SankeCoffee Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Been broken up for a 1.5 Months, NC on both sides since the BU, expect for the day after the BU where we exchanged a few texts. My Ex's brother just moved back to town as he got relocated for work and has been blowing me up to come hang out with him. During the relationship my buddies and his buddies all became pretty close and hang out a lot. I'm a little confused on how I should approach this situation.Basically our circle of friends all became really tight while we were together and all hang out still. Also my Ex hangs with this group on occasion, so the chances of running into her in the coming weeks if I choose to go out with this crew are pretty decent. Anyone have any similar experiences of going out with the same group of friends as your ex, and dealing with a family member of them you were close to post BU?
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Been broken up for a 1.5 Months, NC on both sides since the BU, expect for the day after the BU where we exchanged a few texts. My Ex's brother just moved back to town as he got relocated for work and has been blowing me up to come hang out with him. During the relationship my buddies and his buddies all became pretty close and hang out a lot. I'm a little confused on how I should approach this situation.Basically our circle of friends all became really tight while we were together and all hang out still. Also my Ex hangs with this group on occasion, so the chances of running into her in the coming weeks if I choose to go out with this crew are pretty decent. Anyone have any similar experiences of going out with the same group of friends as your ex, and dealing with a family member of them you were close to post BU? I think you'll find that it's better to NOT hang out with an ex's family member or their friends. It will keep you mired in the drama of your past relationship and have major negative implications to your healing and moving forward. It's sad that when relationships end, so do many friendships with it. When my ex wife and I divorced, we had many neighborhood friends. I decided I couldn't continue to have relationships with them after moving and didn't. The same with some of her family members I was close too. It's the norm and after a few years pass and both have moved on, then I think you could become friends with them again. 1
Lizrd3000 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I was very close with the mother of my exgf too, met up for lunch once after the break up, but I've told her I can't see her anymore due to her reminding me of my ex too much (obviously). It's better to cut people out, even if you don't want to, for your own mental health. It sucks, but necessary. Agreed with the post above.
minime13 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Been broken up for a 1.5 Months, NC on both sides since the BU, expect for the day after the BU where we exchanged a few texts. My Ex's brother just moved back to town as he got relocated for work and has been blowing me up to come hang out with him. During the relationship my buddies and his buddies all became pretty close and hang out a lot. I'm a little confused on how I should approach this situation.Basically our circle of friends all became really tight while we were together and all hang out still. Also my Ex hangs with this group on occasion, so the chances of running into her in the coming weeks if I choose to go out with this crew are pretty decent. Anyone have any similar experiences of going out with the same group of friends as your ex, and dealing with a family member of them you were close to post BU? Friends have their loyalties, and that will come out. You don't necessarily have to hang out with them all the time, and if you know that you may run into the ex, just explain that. Don't expect them to cater to you, but just let them know you're just trying to keep your distance and move on, and running into him won't help. Initiate your own plans, as well, to lessen the chance of running into him. You don't have to just cut ties with mutual friends because of a break up. Family is different. You probably need to cut ties. If he hasn't seen you since the break up, he'll ask you about it, and want details. If he thinks you guys were great together, he may try to fix things for you. He probably has a sibling-like connection with you and will likely try to get involved in that way. It won't end well. Let the family go.
Author SankeCoffee Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 All good advice. thanks for the input, I think I know that being around my ex's brother is a bad idea and will have a negative effect on me, not to mention he might make comments about what his sister is up too since we split, which I don't wanna know. As for the friends, I think as long as I don't talk about the BU or try to make them take sides all will be fine. We can all be adults about this, the most important thing is me and that I don't put myself in a spot that is counter productive to my moving forward and healing completely. Thanks for the input, always good to hear from people who have had experience with this.
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