theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 That's what I was talking about at the beginning. Probably, either she assumed too much and didn't say enough, or you knew what she meant and disregarded it. Either way, you guys sound like a made-for-TV drama, and clearly, you're not on the same page about this relationship stuff, and how they work. You're right, I assumed too much. I wanted him around, I wanted him in my life. I took him to my company Christmas party but he straight up told me he didn't want me to go to his because one of the other women he was sleeping with is a coworker who would also be there and he didn't want to make her upset by taking me. He didn't want HER upset.
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Girlfriend you made the right choice. His tears are most likely crocodile tears because if he truly valued you he would have treated you that way. Talk is cheap. 2
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 You're right, I assumed too much. I wanted him around, I wanted him in my life. I took him to my company Christmas party but he straight up told me he didn't want me to go to his because one of the other women he was sleeping with is a coworker who would also be there and he didn't want to make her upset by taking me. He didn't want HER upset. As I've said earlier and I think you would agree: we didn't get serious with each other until early this year. There were things on your end that created trust issues for me as well! You met for lunch with a married guy you use to sleep with. You went to a hockey game with a different ex and several months later asked that ex to come over and do some work at your house. ALL of that I put behind me because as we both talked about and agreed they were wrongdoings that happened prior to us getting serious!! I wasn't in love with you in December and my behavior reflected that. However I DID NOT say I was worried about hurting that girls feelings but I was worried about taking you to avoid making it awkward or uncomfortable for all involved.
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Since when do you have to love somebody in order to respect them? I must've missed that memo. 2
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 As I've said earlier and I think you would agree: we didn't get serious with each other until early this year. There were things on your end that created trust issues for me as well! You met for lunch with a married guy you use to sleep with. You went to a hockey game with a different ex and several months later asked that ex to come over and do some work at your house. ALL of that I put behind me because as we both talked about and agreed they were wrongdoings that happened prior to us getting serious!! I wasn't in love with you in December and my behavior reflected that. However I DID NOT say I was worried about hurting that girls feelings but I was worried about taking you to avoid making it awkward or uncomfortable for all involved. Exactly, you weren't serious about me and that was obvious, so why couldn't I meet a friend for coffee or go to a hockey game when you wouldn't even take me to your company party? You've always made it clear you care more about how those two feel than how I feel!
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Since when do you have to love somebody in order to respect them? I must've missed that memo. Don't get me started on his lack of respect! The things he has said to me about other women has always shown he has very little respect for me, if any at all. Would you like to give them a few examples James, or should I? 1
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Girlfriend you made the right choice. His tears are most likely crocodile tears because if he truly valued you he would have treated you that way. Talk is cheap. my tears are genuine and I'm dying inside from this pain! I only fell in love with her several months ago after we had both made mistakes and put those behind us. I've admitted I screwed up big time! I now see how wrong I was. There is nothing I wouldn't do to gain her trust. I've tried doing several things to solidify how open and honest I want to be with her. Previously I had tried to give her a key to my house on many occasions but she refused. I gave her my Facebook password several times prior to her actually using it a few days ago. I emailed the dating website asking for any kind of transcript or history that they could provide. I'm willing to give her whatever phone login, email password or any other means to be completely trustworthy. Hell I'll even wear a GPS TRACKER if that makes her happy!
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Exactly, you weren't serious about me and that was obvious, so why couldn't I meet a friend for coffee or go to a hockey game when you wouldn't even take me to your company party? You've always made it clear you care more about how those two feel than how I feel! Exactly, you weren't serious about me either!! We became serious earlier this year. I've said numerous times that my feelings changed for you then. I did go from caring what exes thought to only caring what you think.
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 my tears are genuine and I'm dying inside from this pain! I only fell in love with her several months ago after we had both made mistakes and put those behind us. I've admitted I screwed up big time! I now see how wrong I was. There is nothing I wouldn't do to gain her trust. I've tried doing several things to solidify how open and honest I want to be with her. Previously I had tried to give her a key to my house on many occasions but she refused. I gave her my Facebook password several times prior to her actually using it a few days ago. I emailed the dating website asking for any kind of transcript or history that they could provide. I'm willing to give her whatever phone login, email password or any other means to be completely trustworthy. Hell I'll even wear a GPS TRACKER if that makes her happy! I've also offered all of that to you, which you have declined. I did delete pictures off of Facebook that you thought were inappropriate and even listed that I was in a relationship, however you never did that on your Facebook.
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Don't get me started on his lack of respect! The things he has said to me about other women has always shown he has very little respect for me, if any at all. Would you like to give them a few examples James, or should I? Again things I said or did LONG before we were loving and committed should be taken with a grain of salt. The things you told me I said were wrong I always corrected and never repeated those mistakes.
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 The last time I have slept with anyone else was within 2 or 3 weeks of the last time she ever slept with anyone else. I never thought this was a huge deal. It only came up a few days ago as that is when she asked me about it! I was completely forthcoming about it as I would have been if she asked me anytime prior to then. I've admitted a lot of wrongdoing on my part here but I don't feel I did anything wrong there. At that point 6 months ago we were not considering ourselves BF and GF and hadn't committed to each other yet May I ask you what you think is a big deal in a relationship? 1
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Exactly, you weren't serious about me either!! We became serious earlier this year. I've said numerous times that my feelings changed for you then. I did go from caring what exes thought to only caring what you think. When exactly????? When did we become serious with each other? When did your feelings change? When did you start caring more about my feelings than theirs?
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Again things I said or did LONG before we were loving and committed should be taken with a grain of salt. No they shouldn't be. Everything you say matters, committed relationship or not. 1
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I'm ready to issue my ruling on this matter. I'm waiting. I'd like your opinion.
CarrieT Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 He said/She said... Can we get to the point where it is definitely a done deal and the relationship is over so that the healing can begin? James, for *whatever* reason, she has chosen to end the relationship. Comparing notes at this point will gain nothing. Why don't you two agree to move on and go No Contact?
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 James was very aware of the fact that I ended things with the other guy. He would say to me that I needed to choose one soon, and was more than in the know that I chose him. James then told me he was going to tell both of his other women that he wasn't going to see them anymore to be with me instead, but based on what he said last night, he doesn't seem to recall that or what he told them or how those relationships ended. I can tell you though, that just a couple months ago he told me he was upset that both of them had moved on, even though we've been together for months. I didn't break up with him for sleeping with one of them in December, I did do it over catching him on the dating site when he has told me multiple times he didn't go on it, that it just sat there not being used. Obviously he was lying to me, so I broke up with him. There's so much that has happened, so many inappropriate things he has said to me, that I just can't trust him or not feel like he's a slut. We never talked about me going on that site. I told you I never used it which I stand by. I never dated or talked to anyone else. That is what a dating website is for! What I did do that was so wrong is keep that stupid effing thing active because I was jealous and insecure! For that I am extremely sorry
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 No they shouldn't be. Everything you say matters, committed relationship or not. Minime13 you're right. Everything you say matters. It's natural to make some mistakes or say some stupid things thinking you're joking around but the other person doesn't see it that way. What really matters though is how you take that feedback and adjust your behavior accordingly! Nobody gets through a relationship without making mistakes.
theexgf Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 He said/She said... Can we get to the point where it is definitely a done deal and the relationship is over so that the healing can begin? James, for *whatever* reason, she has chosen to end the relationship. Comparing notes at this point will gain nothing. Why don't you two agree to move on and go No Contact? You are right. I can't keep doing this anyways. I have a plane to catch in few hours and need to start getting ready. Thank god for friends and vacays! 1
mightycpa Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You guys don't see I2I. I sense more willingness to quarrel than to enjoy each other. Stop the pissing match. End it. ex-gf : Learn to become more explicit with your expectations. Stop deciding what your relationships will be, and come to mutual agreement about what they are. Jamesdk : Be more upfront about your dating habits. There's nothing wrong with going out with other people, even sleeping with multiple people, as long as everybody is informed. It is your decision to do so or not, just it is their decision to be one of those whom you sleep with. Try to be more sensitive to what others are feeling too. If you sense they're getting too close, bring up the uncomfortable things. Protect the people you're seeing, not just yourself. Live and learn, boys and girls. Let's put this one in the history books and move forward to greener pastures. 3
frigginlost Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 This is quite possibly the most Epic thread in the history of this site! Mods, please do not remove it. There is truly some very, very, valuable stuff here for those going through the same thing to glean. James, buddy, I say this with all due respect, but your ship is sunk. You're trying to tread water in quicksand. I know it hurts, but your ex girlfriend has some very, very, valid points on why she bounced you. If you truly love her, learn from this, work on yourself, and work toward wishing her happiness. She deserves that. Your happiness will come again. 4
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Minime13 you're right. Everything you say matters. It's natural to make some mistakes or say some stupid things thinking you're joking around but the other person doesn't see it that way. What really matters though is how you take that feedback and adjust your behavior accordingly! Nobody gets through a relationship without making mistakes. Of course nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I don't think anyone here is stating otherwise. However, there are mistakes, and there are mistakes. They're not all equal. The way your ex sees it, whatever happened, is that you were dishonest with her a few too many times. That mistake will almost always kill a relationship. Whether or not you agree, that is how she sees it. And to be honest, pulling her here on a message board to debate it seemed like you were trying to get back-up and support, and that didn't help you at all. To me - not saying that you were trying to do this - it seemed you were putting up a good guy act to make yourself look a lot more sincere. Some of the stuff you said about not knowing that this or that was a big deal - that seems like a cop-out. I'm sure there is a lot more to this story (after all, there are 3 parts to all: his-story, her-story, and the real story), but all it really does is show that you guys simply are not compatible enough to sustain a relationship. Whatever the case may be, you hit a deal-breaker with her, and you have to accept it. 2
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 You guys don't see I2I. I sense more willingness to quarrel than to enjoy each other. Stop the pissing match. End it. ex-gf : Learn to become more explicit with your expectations. Stop deciding what your relationships will be, and come to mutual agreement about what they are. Jamesdk : Be more upfront about your dating habits. There's nothing wrong with going out with other people, even sleeping with multiple people, as long as everybody is informed. It is your decision to do so or not, just it is their decision to be one of those whom you sleep with. Try to be more sensitive to what others are feeling too. If you sense they're getting too close, bring up the uncomfortable things. Protect the people you're seeing, not just yourself. Live and learn, boys and girls. Let's put this one in the history books and move forward to greener pastures. You're right it is turning into a pissing match. I'm truly sorry for that! In no way do I want to paint her as the bad person when I'm the one that ultimately had the power not to screw up. 1
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Of course nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I don't think anyone here is stating otherwise. However, there are mistakes, and there are mistakes. They're not all equal. The way your ex sees it, whatever happened, is that you were dishonest with her a few too many times. That mistake will almost always kill a relationship. Whether or not you agree, that is how she sees it. And to be honest, pulling her here on a message board to debate it seemed like you were trying to get back-up and support, and that didn't help you at all. To me - not saying that you were trying to do this - it seemed you were putting up a good guy act to make yourself look a lot more sincere. Some of the stuff you said about not knowing that this or that was a big deal - that seems like a cop-out. I'm sure there is a lot more to this story (after all, there are 3 parts to all: his-story, her-story, and the real story), but all it really does is show that you guys simply are not compatible enough to sustain a relationship. Whatever the case may be, you hit a deal-breaker with her, and you have to accept it. Minime I did not pull her on here to debate her! I sent her the link after many posts were written stating that my ex GF was right and I was wrong. I told her in the text that all the women agreed with her. I wanted her to know how bad about this I feel and that I'm learning. I'm not looking for support from my side or to win any sort of public opinion war. I'll say it again for the umpteenth time: I'm an idiot and I screwed up big time!!!! She's breaking up with me because of a loss of trust and also other things that have made her unhappy. I'm trying to accept that. What I will not accept is being called a cheater! That's not the man I am!!
Author Jamesdk Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 When exactly????? When did we become serious with each other? When did your feelings change? When did you start caring more about my feelings than theirs? I would say sometime in February my feelings really started to change for the better. By the time you went on your trip to Europe in March we agreed that if the relationship was going to die that that would be a good time to let it. However we couldn't even go two days without talking to each other and sincerely missed one another. After you got back I knew I had fallen for you but was afraid to say it as you were very standoffish about love. By the time your Bday came around in April I couldn't wait anymore and had to tell you I love you.
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