sunshine2 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I was seeing a guy for about 4 months and around Christmas he had a major family issues around his daughter come up and then health issues. Each time he would go cold on me and finally I stopped talking to him completely because I was the only one reaching out. It hurt, but I understood that what we had was not a relationship, it was more of a FWB. But I fell for him fast, and obviously he was not. So I get real used to not hearing from him, think Im over it, and start dating. I meet a real nice guy, treats me right, takes me out, introduces me to family and his kids and all is going well. Up pops this guy. He texts me out of the blue, I had no clue who he was since I deleted his number etc and its been over 3 months since we talked. So we chat for a few weeks, my feelings for him are still there and come back up. He tells me he misses me, cares for me, that Im a special lady and that he thinks about me a lot. But then he still tells me, he is not sure he wants a relationship, he doesn't want to say yes, then no. I accept that but somewhere still hope that he might change his mind. So I'm like okay, so what do you want? He said I don't know, all I know is I get excited when I think about you and all this BS. Yesterday, Im on Facebook. I don't go on very much because Im not a fan at all any more. I check this guys page, Im not a friend of his anymore, and can only see 1 picture, so I go there to look at that photo. What do I see? He posted he is in a relationship on April 25th. He had contact me after that date and was talking me up. Why do people have to be so mean? Why did he contact me and tell me all that stuff? While already in a relationship with someone else and I even asked him if he had met someone a few times and he said NO. So he lied. Obviously, he didn't want a relationship with me, so he should of never reached out again if that was the case. Im just not sure why he did this. I feel hurt all over again. People suck sometimes.
kendahke Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) To answer the question of your thread: because that's just the way some people are. This guy likes having you around to feed his ego. That's it. He has no further requirement of you and it doesn't matter how wonderful of a woman you are: the scope of what you can do for him has been severely limited by him. Block him on all communication fronts. I would never have engaged him if I'd already started dating a really nice guy who treats me right, takes me out and introduces me to his family and kids and all is going well. It would never have entered my mind to open anything up with anyone else and I'm curious as to how you would feel if that was done to you? Edited June 3, 2015 by kendahke 3
Torii Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 To answer the question of your thread: because that's just the way some people are. This guy likes having you around to feed his ego. That's it. He has no further requirement of you and it doesn't matter how wonderful of a woman you are: the scope of what you can do for him has been severely limited by him. Block him on all communication fronts. I would never have engaged him if I'd already started dating a really nice guy who treats me right, takes me out and introduces me to his family and kids and all is going well. It would never have entered my mind to open anything up with anyone else and I'm curious as to how you would feel if that was done to you? I agree. Some people - like this man - are a great example of an ego chaser; they'll do all they can, speak to whoever they can, to boost their own self worth. He probably knows you found better and he's trying to remind you about him; he's trying to remind you about what you had with him with the hidden intent you'll drop your relationship to be with him again. I've known plenty of women that fell for this and have regret that decision - because in the end, they were as low as that guy for leaving everything they accomplished without him.
Author sunshine2 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 He knew I was dating, but he didn't know anything about the guy. I guess it was about his ego, I just don't know why he would contact me after 3 months of silence, while just starting a relationship with another women. And tell me all that crap to boot. I have to say I did let him know how I felt about it all when I saw that yesterday. His answer was I never misled you. Man, whatever makes him feel better I guess. And to answer your question. I would be really upset if someone did this to me and I know it was wrong. I feel awful, like I was just dumped again, even though we weren't dating, just texting. If I had left my current BF to go back to the FWB with this other guy, I would of lost a real good man in the process and would of regretted it big time. Wrong on all levels I know, but we had a sexual connection that was beyond anything I had had before and I missed it. But that is all it was in the end.
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 He went there and he wants to go there again, just sex. Simple. He knows you have a bf, so he likely wants to screw that up, he doesn't want you, but he doesn't like the thought of you with someone else either. He doesn't want a relationship, just some sex and it seems he is quite happy to cheat on his gf to get it. He just wants to use your obvious affection for him, to get what he wants. Not an uncommon trick, do not fall for it. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I was seeing a guy for about 4 months and around Christmas he had a major family issues around his daughter come up and then health issues. Each time he would go cold on me and finally I stopped talking to him completely because I was the only one reaching out. It hurt, but I understood that what we had was not a relationship, it was more of a FWB. But I fell for him fast, and obviously he was not. So I get real used to not hearing from him, think Im over it, and start dating. I meet a real nice guy, treats me right, takes me out, introduces me to family and his kids and all is going well. Up pops this guy. He texts me out of the blue, I had no clue who he was since I deleted his number etc and its been over 3 months since we talked. So we chat for a few weeks, my feelings for him are still there and come back up. He tells me he misses me, cares for me, that Im a special lady and that he thinks about me a lot. But then he still tells me, he is not sure he wants a relationship, he doesn't want to say yes, then no. I accept that but somewhere still hope that he might change his mind. So I'm like okay, so what do you want? He said I don't know, all I know is I get excited when I think about you and all this BS. Yesterday, Im on Facebook. I don't go on very much because Im not a fan at all any more. I check this guys page, Im not a friend of his anymore, and can only see 1 picture, so I go there to look at that photo. What do I see? He posted he is in a relationship on April 25th. He had contact me after that date and was talking me up. Why do people have to be so mean? Why did he contact me and tell me all that stuff? While already in a relationship with someone else and I even asked him if he had met someone a few times and he said NO. So he lied. Obviously, he didn't want a relationship with me, so he should of never reached out again if that was the case. Im just not sure why he did this. I feel hurt all over again. People suck sometimes. I'd guess the relationship status he posted on April 25 was failing or has failed and he forgot to re-update the status. Sometimes it doesn't take long as you know.
Emilia Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 One thing everyone has to learn is that people have the right to be the way they are. Of course it sucks. But it's no reflection on you, the only thing you can do is to decide whether you keep him in your life. He shouldn't disappoint because he has the right to be the way he is, it's just that he isn't the sort of man you want or need. 1
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Oh well, there is nothing to worry about, because you are in a better place now. Keep his number deleted, but this time block it too. 1
Author sunshine2 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 No his relationship just started it hasn't fallen apart yet. So thats not the reason. The funny thing is I asked him several times if he found someone and his answer was no. But it was really yes. He told me on the phone that he had 1 date with her and it was nothing special, then he met with her again and something just clicked. He didn't want a relationship, so he said, but now is in one. I have heard of this happening before. I just wasn't the right girl for him. I feel used and not feeling good about this at all. I'm glad I didn't sleep with him again, that would of made this 10 X's worse for me right now.
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 No his relationship just started it hasn't fallen apart yet. So thats not the reason. The funny thing is I asked him several times if he found someone and his answer was no. But it was really yes. He told me on the phone that he had 1 date with her and it was nothing special, then he met with her again and something just clicked. He didn't want a relationship, so he said, but now is in one. I have heard of this happening before. I just wasn't the right girl for him. I feel used and not feeling good about this at all. I'm glad I didn't sleep with him again, that would of made this 10 X's worse for me right now. Stick to the nice guy you have, and forget about this idiot who obviously doesn't know a good thing when he sees it, and just wants casual sex. I guess he doesn't really know what he wants, & I guess that may have something to do with his ex and his failed marriage. You are better off out of it.
kendahke Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 He knew I was dating, That's beside the point. YOU knew you were dating. You say: I meet a real nice guy, treats me right, takes me out, introduces me to family and his kids and all is going well. --that means that a level of seriousness must have been established for you to have gotten that far. The onus was on you to not let yourself swallow your ex's hook, not your ex. He shouldn't have been able to get you to go as far as you did. I feel awful, like I was just dumped again, even though we weren't dating, just texting. If I had left my current BF to go back to the FWB with this other guy, I would of lost a real good man in the process and would of regretted it big time. You don't feel awful for being deceitful with the new guy? So you feel that allowing your ex in as far as you did was ok even though you are in a relationship with someone else what, because it was just texting and not physical? That's called having an emotional affair. I'm trying to understand how you can be that dismissive and selfish about your new guy's feelings and esteem. Does he know that you've been texting your ex? Wrong on all levels I know, but we had a sexual connection that was beyond anything I had had before and I missed it. But nothing. Having a "sexual connection" doesn't excuse emotional cheating. Let the new guy go first and go connect with whomever you wish. 3
joseb Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 He wanted you around for sex is my guess. But I would be far more interested in why this happened: I meet a real nice guy, treats me right, takes me out, introduces me to family and his kids and all is going well...... Up pops this guy. He texts me out of the blue, I had no clue who he was since I deleted his number etc and its been over 3 months since we talked. So we chat for a few weeks... Why on earth would you start talking to this loser again after all this time? Especially as you had met someone else? You new BF would be very entitled to start a thread with the same title about you. 4
Author sunshine2 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I was having a emotional affair with him for a few weeks, although I never saw him, thank God! My feelings for him returned during that short period of time, which scared me. I still can't figure out what that is all about and am working on that with my therapist. I should of told him to F off and been done with it. Yes - I am wrong and yes I feel bad that I did this while dating my BF and thank you for the great slap in the face. I need to hear this stuff as I am still upset and want to shake it off now. I was with him for 4 months, but he never posted that we were in a relationship. SO that shows me that his level of interest was just for sex. Funny how texting daily and feeling like we were a couple in all aspects except for hanging out with each other frequently can make you feel so close to someone, its all an illusion really. Yes - shame on me for even engaging with him while in a relationship. I doubt I will ever hear from him again, but if he does reach out, I will be sure to stop it right away. Thanks for all your feedback, keep it coming I need to hear it. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 One thing everyone has to learn is that people have the right to be the way they are. Of course it sucks. But it's no reflection on you, the only thing you can do is to decide whether you keep him in your life. He shouldn't disappoint because he has the right to be the way he is, it's just that he isn't the sort of man you want or need. This is right on. People get so involved in their own egos and lose sight of the fact that it serves no purpose to either party to try manage another persons ego or emotions by staying in a relationship that doesn't work for them. It's not that there is anything wrong with either one of them, it's just the way it is. You shouldn't feel disappointed in the person, but simply that things couldn't work. If you take it off of the person and place it on circumstances, it's a little easier to handle.
fred123 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 what we can learn her once again is that nice guys who treat women right lose. what we learn is that women put sex and sexual connection above everything else, logic goes out the window. women don't care so much about the right guy who treats them well, they care first and foremost on whether they are sexually attracted to a guy and will do anything (including cheat on the good guy. the sad thing her dis that OP hasn't once realised what she has done wrong and blamed the other guy for leading her on. id like to see women on here have a go at OP cos if this was written by a guy no doubt in my mind they would be all over him!!! i fear for the human race if women re like this, what chance do we guys have?! and thats why guys turn into *******s and cheat btw
kendahke Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) what we can learn her once again is that nice guys who treat women right lose. what we learn is that women put sex and sexual connection above everything else, logic goes out the window. women don't care so much about the right guy who treats them well, they care first and foremost on whether they are sexually attracted to a guy and will do anything (including cheat on the good guy. the sad thing her dis that OP hasn't once realised what she has done wrong and blamed the other guy for leading her on. id like to see women on here have a go at OP cos if this was written by a guy no doubt in my mind they would be all over him!!! i fear for the human race if women re like this, what chance do we guys have?! and thats why guys turn into *******s and cheat btw No, not all women do that. You must not have read my posts. Just like not all men bait and tease women with no inclination on entering into a relationship with them. However, I do agree that if this was written by a man, it'd be a 20 page conflagration by now. Edited June 5, 2015 by kendahke
Author sunshine2 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Posted June 5, 2015 I know I did wrong, thats a fact. I should of cut it off immediately, heck I should of cut it off the first time he told me he didn't want a relationship with me when we were dating. This is not my usual style. I am a very nice person and hate to hurt people, that is why this has gotten me upset. I should never pine for a man who really could care less about me as a person. Thank you for your feedback. Keep it coming. what we can learn her once again is that nice guys who treat women right lose. what we learn is that women put sex and sexual connection above everything else, logic goes out the window. women don't care so much about the right guy who treats them well, they care first and foremost on whether they are sexually attracted to a guy and will do anything (including cheat on the good guy. the sad thing her dis that OP hasn't once realised what she has done wrong and blamed the other guy for leading her on. id like to see women on here have a go at OP cos if this was written by a guy no doubt in my mind they would be all over him!!! i fear for the human race if women re like this, what chance do we guys have?! and thats why guys turn into *******s and cheat btw
joseb Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I still can't figure out what that is all about and am working on that with my therapist. I should of told him to F off and been done with it. Good to hear you are working on it anyway. And yes, that's exactly what you should have done
kendahke Posted June 6, 2015 Posted June 6, 2015 I should never pine for a man who really could care less about me as a person. Stop obsessing about your ex. It's gone on too long.
Recommended Posts