boredwife Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) I'm on my third marriage. I am unhappy (big surprise) I fall in love too easily and marry too quickly. Historically speaking. I seem to always pick the wrong guy and am blinded by love, attention, lust, whatever, until it's too late. I'm thinking at this point that it must be a mental problem or something. LOL Seriously though, here is my marriage history condensed: 1. married guy I knew after 6 months and immediately got pregnant (or was pg and didn't know it) he cheated, we divorced after 6.5 years 2. married guy I knew after two months, immediately got pg. again. wtf? he was an alcoholic and I was his enabler for 11 years. he left and then I find out he cheated AND had a drug problem I never knew about. 3. moved in with guy after 3 months. he's an ex-con with no freaking future, was blinded by love, lust, big muscles, and sweet talking. married after a year and a half, still married a year and a half later. I am starting to just be annoyed by everything he says or does. sex is boring as hell, too. blah. I am pretty miserable. My kids are disrespectful to him and in turn he is short with them because of how rude they are to him. Maybe they sense I'm over it with him? I hide it pretty well, though. I do love him, in a way. I know had he not gotten himself into trouble, he would've really been something else. I see that in him, how he could've been, and I like that about him. He tries so hard at everything he does. He is sorry for what he did to go to prison, I know he won't slip up, ever. It's just he is boring me. I liked him originally because he was uncomplicated in his behavior and wants and needs. He is a simple man, means what he says and says what he means kinda guy. Kind of backwoods type of guy. I'm from a large city and am a transplant to my area. I was drawn to the country boy thing. Now I'm bored with it. I am craving intellectual stimulation. He has nothing cerebral to say and when I talk, it's obvious he's just waiting for me to finish so he can continue to regale me with some story I've heard a million times. He's never been out of the state, I have traveled the world. He didn't finish high school, and I have some college but am a grammar and spelling nazi. We just don't go now. We used to be cute being so different but both Geminis. Now almost everything that comes out of his mouth annoys me. He looks at me and treats me like I'm his personal plaything; something to look at, drool over, grope clumsily, and wants sex when he wants it. He does try in bed, he's just not good at it. I have to fantasize about women in order to get off. When he's at work, occasionally, I'll watch lesbian porn and masturbate. I am attracted to women I think more than men. Women are soft and squishy and smell good and their bodies are beautiful, whereas, to me, men are smelly, hairy, farting, belching, annoying critters. But I've never been with a woman but one time and I love sex with men. I am so broken. Edited June 3, 2015 by boredwife 1
MM1234 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Girl, at least you are honest!!! LOL!! Seriously though, my man picker isn't good either. I can relate to you on wanting stimulating conversations with your DH, I've yet to have one with my own DH in the 6 years we have been married. We are actively trying to work on our marriage now to save it, so I still have problems too. I think it's safe to say that you have settled when it came to your marriages, including the one you are in now. My question to you would be, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? That question right there is what made me put things into action with my own DH. You have the power to improve your life....hope you know that. 1
Author boredwife Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 You have the power to improve your life....hope you know that. I really don't, though. I am unable to work due to having RA, SLE, Fibro, and MCTD. I have no income other than around $700 SSI. I have two kids at home, one in college. The two at home's father is over a year in arrears for child support and I doubt he'll ever hold a job down again. I had to file bankruptcy due to ex ruining my credit and putting me in debt up to my eyeballs. I cannot support myself and my kids alone. I have nothing to bring to the table in that respect. I am, however, funny, smart, creative, silly, young at heart, attractive, sexy, attentive, good cook, and most of all, humble. On paper, though, I'm not a catch. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I have no income other than around $700 SSI. Sounds as though you're looking for someone to take care of you as long as you can dictate the terms and conditions of that maintenance. I agree, on paper not a great catch. You've voluntarily engaged in every step that's brought you to this point. Does your boring, non-cerebral and under-educated husband work to put a roof over the head of you and your children (none of which are his)? If so, I'd judge him less harshly. Your glass might just be half full. And it might be your responsibility to fill it any further... Mr. Lucky 6
veryhappy Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I apologize for it, but your post made me laugh. At least you are aware of your own pile of crap. First big lesson? Easy on remarrying? Would you agree? Cohabitation is fine really, but if you are financially better off than it makes more sense. You may be bisexual, nothing new with that. I actually have the same opinion on women being beautiful and attractive, but at the end of the day I want sex with a man. Now, if your muscle mass of a husband is not abusive and financially supportive, and otherwise a good but too simple man, suck it up. Stability can mean boredom. I don't know...some counselling may help, some mentally challenging pursuits outside of the home. 2
Keenly Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I think you really need to work on your self esteem. I say that because it seems like the mere act of feeling attractive to whatever partner you are into at the time seems to cause you to behave rather impulsively. You stuck out your previous marriages for a decent length of time though, so for that you have my respect. 4
MuddyRock Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Some say that if you are bored it is because you are boring. I agree, it is your responsibility to fill that glass that's half full. Only you can make you happy. Time to be honest with him. He sounds like he tried the only way he knows how. Men sometimes need help, like actual instructions on what needs fixed. Show him the world, or maybe a threesome. Lol. Edited June 4, 2015 by MuddyRock 3
SoleMate Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Few things corrode a relationship like contempt. Given everything, I recommend you use your obvious brain power to be an incredible wife to your current husband. He has good qualities and if you show him true love and respect, I believe you will enjoy your relationship more. I don't think it's his job (or any spouse's job) to entertain you or prevent boredom. You can seek intellectual stimulation elsewhere, as well as being a more attentive listener to those stories of his. Maybe if you listened with greater interest and some loving nudges, you might get a few new angles or thoughts out of him. Sex could also be more interesting if you put more into it. Just a few ideas for you as opposed to another divorce and hasty remarriage. Please consider it, it's one of your best options. 3
Author boredwife Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Mr. Lucky, thank you for your candor. I appreciate it, as well as everyone else's opinions. I married the first two times fully intending on being with that person forever, or until one or the other croaks. I stuck out 11 years of emotional abuse and gaslighting from a narcissistic sociopath with addiction problems. All of which, of course, weren't made apparent until a couple of years into the marriage. He was really good at what he did to me. I actually, on a regular (almost nightly) basis, would change sheets and clean up a drunk who'd pissed himself and the bed. This was after being yelled at by a stumbling fool for 30-60 minutes before he passed out. On special occasions, he would crap himself and I would clean that up, too. He worked for his father helping run a successful chain of tax offices, I worked part time. I spent most of my time cleaning up his messes and smoothing things over, whether it was at work or at home. I didn't want to fail at marriage, again. I wanted to be married and stay married. He slowly imploded and I couldn't take anymore and finally he left after he told me he was tired of being a husband and a father and wanted to "just get high and have a good time." Two kids, 11 years. Cest la vie... So, no, I don't want to divorce this time. I just want to be happy. I just want my husband and kids to get along. I want one day to go by without one kid smarting him off or treating him as if he is less and he, in turn, getting pissed and yelling at said kid. He and my 13 year old daughter, especially. They are like oil and water. He and my son can be buds when my son isn't being a turkey. They do go fishing, etc. together. I can't understand why my daughter and he used to get along, and now my daughter is horrid to him. Me, too, just not as badly. I can get over bored, I guess. I'll get a hobby, maybe a part time job once or twice a week to get other adult interaction. All I do is stay home all day after dropping husband and kids off at work and school, come home, sleep because I'm exhausted from having lupus, ra, mctd, and fibro. Wake up and pick them all up at 4pm or so. Gosh, it does help to just lay all the gunky bits on the table and pick through it with strangers until I figure out the problem. I can't be brutally honest with anyone I know offline. It just wouldn't do, you know? 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Two different dynamics here. One is making the most of what you have, the second having healthy boundaries in abusive or untenable situations. Seems some of your life has been an effort to find a balance between both of those places I just want to be happy. After waiting part of my life for happiness to "find" me, I've come to believe being happy is a decision. We decide each day what we'll emphasize, what choices we'll make and the mindset we'll employ. There are studies supporting the fact that forcing yourself to smile can actually elevate your perceived level of contentment. I appreciate the fact you have challenges on your plate. Hope there's some satisfaction to be gained in facing them... Mr. Lucky BTW - Are you member any support groups for your illnesses? 2
MuddyRock Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think you also need to be a little more active in how your kids are treating him. Him not being bio dad puts him at a disadvantage to disaplining them so it up to you to make sure they act respectful. 2
Author boredwife Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 BTW - Are you member any support groups for your illnesses? I am not in any support groups, no. I live in a very rural area and there is simply none around here, unfortunately. Muddyrock, you are right. I do discipline them, but the husband is just faster on the draw than I am. I put up with more lip because I remember how hard it is to be a 13 year old girl and they have been through a divorce. Maybe I shouldn't let the divorce thing color my perceptions? Maybe I should forget my experiences as a 13 year old and just take her phone away every time she is rude and disrespectful? She is wonderful without her cell phone, but I don't want her to not have communication with her friends- she only uses wifi on her phone, so no calling unless she uses mine. 1
loveboid Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think you need to practice more gratitude for yourself, husband and kids. Your kids will pick up on it and treat your husband better. In your position, having someone stable and unaddicted to support you is something to be very grateful for. He sounds addicted to you instead which is ideal. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 This guy is NOT her father, you should be giving her punishments, not him. This is probably why she acts up and gives attitude. Ask him to back off and allow you to deal with her, it makes everything worse when he gets involved. 1
Satu Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 Read this at least ten times: All in all Each man in all men all men in each man All being in each being Each being in all being All in each Each in all All distinctions are mind, by mind, in mind, of mind No distinctions no mind to distinguish - D Laing, Knots.
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