EMY711 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I've been out of the dating scene for a while, I almost feel like a child again because I can't figure things out. I've been trying to just go along with the flow but sometimes it thinking gets the best of me and just reaching out for advice. I recently made a post about a guy I've been friends with in my graduate class. I went ahead and added the original post at the end of this. Anyways, He and I have been friends for about a year now. We spend every weekday in the same classroom for 8 hours. We grew on to each other and I recently confessed my feelings to him which he replicated. We have been extremely busy with our graduate program and decided to go on a date when school ended of the term. Well we ended up just going out a few times with friends but he pulled back saying that we are here to get a job done and thats school and he see's me more as a sister and friend. He then left for england for the week but when he got back, things changed. We spent the last week before school started having fun and ended up sleeping with each other. Now that school is back in session, everything was ok except I think he may have assumed I was ignoring him because I had some issues going on the other day and Now its been this game of mixed signals, like we'll smile and laugh and then next thing act like we are non exisitant. Or, I'll look over at him and we briefly make eye contact and he'll look away. I really don't know what direction I should go in...I sent him a text today just to try and decrease tension or cancel any of the mis-interpeted body language. He responded back but things just aren't the same. Why does the awkwardness happen? What direction should I go in to help the situation? Should I back off for a while be cordial and talk with him about it later? I don't want to come across too needy or rush things but I can't figure out what he wants. OLD POST I started an intense graduate program where I spend approx. 40 hours a week with my classmates. I just finished my first year and became good friends with a guy in my class. He is 40 y/o and divorced because his wife left him for a women about 5 years ago. Many of my classmates swore there was a connection but I kept insisting that we were just friends until I became sexually attracted to him and my feelings started to grow stronger. I expressed my interest to him and he was quite surprised. Our conversations via text and in person overtime became more sexual and he would initiate almost all of them. Due to our busy schedule, we decided to go on a real date when classes ended. When our classes did end, we went out twice with a group of friends but body language and behavior wasn't the same as our conversations via text. It was more of a friend relationship in person. I confronted him about it because I was confused and he pulled the we are here for a reason and that is school. Right now the focus is school...then proceeded to pull the "sister" card. I'm sorry but unless he is into incest, brothers and sisters do not have the conversations like we had. After the talk knowing I was upset, he still persisted to be around me the next day. He left his hat in my car and messaged me saying he hopes I didn't do anything too naughty with his hat. He then left to go to Europe and still managed to take time and email me while over there. Just want input or if someone has been in a similar situation...do you think he is scared and maybe interested? or just wants to keep me as a friend? Stringing me along because he is too focused with school? It doesn't make sense to send me sexual messages or ask for pictures and then not make a move with me
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 darling, he got what he wanted....he got to sleep with you, and that's all he wanted. Tip: monogamy before sex. In other words, keep your legs closed until he commits to a relationship with you. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I'm going to have to agree with smackie9. I understand that feeling of feeling like a child again when it comes to dating again. I've been here myself and at the age of 40 so you can imagine how hard it was. It is a wicked game and it's hard to trust what men really want particularly if you're already second guessing yourself. My initial reaction is this guy got what he wanted and now he's uncertain at best. You can either chalk it up to an experience never to be repeated by enlisting the whole "NO SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY" rule OR you confront him once and for all and deal with the pink elephant in the room like adults rather than tip toe around it like school children. Let the chips fall where they may. At least then you'll know for certain where you stand. Good luck.
Author EMY711 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your reply. Yea, I guess I should keep my legs closed although, I was the one that so called seduced him. He did end up talking about future plans which confuses things more but I almost think he is so insecure that if I don't show my interest on my sleeve he backs away. Otherwise we are both planing mind games...both wanted sex, both may have feelings for each other yet don't know what we want. It doesn't help that he was a previous psychologist for many years either. Edited June 3, 2015 by EMY711
fitnessfan365 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 darling, he got what he wanted....he got to sleep with you, and that's all he wanted. Tip: monogamy before sex. In other words, keep your legs closed until he commits to a relationship with you. What if the sex is terrible? It's always a good idea to make sure there is sexual compatibility before committing to someone IMO. After all, it's easier to stop seeing someone you're dating, as opposed to officially ending a relationship. Also, it's completely possible to be sexually monogamous while dating other people. Let's say that I start having sex with a woman I'm dating, but we're not exclusive. I'll still be dating other women if the situation presents itself. However, that doesn't mean that I'm taking on multiple partners ether. Sexually, I only sleep with one woman at a time. If I meet a woman that i click with more who I want to sleep with, I stop seeing the other woman before having sex with the new one.
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