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Having a Crush Is Tormenting

Mars008

By Mars008
in General Relationship Discussion

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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So I've been under alot of internal torment over the last 10 months because I have a crush on a work colleague. My feelings seem to be progressing by the minute. I've known and worked side by side with her alot over the last 13 years. She considers me to be one of the best colleagues to partner with on assignments. I consider her that to be too but 10 months ago it was like something inside me woke up and that's when I began to think about her even after leaving work. Before 10 months ago I never gave her much thought outside of work.

 

Ever since developing this crush I have done my part to keep as much distance from her as I can. My work environment is very flexible so I get to pick who I want to work with. I don't really work with her anymore unless I have to. Sometimes I have to because there's no other options or the boss sets us up together.

 

It seems like lately my crush still seeks me out as a partner even when she has other options of who to work with. For 3-4 months there was an awkward quietness and limited contact. In the last 2 months she has initiated contact on a regular basis again. We used to talk all the time before my crush feelings developed.

 

I don't know if she feels the same way but for now I play it safe and presume that she does not feel the same way. At the very least she doesn't seem to feel uncomfortable around me since she still continues to choose me as a work partner in spite of having other options and she will initiate conversation that is not work related.

 

So there's only 2 possibilities. Either she does not know I have a crush on her or she knows and is not uncomfortable with it. I would be very surprised if she didn't know about my crush after all this time. Most women catch on to things like that sooner or later if a guy likes them. She likely is aware of my feelings on some level but doesn't seem to be uncomfortable about it. Usually when people are uncomfortable they do what is in their power to not be assigned work with that person.

 

So I think I will be safe from any sexual harassment charges for awhile. I have been given very poor advice on this forum and many were predicting I was going to probably get fired over this and that she would complain to the HR. When I first posted about this crush last August many were predicting doom and gloom and told me to start looking for another job. Well here I am almost a year later and as far as I know there are no complaints against me. I would have heard something by now. If anything I have received more commendations from the higher ups as they have noticed my work performance improving over the last 18 months.

 

I really don't think there's any advice on this forum that is going to work for me especially when other members predicted with such great confidence in their posts that I was on the verge of getting fired. It has been almost a year. I think I would have been fired or downgraded in some way if there was any real concern on her end that I was becoming a stalker.

 

It is unlikely that a woman would not know about a guy's crush on her. Sooner or later she will find out about it. When a guy has a crush on a woman and it continues for a long period of time then there will be something that leaks out unconsciously that gives away his feelings for her whether it is something in his body language or just the way he carries himself overall. So if she does not know at this point then I must be doing a good job hiding my feelings all this time.

 

But nonetheless I am tormented day in and day out. 6 months ago I tried taking up new hobbies in an attempt to get my mind off of her. That only worked temporarily for 3-4 months. In the last 2-3 weeks it has gotten to where I don't enjoy doing anything anymore because I wish that she was there with me doing these hobbies. I don't even want to go on vacation anywhere because I won't enjoy myself as much as I would if she were there.

 

Someone might suggest dating other women. I'm not interested in anyone else. Yeah there's been 2 other women where I work in the past month who have started conversations with me and flirted more strongly with me. I'm not interested in them.

 

So maybe this is my cross to bear. Go through unrequited love. I would do anything for my crush. She can do no wrong in my eyes. It hurts that I have to make a conscious effort to hold back from giving anything to her. When I am tempted to do her favors I make sure I do favors for other work colleagues at the same time so that it doesn't look suspicious. She can't accuse me of hitting on her if I am doing favors for others at the same time.

Male Established Member

Male

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So what do you plan on doing about all this?

 

It sounds to me like you are completely obsessed with her, more than a crush.

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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Why do I keep posting about it? Well who else am I going to talk to? If I talk to anyone about this locally and in person then I take the chance that the information is going to leak back to my crush. I have not talked to anyone outside of loveshack forums about this and I think it is safer that way. Friends and family members don't need to hear about it. It is best to talk about these things with people that don't know me personally. I gotta release it somewhere.

Male Established Member

Male

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No....What are you going to do about it between you and her? Are you NEVER going to say anything to her and just let your life wither away to nothing from the insanity you cause yourself?

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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I don't think I need to say anything to her. Saying anything would be insulting her intelligence to say the least. I would probably be telling her things she already knows.

Fleur de cactus Established Member

Fleur de cactus

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Is she in relationship ? I did not read your other post . Love hurts Sometimes it is not that easy to forget . Why dont you talk to her ?

Male Established Member

Male

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So you have no interest whatsoever in having any sort of relationship, beyond the one you have now, obsessing over her?

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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She is divorced. I don't know if she is in a relationship now. She could very well be in one and not tell me. I'll never know.

 

I must congratulate myself as I have been well disciplined for the last week in not looking at her at all.

Edited by Mars008
wizer Established Member

wizer

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Why haven't you asked her out?

 

It's not sexual harassment to date a work colleague.

Male Established Member

Male

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I'm done replying to this thread. The OP is purposely dodging direct questions.

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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It can be sexual harassment for a man to ask a woman out at work. That's how broad the defintion goes to. Unfortunately our society has a tendency to overreact and overcorrect legitimate problems. A few men don't know how to take no for an answer which is why the defintion of sexual harassment at work has been expanded to include asking a coworker out on a date. It is not like it was 30 years ago.

 

Because of the expanded defintion a man is better off letting the woman come to him and waiting for her to ask him out. Let her be the one to initiate coffee meetings on breaks or whatever.

Edited by Mars008
toscaroscura Established Member

toscaroscura

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Is this Darren? If so, she already tried "initiating" and you shot her down. I'm not sure why you're still obsessed with this poor woman and fabricating for her evil intentions.

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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We don't even know if it was a real initiation on her part so I have t really shot down anything. Alot of signals of interest can be explained away for other things. When I receive what looks like a signal of interest I think it is wise to see if I can find an explanation for it first.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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I think you're best served with professional help.

 

This is an obsession and not a crush.

 

I don't think we can help you here really. I really do think talking to someone in real life might be more useful. This thread however, and others like it might help you with some answers:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/512106-having-crush-someone-not-crime

Edited by MissBee
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toscaroscura Established Member

toscaroscura

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We don't even know if it was a real initiation on her part so I have t really shot down anything. Alot of signals of interest can be explained away for other things. When I receive what looks like a signal of interest I think it is wise to see if I can find an explanation for it first.

 

No, didn't she ask you out for coffee or lunch or something a while back and you practically ran away and hid, wondering what sort of evil plot she was concocting? Then you acted super weird after and she was hurt and quiet and you took that to mean you narrowly escaped this wily woman's claws??

 

Pretty sure this happened.

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Mars008 New Member

Mars008

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No, didn't she ask you out for coffee or lunch or something a while back and you practically ran away and hid, wondering what sort of evil plot she was concocting? Then you acted super weird after and she was hurt and quiet and you took that to mean you narrowly escaped this wily woman's claws??

 

Pretty sure this happened.

 

Friends and coworkers go out to coffee or lunch all the time. So what.

William Established Member

William

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Hydra thread. Thanks for your contributions.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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