r416 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Ok, to start off I'm posting this to ask for help with my life and I don't need anybody telling me I need to just "move on" or that I am too young to be doing the things I am going to write about. Background about me: I am 15 years old male throughout this story and am a freshmen in high school. I dated two girls in middle school without ever seeing them outside of school. I had my first kiss with one of them, but I was peer pressured into doing it. I never thought of myself as a very emotional guy until now. I don't know how relevant this info is, but I'm adding it in case it helps. The story: It was one of the first days of freshman year and it was my first day with my new math class after having my schedule rearranged. I sat down in class and looked around at the other students in my class and one girl in particular caught my eye as being very attractive to me. Let's call this girl Sheeran because she really liked Ed Sheeran. So from day one I have a crush on Sheeran bigger than any crush I've ever felt before. During that fall she had been dating another guy for almost a year who I didn't know about until after we started dating. For the months before we dated I didn't like any other girl at all. I know it goes against the stereotypical high school guy but for those months I didn't even look at another girl because of their attractiveness all of my attention was on her. I never talked to her out of fear of rejection and overall shyness. Weeks went by with my dreaming about laying on a couch somewhere just enjoying each others presence. I stared at her for whole class periods sometimes it was the highlight of my day every day. I managed to keep a really good grade in that class though and ended up showing her that I was pretty smart when it comes to math. I got 100%s on all my tests and I noticed that she was always a close second missing one or two points less than me. This made me want her even more when I pictured a dream girl for me it was her body her way of speaking and also her intelligence. I didn't tell anyone about my crush because I had seen too many people have others screw it up for them that I wanted to keep it to myself. Skip ahead to mid November my desire to be with her grew to almost pain that I would never work up the guts to talk to her. By this time I would later find out that her boyfriend of almost a year broke up with her and she was devastated for a month or so after. I decided that a couldn't overcome my shyness with her and that it was best just to give up. One day one of my old friends who I would also find out was a really good friend of Sheerans asked me if I was dating someone and I replied no then he jokingly asked my if I was gay to witch I also replied no. He proceeded to tell me that there was this girl who was a friend of his who liked me and asked me if he could give her my phone number. I reluctantly said yes because in my mind nobody could compare to Sheeran. Later that night I got a text from him saying she was really shy to talk to me and he made me guess who it was. I guessed a few names and got them wrong of course but I eventually thought that maybe it's Sheeran so I guessed her name and to my surprise it was her. At that moment I almost had a heart attack it was as if everything I've been wanting to happen for the past three months was actually happening. I still remember the first text she ever sent me. It was a moment of pure joy. Sheeran tried to play it of like it was one of her friends who liked me but I knew because of my friend that she was the one who liked me. After hours of nonstop texting and playing along with her guessing game I finally told her that I knew it was her. She couldn't believe that I knew and was just as happy as I was. She asked me to walk with her after math to her next class for about a week and I looked forward to those five minute walks everyday. At the end of the week I finally decided that I had to ask her out. I asked her out in the middle of the hallway when she could barely hear me because I didn't know where to find her anywhere else besides after that class. My palms were sweaty I was so nervous r that my hands were shaking but when I heard her say "yeah, sure, great" I felt the most achieved I have ever felt in my life. The day we went to the movies I found out that she wanted me to ask her to be my girlfriend and that that is when we started dating to her. I freaked out I knew I had to make it special but I just didn't know how. We both showed up at the theater and I still didn't know what I was going to do but right before we entered the theater I decided I was just going to wait till she showed me out of her house that night because I was going to her house afterward. I had my plan set and it was time to focus on her and only her. We sat next to each other and I to this day remember nothing about the movie. The show was her she had every ounce of my attention even though she was just sitting there watching the movie. The whole time I was thinking about holding her hand and this being my first date I didn't know when to do so or if she even wanted me to. About halfway through the movie I decided just to go for it. She saw what I was trying to do and took my hand with a giant smile on her face. I instantly felt the connection with her. The way she moved her thumb across my skin sent shivers down my spine. After the move when she asked what I thought of it I said that it was okay not wanting to admit that I wasn't watching it at all. Her mom picked us up and for some reason it wasn't awkward at all meeting her mom or her father. Back at her place she called up some friends to come over and we hung out until my mom came to pick me up. As she was showing my out the door I was all ready with asking her to be my girlfriend but something inside of me said she was too special for this boring way so I didn't. Later that night her friends texted me all saying that she was disappointed that I didn't ask her and that she thinks I don't like her anymore. But it was the opposite of that. I liked her more than ever and I spent that entire night coming up with ideas to ask her to be my girlfriend. I finally came up with a special unique idea for such a special girl like her. The next day I invited her and some of her friends over but I made sure to invite Sheeran over fifteen minutes before everyone else so I would have time to ask her. As she arrives I peer out my window and I still remember the smile on her face as she rang my doorbell. I invited her in and lead her to my basement where we have a bunch of old arcade games one of them being skeeball. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said sure. Three or four normal balls rolled out at first but then a special ball with paper on it rolled out. At first she was confused but then I asked her to read it. The paper said "GF?" and then she turned around with the same perfect smile and I asked her if she'd be my girlfriend. She barely could say yes through her smile but managed to spit out the words to me. At that time our other friends showed up and we were able to happily share the great news. That night was great we played games and I learned so much about her life and that's when I really got to know what kind of girl she really is. Her personality was everything I always thought she'd be. That night was also the first night that we lied on a couch in each others arms. A couple meetups like theses with and without friends happened before the first time I kissed her. I learned a lot about Sheeran through texting her friends. They were my insight into her mind and what she was thinking about me. It came the time where they were all telling me about how she keeps saying that I haven't kissed her yet so I knew it was my time. We were at her house laying on the couch cuddling and I kept shaking like I was really nervous and when she'd ask me whats wrong I just said nothing. I kept wasting time thinking about it in my head and enjoying her company. I wanted to kiss her but I just was so nervous about it and I didn't want to screw it up. Before I knew it my mom was texting me that she was outside ready to pick me up. I panicked and knew I had to kiss her that day for my own sanity and for her's. I got up and just as I was about to walk up the stairs to leave I turned around and told her "There's one more thing that I have to do before I go that I've wanted to do for a long time now" and she closed her eyes and I knew she knew what I meant. I leaned in and in two seconds it was over. With the same smile on her face I told her I wanted to do that for longer than she thinks and she said same but she had no idea about the months before this that I liked her. The next major event was when I heard again through her friends that she wanted to make out. It was right before winter break when I was upset I couldn't see her because of my sisters gymnastics meet that I had to go to. I jokingly said I wish you could come when she replied well why can't I? I explained to her that it was really boring and she wouldn't have a good time but she requested to go anyway because she wanted to be with me. That Friday after school she came home with me and we hung out in my basement again and we watched some of our new shared show how I met your mother. I again was too nervous of messing it up so I waited till right before we had to leave to make out with her. It was horrible and it was all my fault. It was my first make out but luckily she laughed it off and we went on to spend the rest of the night together. The next two weeks was winter break where her family went to see family then go to Disney in Florida. I didn't see her for a whole two weeks but I made sure I texted her as much as I could and face timed her whenever she wanted to. I remember making her laugh during that time and I can't ever forget the sound of her laugh. Specifically the sound of her laugh caused by me. The next time I would see her I hung out at her place and not having seen her in two weeks I was so happy to see her and she had the same big smile on her face. After a little bit of talking I tried to pick up where we left off by trying to make out with her again when she said she didn't know if she was ready enough with me. This kinda threw me because I first thought she wanted to but has now all of a sudden changed her mind. I really wanted to try again but I respected her decision. Nothing besides the normal happened until mid January when our fist and only dance happened. It was turnabout a dance where the girl asks the guy and I could tell she was nervous about asking me. A week before the actual dance we were both at a party together when she came downstairs with a poster and to baseballs spelling TB for turn about that I still have in my closet today. Baseball is my favorite sport so her way of asking me was more than enough. I would have said yes even if she just asked randomly if I wanted to go. The day of the dance was one I will never forget. The rush to get a corsage and not knowing what to wear. It all didn't matter when I saw her in her beautiful tight black dress with her hair all done for the first time. We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings before the dance. I ended up getting wing sauce on my tie but she somehow came out clean. We after went back to my house to take pictures where she found one of my old pictures when I had long hair and took a picture with it. The dance was amazing we showed up when nobody was there and it was kinda awkward for a while but as people filled in it got better. I was never one to actually dance at these things but somehow with her smile she persuaded me into trying to dance with her. Once I got over the awkwardness of dancing it was some of the most fun I've ever had. At one point we almost got kicked out for her grinding on me and told to stop by a school dean. The best moment of the night was the slow dance when I took her into my arms as tight as I could and she did the same. It was like time had frozen and everyone around us disappeared. It was just her and I moving in sync to the music. After the dance we went to an after party where I finally got to make out with her. We were in a room full of our friends on a couch so we decided to go under a blanket for some reason. I remember her dress crawling up her butt and her taking my hand and placing it there. I didn't know how to react being completely new to this so I just went along with it. We decided we needed some more privacy so we went into another room and made out for what seemed like hours. After that day our relationship had been stronger than ever with the addition of a new sexual side. That side that I thought was amazing would turn out to also be the demise of our relationship. Moving ahead we hadn't really done much other than me putting my hand on her butt underneath her pants. One day we were doing just that when she decided she would roll over to be in the spooning position. My hand now rested right above her private area and she kept acting like it was fine so I m decided to go for it. It wasn't much compared to most stories I've heard but it was my first time fingering a girl and it wasn't just any girl it was the girl I liked more than anything else. I felt so proud that I had this relationship with this girl where we bonded enough to do this with each other. We did it a few more times and it got to the point where she sexted me a picture of herself. It was a simple butt picture but I didn't know the power I had possessing it. I don't know what happened to me that week but I'm not proud at all about it. I made three huge mistakes that were entirely my fault and would end up costing my my relationship with Sheeran in the future. The first of three was that I told one of her good guy friends that I had fingered her thinking I could trust him. The second was the biggest mistake and I have no idea why I did it. I showed some of her guy friends who were now my friends her butt picture she sent me. The final mistake was telling one person on my baseball team that I fingered her and lied to them by saying I made her cum three times. The lie I said because that person had done what I did before and I was trying to one up him and didn't think about the effects it would have on our relationship. I didn't tell Sheeran about any of this our relationship went on great. The first mistake she found out about right away and told me she was considering breaking up with me over it. This made me realize how much she meant to me. I couldn't sleep that whole night. I puked and yes I even cried multiple times that night and just couldn't stop thinking about her. I sat down and thought to myself how can one girl threatening to leave my life cause my so much pain. I though about this all night and by morning came up with the answer I thought was the most true. I loved her. She had told me in the past about how she's never told anyone she's loved them before and doesn't really believe in true love but I did. I knew what I felt for her was love. The next morning I told her what happened to me and I told her flat out that I loved her. She replied that she texted me to tell me she thought about it a lot and that she couldn't throw away a guy like me because of this. She gave me a second chance. It was amazing I felt loved and wanted by her and all I wanted to do was hug her and say thank you. We continued on our journey till Valentine's Day came. I had no idea what to get her. I ended up rushing the night before to get flowers fuzzy socks and a stuffed frog. I had it all set up and she ended up loving it. My gift from her was a picture of us from turnabout and I gigantic card that I still have in my closet. It was a great day we went to the mall and then went out to dinner with her parents and siblings who I could somehow easily connect with and talk to. It was my first Valentine's Day with a girl and I couldn't have asked for a better one. All this time though the knowledge of my two other mistakes festered in the back of my mind. I knew I should tell her about them but I didn't in fear of her breaking up with me on the spot. Then the day came where it couldn't wait any longer and she found out for herself when her friends told her I showed them her butt picture. She was furious with me breaking her trust for the second time and I was so disappointed with myself. That night I heard the worst words I could have possibly heard. We need to break up. It was all over I spent my nights in my room crying to myself and remembering everything that happened with us. The timing of it was horrible also. It was right after I had really began to love her. She brought so many new feeling with her that I haven't felt from anybody else ever before. I wouldn't eat and I wouldn't even go to baseball. For the first few days I avoided her in school but I realized I had some new friends I met through her and I can't just leave on them too. I toughened up and talked to them in the same room as Sheeran was. I almost couldn't make it through without having an emotional breakdown. This went on and I ended up texting her right before spring break when she was saying she made a mistake and wanted to get back together with me in the future. This gave me hope but it never happened because of my third mistake. The word of me fingering Sheeran had gotten around my baseball team and it eventually got to Sheeran herself. When she heard of this all thought of getting back together with me must have instantly gone away. She wouldn't talk to me for weeks after but eventually we started talking now again because of our intermediate group of friends. I hadn't ever told anyone the biggest secrets she told me and those were the one I thought really counted. Every night I would think of her and listen to the many playlists of songs I made throughout our relationship. I said to myself I would be over her when she wasn't the last thing I thought of when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of when I woke up. This day has still not come to me. About a month and a half after we broke up there was a new dance and I decided I should try to go to it with an old friend that I liked when I was younger and we hung out every week back then. She went to a different school so it was hard to get approval from my school but we finally were able to go. At the dance I saw Sheeran and couldn't help but notice her everywhere. My night was fun with this new girl and I though that I might actually like this new girl. Still I thought of Sheeran every night and everyday. The new girl slept over a few times and we never got any further than making out. A few weeks ago even she left me and I haven't spoken to her since but I've realized what I think she saw in me much earlier than I did. I found things in her that reminded me of Sheeran and the familiar spence of having someone like Sheeran around took some of the pain away from loosing Sheeran. I haven't told anybody about the pain after this new girl so everyone including Sheeran thinks that I'm over all of this. It is too late now though. After seeing this new girl and I Sheeran found someone knew and seems to be doing great. She ignores me in the halls and seems to be enjoying him more than she ever has me. I screwed up and I screwed up badly more than once. It was my first time and I couldn't handle the emotions and my life feels so empty now with out Sheeran. All of her friends who I thought were mine also have left me so I'm back to being by myself every night watching as they all have fun together and watching Sheeran and her new boyfriend doing all the things Sheeran and I talked about doing our entire relationship. It's just hard for me to watch her all of a sudden move on like she was waiting for me to make an attempt to move on to be completely done with me. I still think about her every night and every morning. I still look at the objects in my closet for hours on end because my whole life in the eighty days we've been apart has turned to nothing. As I watch Sheeran throw me behind her without even thinking. I know there will eventually be other girls but I just can't get over Sheeran and how I did nothing but bad to her and how she did so much for me. The only thing I can remember doing for her was waking up at five thirty in the morning to get her coffee the day after she says she's really craving coffee. It just seems like the pain of being without her is getting worse and worse everyday with no sight of ever getting better. I regret all of what I did more than anything else. I find little pieces of her in every song I listen to and everywhere I look. I wish I could take all the bad I did to her and throw it all away.
Author r416 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Ok, to start off I'm posting this to ask for help with my life and I don't need anybody telling me I need to just "move on" or that I am too young to be doing the things I am going to write about. Background about me: I am 15 years old male throughout this story and am a freshmen in high school. I dated two girls in middle school without ever seeing them outside of school. I had my first kiss with one of them, but I was peer pressured into doing it. I never thought of myself as a very emotional guy until now. I don't know how relevant this info is, but I'm adding it in case it helps. The story: It was one of the first days of freshman year and it was my first day with my new math class after having my schedule rearranged. I sat down in class and looked around at the other students in my class and one girl in particular caught my eye as being very attractive to me. Let's call this girl Sheeran because she really liked Ed Sheeran. So from day one I have a crush on Sheeran bigger than any crush I've ever felt before. During that fall she had been dating another guy for almost a year who I didn't know about until after we started dating. For the months before we dated I didn't like any other girl at all. I know it goes against the stereotypical high school guy but for those months I didn't even look at another girl because of their attractiveness all of my attention was on her. I never talked to her out of fear of rejection and overall shyness. Weeks went by with my dreaming about laying on a couch somewhere just enjoying each others presence. I stared at her for whole class periods sometimes it was the highlight of my day every day. I managed to keep a really good grade in that class though and ended up showing her that I was pretty smart when it comes to math. I got 100%s on all my tests and I noticed that she was always a close second missing one or two points less than me. This made me want her even more when I pictured a dream girl for me it was her body her way of speaking and also her intelligence. I didn't tell anyone about my crush because I had seen too many people have others screw it up for them that I wanted to keep it to myself. Skip ahead to mid November my desire to be with her grew to almost pain that I would never work up the guts to talk to her. By this time I would later find out that her boyfriend of almost a year broke up with her and she was devastated for a month or so after. I decided that a couldn't overcome my shyness with her and that it was best just to give up. One day one of my old friends who I would also find out was a really good friend of Sheerans asked me if I was dating someone and I replied no then he jokingly asked my if I was gay to witch I also replied no. He proceeded to tell me that there was this girl who was a friend of his who liked me and asked me if he could give her my phone number. I reluctantly said yes because in my mind nobody could compare to Sheeran. Later that night I got a text from him saying she was really shy to talk to me and he made me guess who it was. I guessed a few names and got them wrong of course but I eventually thought that maybe it's Sheeran so I guessed her name and to my surprise it was her. At that moment I almost had a heart attack it was as if everything I've been wanting to happen for the past three months was actually happening. I still remember the first text she ever sent me. It was a moment of pure joy. Sheeran tried to play it of like it was one of her friends who liked me but I knew because of my friend that she was the one who liked me. After hours of nonstop texting and playing along with her guessing game I finally told her that I knew it was her. She couldn't believe that I knew and was just as happy as I was. She asked me to walk with her after math to her next class for about a week and I looked forward to those five minute walks everyday. At the end of the week I finally decided that I had to ask her out. I asked her out in the middle of the hallway when she could barely hear me because I didn't know where to find her anywhere else besides after that class. My palms were sweaty I was so nervous r that my hands were shaking but when I heard her say "yeah, sure, great" I felt the most achieved I have ever felt in my life. The day we went to the movies I found out that she wanted me to ask her to be my girlfriend and that that is when we started dating to her. I freaked out I knew I had to make it special but I just didn't know how. We both showed up at the theater and I still didn't know what I was going to do but right before we entered the theater I decided I was just going to wait till she showed me out of her house that night because I was going to her house afterward. I had my plan set and it was time to focus on her and only her. We sat next to each other and I to this day remember nothing about the movie. The show was her she had every ounce of my attention even though she was just sitting there watching the movie. The whole time I was thinking about holding her hand and this being my first date I didn't know when to do so or if she even wanted me to. About halfway through the movie I decided just to go for it. She saw what I was trying to do and took my hand with a giant smile on her face. I instantly felt the connection with her. The way she moved her thumb across my skin sent shivers down my spine. After the move when she asked what I thought of it I said that it was okay not wanting to admit that I wasn't watching it at all. Her mom picked us up and for some reason it wasn't awkward at all meeting her mom or her father. Back at her place she called up some friends to come over and we hung out until my mom came to pick me up. As she was showing my out the door I was all ready with asking her to be my girlfriend but something inside of me said she was too special for this boring way so I didn't. Later that night her friends texted me all saying that she was disappointed that I didn't ask her and that she thinks I don't like her anymore. But it was the opposite of that. I liked her more than ever and I spent that entire night coming up with ideas to ask her to be my girlfriend. I finally came up with a special unique idea for such a special girl like her. The next day I invited her and some of her friends over but I made sure to invite Sheeran over fifteen minutes before everyone else so I would have time to ask her. As she arrives I peer out my window and I still remember the smile on her face as she rang my doorbell. I invited her in and lead her to my basement where we have a bunch of old arcade games one of them being skeeball. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said sure. Three or four normal balls rolled out at first but then a special ball with paper on it rolled out. At first she was confused but then I asked her to read it. The paper said "GF?" and then she turned around with the same perfect smile and I asked her if she'd be my girlfriend. She barely could say yes through her smile but managed to spit out the words to me. At that time our other friends showed up and we were able to happily share the great news. That night was great we played games and I learned so much about her life and that's when I really got to know what kind of girl she really is. Her personality was everything I always thought she'd be. That night was also the first night that we lied on a couch in each others arms. A couple meetups like theses with and without friends happened before the first time I kissed her. I learned a lot about Sheeran through texting her friends. They were my insight into her mind and what she was thinking about me. It came the time where they were all telling me about how she keeps saying that I haven't kissed her yet so I knew it was my time. We were at her house laying on the couch cuddling and I kept shaking like I was really nervous and when she'd ask me whats wrong I just said nothing. I kept wasting time thinking about it in my head and enjoying her company. I wanted to kiss her but I just was so nervous about it and I didn't want to screw it up. Before I knew it my mom was texting me that she was outside ready to pick me up. I panicked and knew I had to kiss her that day for my own sanity and for her's. I got up and just as I was about to walk up the stairs to leave I turned around and told her "There's one more thing that I have to do before I go that I've wanted to do for a long time now" and she closed her eyes and I knew she knew what I meant. I leaned in and in two seconds it was over. With the same smile on her face I told her I wanted to do that for longer than she thinks and she said same but she had no idea about the months before this that I liked her. The next major event was when I heard again through her friends that she wanted to make out. It was right before winter break when I was upset I couldn't see her because of my sisters gymnastics meet that I had to go to. I jokingly said I wish you could come when she replied well why can't I? I explained to her that it was really boring and she wouldn't have a good time but she requested to go anyway because she wanted to be with me. That Friday after school she came home with me and we hung out in my basement again and we watched some of our new shared show how I met your mother. I again was too nervous of messing it up so I waited till right before we had to leave to make out with her. It was horrible and it was all my fault. It was my first make out but luckily she laughed it off and we went on to spend the rest of the night together. The next two weeks was winter break where her family went to see family then go to Disney in Florida. I didn't see her for a whole two weeks but I made sure I texted her as much as I could and face timed her whenever she wanted to. I remember making her laugh during that time and I can't ever forget the sound of her laugh. Specifically the sound of her laugh caused by me. The next time I would see her I hung out at her place and not having seen her in two weeks I was so happy to see her and she had the same big smile on her face. After a little bit of talking I tried to pick up where we left off by trying to make out with her again when she said she didn't know if she was ready enough with me. This kinda threw me because I first thought she wanted to but has now all of a sudden changed her mind. I really wanted to try again but I respected her decision. Nothing besides the normal happened until mid January when our fist and only dance happened. It was turnabout a dance where the girl asks the guy and I could tell she was nervous about asking me. A week before the actual dance we were both at a party together when she came downstairs with a poster and to baseballs spelling TB for turn about that I still have in my closet today. Baseball is my favorite sport so her way of asking me was more than enough. I would have said yes even if she just asked randomly if I wanted to go. The day of the dance was one I will never forget. The rush to get a corsage and not knowing what to wear. It all didn't matter when I saw her in her beautiful tight black dress with her hair all done for the first time. We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings before the dance. I ended up getting wing sauce on my tie but she somehow came out clean. We after went back to my house to take pictures where she found one of my old pictures when I had long hair and took a picture with it. The dance was amazing we showed up when nobody was there and it was kinda awkward for a while but as people filled in it got better. I was never one to actually dance at these things but somehow with her smile she persuaded me into trying to dance with her. Once I got over the awkwardness of dancing it was some of the most fun I've ever had. At one point we almost got kicked out for her grinding on me and told to stop by a school dean. The best moment of the night was the slow dance when I took her into my arms as tight as I could and she did the same. It was like time had frozen and everyone around us disappeared. It was just her and I moving in sync to the music. After the dance we went to an after party where I finally got to make out with her. We were in a room full of our friends on a couch so we decided to go under a blanket for some reason. I remember her dress crawling up her butt and her taking my hand and placing it there. I didn't know how to react being completely new to this so I just went along with it. We decided we needed some more privacy so we went into another room and made out for what seemed like hours. After that day our relationship had been stronger than ever with the addition of a new sexual side. That side that I thought was amazing would turn out to also be the demise of our relationship. Moving ahead we hadn't really done much other than me putting my hand on her butt underneath her pants. One day we were doing just that when she decided she would roll over to be in the spooning position. My hand now rested right above her private area and she kept acting like it was fine so I m decided to go for it. It wasn't much compared to most stories I've heard but it was my first time fingering a girl and it wasn't just any girl it was the girl I liked more than anything else. I felt so proud that I had this relationship with this girl where we bonded enough to do this with each other. We did it a few more times and it got to the point where she sexted me a picture of herself. It was a simple butt picture but I didn't know the power I had possessing it. I don't know what happened to me that week but I'm not proud at all about it. I made three huge mistakes that were entirely my fault and would end up costing my my relationship with Sheeran in the future. The first of three was that I told one of her good guy friends that I had fingered her thinking I could trust him. The second was the biggest mistake and I have no idea why I did it. I showed some of her guy friends who were now my friends her butt picture she sent me. The final mistake was telling one person on my baseball team that I fingered her and lied to them by saying I made her cum three times. The lie I said because that person had done what I did before and I was trying to one up him and didn't think about the effects it would have on our relationship. I didn't tell Sheeran about any of this our relationship went on great. The first mistake she found out about right away and told me she was considering breaking up with me over it. This made me realize how much she meant to me. I couldn't sleep that whole night. I puked and yes I even cried multiple times that night and just couldn't stop thinking about her. I sat down and thought to myself how can one girl threatening to leave my life cause my so much pain. I though about this all night and by morning came up with the answer I thought was the most true. I loved her. She had told me in the past about how she's never told anyone she's loved them before and doesn't really believe in true love but I did. I knew what I felt for her was love. The next morning I told her what happened to me and I told her flat out that I loved her. She replied that she texted me to tell me she thought about it a lot and that she couldn't throw away a guy like me because of this. She gave me a second chance. It was amazing I felt loved and wanted by her and all I wanted to do was hug her and say thank you. We continued on our journey till Valentine's Day came. I had no idea what to get her. I ended up rushing the night before to get flowers fuzzy socks and a stuffed frog. I had it all set up and she ended up loving it. My gift from her was a picture of us from turnabout and I gigantic card that I still have in my closet. It was a great day we went to the mall and then went out to dinner with her parents and siblings who I could somehow easily connect with and talk to. It was my first Valentine's Day with a girl and I couldn't have asked for a better one. All this time though the knowledge of my two other mistakes festered in the back of my mind. I knew I should tell her about them but I didn't in fear of her breaking up with me on the spot. Then the day came where it couldn't wait any longer and she found out for herself when her friends told her I showed them her butt picture. She was furious with me breaking her trust for the second time and I was so disappointed with myself. That night I heard the worst words I could have possibly heard. We need to break up. It was all over I spent my nights in my room crying to myself and remembering everything that happened with us. The timing of it was horrible also. It was right after I had really began to love her. She brought so many new feeling with her that I haven't felt from anybody else ever before. I wouldn't eat and I wouldn't even go to baseball. For the first few days I avoided her in school but I realized I had some new friends I met through her and I can't just leave on them too. I toughened up and talked to them in the same room as Sheeran was. I almost couldn't make it through without having an emotional breakdown. This went on and I ended up texting her right before spring break when she was saying she made a mistake and wanted to get back together with me in the future. This gave me hope but it never happened because of my third mistake. The word of me fingering Sheeran had gotten around my baseball team and it eventually got to Sheeran herself. When she heard of this all thought of getting back together with me must have instantly gone away. She wouldn't talk to me for weeks after but eventually we started talking now again because of our intermediate group of friends. I hadn't ever told anyone the biggest secrets she told me and those were the one I thought really counted. Every night I would think of her and listen to the many playlists of songs I made throughout our relationship. I said to myself I would be over her when she wasn't the last thing I thought of when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of when I woke up. This day has still not come to me. About a month and a half after we broke up there was a new dance and I decided I should try to go to it with an old friend that I liked when I was younger and we hung out every week back then. She went to a different school so it was hard to get approval from my school but we finally were able to go. At the dance I saw Sheeran and couldn't help but notice her everywhere. My night was fun with this new girl and I though that I might actually like this new girl. Still I thought of Sheeran every night and everyday. The new girl slept over a few times and we never got any further than making out. A few weeks ago even she left me and I haven't spoken to her since but I've realized what I think she saw in me much earlier than I did. I found things in her that reminded me of Sheeran and the familiar spence of having someone like Sheeran around took some of the pain away from loosing Sheeran. I haven't told anybody about the pain after this new girl so everyone including Sheeran thinks that I'm over all of this. It is too late now though. After seeing this new girl and I Sheeran found someone knew and seems to be doing great. She ignores me in the halls and seems to be enjoying him more than she ever has me. I screwed up and I screwed up badly more than once. It was my first time and I couldn't handle the emotions and my life feels so empty now with out Sheeran. All of her friends who I thought were mine also have left me so I'm back to being by myself every night watching as they all have fun together and watching Sheeran and her new boyfriend doing all the things Sheeran and I talked about doing our entire relationship. It's just hard for me to watch her all of a sudden move on like she was waiting for me to make an attempt to move on to be completely done with me. I still think about her every night and every morning. I still look at the objects in my closet for hours on end because my whole life in the eighty days we've been apart has turned to nothing. As I watch Sheeran throw me behind her without even thinking. I know there will eventually be other girls but I just can't get over Sheeran and how I did nothing but bad to her and how she did so much for me. The only thing I can remember doing for her was waking up at five thirty in the morning to get her coffee the day after she says she's really craving coffee. It just seems like the pain of being without her is getting worse and worse everyday with no sight of ever getting better. I regret all of what I did more than anything else. I find little pieces of her in every song I listen to and everywhere I look. I wish I could take all the bad I did to her and throw it all away.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 way.. way to much to read.. condense it down some...
Thecondor1991 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Ahhh high school love...Every time I see a high schooler post on here, I always think back to my high school relationships. So this was your first love. Want to hear the best and worst part about your first love? The best part is its the first of many loves you will have. The worst part is it wont be your last break up, and each one will hurt you in a different way. Now lets be serious, this was a high school relationship, very few times do they last more than a few months. High schoolers are full of angst, hormones, and all types of other stuff which makes having a "Real relationship" almost impossible. Now you may have been in love with this chick, and that's a pretty big deal, but you'll find another. I dated six girls in high school and each time I thought "this is the chick I'm going to marry." Guess what? I never married any of them. Listen man, you are too young to worrying about forever. You've only had a sexual experience with one girl, you probably don't even know what you want in a women yet. Enjoy your life, date a bunch, don't worry about love yet, believe me in time you will have to deal with all the great and terrible things that come with true love.
todreaminblue Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 what is it you are seeking help for......what is it you want to achieve......did writing that out help you ...and did you read what you wrote......deb
hunk Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Stopped reading at "15 years old male". Go enjoy yourself man. None of this is even worth thinking about.
NoLeafClover Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I read this while thing. High school can be tough but one thing you should always put infront of the gf is school itself. Dont worry about your exs circle of friends. Usually after high school they all go separate ways and are not as close and popular as you may think. Get into sports if you can and date as many girls as you can Don't Worry about her. When you get a bit older you are not going to believe all the time wasted thinking of this. One thing u would highly suggest is never tell what you did sexually to anyone. The more secrets you keep the more power it gives youN
highfidelity Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I did have a breakup when I was a highschooler like you. It got me thinking so much about being in the future without her anymore 'cause we did talked so much about marriage and having kids (it's normal I guess). Even I cried a lot. But it was six years ago, and now every time I bring back all the sadness after that BU in my mind, I always smile and think how silly was that. Believe me, it won't be your last breakup but true love will come eventually. Hang in there and just enjoy your life.
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