empathy!!!! I appreciated hearing from all whether it was good or bad. Thank you all!! It's a beautiful day in Arizona. I want to not think about all this emotional stuff for awhile and just focus on some positive things today! Ttyl
DexterLS Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Ok folks I just want to thank everyone for all the advice, long replies and empathy!!!! I appreciated hearing from all whether it was good or bad. Thank you all!! It's a beautiful day in Arizona. I want to not think about all this emotional stuff for awhile and just focus on some positive things today! Ttyl Good. Best of luck.
bluegreen Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I have to say, in the few years I've been on this site, this has to be one of the most epic threads ever! I've never seen the approach that the OP took. Inviting the ex who dumped you onto a thread to demonstrate how hurt he is. Maybe he is being sincere? IDK, it seems like this relationship got off the tracks right out of the gate. I'm simply puzzled at the sharing of "FYI, I'm sleeping with this person along with you right now and then the other saying, oh, I'm sleeping with one other person too" when they first started dating? In my mind (right or wrong), when you first meet and start to date someone, it's almost expected that they are dating and maybe sleeping with others as well. Until there a conversation about exclusivity, why is this a big deal? Now, if you sleep with a girl for the first time and she asks if you're sleeping with others too, yes, you should be honest. Some girls and guys don't want to be a part of that. I've never shared when I started dating someone that I was also seeing or sleeping with others as well. It's simply none of their business. I've never asked them either. Once the relationship becomes more serious and you BOTH agree to seeing only each other, you need to stick to that. As far as this relationship goes, I think both need to take some time away from each other and cool down. Yes, he made an epic mistake that I didn't think was a deal breaker but with what's she's added, it might have been the last straw. It seems to me that this could be reparable if they both wanted to. The fact that she joined this site to spar with him speaks volumes about her being hurt and maybe not ready to end it. If she was "done", she would of simply ignored his email and not jumped on this site to defend herself. Either way, I hope both sides cool off and let some times go by. Sometimes epic relationship melt downs like this can bring couples closer together if they are willing to put the mistakes of the past behind them and start over. Good for U I loved reading your reply and seeing that although even U might think so That nothing is whole in U no left it's just not true. This life was given to US because we are strong enough and brave enough to live it Hugs PS do not let one rotten chase U away from forum There are some incredible people here Carry being one of the first...
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