summerkisses Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 My ex-boyfriend and I have been dating for close to two years. We broke up about a month and a half ago. The break up to me came out of nowhere. I thought our relationship was going fine. We had fights like any other couple but when we were together everything just felt right. Back in Feb. he got into some trouble which caused him a lot of stress and financially set him back. I tried to be there for him and did what I could to help him. However, there were time where I know I was being pushy and that added more stress for him. These last couple of weeks, I realized that the reason I'm so pushy was because when ever we fought, he would always ignore me for days, and majority of the times, I had to be the one to put my pride aside to solve the problem, so when I did have his attention I felt like I wanted to keep it. After one big major fight, he decided to break up with me and say that he couldn't be in a relationship anymore and that he needed space. During the first couple of weeks, i begged and pleaded for him to stay but he stood by his decision. During those weeks, I found out that he started doing drugs and hooking up with other girls to get away from the trouble he had to face. It hurt me bad. It felt I didn't know him anymore. I had one last talk with him and he even admitted himself that I was the best thing to ever happen to him but he's just doesn't want to be in a relationship. He said his friends said he looks a lot happier. A couple days after our talk, I found out that he lied about what caused him to get into trouble. It was a big lie and It made me felt so worthless like I didn't even deserve the truth. After everything I did for him, he couldn't even be honest with me. I confronted him about it and got no response. I haven't been in contact with him in over two weeks since then. There are days where I feel like I'm the one who caused this relationship to end because I was so pushy. Everyone keeps telling me that I deserved so much better. Do you think I will ever get an apology from him? I know he's really stress with the trouble he got into and as much as I hate to admit it I still care. Do you think he will ever realize what he lost? Do you think he completely forgot about me?
yxalitis Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 You sound like me and how I was with my ex...any stress in her life, and she would withdraw, for days at a time...which I found awful to deal with. We too broke up, and I found the only way to make her think about her part in our break up, was to tell her it was all my fault, I was to blame, I was too needy etc etc....totally turn it around. When you stop blaming him and blame yourself to him, if cares at all, he will instinctively seek to mitigate your fault.
Author summerkisses Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 The thing is he is really really stubborn and he would never put his pride aside. He will never reach out to me unless I initiate. When we were having talks after the breakup, he tried to blame everything on me.
Keenly Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 From everything that you have said, I must ask... Why do you care whether or not he realizes his loss? Let's say in 15 minutes you get a text apologizing... or whatever. Will you go back to him? That would be a huge mistake. 2
Author summerkisses Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) You're right, But it just sucks how I gave so much in this relationship and at the end Im stuck picking up the pieces myself and it's sort of hard to move on. He told me he bottled up his feelings and tried to make it work himself but I told him he cant make a relationship work without communicating with me. I'm still confused as to how this all happen and why it happened. I feel like I just need answers. He also said this wouldnt happen and we would be together if he didnt get in trouble and deal with the stress Edited June 3, 2015 by summerkisses
Keenly Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Allow this negative experience to teach you how much you can value yourself in a relationship, and to never let communication and being open become a one street ever again. Without experiences like this, we would never grow as people. 1
Author summerkisses Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Is it normal to feel like this whole situation was unfair for me especially after all I did for him?
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 That's unhealthy. I mean don't get me wrong when I get angry I would rather be quiet for a short amount of time to think and let my emotion subside so I could be more methodical on my approach. Not by day's end no. Why were you at fault at all? You sacrificed part of yourself to try and make it work. For what? A junky, a liar, someone who seeks to comfort their problems with other problems. You don't need this in your life. I know how you feel about him realizing one day, I too ask myself the same question. The best answer is maybe. I'm not him and you are not her so we don't know if they will. If it does... It's already too late. He left you. You don't need him in your life. -F
candie13 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Is it normal to feel like this whole situation was unfair for me especially after all I did for him? let this be a lesson to you. You don't have to overinvest, because it's not appreciated. chances are, he is in his troubles so deep that he just cancels you out. He seems in big trouble, this will keep him busy for quite some time. you have a huge net loss. it's unfair, but try to at least learn from it. And for crying out loud, if you wan to make him realize or appreciate what the two of you had, please stop running after him. He's a man, he needs to fight his own battles. Or lose them.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Is it normal to feel like this whole situation was unfair for me especially after all I did for him? I often think we all feel like we gave more than we received when we've been dumped. We also tend to blame ourselves for being dumped in the first place. In all reality, it's usually not the case. What is the case is no matter how horrible the person or the relationship was, we fall into "wanting what we now can't have". It's the same thing that happens to the dumper occasionally. The dumped us. We've vanished from their lives and they hear nothing from us. They then hear or see we've moved on with our lives and have a new love in our lives. Now, it reverses (in some cases) and they reappear wanting again what they believe they can't have. We don't know the full story here but when people end relationships, 99% of the time it's because they don't feel like they are "in love" with the other person anymore and want to move onto someone they will be madly in love with. It happens to all of us and we've all ended relationships for the same reasons. In your case, you need to stop placing blame on yourself. If you made some mistakes like everyone does in a relationship, learn from them. In the mean time, you should have no further contact with this person to allow you time to heal. Once a few months of NC passes, you might just say to yourself "WTH was I thinking" and be grateful that it's over. You'll then move on a meet someone who doesn't have the baggage, drug use and other drama you've been lucky enough to escape from. 1
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 It's hard not to feel like it was my fault because I was so pushy. He did say a lot of mean things to me after we broke up and he never once apologized for anything and the whole time I was apologizing for being pushy. I think what gets to me the most was when he said we wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for what happen in Feb. I feel like this isn't who he is at all. The stress is consuming him. And hes definitely using drugs and partying to run away from his problem. I know i'm way better off without him and I must let go and move on but its hard especially when i felt like i invested so much into this relationship and it feels unfair that I'm here picking up the broke pieces while hes fine. it just sucks to get screwed over by someone you thought would never hurt you.
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Allow this negative experience to teach you how much you can value yourself in a relationship, and to never let communication and being open become a one street ever again. Without experiences like this, we would never grow as people. let this be a lesson to you. You don't have to overinvest, because it's not appreciated. chances are, he is in his troubles so deep that he just cancels you out. He seems in big trouble, this will keep him busy for quite some time. you have a huge net loss. it's unfair, but try to at least learn from it. And for crying out loud, if you wan to make him realize or appreciate what the two of you had, please stop running after him. He's a man, he needs to fight his own battles. Or lose them. Im a little proud to say that I stopped contacting him for two weeks already. Today is just one of those days where I feel like a mess and im not sure why im extremely emotional today.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I know i'm way better off without him and I must let go and move on but its hard especially when i felt like i invested so much into this relationship and it feels unfair that I'm here picking up the broke pieces while hes fine. it just sucks to get screwed over by someone you thought would never hurt you. Your break up is fresh so you're going to have good days and bad days. It's absolutely normal. Give yourself time to get over the hurt. Each day that passes with absolute NC will help you get back to normal quicker. We all invest a lot into making a relationship work. This is normal and we don't want to change that. You're also being presumptuous assuming life is all peaches and cream for him. Rarely do even dumpers come out of a relationship un-scathed. If he's coping with his issues with drugs, yea, he might be too stoned for things to really hit home. As a person who has ended relationships, I can tell you that YOU DON'T stop thinking about the ex nor do you feel happy go lucky. Most are just as sad that the relationship has failed but we need to find someone we fill is better suited to us. This guy has A LOT of baggage. His life is going to be in turmoil for the foreseeable future. Be glad you are away from all his drama and focus on finding a healthy guy that wants to be in a loving, drama free relationship.
OneBigIdgit Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 What you are feeling is normal. It will continue to be normal when you hit the 90 days of NC. You are going to feel those emotions for a long time. We each have to find a way to continue and try to distract ourselves. I would be around 100 days of NC if she hadn't contacted me a couple of weeks back. I'd guess around the 60-70 day mark I quit hurting so much but I didn't think about her any less. Even now at probably 100 days, I still think of her much of the time. Get used to it and I'd bet that he will contact you in the future if he thinks you are moving on with your life. If he is in a relationship, the new will wear off and he'll think of you. My ex got married quickly after breaking up with me. By texting with her many times about 2 weeks ago, I now know that her feelings for me never changed and she thought of me constantly. She just never realized that I was that interested in her or cared much for her. She had told me that a person was telling her family that I'd never marry her. I never asked the persons name. I just paid no attention to what others were telling her and her family. During our texting, she told me the persons name. It turns out it is someone who had a grudge against me for a long time. Much of what that person said influenced her opinion of our relationship. Yet she still contacted me after 1 1/2 months of marriage to the new person. He'll contact you in the future
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I think one of the reason I feel like I deserve an sincere apology is so I can tell him exactly how much he hurt me. I dont know any other way to channel in my anger and I feel like I need to yell at him. I've been trying my best not too and my friends say it's not even worth it. I just feel like i have a lot to say to him still
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think one of the reason I feel like I deserve an sincere apology is so I can tell him exactly how much he hurt me. I've been trying my best not too and my friends say it's not even worth it. I just feel like i have a lot to say to him still Everyone feels this way after a break up but your friends are right. There's NO value in telling him how you feel and wanting to yell at him and tell him he's a POS. You'd feel terrible about it later and it would only stroke his ego that you're still upset. 1
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 it also sucks because it feels like he just completely forgot about me and I don't even matter to him anymore. He even said himself that he didn't think I was important enough to try to make this relationship work
Yummm Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hang tight, it's pretty fresh for you at the moment and the emotional roller coaster will come in waves - I had a pretty rough day yesterday and i'm 1 month post break up! Keep posting here and the support from friends/family will help get you through this. You don't need somebody who didn't want to fight for you!
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 it also sucks because it feels like he just completely forgot about me and I don't even matter to him anymore. He even said himself that he didn't think I was important enough to try to make this relationship work Yes, he may of said that but we all say things that are not 100% true in the heat of an argument. The take home value is he said that which should only reinforce he's gone from your life and should stay there. No one leaves a relationship un-scathed, even the dumper. YES, he still thinks of you but it doesn't mean he wants you back. No one can simply hit a switch and not think of someone. It doesn't happen. In the meantime, you need to focus on your moving on, not fuming about how or what this guy said when he ended it. The best revenge is to vanish from his life, heal and find a great guy who will appreciate what he has in you. This last guy didn't and kicked you to the curb. Don't give him any more of your emotions.
Meli22 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Will you get an apology, who knows? I like to think I'd get one off my ex someday but I'm definitely not banking on it! My ex, similarly, out of nowhere started having doubts about his feelings for me. In fact he dragged this out for 4 months until someone had the balls (ME!) to pull the plug because I became so miserable with his cold/almost nasty behaviour. As soon as we broke up, he was adding girls on social media etc which made me feel like I was so insignificant, almost like I was an inconvenience to him. Even when, he said himself, I had done nothing wrong and this was his issue. I was expecting some sort of explanation but its been almost 3 months now so... I doubt it will happen. Anyway, act as if you wont get an explanation and carry on as normal with your life. If in time his stress passes and he realises his true feelings buried beneath all of his issues, he'll be in touch I'm sure. Edited June 4, 2015 by Meli22
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah it really sucks. I'm having good moments and bad moments through out the day. It just sucks not knowing how it turned so bad between us. Each day I do not contact him feels like a victory. I know deep down I did everything I could to make this relationship work and I know I shoildnt feel like I haven't done enough but I can't help it. I trying my best to move on and live me life. He is really immature and loves running around from his problems but what he did to me wasn't accpetable and I hope in time he will see that it was his loss. I hope with time, everything will work out 1
Meli22 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It definitely will! You will either realize he isn't worth it, or, he will realize that you are - win win. For me I've realized my ex isn't worth it. It still hurts, the fact that he seems to have just tossed me aside like I meant nothing. Hell, I was told he was on Tinder just weeks after we broke up. That was a huge blow to the self esteem knowing he is actively looking for other women. And yes, I too wonder why it was never enough for him. I did nothing wrong, I treated him so well and was so patient with his mood swings, insecurities and possessiveness (never again). I often wonder how people can just walk away from something good without ever looking back, it's scary actually. I know I couldn't do it.
Author summerkisses Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 That's exactly how I felt. I did so much for him. When he got in trouble, his parents reached out and cried to me and it felt like it was my responsibility to make sure he alright and I guess by protecting him I pushed him away. I just hope one day he sees and realizes that I really did want the best for him. But right now I feel like hes too immature to see that. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Even his own friends said its going to be his loss. The best thing we can do is be strong and move on.
Meli22 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yep! And it IS his loss remember that. People say the same to me all the time, not even those who are just biased. It's important to listen to them in order to help build our confidence back again. I had a huge set back this week for some reason, nothing in particular triggered it. But I just think to myself... He wasn't a good boyfriend anyway. And if he feels there is better out there then sure, go ahead and find it
Author summerkisses Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah. There are still random moments when I think about him and I miss him then I realize that he probably doesn't even care about me at all. Which definitely sucks
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