justinje Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hey, So I'm an average looking guy at best, I'm pretty successful for my age I think, have a decent social life, I'm pretty active and try to go to the gym consistently. That being said I'm struggling with dating, but not for the reasons you probably think. I've dated 4 girls in the past 14 months, and those were the ones that lasted, If you could first dates who knows how many, a lot of these were online. The one girl I dated for 7 months, she was really sweet but that click just wasn't there no matter how hard I tried. The others I was just trying to force it, all 4 I ended up breaking it off with. Now I meet this girl from 9 hours away on a group trip to Europe, she has a bf, but there's a real click, a real connection there, I'm feeling feelings I haven't felt in a long time.....But obviously that's not going to work out for any of a multitude of reasons. So here I sit, honestly my self esteem is at an all time low right now or close to it. The girls I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and visa versa. I've put myself out there time and time again and can't seem to find someone that I can have a meaningful relationship with. And that's the key, that's what I'm looking for, I've had enough dating around and all that. I'm considering giving up entirely for a few months, try the whole "work on me" thing for 6 months then give it another go. But here's the problem, it's painful, emotionally painful because I so want that special someone for some reason. I'm just ready to have that person there............
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It's the tireless search for that needle in the haystack. Don't give up though... nothing can lift you up like a date with a new girl can! In the end, you only need to find one good one.
mandymor Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 That's what dating is all about. It's like food, you eat a lot of different things over a lifetime and you develop an interest for certain tastes. That's why you have certain foods that are your favorites. Dating is all about finding what's out there and sifting through everyone until you find something that suits your taste. Does it get tiresome, yes of course, but you just have to suck it up and keep going. That is if you want to find the one for you. There are times where you may want to take some time off from it, like you said to work on yourself, but then get back in there and find that special someone.
Mrin Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Ah chemistry... A question and a thought: Question: So what is it that these women lacked that prevented the "click" from happening? Judging from the tone of your post I am guessing it isn't looks or at least all looks. So what is it? It is okay if you don't know, my suggestion below might help. Heck, it took me 42 years to figure it out! Suggestion: This may sound hokey but consider meditation. Stick with me on this. I don't know if you've ever tried meditation but it can be extremely useful not only for introspection but also to make you more attune finding what you seek. I toned that down a bit because the hippie in me wants to tell you that you can manifest it in your life. Okay, so think about doing this. Find someplace comfortable and rest a bit. You can close your eyes if you want. Try to clear your thoughts and focus on this: I want you to imagine yourself 3 years from now. You're in a phenomenal relationship. Love of your life type stuff. Imagine how that would make you feel. How would you feel? What would the lust feel like? What would the trust feel like? What would your conversations feel like? Do you see yourself laughing? Do you see yourself having late night deep conversations over a bottle or three of wine? Do you see yourself sharing a sport or hobby with her? Little by little, fill in the pieces of that vision. Don't analyze anything. Don't force it. Let it come naturally and it may take several meditations to fully paint it all in. Don't focus on her so much as how you feel. What you do as a couple. How you occur for each other. Afterwards, think about the picture you painted and then analyze it. Can you suss out any character traits about her? How you would act and occur for her? But keep that vision. Write it down as if you're describing your relationship that you're in - three years from now. This is called "emotional goal setting". Use it as a guide to deciding who is worth dating and who isn't. Do they move your closer to that emotional goal? If so, date them. If not, move on. Keep that emotional goal in the front of your mind daily. You just might surprise yourself and bump into the right lady - and know it. 1
PogoStick Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 There is something weird that seems to happen when you stop trying to date. It seems as soon as you give up looking, you have a flood of women smashing at your door. It's like the universe isn't willing to let you get away. I say go for it. Join some sports teams and still get out and be social. Just don't look for women. Try really hard to enjoy the guys and friendzone the girls. In fact, start telling lots women you're giving up and no longer looking (there's nothing they find sexier). Next thing you know an amazing woman will be daring you to date just one more time, and how can you possibly say no?
Perrier Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 That being said I'm struggling with dating, but not for the reasons you probably think. Now I meet this girl from 9 hours away on a group trip to Europe, she has a bf, but there's a real click, a real connection there, I'm feeling feelings I haven't felt in a long time..... The girls I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and visa versa. ......... OP this is interesting. Could you be emotionally unavailable?
ZA Dater Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hey, So I'm an average looking guy at best, I'm pretty successful for my age I think, have a decent social life, I'm pretty active and try to go to the gym consistently. That being said I'm struggling with dating, but not for the reasons you probably think. I've dated 4 girls in the past 14 months, and those were the ones that lasted, If you could first dates who knows how many, a lot of these were online. The one girl I dated for 7 months, she was really sweet but that click just wasn't there no matter how hard I tried. The others I was just trying to force it, all 4 I ended up breaking it off with. Now I meet this girl from 9 hours away on a group trip to Europe, she has a bf, but there's a real click, a real connection there, I'm feeling feelings I haven't felt in a long time.....But obviously that's not going to work out for any of a multitude of reasons. So here I sit, honestly my self esteem is at an all time low right now or close to it. The girls I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and visa versa. I've put myself out there time and time again and can't seem to find someone that I can have a meaningful relationship with. And that's the key, that's what I'm looking for, I've had enough dating around and all that. I'm considering giving up entirely for a few months, try the whole "work on me" thing for 6 months then give it another go. But here's the problem, it's painful, emotionally painful because I so want that special someone for some reason. I'm just ready to have that person there............ This is not a nice place to be, maybe explore the idea of find a nice female to be ordinary friends with?
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