DNJ Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were in a rough patch. Our communication had gotten stale, and we were not really expressing emotion for each other (probably both related). Unfortunately, during this time, she decided to meet up with someone she had met online. According to her, they had a couple of dates and kissed. We have moved past a lot of it, and I have decided – at least for now – to just believe her. Believe that she’s being truthful with me, and that the extent of her cheating was limited to kissing one individual on multiple occasions. Even with all this in motion, with all of the wonderful things she has done to help us, and with our moving forward in a lot of ways, I’m still having great difficulty with one thing: I cannot bring myself to kiss her. We will lightly kiss, but not really Kiss. Next to sexual intimacies, kissing was the most intense, special and loving thing we shared… that I have ever shared with anyone ever, actually. We would look forward to it when we were apart, and when we were together we couldn’t get enough of it. That all died the moment she took that incredibly intimate and special piece of us that we perfected (with each other), and shared it with a random internet scoundrel. She took something that was so immensely centric and important to us, and gave it away like it meant nothing. As I said, we had reached a rough spot, but we were still together, I loved her, and was envisioning and working toward a life together. In contrast, this other guy just wanted to get into the pants of another pretty face. He was some loser internet player who had 260+ online ‘friends’, virtually all of them local, female and single. Once my girlfriend was gone, he picked right up chatting away on his page with other potential targets. Our kisses meant the world to me. Now they mean nothing, and I want that to change. I know it breaks her heart that I have not moved past this yet, and I hate knowing that. I would love to hear from people who have been on either side of this situation. – If you cheated, what did you do to help restore your partner’s desire for the intimate and special feelings that were lost? – If you were cheated on, what helped to restore your wanting to share moments like the above with your partner? What did it take for you to kiss them and again feel closeness, Love, and happiness, as opposed to emptiness over what was stolen, disgust for what happened, and repulsion for how low they allowed their self to sink? Kissing feels hollow now. I want to feel like I’m kissing the Love of my life again. – DNJ
Keenly Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Your girlfriend one day up and decided she would meet some one online (a lengthy process) and then proceeded to cheat on you with this person. At no point in time did she stop herself and check her behavior. Do you really think this won't happen again? Kissing is the least of your concerns right now, my friend. Respect yourself more than you currently do, and you won't ever let some one treat you this way. 2
MrMeh Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 It's very difficult to change the physiological shock when you kiss somebody. Just like you can't really force that spark to begin with, it's more implausible to regain it after betrayal. I know you are looking for a solution that involves being with her so the best I could suggest is actually telling her how you feel ( or don't feel in this case). From what I've read on here, you won't ever have the exact same excitement. It may be better or worse, but it's going to be different.
Lizrd3000 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) Agreed with first poster. Also, have been in the same shoes as you have. Kissing was also the most intimate aspect of our relationship, it felt like we were becoming whole when we kissed, more than when we had sex. After the incident, I could never feel the same feelings I felt before. She said she still did, but I don't know, I never had that same feeling ever again. The kisses felt like you said, hollow, and it felt like a chore to me after that time, forever, until I broke up with her a few weeks ago. That's all I can give you, personal experience. I tried everything to get that feeling back... I couldn't, maybe you can though. Edit: If it matters, we were together for 2 years+, so it wasn't a case of not being infatuated. It's because she did stupid sh*t, like your gf. Edited June 3, 2015 by Lizrd3000
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were in a rough patch. Our communication had gotten stale, and we were not really expressing emotion for each other (probably both related). Unfortunately, during this time, she decided to meet up with someone she had met online. According to her, they had a couple of dates and kissed. We have moved past a lot of it, and I have decided – at least for now – to just believe her. Believe that she’s being truthful with me, and that the extent of her cheating was limited to kissing one individual on multiple occasions... ...kissing was the most intense, special and loving thing we shared… that I have ever shared with anyone ever, actually. We would look forward to it when we were apart, and when we were together we couldn’t get enough of it. That all died the moment she took that incredibly intimate and special piece of us that we perfected (with each other), and shared it with a random internet scoundrel. Forget the "random internet scoundrel", the person who was in the wrong here was your gf, who decided to betray you time and time again. Not content to have made a mistake once, she went back for more. I am loathe to believe adults ended up just kissing, if she saw him and kissed him "on multiple occasions". Sorry! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 1) The fact things went stale in the first place shows a lack of compatibility. After the reconnect infatuation wears off, the same issues will still be there. 2) She he has no integrity. If she did, she would have broken up with you before dating anyone. But instead, she sneaks around behind your back and gets physical with another guy no less. So the fact that you're not ultimately compatible and that she lacks character should automatically eliminate her as relationship material. In your mind she may be the love of your life, but you're clearly not the love of hers.
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 How old are you 2 and how long is your relationship? Dating's purpose is to find someone compatible for a long term relationship. It's like being on probation till the official job offer. Your girlfriend failed her probation. She has demonstrated she is not long term relationship material. If you hire her you will never be able to fully trust her so you will never get the full value of your investment. Cheating is not something you forgive when you're dating, it's something you break up over. cheating is something married couples deal with when they have invested everything together, have children, homes etc. And even then it's extremely hard to overcome even with marriage counseling. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Dude, she's checking out of your relationship. Once the right guy comes along she's going to dump you. 1
bluegreen Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were in a rough patch. Our communication had gotten stale, and we were not really expressing emotion for each other (probably both related). Unfortunately, during this time, she decided to meet up with someone she had met online. According to her, they had a couple of dates and kissed. We have moved past a lot of it, and I have decided – at least for now – to just believe her. Believe that she’s being truthful with me, and that the extent of her cheating was limited to kissing one individual on multiple occasions. Even with all this in motion, with all of the wonderful things she has done to help us, and with our moving forward in a lot of ways, I’m still having great difficulty with one thing: I cannot bring myself to kiss her. We will lightly kiss, but not really Kiss. Next to sexual intimacies, kissing was the most intense, special and loving thing we shared… that I have ever shared with anyone ever, actually. We would look forward to it when we were apart, and when we were together we couldn’t get enough of it. That all died the moment she took that incredibly intimate and special piece of us that we perfected (with each other), and shared it with a random internet scoundrel. She took something that was so immensely centric and important to us, and gave it away like it meant nothing. As I said, we had reached a rough spot, but we were still together, I loved her, and was envisioning and working toward a life together. In contrast, this other guy just wanted to get into the pants of another pretty face. He was some loser internet player who had 260+ online ‘friends’, virtually all of them local, female and single. Once my girlfriend was gone, he picked right up chatting away on his page with other potential targets. Our kisses meant the world to me. Now they mean nothing, and I want that to change. I know it breaks her heart that I have not moved past this yet, and I hate knowing that. I would love to hear from people who have been on either side of this situation. – If you cheated, what did you do to help restore your partner’s desire for the intimate and special feelings that were lost? – If you were cheated on, what helped to restore your wanting to share moments like the above with your partner? What did it take for you to kiss them and again feel closeness, Love, and happiness, as opposed to emptiness over what was stolen, disgust for what happened, and repulsion for how low they allowed their self to sink? Kissing feels hollow now. I want to feel like I’m kissing the Love of my life again. – DNJ U will never respect her again without respect U will never trust her again Without trust U can't and will never Love her in same way. Are U prepared to never have peace trust and respect In Relationship if so then Do nothing stay hope for change that will never come.
jen1447 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I take it snowballing's out of the question? (Sorry, couldn't resist. ) Kissing feels hollow now. I want to feel like I’m kissing the Love of my life again. Then you have to kiss the love of your life, not this chick who betrayed you. 3
coryreply Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I'm sorry you've gone through this, bro. Overcoming something like this is not easy. It takes time and a lot of work on both of your parts. The truth is, cheating changes the nature of the relationship. Things are going to be different, but different doesn't mean dead. If your only goal is to make things go back to the way they were, I believe you will be very disappointed with the outcome of your efforts. However, if your goal is to learn and grow from this unfortunate event, I believe you will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself and your relationship. Restoring trust will be your biggest obstacle to overcome. Keep the lines of communication open and don't be afraid to express your real emotions. Good luck! 1
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