rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hello, I started talking to a guy off an online dating website about 2 weeks ago. I made a profile after a break up and regretted it because I thought hmm maybe I should not think about guys for a while longer, but then this guy started talking to me. He asked for my number when we were instant messaging on the website and then called me during his lunch break, then again that evening and the next evening after his work. I was really excited because he actually sounded so friendly, he is very attractive according to his profile pictures, he is outgoing, and I loved the fact that he initiated calling a lot. Since then, this guy has been texting me and calling me only like every 2 days. And when he does he only asks mundane questions like "how was your day", "got any plans for the weekend?", "how was class today" (I go to university) etc etc. He talks about how tired and stressful work is all the time, like that's his only life. I don't learn much about him. I started to think oh he's probably not interested anymore, must've found someone else or think I'm boring. But then why does he still call me? And he texts me good night and good morning with "xx". I thought he might be shy but then a shy person wouldn't call and sound SO friendly and outgoing on the phone? Something doesn't feel right, if a guy really likes a girl he'll get in contact with her more. So then does he just want a friendly chat every now and then and nothing more? But what is the point in that? Maybe he is honestly just such a boring person and doesn't have much to talk about? Thanks for your advice here.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Maybe he's not sure about what he wants, or was expecting something else from you. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Allot of guys get in trouble for being too clingy or needy. Sounds to me like he is overacting a bit too much the other way in order to avoid that problem again. Also when men open their hearts and get rejected, the natural instinct is to be more cautious the next time. He is playing it safe. So you can make a choice, if you think he is worth it, then you will have to work at gaining his trust, and it may take some time.,,, hope this helps? 2
Author rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Maybe he's not sure about what he wants, or was expecting something else from you. Hmm good point I didn't think of that
Author rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Allot of guys get in trouble for being too clingy or needy. Sounds to me like he is overacting a bit too much the other way in order to avoid that problem again. Also when men open their hearts and get rejected, the natural instinct is to be more cautious the next time. He is playing it safe. So you can make a choice, if you think he is worth it, then you will have to work at gaining his trust, and it may take some time.,,, hope this helps? But if that's the case, that's silly because he is pushing me away by making me feel he is not interested/ not trying hard enough. And yes thanks that does help
mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 But if that's the case, that's silly because he is pushing me away by making me feel he is not interested/ not trying hard enough. And yes thanks that does help Hehehe, yes it is silly,,,, you really cannot avoid risk if you want to find someone to love. And yes, he is pushing you away, because how often is it the case that the fear response to protect against something going wrong, is actually what causes that thing to go wrong!! lol 1
Author rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 So taking in the opinions from both mystikmind2005 and Clarence_Boddicker, I've come up with a list of possibilities for the reasons behind his behaviour: - He doesn't want to get hurt so is playing it safe - He is interested but doesn't have much to talk about - He is not interested hence not much contact - He doesn't know what he wants What do other people think?
jen1447 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well if he's 'strategizing' (a lot of guys do, unfortunately) he may be deliberately stringing you along so as to bring about exactly this sort of reaction in you, the thinking being that as long as he's on your mind in some way or other, that's advantageous for him. The motivations could be to slowly reel you in, or just to keep you in orbit for his convenience if he ever feels like getting with you. Those are just possibilities. I wouldn't think about it so much if I were you. Try talking to some other people. 1
Author rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Well if he's 'strategizing' (a lot of guys do, unfortunately) he may be deliberately stringing you along so as to bring about exactly this sort of reaction in you, the thinking being that as long as he's on your mind in some way or other, that's advantageous for him. The motivations could be to slowly reel you in, or just to keep you in orbit for his convenience if he ever feels like getting with you. Those are just possibilities. I wouldn't think about it so much if I were you. Try talking to some other people. I know you say not to think so much about it, haha, but I really feel frustrated right now at the thought of him doing that ('strategising'). I don't like to be stuck in this situation where I'm expecting him to talk more but he only texts/calls me every 2 days. Especially if he's doing it on purpose! If he's interested I wish he would just show it, or just be honest with me if he's not interested, and not waste my time wondering where he is!
Author rie39 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I feel like I should say something to him to get myself out of this situation, of waiting for every 2nd day to hear from him... I'm not happy that he only texts/calls every 2 days so maybe I should make that clear?
jen1447 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Some guys play games (women too), just a fact of life. I don't see any problem with telling him you want more frequent communication, no. Just be prepared for it to possibly have the opposite effect if he starts to get scared that you're being too needy or creeping in on his 'space.' But yeah, it'd be better than sitting there stewing about it. Just always remember you're a woman and you have all the power. 1
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