MissingHerBad Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 I dont know what Im looking for, maybe just hoping some people have followed my story. Here I am again the weight of the world on my shoulders holding down one of the largest nightlife marketing companies in my city at the age of 22. 10 employees, 10 Dj's and a complete lack of motivation, in fact quite the opposite. I can feel this depression starting to circulate through my body again. Its like a endless vicious cycle except never has it happened with all this on my shoulders. At the end of September my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. That was the starting foundation of what would change my life. Now here I am months later, a changed person, still thinking about my "One Love," the one that got away. A few weeks ago I broke of every single line of communication including email (which is all we were really using). She told me, before I let her go, that she thinks about me still and that sometimes she fights herself to not call me. None the less Ive done it and were three weeks in. I would still to this day move mountains for this girl and I wonder if she will ever know. Im tired of walking around with a knot in my stomach. Im tired of wanting to cry. Im tired of people trying to help me when I really can no longer be helped. Im tired of carrying all this weight on my shoulders with nothing to show for it. Im tired of wondering what shes doing. Im tired of writing sad letters on here. Im just plain tired of being lost in the world. It makes me wonder if I belong here. People ask me what I do to try help myself, sarcastically like I just get in this moods where I dont want to help myself. Believe me people this in no game. I dont want people to feel sorry for me. I dont want to be sad. I dont want to cry. I have tried everything from councilling to meditation to medication, NOTHING. Sometimes I wish people would just desert me on an island with my childhood memories and leave me, and what the hell even those memories hurt because I can never go back there. IM TIRED OF COPING!
Merin Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Breaking Up sucks... it changes things in your life and change is never easy. IMO You've done the right thing in cutting contact here.. it seems she was giving you some hope and that only keeps you in limbo which is where you seem to be right now.... thats sucky! Honestly I would start dating new people... nothing serious... but get back out there and live... You'll feel better about things (IMO) and ya never know who you might meet that could be really amazing.
loveisallaround Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Sometimes maintaining contact can be the worst - and it seems like you've done for that some time. Now that you've intiated NC, perhaps you can finally start healing. After all the relationships I've been in, I've determined a period of a month (or perhaps even longer, depending on the case) essential in distancing yourself, healing and getting back to YOU. Let your feelings out. Cry if you want to. Be happy or liberated if you feel like it. You've got to grieve a little and let everything out - it's all good. By the sounds of it - you've got your hands full work wise and take advantage of that. Push for the ambition you once had. Keep your mind occupied. I don't know about you - but when I'm in a funk (either because of a breakup or whatever) I find my work ethic sores. I hope you get through this. Good luck, keep us updated on your progress and what you decide to do.
sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 by keeping contact with her this whole time you have never let yourself fully recover. the period you are in now is almost the same as if you had done NC for 3 weeks immediately after the breakup. if you want to truly get better you have to relinquish all hope of ever getting her back. once you do this, and only when you do this, you will recover. cmon man, this is your life, don't let this one girl decide how your life goes. You are in control of your life, and ONLY you can make yourself truly happy. You've spent far too long wasting away your life over this one girl, you need to pick yourself up off the ground and get to work. I don't even care if you don't feel like doing anything, you have to if you want to get out of this hole you are in. I wish you all the best man.
Three of Swords Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Hey darlin - I know how you feel - but that doesn't make it any easier does it? Some days are good, other days are mediocre and other days just plain suck. I too need to learn to pick myself up - am working on it. I view myself as a work in progress - though some days there is no progress. I too am tired of coping - it sometimes seems that it is a total uphill struggle and I am getting out of breath. Apparently us hummuns are pretty resilient and we will make it through. So I keep telling myself ..... Your comrade in battle B.
Three of Swords Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by sanne by keeping contact with her this whole time you have never let yourself fully recover. the period you are in now is almost the same as if you had done NC for 3 weeks immediately after the breakup. if you want to truly get better you have to relinquish all hope of ever getting her back. once you do this, and only when you do this, you will recover. cmon man, this is your life, don't let this one girl decide how your life goes. You are in control of your life, and ONLY you can make yourself truly happy. You've spent far too long wasting away your life over this one girl, you need to pick yourself up off the ground and get to work. I don't even care if you don't feel like doing anything, you have to if you want to get out of this hole you are in. I wish you all the best man. So sanne - can you just substitue she for he and make it work for me?
sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 I am by no means recovered, nor am I in any better shape than anyone else here who is coping. But I do have hope that one day things will get better for me, and that is what guides me. I also understand that I am the only one who is going to get myself out of this mess. I think once you understand those two things, your life will change for the better. I love all of you guys and wish you all the best.
Three of Swords Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by sanne I am by no means recovered, nor am I in any better shape than anyone else here who is coping. But I do have hope that one day things will get better for me, and that is what guides me. I also understand that I am the only one who is going to get myself out of this mess. I think once you understand those two things, your life will change for the better. I love all of you guys and wish you all the best. Nah sanne - you are the best! Really need your type of postings here. Thanks
purple21 Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Yeah Sanne - I agree with Three - that is great advice I definitely believe NC is the way to go for now - at least til you get over it Not doing it for the crushes I have now unfortunately but I should - however did it for a time with my ex - we were together 6 years. Things were a little different because I didn't really want to get back together but I really missed his companionship and a thought once in awhile I think crossed both are minds about getting back together. But it was just not meant to be. When we first broke up we still spent a lot of time together and lots of phone calls - we started relying on each other too much. A guy I started talking to during this time - opened my eyes by asking me why we still talk so much if we aren't together. So I stopped returning calls, ex got mad, and I basically explained to him that we needed to spend some time completely apart so we can move on. After about a month of NC - we finally started talking again and are friends. It may take a little longer if you really have it bad for her which it sounds like you do. It will be hard but it will really help you move on - be strong - I wish you luck. Post as much as you need to
Author MissingHerBad Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Thanks for all the posts. I just really dont want to believe that this girl who was completely in love with me at no point would just walk away... Sometimes I feel like theres hope but not often enough...
vickimonster Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I am sure you already know this, but you do realise that a dumper is more unlikely to come back to a depressed dumpee than one who isn't. I know some times you don't want to and can't face fighting it any more, but there isn't any other ways. One thing I do know is though it is like eating an elephant, you can't do it all at once it has to be bit by bit! I wish you strength.
newbee Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 hey, its true what everyone is saying, once somebody has rejected you every subsequent conversation that doesnt involve them saying they want to get back with you and it has all been a terrible mistake, feels like another rejection. you end up having to deal with a hundred rejections rather than just the one. i have been there and it took me a loonng time. it is far kinder to just dump someone and ignore them, definetly. its harsh but its short sharp and painful and short! now you have an even bigger load to deal with and yes you have responsibilities and sometimes it does feel like you want to curl up into a ball and have somebody come and look after you, but you will make it. and you willbe stronger for it. in the end i view every break up i go through as experience for the next time. now i have so much practise, if i get dumped i choose to do it quickly. nc lots and lots of pain and gone. i'm not quite there yet, but getting better each time. it is really hard if you have nothing to compare with and she is your first love but, i look back at my first love and wonder what i saw in him, and the one after and the next and so on... there will come a point you feel like this about her i dont know much about your business but can you delegate for a while and take some time to be kind to you. make life easy sometimes, its good.
Author MissingHerBad Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Yea I kow...But to be perfectly honest I dont think she has any idea of the depth of my depression. We dont talk and she thinks Im happy for the most part.
BrotherAaron Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 My ex started wanting me back when she saw me accomplishing more without her than I ever did with her. Unfortunately for her, I saw it too, and refused to go back. Coping is hard, but you don't really started forgetting about someone until your done having new experiences with them. You've got to put her completely in the past (or him, three of swords), and make it a point to keep him (or her) in the past. When you've erased them from your future, you finally allow yourself to set a new goal, something that will keep you going.
GreenCap Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 I too am tired of coping...I am tired of everything. This weekend, I will be moving out of our place of 3 years eventhough she moved out last October. So many memories so much happiness...and it has been four 4 months of NC. The worst part is also getting snippets of information (not of my asking) through the grapevine and knowing/not knowing the facts kills you. It has only been 6 months since we broke up...and she will be married in the summer to this new guy whom she has known for a while but started dating (so she says) in November and got engaged in December. The best thing is that she is here and he is in another country. How do you carry on a relationship via email and MSN and then get engaged....I have seen it happen before but dismissed them as desperation. What am I to think.....it is not an ego issue, it is that I have no hope now of ever getting her back....ever. I thought I moved on, but I haven't. Will I ever?
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