Tuutuu22 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Prom is in a week he bought the tickets, he is paying for the limo and the after prom club. However the after-after prom over the weekend is in Jersey and he asked me to come with him but he also asked if i can give him $75.00 which is half of my stay there the full price is $150.00 each. Then today he requested I give him the full amount. I told him I was dissapointed, I'm not a girlfirned that ever asks for much or wants him to spend all his money on me but if he is inviting me as his guest and considering he is my boyfriend I would think he would want to pay for me to come. He said "I was looking for a free handout" and was very nasty about it.. I also feel I don't mind helping and I want to go. My dad says I should lose him because my mom never paid for anything while they dated. I'm confused. What should I say to him and should I pay or not?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well you should offer to pay from time to time. It's possible you've been taking him for granted for a while and it's finally boiled over for him. Do what you will, if he's being nasty about it you guys might be finished. 4
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Does he always pay for everything when you guys go out? That would wear on me as the guy as well. I personally hate feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, especially with the girl in my life. I agree that the man should pay for the majority but.. if the girl has alligator arms and can never reach her purse to occasionally pay for something, it's a deal breaker. 1
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Prom is in a week he bought the tickets, he is paying for the limo and the after prom club. I am not American but isn't it up to the parents to pay the prom's expenses? When my daughter graduated I paid for everything and her bf only had to rent his toxido. How much is worth everything your boyfriend paid for the prom? I am sure it's more than $150. Yes you should help him with the after prom expenses. 1
Cup Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I would pay BUT I don't like the tone he used with you. 2
SammySammy Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 High school kid? Expected to pay all of those expenses? You and your family expect to pay nothing because you were born with a vagina? Are you serious? 8
Cup Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 As a non-American I can't even understand why so much is needed! An after after party over the weekend? 2
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Prom is in a week he bought the tickets, he is paying for the limo and the after prom club. However the after-after prom over the weekend is in Jersey and he asked me to come with him but he also asked if i can give him $75.00 which is half of my stay there the full price is $150.00 each. Then today he requested I give him the full amount. I told him I was dissapointed, I'm not a girlfirned that ever asks for much or wants him to spend all his money on me but if he is inviting me as his guest and considering he is my boyfriend I would think he would want to pay for me to come. He said "I was looking for a free handout" and was very nasty about it.. I also feel I don't mind helping and I want to go. My dad says I should lose him because my mom never paid for anything while they dated. I'm confused. What should I say to him and should I pay or not? So let me get this straight. He bought your prom ticket, is paying for the limo himself, and paid the after prom club expenses. Yet you're whining over chipping in $150 for your share of the trip? I mean the guy shouldn't be expected to take care of EVERY single expense should he? Also, do you have a job? Or do you parents pay for stuff for you? If your dad would be the one actually paying the $150, it makes sense he'd say to lose the BF. It saves him money if you do. haha 5
Keenly Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 A high school kid went above and beyond getting the tickets, the limo, and even planned a place for you guys to be. You are letting the fact that he asked you to... wait for it... CONTRIBUTE! And you let that ruin the whole thing. Do you realize how selfish/spoiled/impossible to please that sounds? If the limo isn't made of solid gold, and the hotel isn't a 4 star resort, you better break up with him. /sarcasm 5
newmoon Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 your dad's heart is in the right place, but he's from another era, when men did pick up the tab for women without hesitation. women just didn't pay for stuff. now, they do. you shouldn't have to pay the full amount though, that's unfair, especially if there was no prior agreement for that. you should offer to pay your half, that's fair, or cancel a portion of the evening to save him money. perhaps you have been expecting him to pay too often without reciprocating anything?
Phoe Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 My dad says I should lose him because my mom never paid for anything while they dated. I'm sorry, I know you love your dad, but I don't think it's a good thing that he told you this. At all. He is doing you a disservice by telling you that you should never pay for anything, because if you decide that's the route you want to take with your future dating life, it's likely going to cause a lot of problems. You should be willing to contribute. You should never expect that everything will be handed to you. You are his partner! Be a partner. 8
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Obviously, since you're going to prom, I won't attack you or call you names like some are doing. Here's a link that will help: Who Should Pay For Prom: The Guy or the Girl? I get why you are upset. He asked if you could cover half the costs for the after prom trip. You didn't seem to have a problem about this. Now he demands you pay for the full thing and gives you attitude and calls you names because you questioned it. Not the right way to do things. It's better for the two of you to sit down and figure out the costs, and then decide together what to pay. Expectations don't work well, but compromise does.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Obviously, since you're going to prom, I won't attack you or call you names like some are doing. Here's a link that will help: Who Should Pay For Prom: The Guy or the Girl? I get why you are upset. He asked if you could cover half the costs for the after prom trip. You didn't seem to have a problem about this. Now he demands you pay for the full thing and gives you attitude and calls you names because you questioned it. Not the right way to do things. It's better for the two of you to sit down and figure out the costs, and then decide together what to pay. Expectations don't work well, but compromise does. From my understanding the trip costs them $150 a piece. The boyfriend originally asked for 1/2 her share of $75. But then when he realized how much money he'd shelled out, I'm guessing he thought she should at least pay for her entire half. I mean covering both prom tickets, the entire limo cost, and the after party expenses is way above and beyond for an 18 year old high school kid. In all honesty, if he paid for every single prom expense, he shouldn't have even had to ask her in the first place. She should have willingly said "Well the least I can do is pay for my half of the trip since you paid for everything else".
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 From my understanding the trip costs them $150 a piece. The boyfriend originally asked for 1/2 her share of $75. But then when he realized how much money he'd shelled out, I'm guessing he thought she should at least pay for her entire half. I mean covering both prom tickets, the entire limo cost, and the after party expenses is way above and beyond for an 18 year old high school kid. In all honesty, if he paid for every single prom expense, he shouldn't have even had to ask her in the first place. She should have willingly said "Well the least I can do is pay for my half of the trip since you paid for everything else". He asked her to contribute x, then demanded y. Then insulted her. You don't demand. You discuss. You don't insult. 2
MissBee Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He asked her to contribute x, then demanded y. Then insulted her. You don't demand. You discuss. You don't insult. Ditto. Nothing is wrong with asking her to pay and discussing it. But don't ask one thing, then demand something else and then insult her on top of it. Come on. 1
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I don't see why the parents aren't getting together on this to pay for it. 2
PogoStick Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 TLDR- Yes pay him the money and be happy about it. Let's analyze what likely happened: He tried to be the man and pay for everything. He went way overboard, getting a limo and all the parties (possibly alcohol), and a trip, and a hotel. He did it FOR HER, to impress her, so she can have her big night. Just like a wedding, prom is way more for the girl than the guy. Then he realized, "I just spent a ****-load of money, FOR HER to have an amazing time. Way more than I planned, and can realistically afford." Then he also remembered it's 2015, women are far outpacing men in higher education, men were disproportionately hurt by the recession, and for middle class purposes men and women have parity in earning potential. So maybe she can handle pitching in that 25% considering he just drained all his graduation money for her. Plus they will probably get into a stupid fight on prom night now, and he'll have a horrible time anyway. Oh and someone, kick that dad in the nuts!
Toodaloo Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I don't see why the parents aren't getting together on this to pay for it. Neither do I. When I had the step/ foster children we paid the lot. The kids didn't pay for any of it. I also don't see why OP can't help him out a bit... Its high school! Give the guy a break! What happens when you get out into the real world and have bills to pay etc... He is going to have to do all of it on his own? Doesn't show a very supportive nature to kick up a fuss about it... Your Dad is from another era I am afraid OP and in this day and age we women have to support ourselves. I suggest that you talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that your Dad just wants the best for you and advised you not to pay, but you want to support him and spend time with him so you want to pay your way and that you really appreciate him going the extra mile to get the limo, tickets etc... 1
Shining One Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He was wrong to insult you the way he did. That's uncalled for. He should have approached the subject delicately. With that being said, you should be more sympathetic to his position. Add up all of the costs he's already covering. It's not a small amount. I think you should sit down with him, total up the costs up the events, determine how much you each want to contribute, then cut things out accordingly.
Perrier Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 OP your bf insulting you is a big red flag, however maybe he was boiling over from the pressure of preparing for prom. I would discuss it with him and see the portion you can afford to pay. Agreed he shouldn't ask for one amount then demand another. 1
Brigit Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 He said "I was looking for a free handout" and was very nasty about it.. That alone would ruin the prom for me. I'd tell him to have a good time but I'll be busy that day. Seriously. If a guy said this to me I just wouldn't go. I'd be too angry.
Brigit Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 maybe he was boiling over from the pressure of preparing for prom. If that is true then he's a major wuss. Pressure of preparing for the prom??? OMG. LOL.
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Maybe for some of you he was insulting but we weren't there, we don't know how that conversation went and he may have said that when he felt cornered into paying more. We also don't know their history previous to the prom plans, sounds like he was always expected to pay more than his shares for a young kid of 17 and he finally blow up. 2
Keenly Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 If that is true then he's a major wuss. Pressure of preparing for the prom??? OMG. LOL. A man is a wuss when he stresses about making an event special for his woman. Let me grab a pen so I can write that little factoid down.
preraph Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Just tell him you can't afford to go to the $150 thing. Now, I get you're both still in high school so money is nonexistent. So I don't know why you're trying to go to something that costs real money anyway. You should remind your bf what you already spent money on, like your prom dress and shoes, too. If he wanted you to do this, tell him you'd have needed some months notice to save up. I don't mind at all that he asked for some money for that excursion, but asking for all of it after inviting you is rude.
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