boredwife Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Is it abusive if my husband, when at the end of his rope with the kids and pissed off, picks up a small potted plant and flings it across the driveway (ruining daughter's plant in process), throws the remote and leaves a dent in the wall, or slams the door hard (obviously wanting to create noise and shake the door frame) All of this is in front of me and the kids. This is probably a stupid question.
GorillaTheater Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Is it abusive if my husband, when at the end of his rope with the kids and pissed off, picks up a small potted plant and flings it across the driveway (ruining daughter's plant in process), throws the remote and leaves a dent in the wall, or slams the door hard (obviously wanting to create noise and shake the door frame) All of this is in front of me and the kids. This is probably a stupid question. It's not a stupid question, but I'm wondering why you're asking in the light of your other thread. Short answer: yes, it's abusive, particularly the throwing of your daughter's plant. At the very least it points to some serious anger-control issues. Normally, I'd leave it at that. But in your case I'm wondering if you're looking for a reason to hang your hat on to justify getting out of the marriage. You don't really need a reason, you know, not legally. But I guess you might for your peace of mind. 1
mrcoffeepls Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation and I imagine it may be scary as well. I was wondering if you are able to talk about these situations with your husband after things cool down? Is it possible to share with him how you feel about it? I am not sure if this would work for you, but I know for my hubby and I, we have found it helpful to call a time out when things feel heated and then come back and discuss once we both feel like we are in a better place. Marriage is hard and communication is hard, when anger is involved it gets even more challenging. I hope you kind find a way to talk through it. Take care,
wizer Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Is it abusive? Maybe, maybe not. It's definitely an anger management problem and if things seem to be escalating then it needs to be addressed or it could easily become physical abuse. You need to speak with him calmly about his lack of impulse control, at a time when he's in a mood that he will be more likely to listen to him. Explain that you have concerns for him, and for the children who can be damaged by witnessing these acts. Don't make it about you, and don't attack him. Your goal is to get him to speak with someone about these issues.
goldway90 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 More like rage moment! the question is it continuous or just one time thing? cause from what you wrote it's a bit hard to give a good advice.
pteromom Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 It's not a stupid question, but it really isn't the right question (unless you are trying to determine whether to call the police or not.) The right question is "Is his behavior acceptable to me?" It doesn't matter what label you slap on it. If living with someone who throws your child's plant at the wall makes you feel scared, unsafe, and unable to feel loving toward him, you have the right to walk away. Doesn't matter whether WE think it is abusive or not. PS - I think it is.
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